Traumatic birth and now long stay in postnatal

[Shmerlock]

I'm really struggling - and it's only day 3.

On the 1st July I delivered my baby - at 37 weeks and 5 days. The birth was extremely traumatic and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. I was advised baby was measuring small and showing no growth from the previous growth scan - they advised induction via pessary. Luckily, after a wait in triage a midwife did a sweep and found I was already 3cm dilated - so it was straight to delivery for waters to be broken. After that, contractions come thick and fast - too fast for baby, whose heart rate started dropping. Concerned that baby was in distress I was prepped for EMCS - rushed to theatre only to be told that heartbeat had stabilised and I was to deliver vaginally!!! Rushed BACK to the delivery suite - all whilst contracting non-stop. Arrived back to delivery and the urge to push came quick - but was told to resist for an hour as baby wasn't in position. An hour passed, advised to push and midwives suddenly panicked - baby in distress again and in wrong position. Suddenly room packed full of medical staff, and I'm placed in stirrups and prepped for instrument delivery with forceps. At the same time, episiotomy needed which also ended in a nasty tear - baby had cord around her neck. I then had a huge hemmorhage and lost 2 pints of blood. This is a very brief version but it was absolutely brutal, horrific and terrifying.

Since then, we've been kept in hospital on the postnatal ward for various reasons - my iron levels, and baby girl now has a high temp. She is continuously crying, or rather screaming, and nothing seems to settle her. She latches well but won't hold, and continues to scream whilst on my breast. I haven't slept a wink since delivery and I am so down. I can't stop crying and cannot get over the damage done to my body. I am so swollen downstairs I can barely walk - it's like I've got something stuck between my legs. Terrified ill never feel the same, miserable that I can't comfort my child and feeling emotionally drained and like I just can't do this.

Is this normal!? Will she settle!? This is such a long post but I'm feeling alone and down on a very hot, noisy postnatal ward wishing my partner was allowed to stay with me.

I found each midwife had different ideas and approach towards what might help us. Added to the confusion but also gave more ideas.

You poor poor thing. I've been exactly where you are. Following my traumatic birth (which sounds a lot like yours - I ended up delivering vaginally but with major tears and major blood loss after a hell of a labor) when I got home I firmly believed that I would NEVER be the same person again, so severe was the trauma.
The good news is that that trauma faded quite fast. Healing took some time (I ended up having a surgical correction of all the damage that was done), as did nursing, but I managed to heal and now, three years on, it is just a faint memory.
I too had a rocky start with nursing. I wasn't producing enough milk, apparently, and baby's weight was dropping. I supplemented with formula in hospital (didn't feel I really had a choice), and then struggled when I got home, but a wonderful lactation consultant really helped me and we went on to nurse for more than two years. I also had a "feed back" interview with my midwife, who went through what had happened and why. This really really helped me - to realize that what happened, the absolute terror and pain I felt wasn't my fault - and helped with my healing.
Just know that you were tremendously strong and brave. You went through something absolutely life-changing. And you will recover, I promise.
(I remember, in the months after my birth, looking at other new mothers in awe, knowing what they had been through and knowing they had come out the other side).
My heart goes out to you. And so much love to you and beautiful baby Olive.

You are doing so well. This very first difficult stage will feel like months as it passes, but it really won't be long, like a day or three, before you are both feeling physically and emotionally so much better. In the meantime, accept any help you can get. Try to dink and eat little and often.

@Shmerlock sorry to hear about your traumatic birth experience. Sounds like you've done fantastic already. Loads of good advice. I just want to say remember to ask for a lactation consultant and to check for tongue tie before you leave hospital. My baby is 6 weeks old and things are just beginning to settle down. Make sure to request pain relief if you need it and ask for help.xx

Deepest sympathies

Sounds absolutely horrendous what you've both been through.

Definitely see the breastfeeding specialist, but do NOT feel guilty if you can't breastfeed. A healthy baby is a fed baby.

You need to take care of yourself too. Take any help you can get, your husband sounds very supportive.

Thank you everyone, your messages are making night three of no sleep more manageable. You've given me advice to consider, questions to ask and, most importantly, a positive outlook going forward xxx

God the postnatal ward was horrible, even after a relatively easy birth. No wonder you are crying. I hope the latching issue passes, being able to calm your baby by nursing is so helpful. All the best.

I remember when my milk came in, my poor baby couldn't latch on at all, my boobs were so swollen and taut. I think I had to express some milk before she could feed. I have a picture in my mind of one enormous globe-sized tit with her tiny little screaming face bouncing off it.

@Shmerlock I am sending you so much love, solidarity and support. Postnatal wards are tough, certainly the toughest thing I've ever experienced and I still well up whenever I talk about it. This time last week would be the start of 2 nights of utter hell for me on postnatal after an emergency c section from a non-progressing 40 hour labour.
I didn't sleep for more than 3 hours across both nights due to either other babies screaming the entire time or my own because he was hungry and I couldn't feed him because a midwife had grabbed my nipple and shoved it in his mouth so he latched poorly for 20 minutes and then I couldn't use my boob for 2 days in order for it to heal.
Then every time a midwife would check on me id start crying out of sheer exhaustion which in effect pushed my going home date back ☹️
You are strong, and you will get through this.
Soon you will be home and it is honestly the greatest feeling ever, so great that you will be able to put this out of your mind for at least a little while.

Postnatal wards are ‘interesting’ at the best of times. I spent five day’s on one following my first.

Gosh, keep asking for help, keep on top of your pain killers and fingers crossed you’ll be out of there sooner rather than later.

Ask the midwives if any medication that you need to go home with is ready, and if you can have any stuff for discharge ticked off (even if you’re not ready for home) so that when they are happy with you and baby, you’re then not waiting around for hours for medications etc.

I have a picture in my mind of one enormous globe-sized tit with her tiny little screaming face bouncing off it.

Are you spying on me and my prem newborn @Benvolio

You've got this OP. You'll be just fine. Be patient with yourself.

@Flittingaboutagain

I have a picture in my mind of one enormous globe-sized tit with her tiny little screaming face bouncing off it.

Are you spying on me and my prem newborn @Benvolio

Aww. Enjoy the tiny stage. Mine's nearly got A Levels now. And she doesn't even scream much any more!

So sorry you’re having a hellish time, OP. Hospitals are probably the very worst places to be after a birth unless the baby needs intensive care (and obviously that’s just a whole other level of stress). Just keep your eyes on the prize: once you get out DH can take over a bit, you’ll start to improve fast, physically and mentally, and I bet Olive will too. Poor little sausage, what a traumatic start! But she’ll start to thrive once things are calmer. For now, make sure DH is getting plenty of sleep at home so that once you’re discharged he’s in top shape to take over and do skin to skin while you sleep as much as you possibly can.

Has baby Olive (gorgeous name!) had any pain relief? May be worth asking midwives - we had a traumatic birth and my newborn was a different baby after painkillers (not sure what they gave him but it really helped). She may be feeling quite bashed about too.

Has anyone spoken to you about whether you need/qualify for a transfusion after your blood loss? It’ll depend on how your iron levels are progressing but worth an ask as I remember feeling noticeably better within minutes of the needle going into my arm.

Longer term, going through your labour notes with a midwife can really help come to terms with your experience.

Finally: well bloody done you absolute hero. This really is the hardest bit and everything gets easier from here.

BabesChamber I hope you and Babe are feeling much better by now. Congratulations and bloody well done, all the new mums.

@Verbena87 aaw thank you! She's definitely an Olive 😍. They haven't given her any pain relief, but I'll ask. Poor little nugget has a cannula in at the moment for antibiotics and so many different bloods taken yesterday - she's had a very tiring start.

They decided I didn't need a transfusion at the time based on my iron levels - although I am now on iron supplements!

I've asked for a debrief with the midwife and consultant which is booked in for 6 weeks time. They were telling me all sorts of information at the end of the birth and I was delirious with pain/ high on gas and air!

24 years ago I had a very similar experience. brutal brutal delivery - never got to c-section, instead had high forceps, episiotomy, 4th degree tear. then I had a significant pph and had to have a blood transfusion and a bi-manual massage (horrific). it was the most traumatic experience I had had in my life. oh and then they never really sorted me so I had retained products for about 6 weeks and could barely walk. I left the hospital more or less telling random strangers never to have sex - I was a bit insane. like you I was so swollen I couldn't imagine ever wearing jeans again still less having sex.

BUT ... I went on to have 2 more children (by c-section) and ds was lovely and we bonded together perfectly although I was bombed out for his first few days. We just had a dinner celebrating his first post-grad job at age 23.

Get the debrief, realise you have been through a very traumatic experience but also know that you and your lovely baby and any other lovely babies you have will be fine despite what you went through.

well done you.

@pallisers oh my god I'd forgotten about the massage at the end a horrendous cherry on top of the cake.

I'm so relieved to hear you say that regarding recovery. So scared the impact this will have on sex - the consultant after she had finished stitching me up warned it was a big one plus awkward tear the could impact me in the future

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience, it really does sound awful. When are maternity services going to be improved?!?
You'd think with everything going on in the news and it being in the spotlight at the moment they'd be extra vigilent, but alas, here we are!
I would be vocal about how shit you feel and push it - there needs to be a change!!!
Congratulations on your wonderful baby girl, OP, I hope she starts feeling a bit better soon. I'm certain once you're home you'll feel a lot better - I had to stay in for 9 days after my 1st DC due to a post dural puncture which was horrendous too. Once I got home, although I still wasn't 100%, I was able to relax a bit more and being with DH and DC on our own really made things better.

Congrats on your baby girl and sorry that you’ve had such a terrible time.

Get a midwife to show you how to hand express your colostrum and syringe feed baby. This will encourage your milk to come in. As others have said baby is likely in some discomfort after a forceps delivery. You could try some different feeding positions - if the midwives don’t have time to help you google laid back breastfeeding and rugby hold.

Sorry to hear you had such a rough time and congratulations on your DD. I lost about half as much blood as you and felt AWFUL, really dizzy, faint, heart palpitations. It took me a while to realise the blood loss had caused that. If you don't feel better after your course of iron then I would get your iron levels checked. It can make you bunged up in which case I recommend lactulose for getting things moving hope you're out of hospital soon and recovering at home.

@Shmerlock I'm so sorry you went through that, ❤️
I had a similar traumatic birth and was also in hospital for 5 days (my baby girl was on antibiotics due to an infection after I had a high temp). It does get better!
I also lost a lot of blood and so was given extra help with feeding (as it can sometimes affect milk coming in). Can you ask to speak to a lactation consultant whilst you're in hospital? I spoke to one and she came up with a plan for me to help my milk come in (with pumping). Also maybe ask if you can get your dd checked for a tongue tie? My daughter had one, so even though she latched well, she couldn't feed properly so also wasn't sleeping.

Congratulations to you and a huge hug! You have done absolutely brilliantly and it will get easier!

Goodness that sounds awful. No wonder you were terrified 😞

I can't advise on the delivery side of things but having just spent 11 nights on the PN ward I feel your pain. My visiting was only 2 hours per day. The staff were excellent and I was lucky to have my own room. Are you on a ward ?

I promise you will be home soon with your baby 💕

I'm sorry OP that sounds like a horrible experience

I just wanted to say that if those feelings continue afterwards, call the GP and let them know. They can help you even if it's just for a talk.

Wishing you and your baby all the best