Who do I call???

[DragonNoodleCake]

DD refusing to take care of DGS. She is 17, he is 1 month. we've taken care of them - she stayed at home. Last weekend she wanted to go out with friends. Didn't want to take care of him on return. Said all sorts of stuff about quitting BF and putting up for adoption. She went to see doc as I thought PND. The doc asked a few questions and said come back next week.

Last night her works Christmas do - she didn't want to come home - same stuff. DH got her and she went to bed. We've had DGS all night - not a peep from her.

I need some help - I have no idea who to call . We are in Scotland btw

You're doing the right thing.
I had my DS at 16, I was a terrified single parent but I lived with my mum and she and my granny took over when I needed them to.
Maybe too much? But I didn't mind at the time, I didn't have a clue what to do with this screamy thing. I knew I loved him but it didn't feel like he was mine iykwim.
Fast forward 21 years and he's equally as close to us all - it's like he had 3 mums growing up!
You'll all be fine. just keep doing what you're doing and before you know it the exhausting first few months will be over and you'll all settle into a routine.
Your dd is lucky to have you.

It sounds like you're getting it all sorted OP, support is just the most important thing here, for you and for your DD and it sounds like you have that covered.

Trust me - I've not been great with her all the time. I've been angry, frustrated and fed up too. Mostly now I'm emotionally tired, iykwim.
I've tried to be patient- because it's hard having a baby even when planned with a DH!

She said something very observant. About me and DH. Yesterday after dropping him at airport, I told her in car that he and I are only fighting because we are stressed/worried and just not on same page. She said it's because you come at things from opposite ways.
''You go into survival mode and try to organise and fix things and try to turn down emotions to not get too stressed, dad just showers with love and hugs, you get frustrated with dad because hugs don't fix everything and he needs to do something tangible and he thinks you are being cold and unloving and gets upset with you, not realising you are just trying to protect yourself''

My goodness she described us to a T. She made me smile and made me remember she's a good one at heart underneath the hormonal shouty - can't cope with feelings - angst.

Now she's told me - if she tells DH as well we can collaborate better for her benefit!

Go easy on yourself for getting frustrated OP, it's hard enough having a newborn that you planned with your OH, let alone a wee one that wasn't planned or known about until a few weeks ago (I know he is much loved, by all of you). Frustration is normal, and reasonable. It sounds like you've been really proactive in trying to help your DD and DGS too, which is what matters most. Getting pissed off is completely normal, you wouldn't be human if you weren't. Plus your DD has been seriously let down by the baby's father which is bound to hurt her and piss you off too.
Your DD sounds like she has her head screwed on and is very perceptive, which is down to you and your DH. It must be really tough for her too. Our DS2 was a surprise and I was 19 weeks when we found out. I was 31, LTR, employed, homeowner all that and I still panicked! For you all to be managing the way you are is a real credit to your strength as a family unit.

Oh and congratulations

Dr very good yesterday - she has a weekly appointment for the next 6 weeks and only getting the antidepressants prescribed weekly at her visits.

Ok.
I would cane that 'father' if I encountered him.
How is she coping?
Bf is really hard. Would she consider ff for the sake of her mental health?

My original- she is combination feeding just now as she wants to BF but knows exclusive it just too much just now. I'm not pushing her either way, if combo works for her so be it.

Also HV came today, she's chasing up Mental health team and sure start referrals and going to come back next week to see her.
She weighed DGS he is now 9lb 13oz. He was 7lb 5oz born 5.5 weeks ago so he's obviously getting what he needs. So encouragement for DD as she's doing well.

Glad everything is coming together, it takes a bit of pressure of you all too. I hope your DD felt boosted by your DGS putting on weight and thriving, she (all of you) are doing a great job, but sometimes being told that helps.