Traumatic birth and now long stay in postnatal

[Shmerlock]

I'm really struggling - and it's only day 3.

On the 1st July I delivered my baby - at 37 weeks and 5 days. The birth was extremely traumatic and I'm struggling to come to terms with it. I was advised baby was measuring small and showing no growth from the previous growth scan - they advised induction via pessary. Luckily, after a wait in triage a midwife did a sweep and found I was already 3cm dilated - so it was straight to delivery for waters to be broken. After that, contractions come thick and fast - too fast for baby, whose heart rate started dropping. Concerned that baby was in distress I was prepped for EMCS - rushed to theatre only to be told that heartbeat had stabilised and I was to deliver vaginally!!! Rushed BACK to the delivery suite - all whilst contracting non-stop. Arrived back to delivery and the urge to push came quick - but was told to resist for an hour as baby wasn't in position. An hour passed, advised to push and midwives suddenly panicked - baby in distress again and in wrong position. Suddenly room packed full of medical staff, and I'm placed in stirrups and prepped for instrument delivery with forceps. At the same time, episiotomy needed which also ended in a nasty tear - baby had cord around her neck. I then had a huge hemmorhage and lost 2 pints of blood. This is a very brief version but it was absolutely brutal, horrific and terrifying.

Since then, we've been kept in hospital on the postnatal ward for various reasons - my iron levels, and baby girl now has a high temp. She is continuously crying, or rather screaming, and nothing seems to settle her. She latches well but won't hold, and continues to scream whilst on my breast. I haven't slept a wink since delivery and I am so down. I can't stop crying and cannot get over the damage done to my body. I am so swollen downstairs I can barely walk - it's like I've got something stuck between my legs. Terrified ill never feel the same, miserable that I can't comfort my child and feeling emotionally drained and like I just can't do this.

Is this normal!? Will she settle!? This is such a long post but I'm feeling alone and down on a very hot, noisy postnatal ward wishing my partner was allowed to stay with me.

You are doing amazingly well, keep going and soon you'll be home!
Could you be asked to move to a private room if you'll be there until the antibiotics are finished? My baby had antibiotics too due to high temperature (and so did i!) but I had to stay on the ward and I hated it. Repeatedly I asked for a private room but was told there were more poorly babies/mums that needed them (fair enough)
Also you should ask for someone from the infant feeding team to come and see you, although midwives are usually knowledgeable about feeding, the infant feeding team are specialists. Consider tongue tie and get them to check as this might be why little babe keeps coming off. She could just be absolutely shattered. As I'm sure you are too!
Keep pestering people there for help, support and results. The jaundice results shouldn't take too long to get.

Hi OP,

I had a similar (though not quite has awful as Pre Covid!) stay after my first was born. DH pushed hard for us to get a private side room as one was free and I was so unwell. Awful to say but the hospital listened to him about it more than me and I honestly wasn't in a fit state to argue - is this a job he could take on to advocate for the two of you?

Wishing you so much better. It really does get better!

X

Just wanted to send you and your baby lots of love and well wishes. Congratulations ❤️

I had a very traumatic birth and long postnatal stay with my first child (16 years ago now!) and I think I was in a state of shock for a long time afterwards. As you described, it was just so brutal and I felt like my body wasn’t my own afterwards, it was just so broken.

You WILL recover, though, my love. But you do need to get some sleep (hopefully that will be easier once you’re home) and your other half will need to really step up and take care of you practically and emotionally for a while.

My firstborn will be 7 this week and I had a similarly traumatic experience (baby born at 38 weeks following induction, distressed so forceps with massive episiotomy, baby refused to breathe so intubated and taken to NICU, I thought he was dead because nobody told me he was ok for several hours, finally saw him at a few hours old, and we both stayed in several days).

I promise you it does get better. It does take a long time, and that’s ok. It was a very long time before I could talk about it without sobbing, and the episiotomy scar was awful (the only thing that helped it actually was my second baby, born naturally and peacefully in the pool - I tore again and the repair was so much better).

Things to watch out for are a tongue tie - my baby had a pretty severe posterior tie which was so much better once it had been cut (but took us 6 weeks to realise).

We also used cranial osteopathy on my ridiculously cranky baby. I was a total sceptic but it did seem to help.

Where I live you have to self refer to postnatal physio within 10 days of delivery and in your shoes I would do that right now. It will likely take a few weeks for the appointment to come and you can always cancel. I had a long wait via the GP and consultant and wish I had just referred.

It is totally ok not to be ok. You’ve been through an awfully traumatic experience, sometimes even in the 21st century birth is incredibly brutal and barbaric and it’s a huge shock when it happens to you. I had to grieve my lost birth experience.

There is also the issue with a first baby that two people are ‘born’ in that room. Becoming a mother with all the uncertainty is so difficult especially in traumatic circumstances. It can take a lot of time to adjust. A second baby is much easier in that regard.

At this point I would latch for colostrum and then offer proper formula feeds until your milk is fully in. If your baby is on antibiotics she needs decent feeds.
Also do skin to skin with a nice warm cover over the two of you to try and settle her after a big feed.

Oh I’m so sorry you have been through this. I went through something similar with my first and the stay in the postnatal ward was just the worst. My baby was in NICU then SCBU for about 3 days and I was stuck on a postnatal ward with other mums and their babies and was crying my eyes out nonstop.

It does get better. You just need to get through this as best you can and don’t be afraid to ask for help/support from the midwives/doctors/your partner. Once you get home in your own environment you will feel better (although I’m afraid still tired from looking after a newborn). Maybe when you are ready you can ask for a debrief from the hospital about what happened. Best of luck op and I hope you can leave soon

I haven’t read all the replies so you’ve probably already got good advice. I had similar to you, and it was horrendous sous. That week in hospital was worse than the entire traumatic labour for me, I would have self discharged but baby was poorly so I needed to stay. If your baby has a temperature they may need to give her 5 days of antibiotics so you might need to stay, be prepared for that.

Honestly it is just so so shit. My best advice would be baby is likely screaming so much as she’s trying to cluster feed, just keep putting her to the breast. And at night, ask the midwives to take her for a bit. Don’t try and be strong and push thru, don’t allow them to make you feel guilty or inadequate. YOU NEED SLEEP. Tell them you need a break and to take the baby. That’s part of their job too.

Don't forget you do not HAVE to stay in hospital if you feel it is doing you more harm than good. I had an absolute nightmare of a birth experience with both my children and signed myself out of hospital. Each time, I was told it would take 12 weeks for my wounds to heal (which was correct) and I should stay in hospital. I discharged myself as my husband could take time off work to help me and a local nurse either visited me at home daily or I went to her when I felt a little better. I cried constantly, had post PND and was definitely scarred emotionally and physically. But I knew I could not stay in hospital any longer.

OP, I’m sorry to hear about your birth experience. Thankfully mine wasn’t so bad, but it sounds like what you’re going through now is very similar to what happened to me and my son after he was born.

It ended up that the jitters and reluctance to feed well were caused by sertraline withdrawal. Is that a possibility in your case?

Post natal ward is hell ... I was kept for a week but the last overnight stay was completely unnecessary and due to a lack of communication.
I cried in the consultants face when she finally discharged me and she apologised for her staff. I had planned for early release but things don't work out that way.

A formal letter of apology came from the consultant later on and by then I had genuinely forgotten the pain involved.. it will pass and you'll be home and caught up in newborn madness soon enough.

I had similar when I had ds, pre eclampsia, 3 day induction that failed, emcs & haemorrhage then in high dependency for 48 hours, then dumped in post natal. No sleep for 6 nights, was hallucinating I was so tired, ds was screaming because I had no milk, constantly in tears because I wanted to formula feed but they wanted me to persist with BF & they wondered why my blood pressure wouldn't come down. I discharged myself & went home, everything was a lot better after some sleep, good food & ds took to the bottle like a dream.

It sounds like you’ve been really proactive booking in your debrief. Mine helped so much and by 6 weeks you really will be feeling a bit more able to take things in too.

I saw your worries about sex: you will get there! I had an extended episiotomy (so diagonal cut that went across my perineum and into my bum cheek past my bumhole - sorry for tmi!) and felt so broken: I also ended up with prolapse and nerve damage because baby was 10lb9oz and got stuck pressing a nerve for 2 hours. The episiotomy healed beautifully (it’s almost invisible now), despite a stitch popping and and an infection during the healing. Once the skin was fully healed, massaging the external scar daily with oil (anything body safe, I used grape seed) really helped with lingering itching/tenderness. The nerve stuff took ages and left me numb for a long time, but baby is 3 now and sex is honestly better than ever. Try to put those worries out of your head for now. Focus on healing and lean into your husband’s support. He sounds really switched on and supportive and that helps more than anything - it’s all about closeness and patience and communication and it sounds like you’ve got that.

Wishing you all the best. Keep posting if it helps x

Sending lots of get well wishes for you and your little one. You will be home soon and this will all be a distant memory xx

I felt similarly traumatised after my son's birth and hated being in hospital. My son also screamed all the time, and in retrospect I think he probably had a terrible headache from failed ventouse and then forceps. I imagine antibiotics must also be making your little girl feel a bit rubbish. It did improve once my milk came in though. Be warned he did end up with colic later though, which I honestly think was influenced by his horrible start.

I think the worst thing in hospital was the exhaustion and no chance to catch up on sleep. Get your partner to bring some ear plugs and look after her while you at least get some sleep.

I haven't read the whole thread, but can you see if one of the midwifes can check baby for tongue tie? After 6 weeks of trying to breastfeed finally a midwife notice our dc had tongue tie. It could have saved a lot of pain and frustration!
Also wanted to send you lots and lots of gentle hugs xxx

@Shmerlock and Olive you've both had a really tough time, I'm so sorry. It really shouldn't be this way.

I remember how difficult it is to sleep on post natal ward after my DD and I were both readmitted her for jaundice and me for high BP from pre-eclampsia. It was hell and I was so anxious and sad at the time and struggling to producing enough milk so also had to mix feed.

Be kind to yourself, you will both heal with time and the pain will fade to a distant memory. Please ask for a debrief and seek counselling to aid your mental recovery if you want to.

You have so many amazing memories to make with your beautiful baby and DH.

My DD had a very similar traumatic birth last week. It's horrendous and barbaric what was done to her. She feels butchered. And baby had an infection directly after birth. They are finally home after a week long stay and she's only just processing what happened. Sending you strength. My DD is going to ask if aye can discuss the labour/birth with a senior member of the maternity hospital with a view to making a complaint.

Forceps delivery is brutal. I was induced on the Mon morning and did not give birth until Tues night and eventually needed a forceps delivery having only had gas and air as a painkiller. I felt as if I was being cut in half with a hot iron and I vividly recall being so swollen after that I would liken it to a baboons bottom.

For now you need some rest too to help heal. Can your partner come in and help you nap?

Episiotomies and tears are really hard to heal from as each time you walk the scar is rubbing. You treat it like c-section recovery. Lots of rest needed. I have had both and actually c- section recovery was almost easier as you dose on painkillers and truly rest and no one expects you up and about.

Now your poor baby probably has such a sore head which does help with feeding. My first with a suction delivery had such a sore head we tried to handle his head as little as possible. Still cuddle but prop baby onto your chest so you are heart to heart, lots of good bonding this way.

Once you are out - look into cranial osteopathy for babies. Many babies spines and necks are saw after instruments. My little man had colic and this helped him

You poor thing. I had a horrible, scary 3 day birth with my first that ended up being instrumental with a 2L haemorrhage and was left injured with a bashed up baby too. I was in for 5 days afterwards.

First piece of advice for you, as you're on iron supplements. Get some fibre in you, as much as you can or even some lactulose (which is BF safe) especially if you're on codeine or morphine for the pain too. Both cause severe constipation and believe me (because I had it!) you do not want that right now with your bruised and sore lower region.

Your milk will likely take a few days longer than usual to come in because you've lost so much blood and this is normal. No one told me this and I struggled to feed in exactly the same way you did because it was delayed. Your body needs to replace the blood and start to heal before it'll start producing more than colostrum. Giving formula feeds is fine in the interim, it's fab that baby is taking the colostrum. Babies are born with 'brown fat' which helps to sustain them in the period when you're not yet producing more milk but (again no one told me this until afterwards) if you've had a long or traumatic birth they can burn through this by the time they're born or a few hours old which means they will be hungover than your average newborn so the formula can be much needed.

If you want to BF (and it's fine if you don't) then just keep putting baby to the breast as much as possible, take advantage of being in still to get as much help with latch and positioning etc as you can and do loads of skin to skin too.

Post natal wards are shit, is there anyway they can give you a side room (even if you have to pay for it if you can?) as you're in for an extended time and are injured? I had one for both of my births and they were a lifesaver (second was ELCS because of the first so I was in for 4 nights after that too).

To to ally normal to be weepy on day 3/4, it's hormone dump day! But to be honest after your experience it'd be normal to be weepy anyway. Be kind to yourself.

Take your recovery slowly, don't try to do to much or be pressured into having visitors that you may not want etc. These next few weeks are really all about you and baby, you just have to do whatever works for you to get by. It will get easier, I promise.

When you are recovered (ie stitches gone, bruising gone down etc) come six week check time get started on your pelvic floor exercises if the doctor gives you the go ahead and if things don't feel right downstairs by 12 weeks pp get a referral ASAP to a women's physio. Do not be fobbed off with this. I was, and am now facing a hysterectomy at age 36 (luckily my family is complete!) because of the damage done to me by repeated use of forceps at my first birth. Forceps can ruin your pelvic floor and trust me, you need it!

Good luck.

How are you and Olive doing today OP?

@Shmerlock, the first few weeks after are just hard - apart from the physical stuff you have to process what happened. it is truly traumatic. But it will get better. especially when you get home. Please try to have as much help as possible. My parents stayed for 2 weeks after I came out so I didn't have to do anything but feed the baby. Then my fabulous MIL dropped everything and came over for 2 more weeks to help me.

I agree with being very proactive about physio. DO NOT be fobbed off with "its normal after birth" etc. you did not have a run of the mill birth. I was bleeding/passing clots/unable to walk comfortably 3 weeks after my birth and the hospital and my consultant kept telling me it was normal. It wasn't - I had retained products that needed to be removed. (they only listened when my husband who worked in the hospital told them what was happening to me - you couldn't make this up).

Also agree about the fibre. My sister who is a midwife would call me and say "I cry every time I go to the bathroom thinking of you".

In the end everything was fine. I had no long-term problems. Sex resumed (eventually!) and was fine. I had 2 subsequent c-sections that were a doddle by comparison.

If I had my time over I would refuse consent to forceps.

I hope you and your lovely baby are doing well.

Hello everyone, I'm sat reading your lovely comments with Olive on my chest having some much needed skin to skin.

Today I completely ran out of energy, reserves burnt out and emotions at an all time high. Essentially had a panic attack on the ward. We've now been granted a private room for the night and midwives have agreed to let my partner stay too in order to allow me time to, hopefully, get some rest.

We are hoping and praying that tomorrow we can go home as Olive's antibiotics finish then - all we're waiting on is results taken from some cultures to check for any possible viruses.

I can't thank you all enough, this has been an incredibly frightening time and I've never felt so low. To read such compassionate messages during those lonely hours has honestly kept me going xxx

So, so glad to hear you’re in your own room with your little family all together.

Don’t panic if you still feel knackered and a bit numb for the next few hours/days/weeks (though do tell your midwife/gp) - it’s been trauma, shock and exhaustion all together so give yourself as much grace as you can muster: recovery is slow but worth the wait.

@Shmerlock, just checking back in on you and Olive. So glad that you are now in a private room and will have the love and support of your partner tonight.
I honestly remember thinking "I will NEVER recover from this" after my birth - both physically and mentally. But time is a remarkable healer, trust me on that. Once you are back home with your baby, and all those lovely love hormones are flowing as you hold her and nurse her if you can, you will start to heal. I promise. (And the sex works itself out too. Initially, my undercarriage was unrecognizable! But it all healed up eventually and now is, remarkably, absolutely no different than before. So don't worry about that).
You are a warrior. You are so brave.
Sending lots of love to you and your little girl.