Is everyone being dramatic or am I being naive?

[EtherealRoses]

Our baby is due at the end of the year, and I have been so excited but everyone on the internet and in person is starting to fill me with utter dread. I was talking about how we’re not going to build nursery furniture until baby is 4/5 months as otherwise we lose our guest room for 10 months for no reason, and have also mentioned how I hope to get a sling so I can pop baby in and tootle about the house…but it seems everyone’s response is “don’t be stupid, you won’t have any time or energy for anything”. It’s making me want to cry constantly at the thought of this 😭 I KNOW that we will have lots to do in terms of looking after our wee person, but surely this won’t take up my full 24 hours a day for 9 months? How can it be possible that we don’t have 2 hours out of a week to build furniture or half an hour out of the day to do some laundry or make food? It’s freaking me the absolute f out. Is everything really that bad once baby arrives that you don’t have time to look after anything at all between two people, or are people just being dramatic/lazy?

You'll be fine. Don't listen to them. I washed up etc with mine in a sling. Couldn't hoover or clean bathroom anything like that, but a bit of a tidy, washing up and clean the worktops.

But. That being said. Be kind to yourself first and rest, nap etc. You'll get in to the swing of it don't worry.

Nah they’re being OTT. I have a 5 month old and only just bought her cot this week as she’s outgrown her side sleeper. Spread the cost! Her bedroom is currently basically a mini building site. It’s fine. I do tend to see that first time around parents seem to be extra neurotic/not put the baby down/have a shock basically. That was the case for us too but we still managed to move house 7 weeks after having our first pretty stress-free. Hormones are mad though and you never know how they’ll affect you until you’re in it (PND etc).

I'm feeling similar to you. Although I'm planning on chilling, reading, watching box sets, going out to a cafe each week for a coffee. And have been met with mostly laughter and bemused looks so far.
I'm not naive to know it will be hard work but surely some fun and chill time in there too...?!

@DiddlyDoris if you are breast feeding you will get through A LOT of telly.

My first was a nightmare sleeper but I still managed to shower, eat and throw some clothes on the washing machine. Between DH and I we walked the dogs and kept the house semi tidy. With my second he sleeps better and loves the sling. That said, the robot hoover is a god send for keeping up with the dog hair.

You’ll be fine. I was out everyday with DS in the sling because it was the only way he would nap so I definitely think you’ll have the energy to potter around the house wearing DC/the sling! Finding a few hours to build furniture will be fine too. If you said you were expecting hours of free time everyday I’d say you were unreasonable, but time here and there is completely doable, and that’s from someone who had a pretty difficult newborn.

Yes! Every time we go to our friends houses their babies are sleeping, and when we go out for lunch with them…they’re sleeping?! But then it’s the same people telling me that I’m being silly to think that I’ll be able to cook dinners or keep on top of reasonable house work 😩 I just invisaged my 9 months off of work being a lovely, giant bonding session with a little mix of reading, a few coffee shops visits, and being able to be a housewife thrown in there. It’s been really panicking me the past few weeks 😢

I had 2 horses (and 2 dogs) and a husband that worked away Monday to Friday. I managed just fine. Got a bit tired at times but life carried on, it had to really.

Everyone is different so I wouldn't accuse anyone of being dramatic or lying, but I've got 2 dc and my experience was nothing like that. So I also roll my eyes at the constant "Oh you won't be able to cook food, the laundry will be piling up, you'll be just sitting around crying at the sheer horror of your life". Nah, you'll just have a baby. Some people have 3-4 of them. I think some people want to lord it over you by scaring you, and also make themselves seem like heroes for somehow enduring this.

Thanks everyone so far - this is putting my mind at ease a lot ❤️ I feel like all you ever ever hear is scary stories and everyone going on about how awful everything is and basically saying your life is over. It’s just now how I’ve imagined motherhood for myself or how my mum ever spoke about motherhood, and it’s been such a downer/caused me such a panic 🥲

I’m sure you will be fine, but I’d ask you to re word or reconsider your view that others are ‘lazy or dramatic’ for finding it hard. There can be a million reasons why someone might struggle more, some outside any control. I had a horrendous birth with life changing injuries, and an unwell baby who was very high needs. So I didn’t cope. It blows my mind that some people manAged to ‘pop their baby in a sling’ as I physically couldn’t have done so.

so in short, as long as it all goes ok I’m sure you’ll be fine. But don’t be a dick about those that struggle. I think ‘lazy and dramatic’ is an unfair attitude.

I found the first 10 weeks with my eldest very full on, mainly because it was all just so new. Also, she was a mega cluster feeder, up to 14 hours of breastfeeding per day. It was ridiculous. But by 10 weeks we’d settled into a nice rhythm. She was doing longer stretches of sleep at night and feeding much faster. I was definitely able at that point to start cooking more elaborate meals and putting laundry away (rather than leaving it clean in the basket!)

are people just being dramatic/lazy? This is pretty rude!

I just invisaged my 9 months off of work being a lovely, giant bonding session with a little mix of reading, a few coffee shops visits, and being able to be a housewife thrown in there I think this is pretty naive, tbh.

I enjoyed mat leave on the whole but it wasn't a walk in the park.

We had the same when we were expecting. Everyone was constantly negative about us getting no sleep etc.

I think it honestly depends on your baby. If you have a healthy baby you'l be fine. If your baby has intolerances or reflux then it might be a different story.

Our baby is 8 months and it's been far easier than I expected

Not eep. I just want to be excited about welcoming our little baby into our home and enjoying spending time with them & our home, and it feels like everyone I speak to is like ha ha, don’t be so ridiculous, this is the worst thing that will ever happen to you*. @FrozenGhost yes, I think it is a wee bit of wanting to seem like heroes sometimes 😬 these are the same people who go out for dinners or go on nights out so it’s a bit contradictory then telling me I won’t have half an hour to look after the house…it does get to you though 😅

My son loved napping in a sling whilst I was hoovering and once older, being on my back when I was cooking.
First two to three months are easiest to do things around as they sleep a lot but then it gets easier as you get used to having the little one and learn how to do things around them.
Also, baby Bjorn bouncer is a god sent!

Everyone is different. The first 3 months of both my maternity leaves were the worst months of my life. I hate having interupted sleep.

I struggled to leave the house before midday before babies were about 5 months old due to trying to catch up on sleep.

There's no point letting these things panic you but try to let these things inform and prepare you.

Make sure you rest as much as you can in the last trimester, make sure you spend as much alone time as you can with your partner. Maybe do some batch cooking to make those first few weeks a little easier.

Tell those friends that if they are so worried about it - they can, instead of giving you baby presents - offer to come and help when the baby is 5 months old while you bake them a cake and make tea!

I thought exactly the same OP!

In all honesty it is a HORROR life change! I grieved for my old life... I still am 10 months down the line. At the beginning when the sleep is poor I wasn't sure what exactly I was doing with my day other than trying to keep this human and myself alive. You may have a little one that sleeps plenty and naps well and youll get loads done- sadly we did not.

I did however get loads done with her strapped to me whilst napping- my back was bloody broken right enough! Trying to sweep/clean/keep the house organised with an extra weight at the front/depleted muscles/recent surgery was tricky to say the least!

It's all so baby dependent and parent dependent. Now I don't get a lot done because I spend time playing with her and also making sure she isn't pulling the TV down/eating the dogs food/dismantling the door stops/raiding the bin. I know I will never get this time back with her- the housework can wait.

Enjoy your new bundle when they arrive, it's tough at the beginning but life if what you make of it.

P.S
Yes some people are being dramatic and lazy!

I just invisaged my 9 months off of work being a lovely, giant bonding session with a little mix of reading, a few coffee shops visits, and being able to be a housewife thrown in there

So this is an entirely different kettle of fish to ‘pottering round the house and building some furniture’. Your maternity leave experience almost entirely depends on the birth and baby you get. You might have an easy birth and an easy baby. You might have a traumatic birth with a prolonged recovery and a baby who is a tongue tied, none sleeping, reflux machine. You can plan all you want but a lot of it is out of your hands. People who experience the second aren’t lazy, they are just damn unlucky

I came on to try and reassure you that it isn't that hard forever and it's as most people would imagine. It's tiring and challenging having a baby reliant on you 24/7, but also great watching them grow. However after reading your responses I think you will be disappointed when the reality of your maternity leave hits you. People that struggle aren't dramatic or lazy. Healing after birth is incredibly challenging in itself, on top of caring for the baby. I think you should try and accept that this will be hard so that when you are in it you are not faced with a reality that is so different to what you imagined.

I never said it was a walk in the park, and I’m very aware it won’t be, sorry that I’ve clearly upset you…but all the same people telling me that I won’t be able to do anything (why can’t I go for coffee with my baby?) have been going out for dinners, or going out with friends, or sit in the house on their phones for hours while baby sleeps (they’ll openly say this, not my observation), so I just kind of feel like they’re trying to put the fear of god in me for no reason. Nobody ever seems to have anything positive to say about having a newborn and it’s actually quite scary 😅 though this thread has proved otherwise!

My third child is now 2 weeks old. I'm fine, I still shower, tidy up after myself (and my family 🙄) and have cups of tea, watch YouTube videos and at the moment she's asleep so I'm sat on Mumsnet. I was tired earlier today so I napped when the baby napped and felt much better. People love to scare monger, everything is a season with kids, they change so quickly. You will find a routine and you will sleep, please enjoy the rest of your pregnancy x

your idea of maternity leave sounds lovely. Do that. Don’t listen to the end of the world brigade. Babies are great, sometimes a pain in the arse yes but lots of the time it’s just normal life but with a little buddy along for the ride.

I did loads of pottering with mine in the first few weeks, lots of coffee shops and eating out, shopping and meeting friends, cinema and so on. I also did loads of reading and watched a fair amount of telly! I’d have loved for it to go on longer but I went back to work or study after only a few weeks each time. And took the to my study and workplaces with me, most often in a sling ha! So yes, I had time to do things !

There is definitely fun (cuddles and funny newborn faces are the best!) but ime very little “chill time”. Newborns sleep / feed / poo in very short cycles (think 30 minutes) so there are very short windows for doing much other than hands on care at first. You will be dealing with birth recovery / hormones /sleep deprivation which can be pretty full on. I definitely got to the stage where I could go out for coffee with baby in a sling but it was a tall order in the first few weeks with my first tbh. That came after the first few weeks once we knew each other better!! I would not place any expectations on yourself…. Just take it as it comes…