What's wrong with me

[nljf23]

NC as I feel so awful about this and like I'm a terrible mum.

Recently I've been getting so angry at my baby and I can't seem to stop it. It's only at bedtime, she's 4.5 months and is starting to fight her sleep and it's really getting to me. I always do bedtime and have always either lay with her till she sleeps or sometimes rocked her and then put her in her cot. Always been fine but now the last week or so she's waking up as soon as I put her down or when I try leave the room. It's making me really angry that she won't just stay asleep and I'm getting really frustrated with her but then I know she's just a baby and I'm out of order. I feel awful after it happens but it's just like rage inside me for a few minutes and then I just feel like crying I feel so guilty for being so angry.

I feel like a horrible mum for getting so annoyed with her, I don't know where this has all came from as I've always been fine and level headed but when she won't settle after an hour of trying it's really breaking me down and I don't know what to do

Looks like @mrsb06 is in agreement with me.

Before 1 year old, a habit takes 3 days to form and 3 days to break (after 1 year it takes a little longer). If you get your DH involved with bed time gradually it'll become a new habit before long. Get him to read the story while you hold her, and gradually increase his involvement. You're doing a great job.

Firstly, bed time used to be a really enjoyable time for you and now she is a bit older her needs have changed and it's not. It is completely ok to mourn the old routine! And also to be frustrated with the new one.

Secondly there is a good chance that whatever you go this period will sort itself out in a few weeks anyway.

This will not be everyone's cup of tea, but in your situation I have just embraced the not wanting to be left, fed them to sleep in my bed, and sat with them till I want to go to sleep chatting/reading/MNing. Then pop them in to their cot when they really are in a deep sleep after half an hour or so. Much better to spend half an hour on your phone next to sleeping baby than half an hour with crying baby wishing you were on your phone!

It will get better.

@mrsb06 thank you. I've tried not to worry about it but relatives have said it to me before or said we're having these bedtime problems because I held her so much the first few weeks. I wouldn't change it though, just feel like there's always something that should've been done better! Guess that's the standard motherhood feeling though. I still cuddle her almost constantly

@Bobbiepin thank you so much for all your help/advice. I will definitely try to ease him into it, think it will do me good to have a night or two a week to just do my own thing instead of stressing as well. Thank you, that really means a lot.

@badg3r this has been my routine for the past few nights! Currently have her sleeping beside me whilst I write this and will stay here till she's in a deep enough sleep to be moved. It means that bedtime has been taking much longer but it does seem to be working in that I can now actually leave the room without her waking and crying. Hoping it continues for the next while (although no doubt the next sleeping hurdle will be here in no time!) Thank you.

@nljf23 ahh a kindred spirit! I have my laptop out, some fruit, nice lighting, hell I might even get some chocolate in a bit and light a candle seriously, if you can't beat em join em. It won't last long.

Oh and your relatives are talking bollocks with the rod for your back thing. Babies are meant to be cuddled constantly.

I've tried not to worry about it but relatives have said it to me before or said we're having these bedtime problems because I held her so much the first few weeks.

That's the blanket response when they don't actually know how to solve your problem, just seem to think that 'blaming' someone or something helps.

For what it's worth, I was concerned that I held DD1 too much for naps and that was why she struggled to be put down in the first few months. So, with DD2, I put her down for her naps from birth (and made everyone else too). Guess what? Didn't make a blind bit of difference and she's a worse sleeper than her sister was at the same age. Looking back, it's a shame I didn't enjoy those cuddles more in the early days.

Do what works for you now. Smile and nod at everyone who has an 'opinion.' And trust me, that's basically everyone.

@badg3r clearly that method works too well as we both ended up asleep by 10pm Hoping I have better luck tonight! thanks, I basically never put her down anyway whether people tell me to or not!

@mrsb06 yes I have noticed everyone always has a 'better' way to do things or tells me what 'should' be done. Some of it has been a fantastic help but the rest, not so much. I guess every baby is different anyway and we're still learning from each other so I'm sure we'll get there soon (I hope!) thanks for all your help x