Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Original poster

Feeling very teary - can’t believe baby is mine

38 replies

Flowers245 · 22/11/2020 16:31

Hi, I had a beautiful baby boy a week ago and after 2 years trying and 3 miscarriages I can’t believe he is here. I had a very stressful/anxious pregnancy and had a ELCS. When he was born I was over joyed and couldn’t believe he was here, it was the best feeling in the world. I spent 4 days in hospital and all was ok there, I felt so protective and loved being just having the time to bond just me and him. I have come home and my husband made a remark saying he looks tanned, ever since then it’s like a switch has gone off I can’t stop obsessing over pictures of him in hospital to cross reference he is in fact my baby. I even looked at his feet tags and pictures to make sure they’re not tampered with. He has also put on weight this week which makes me think how odd when most babies lose weight. I am obsessing at pictures matching his ears up to make sure he is mine, I just love him so much I feel like I’m telling myself it’s all to good to be true and it’s affecting my time to bond with him and feel like I’m a failure. I can’t stop crying and feel so irrational and know he is mine I don’t know how one comment that didn’t mean anything could make me into such a crazy person. Please help!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
SpillingTheTea · 22/11/2020 21:37

Also I didn't let DS out of sight. I discussed this with MW when pregnant and they were really supportive. I must have looked a bit weird carting my newborn done to the feeding station but they were all lovely and understood. It's a horrible feeling though and I'm sure he is yours. Tags have to be cut anyway they can't just be pulled off (well ours couldn't anyway). Anxiety is a bitch and makes you feel and think of different horrible scenarios.

grenadines · 22/11/2020 21:37

As others have said I think the tan is jaundice. It sounds as though you have anxiety symptoms after everything you have gone through. If you speak to the right professional and talk through the anxious feelings you have had, they will be able to reassure you and you will find these worries go away as quickly as they came.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 22/11/2020 21:39

I had this with my first, and I did actually let him out of my sight while I was in hospital because he was a really unsettled baby and the midwife took him for an hour one night to let me have a sleep. So it spiralled from there. But I got through it. He's 7 now and someone actually stopped me in town the other day and said, are you B's mum because you look exactly like him! She works at the school but I'd never met her.
Your baby will have a touch of jaundice op, put his moses near the window and get as much daylight on him as you can, but speak to your hv about your feelings. Congratulations on your baby! Flowers

thecakebadge · 22/11/2020 21:47

Why do you think someone would have wanted to swap him? If you follow this thought pattern to its logical conclusion it makes no sense unless you believe all the hospital staff would be in on some big conspiracy for some reason. It’s good that you can currently see that your thoughts are irrational but if the idea of the hospital staff conspiring to swap your child doesn’t make you stop worrying about this then I think you do need to seek some help for postnatal anxiety. It is fairly common but don’t let yourself minimise it’s, it can spiral quite quickly so it would be best to get a handle on it ASAP. Contact your GP or health visitor or midwife.

Also it’s a bit concerning that the idea of your baby being a bit tanned makes you most worried about them being swapped rather than being worried about jaundice. It is extremely common and usually harmless but you do need to keep an eye on it, we were readmitted to hospital with DD as it didn’t improve. So you should try to keep note of the changes in skin tone, it’s unlikely that it would cause serious problems but it’s even more unlikely that he has been swapped!

Please take care of yourself and congratulations on your lovely baby

Pantsomime · 22/11/2020 21:48

Also agree likely jaundice - my DD went a few shades more orange when we left hospital and HV said to put her by window which helped - it was gone a week later. If you feel panicky you may need to chat to your GP or HV. Motherhood although longed for is such a shock in all ways when It arrives - everything is different - your body- even the clock ticks faster- what do you do with a baby? Why have you not seemingly achieved anything but been awake 247 - it’s all ok and normal but quite overwhelming & took me some time to adjust to it all - congratulations on having your baby - try to go with the flow if you can & enjoy baby

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/11/2020 21:49

It's quite common for post natal anxiety to have a focus or obsessive element in my experience. For me it was total paranoia that my baby would get herpes. There was no reason to suppose he was particularly at risk but it didn't stop the panic about it.

I researched the symptoms obsessively, I would lie awake at night worrying about it and examine him for symptoms all the time. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't stop it.

PNA is really common, I'd definitely discuss with your midwife or GP. Things did improve after around the 6-8 week mark for me.

Congratulations on your baby!

Howzaboutye · 22/11/2020 21:59

If it is jaundice (and baby is bf then feed feed feed! Drink extra water yourself)
You check for jaundice with the whites of the eyes - this isn't skin ethnicity based, so it's accurate.
But jaundice is normal, just feed through it.

It is your baby, you are allowed something so lovely. How shallow are you breathing? You could be escalating your anxieties.

Just 'be' with your baby, it will all be ok X

Howzaboutye · 22/11/2020 22:00

Typo- if baby is bf

carly2803 · 22/11/2020 22:06

congratulations op on your lovely baby!

I lost my shit on day 5, cried buckets,...baby blues, its very normal

however,i think you should have a chat with your GP. They have heard it all before and are well equipped to advise

big hugs xx

domesticslattern · 22/11/2020 22:14

Hello Flowers
Glad you feel reassured.
If you do keep having strange thoughts or worries like this, do talk to a professional. It's not likely but sometimes can get a bit out of hand, new mums believing things that aren't real or getting really anxious, and if you are honest with your HV or MW or GP they will be able to help. Hormones and life changing and lack of sleep can be really tough. Flowers

parrotonthesofa · 22/11/2020 22:16

it's very anxious for the first few days after giving birth. Went into a sort of hyper vigilant mode, couldn't sleep and was worried someone was going to take my babies (twins). The pregnancy has been stressful and they had been away from me for some hours in the hospital so I think that it is what triggered it. It was irrational but felt very real at the time.
Please keep talking to your husband about this and make sure you talk to your midwife if you continue feeling this way. Congratulations on your lovely baby.

Original poster
Flowers245 · 23/11/2020 07:46

Thank you everyone, you have all been so helpful and I keep re reading your comments to make the rational part of me know it’s true he is mine. I think I have come to the conclusion that if it’s not one thing it’s another with my anxieties, before I had him I was convinced I would die in the c section or something would happen to him. I am a worrier but this thought of him being swapped has tipped me over the edge even though when I say it I know it’s not possible. I will phone my hv today and make an appt to get his jaundice checked and have a word about my worries. I wish I had mentioned it the other day but thought she would think I’m a crazy/awful person. I am so in love with him and my husband is very sweet and says it shows how much I love him and that’s why I am obsessing. I hope in a week or so I can look back and think how mad I was and move on from this feeling. Thanks again for your replies they have helped me massively.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 23/11/2020 15:12

@Flowers245

Thank you everyone, you have all been so helpful and I keep re reading your comments to make the rational part of me know it’s true he is mine. I think I have come to the conclusion that if it’s not one thing it’s another with my anxieties, before I had him I was convinced I would die in the c section or something would happen to him. I am a worrier but this thought of him being swapped has tipped me over the edge even though when I say it I know it’s not possible. I will phone my hv today and make an appt to get his jaundice checked and have a word about my worries. I wish I had mentioned it the other day but thought she would think I’m a crazy/awful person. I am so in love with him and my husband is very sweet and says it shows how much I love him and that’s why I am obsessing. I hope in a week or so I can look back and think how mad I was and move on from this feeling. Thanks again for your replies they have helped me massively.
Hormones are astonishingly powerful! It's great you're talking to your midwife. As I mentioned my sister became extremely unwell - but even on the more typical side of the scale, my poor ds1 very nearly got called Osbert Grin Blush.

Post birth we are all a little less in touch with day to day reality, and it's very common and usually does pass. I hope you will be feeling well soon too and your son is also.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page