Traumatic birth and now long stay in postnatal

[Shmerlock]

I'm really struggling - and it's only day 3.

On the 1st July I delivered my baby - at 37 weeks and 5 days. The birth was extremely traumatic and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. I was advised baby was measuring small and showing no growth from the previous growth scan - they advised induction via pessary. Luckily, after a wait in triage a midwife did a sweep and found I was already 3cm dilated - so it was straight to delivery for waters to be broken. After that, contractions come thick and fast - too fast for baby, whose heart rate started dropping. Concerned that baby was in distress I was prepped for EMCS - rushed to theatre only to be told that heartbeat had stabilised and I was to deliver vaginally!!! Rushed BACK to the delivery suite - all whilst contracting non-stop. Arrived back to delivery and the urge to push came quick - but was told to resist for an hour as baby wasn't in position. An hour passed, advised to push and midwives suddenly panicked - baby in distress again and in wrong position. Suddenly room packed full of medical staff, and I'm placed in stirrups and prepped for instrument delivery with forceps. At the same time, episiotomy needed which also ended in a nasty tear - baby had cord around her neck. I then had a huge hemmorhage and lost 2 pints of blood. This is a very brief version but it was absolutely brutal, horrific and terrifying.

Since then, we've been kept in hospital on the postnatal ward for various reasons - my iron levels, and baby girl now has a high temp. She is continuously crying, or rather screaming, and nothing seems to settle her. She latches well but won't hold, and continues to scream whilst on my breast. I haven't slept a wink since delivery and I am so down. I can't stop crying and cannot get over the damage done to my body. I am so swollen downstairs I can barely walk - it's like I've got something stuck between my legs. Terrified ill never feel the same, miserable that I can't comfort my child and feeling emotionally drained and like I just can't do this.

Is this normal!? Will she settle!? This is such a long post but I'm feeling alone and down on a very hot, noisy postnatal ward wishing my partner was allowed to stay with me.

Very glad to hear you’re in a private room for the night. If you think you could be leaving tomorrow, start pestering at 8am for whatever you need to be discharged. It can take FOREVER because by the time you’re well enough to leave you’re nobody’s priority any more.

[quote Ruthietuthie]@Shmerlock, just checking back in on you and Olive. So glad that you are now in a private room and will have the love and support of your partner tonight.
I honestly remember thinking "I will NEVER recover from this" after my birth - both physically and mentally. But time is a remarkable healer, trust me on that. Once you are back home with your baby, and all those lovely love hormones are flowing as you hold her and nurse her if you can, you will start to heal. I promise. (And the sex works itself out too. Initially, my undercarriage was unrecognizable! But it all healed up eventually and now is, remarkably, absolutely no different than before. So don't worry about that).
You are a warrior. You are so brave.
Sending lots of love to you and your little girl.[/quote]
agree with every single word of this. I thought exactly the same. I felt like I had been hit by a bus and then the bus had reversed back over me a few times. What you have done in delivering your baby safely into this world is heroic.

My sex life resumed and was great, I didn't have any issues with bladder/bowel and I was a real mess initially. All of us women who went through similar births to you are with you in spirit.

If your baby has finished the antibiotics tomorrow, make lots of noise to get her checked & discharged, tell them first thing you want to go home & can they organise what drugs you need then keep asking every hour, those that make the most noise get seen to first.

How are you both?

@YukoandHiro hello lovely, thank you for checking in! We are both much better now we're home - although adjusting to the sleepless nights is still tricky it's far easier from the comfort of home rather than the ward!! I'm in a lot of discomfort from the episiotomy so will be getting that checked but other than the feeling much better! Xx