I cant cope and i just want to leave

[sophie2210]

Every single day is the same. I get up i feed my daughter change her nappy play with her, then go on to the cleaning, get her down for a nap, finish the cleaning, she wakes up i feed her lunch change her, then play with her then clean up the mess shes made then its timefor her snack i give her her snack and a bottle then put her for a nap again and then i get started on tea for my husband and crack on with the washing, then she wakes up i give her tea (eat mine if im lucky) get her to bed wich is a HUGE struggle and by the time she goes to bed im shattered and always fall asleep on the sofa because imso exhauseted from the day and lack of nutrition. I never have time to rehydrate and eat. Im lucky if i have 1 cup of tea a day and one meal.
I have lost so much weight, i only weigh 47KG and i look horrible and ill.
My mental health has been real bad since having DD. I have tried speaking to midwifes, health visitor, GP, my husband and my mother and no one seems to care.
No one ever offers to give me a hand or nothing and when i ask, it seems like im a nuisance and its really getting me down. I literally feel like i have no one when i have plenty of people around me and DD company all day. But its not enough. I am fed up of trying my absolute best and do everything for everyone, but no one seems to care how i feel. Ive cometothe point i am so depressed and stressed out with everything i just dont want to be here anymore but when i look at DD all the pain just disappears, until i realise againhow worthless i am.
I can not deal with this anymore. The voices in my head are KILLING me slowly and i dont know how much more i can deal with it i really dont.
I have everything i have ever wanted, a house, a beautiful daughter, my husband a car a job (currently on mat leave) but i cant seem to be happy.. ever!!
I just want to get out of this dark hole and have a normal happy family (i know im the problem) but i really cant find no way of this dark hole and how im feeling. I just want support, i dont want any tablets that they give me, all i want is some help

@Sophie2210 I'm glad you're now determined to go for help. Honestly, it's worth it. Being a mum is, generally, great fun. Think about it - if it was this awful, the human race would have died out pretty damn quickly!

I agree with the pp that it's very concerning that you're not getting enough to eat and drink. The sudden drop in weight isn't helping your mood. And lack of fluids, particularly in this weather, is going to make you feel very ill indeed.

I'd really encourage you to get an earlier appointment with your GP, or call your HV. She may have seemed unhelpful in the past, but I suspect (and I'm sorry if I'm wrong here, but I really feel this is probably the case) that you didn't articulate what was really going on here. She didn't get it, so you were left feeling disappointed and even more vulnerable. But professionals aren't mind readers (wish they were!) and can only go by what you're telling them. You have to be absolutely honest and straightforward, whether it's the GP, HV, CPN, whoever. There's no point in holding back because you're embarrassed, or you want them to "just get it", or whatever. Vomit the truth onto them. It's the only way.

And I know that's scary, I really do. I have bipolar disorder, so have had a lot of input from mental health services over the years. We all carry so much fucked-up shit with us, particularly women. There are so many ways that we are "supposed" to be, and we feel anxious, judged, bad, stupid, weak, whatever, if we don't live up to those standards. So we are economical with the truth. It's painful, because admitting we aren't coping is, in our heads, the same as explaining that we are shit women. But that's not reality. Professionals need you to be honest, because otherwise, they don't know. If they don't know, they get the wrong end of the stick, and so don't give us the help we need. If we tell the truth, in my experience, they go "Wow. Okay. Cavalry on the way now, don't worry, we're here for you". They want to help, and they will, if they understand what's really going on.

Could you try sleep in care work if nights are the only option?

Go to citizens advice or the job centre, they will be able to help you with your options
Do you know if universal credit will be rolling out in your area? It's not the best thing in the world but takes into account what you both brought home that pay day.
I'm sure you would be entitled to more tax credits you just might have to ask how to go about it so they base it on your reduced hours and income plus the added expense.

Also start leaving her with dh a bit more
Start with an hour work it up if you have to. She has to learn to not be with you otherwise he will get no sleep while you are at work anyway.