Traumatic birth and now long stay in postnatal

[Shmerlock]

I'm really struggling - and it's only day 3.

On the 1st July I delivered my baby - at 37 weeks and 5 days. The birth was extremely traumatic and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. I was advised baby was measuring small and showing no growth from the previous growth scan - they advised induction via pessary. Luckily, after a wait in triage a midwife did a sweep and found I was already 3cm dilated - so it was straight to delivery for waters to be broken. After that, contractions come thick and fast - too fast for baby, whose heart rate started dropping. Concerned that baby was in distress I was prepped for EMCS - rushed to theatre only to be told that heartbeat had stabilised and I was to deliver vaginally!!! Rushed BACK to the delivery suite - all whilst contracting non-stop. Arrived back to delivery and the urge to push came quick - but was told to resist for an hour as baby wasn't in position. An hour passed, advised to push and midwives suddenly panicked - baby in distress again and in wrong position. Suddenly room packed full of medical staff, and I'm placed in stirrups and prepped for instrument delivery with forceps. At the same time, episiotomy needed which also ended in a nasty tear - baby had cord around her neck. I then had a huge hemmorhage and lost 2 pints of blood. This is a very brief version but it was absolutely brutal, horrific and terrifying.

Since then, we've been kept in hospital on the postnatal ward for various reasons - my iron levels, and baby girl now has a high temp. She is continuously crying, or rather screaming, and nothing seems to settle her. She latches well but won't hold, and continues to scream whilst on my breast. I haven't slept a wink since delivery and I am so down. I can't stop crying and cannot get over the damage done to my body. I am so swollen downstairs I can barely walk - it's like I've got something stuck between my legs. Terrified ill never feel the same, miserable that I can't comfort my child and feeling emotionally drained and like I just can't do this.

Is this normal!? Will she settle!? This is such a long post but I'm feeling alone and down on a very hot, noisy postnatal ward wishing my partner was allowed to stay with me.

Yes and it's rubbish. I was kept in over a week with my first for 'reasons' that I can't even remember 20 years later, I do still remember i was utterly miserable, but I can guarantee you will get out.

Oh my gosh you poor thing. No real advice afraid. My birth experience wasn't half as scary as that sounds but I still felt traumatised for quite some time afterwards so I can only imagine how you feel.

Sending un-mumsnety hugs and hoping someone more experienced comes along xx

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please believe that it will get better.
I had a similar experience, but not quite as bad, 6 years ago. I ended up signing myself out against medical advice on the 3rd day, so I could get home and get some sleep. We bottle fed formula as well as trying bf just to give me a bit of a break while I recovered. I promise you'll feel better once you've slept and eaten! Swelling will go down.
I'm amazed how many women have experiences like this, it's not well talked about

Just sending a huge hug that sounds absolutely awful no wonder you are all over the place. It will get better x

These comments are making me weepy, god bless mumsnet - and women, my god we truly are incredible to do what we do.

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time

You can ask the midwives to get the paediatricians to prescribe Calpol for your baby. Baby probably has a bit of a headache from the birth, and Calpol can help ease it.

You will get better, honestly you will. I hope you manage to get discharged as soon as possible so you can get some proper rest

It shouldn't be normal but unfortunately it is

I had a very similar car crash experience with my first, who is now a teenager. I now realise that I actually suffered from PTSD from the week I was forced to spend on the post natal ward. It was hellish.

Please hang in there. I promise you when you get home you and your baby will recover and you will bounce back. Just try and get home as soon as you can. Once your baby stabilises and you get home and get some sleep and some help it will be fine, trust me. As bad as it was I went in to have three more babies, all a breeze in comparison to number one who now drives me mad as a stroppy teen!
Hugs x

I had a gruesome experience too, and I promise it will all get better soon. It might be a long haul before you’re completely better but you will be.
Ask them to help you more with the baby.
Make sure you get support after you go home too. Tell your health visitor and GP about your trauma, don’t let them give you the all’s well that ends well rubbish.
It’s awful but you will get better.

It will get better. I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time, but it will improve.

...
You are both here. That's the main thing.

The swelling will go down in a few days. The scars will heal. One day really you will have forgotten. I didn't believe that either, but you will.

Your daughter will stop crying and settle when the trauma of her birth subsides. She is very likely in some pain, is traumatised and is learning how to live. The first three or four days you have a tiny bit of special milk which has lots of vitamins and antibodies. About day 4 your real milk will come in and there will be loads of it. It may literally just come out of you. It's almost funny. And then it will be so much easier for her.

Yes, what you've been through is a terrifying shock. You need to give yourself time to understand it and accept, and know that although it was beyond awful, it's turned out ok.

And you need sleep. Is anyone there to help you? Father of baby? Family? X

I'm so sorry OP! I am sat here with my newborn a few days on from you. It will get better. The shock is going to take time to wear off for both of you! If you get home and feel wonderful then crap for days that's normal too do not panic. Talk talk talk to anyone who is there for you.

@jozipozi31 I honestly cannot wait for my milk to come in as I'm hoping and praying it will help settle her more. Poor little one is so traumatised from the labour, it was an ordeal for both of us that's for sure. So grateful she's here and safe, just been the hardest few days of my life.

Partners are allowed to stay between 8am - 12am then have to leave. He has been nothing short of amazing, he was in tears at the end of the labour as he found it so distressing to witness. I just wish he could stay the night too!

Oh sweetie, the third day was when I hit the wall too. It's terrible. Let the tears come. It took at least 10 days for my shock to pass. Nobody would discuss the horror.

Honestly, don't even think about down there for a good while your body will take time to recover, but it will.

Honestly cannot thank you all enough for these messages, sat attempting to feed my little girl again (we've named her Olive!) and she is still not happy. It's awful so many of us share these experiences and yet so little seems to be done to prevent it/support women who have these birth traumas! Grateful for all your experiences

@Flittingaboutagain thank you so much, and I hope you and your little one are both well ❤

Not being able to stop crying is totally, totally normal - you're exhausted and your hormone dump post birth is happening right now. Try to go with it and just cry when you need, don't question it or read anything into it.
Postnatal ward is brutal, I was in 7 nights and it was so awful. But you will eventually get out. Do whatever you need to to get out. Formula top ups if necessary - it's hard to produce milk when you're unable to sleep at all.
Is anyone coming during the days to sit with you and the baby so you can sleep then?
Huge hugs. It is so hard but it's only a few days or your life with your beautiful baby. The first weeks can be so awful but it just gets better and better xxx

Olive is such a lovely name 🥰

How is her weight and feeding? Does she have any other issues like skin rashes? If she's screaming all the time and/or is worse after formula have a look up about CMPA and see if anything fits.

No words of advice here but stay strong lovely. As soon as you walk out that hospital the feeling of relief will be unreal! I had a very very quick labour with my DD, too quick for my body to handle, I've ended up with a low grade rectocele prolapse. I'm pregnant with baby no.2 now and I've got a date for an elective section this time. I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic birth. I hope the midwives are looking after you. Don't be afraid to ask for help even if you feel like an annoyance! Sending love and hugs. X

I cant advise about your delivery situation, however i was kept in hospital for 15 days after having my dd at 35+0. The staying in hospital, the constant feeling on edge, unsettledness, inability to properly relax, potter about a bit, wander around in your own house and chill out in your own home us what gets you down. The lack of if outside air and just space makes everything so much worse. At home you are still sore and nothing will change what happned but you have life to move on with. In your situation you are still trapped, You're still in a suspended animation situation.i remember how it feels. Time lasts for ever. The tiredness caused by being in that same place is really miserable. As far as staff are concerned you aren't ill so they arent interested, you just feel grotty, lonely, miserable and overwhelmed.
Try to ask for some ice to wrap up to place over the stitched area. It does help. With my other child i was doing salt water baths as soon as i got home, are you able to do that? Low iron mskes you feel tearful so make sure you take the supplement, have fresh orange juice with them and plenty of iron rich foods. It takes a while to stock up but you will feel less frazzled when your levels rise. Make sure you are having good quality vitamin c too.
Is your baby actially managing to take any milk? 35 weekers take tiny amounts.mine was tube fed as she was too young to suck. She might be finding it very tiring to suckle? Have you asked about this. When my dd did switch to a bottle she was on 15mls at a time and it took about half an hour to drink. She did sleep in between though. If yours isnt sleeping in between I'd definitely ask to speak to yo the breastfeeding consultant as id be concerned that a baby crying whilst feeding isnt feeding properly and isnt getting full indicating they either arent strong enough, big enough or have an issue like a tongue tie. Get that sorted., eat well and aim to get home as soon as posdible and i promise it will be a million times better.
I feel for you. Good luck xx

@YukoandHiro thank you for your lovely message, I've started on formula top ups now - poor baby is starving and just not getting what she needs. She's on antibiotics now too, hoping tomorrow to get some good news regarding her bloods and that we can get out of this hell!! I've just had a midwife come in to help me feed and even she said she normally never works the postnatal ward as she finds it that stressful and upsetting it gives her chest pains!!! Cannot fault the staff here, they are all wonderful - but very stretched. Luckily my partner has been with me throughout the day, but she just won't stop screaming and crying - so even with him here there hasn't been much sleep 😫. I just can't wait for us to be home!!

We are thank you. I started pumping on the ward and using a cup to feed formula top ups so as not to interfere with latching practice by using a bottle. Milk came in on day 5.

Baby is managing to take some of the colostrum, but she gets so distressed and keeps pulling away too early. She starts to scream and flail her arms and legs. This is all the time, day and night. Midwife was concerned it was a sign of low blood sugar as she was so jittery but that's come back clear. We're awaiting a heel prick test for jaundice. Plus she has high temp so is on an antibiotics canula for general infection. She really has been put through it. All of that combined with forceps delivery makes me think she's on distressed little girl 😫.

What an ordeal, Shmerlock.
I hope you will both be home soon and things will get better.

God that midwife... what an idiot. You need comfort and reassurance right now. Have a massive hug from me instead.

Can you ask for the infant feeding coordinator to come round? If she's never settled it could just be birth trauma or basic colic, but there could be another cause such as tongue tie or allergies - definitely good to get some professional support.

If breastfeeding is important to you it might be helpful to organise a meeting with a lactation consultant to support you when you're discharged.

Be warned, they often keep babies on antibiotics in til they've finished the course. Ask for a side room if that's the case for you - you do need rest

I don't know if this helps but my little one will pull her head back and scream as if to say no but it is a hunger reflex not a conscious movement and once I get the milk to her lips in the cup she will suck it up.