May 2010: All the babies have arrived, welcome to the other side!

[rachelfruitloop]

Here we are ladies, a new Postnatal thread! I wonder if we'll fill this one up as fast with one-handed typing?!

Hi everyone

I am totally useless at keeping up with the thread, have just had a browser over recent posts - I do read more than I post.

Pamelat My 2.5 yr old DS is also misbehaving and we are putting it down to DD2's arrival, although I do remember DD1 going through a similar stage at his age so perhaps it is an age thing along with new sibling reaction? We are trying to have more 1-2-1 time with DS and lots and lots of cuddles and praise for good things he does, also trying to ignore some of niggly wee things to avoid telling him off/no the whole day!

SK saw your email address but haven't had time to compose one to you yet! We would like to stay in the same town, just a bit closer to the schools. I know the housing market is very slow at the moment so we probably wont be moving anywhere soon.

I am struggling to keep my eyes open tonight so I will head off to bed and try and catch up some more tomorrow.

Night!

Hi All

No hope in hell of catching up with everyone, but will do my best.

Schipo - wills are v important even when you are married, especially if you have assets that are still in sole names, and when you have children. Also if God forbid something happened to both of you at the same time, you need to decide what will happen to your child/ren. They can be very cheap to make if your will is simple, and you can get will packs from PO or WHSmith or similar and write your own.

Happy birthday to all those children who have been celebrating - hope all the parties have gone well!

DTD/Contraception - have got the mini pill from GP but not started taking it yet - can't bring myself to be bothered to be honest. We have DTD once since birth and DD is 9 weeks old. Couldn't bear to let DH touch my boobs - now they are being used for feeding just felt weird to let DH anywhere near them! Hope that stops when DD weans herself!

Sassles - well done on surviving the MIL!

BF-ing in public - I just hoick up whatever top I am wearing and undo my nursing bra, and I don't have a toned stomach at all! Trick is to get LO in position before doing all manouevring (Sp?) so she hides all flab/stretch marks etc. So far the only negative comments I have had have been from my mother who told me that she didn't want to go anywhere with me if DD was due a feed because "people" might find it "inappropriate" for me to BF DD in the food hall of our local designer outlet place. Strange coming from DM as she is 99% of the time totally supportive of me. However, so far this week I have fed in the Asda cafe in Blackburn where there were a lot of traditionally dressed Muslim men (in my ignorance I am assuming they may well be offended by that more than non-Muslims but apologies if that isn't true and a total stereotype), and today we went to Sunday School picnic and managed to BF in the Deanery garden in full view of at least 6 senior male clergy, all of whom came up and told me (whilst BF-ing) that they thought I was doing very well. So now I feel totally invincible at BF-ing anywhere!

at those already planning next pgs! We can't decide what to do about DC3 - we really want another but have to take DM's views into account as she provides our childcare. She really doesn't want us to have a third - would potentially end up with 5 grandchildren which she understandably feels would be a lot to cope with as she would be in her mid-60s by that time, and says that we would spoil our family as we have one of each and that DC3 would "unbalance" our family and lead to middle child syndrome, etc etc. I do understand her point that if I was a SAHM then I could have all the children I wanted as I would be doing the caring, but when a good proportion of the caring falls to her then she should be considered, but at the same time just cannot shake the feeling that we would like three children. We have decided to shelve all discussions until DD is 18 months old and then make final decision. But now can't stop thinking about it!

I'm sure there was lots more that I wanted to comment on and reply to, and I didn't mea to start off in a rant and muse about the possibility of a third child, so apologies for that!

Hope everyone is doing OK and looking forward to reading more posts soon - I do read them all even if I don't reply to them all!

pamela I'm in Buxton, not a million miles from carsington! Off to Wales in the morn to take Harry to meet his Great Grandma.

Sure everyone will be amused to learn Harry did his 1st poo in the bath last night. Yucky boy!

Just a quickie as I need to get back to bed! Night x

carikube, how did the christening go?

i cant believe some of the comments near strangers, let alone family, have been saying to some of you. i have no idea how you get through it, i am a bit too sensitive i think and would probably smile then go off and cry. then cry again later for not yelling at them to mind their own business. to be honest, i avoid this happening by avoiding people as much as possible...not a good idea i am sure but i cant help it.

we still havent sorted out contraception either, but its not an issue at the moment even though DH seems keen. i am too, but too tired or if not tired am feeding, wondering how we will ever manage again.

as for next pregnancy, i would love to, still feeling broody, but got all upset last night with fear of dreadful things happening at birth, and how i would have no control of things going right, and no real choices, just option 1 (a bad thing eg scbu) or option 2 a very bad thing (baby dies). struggling to think of positive options.

hope everyone has a good day, got to go as Virginia is crying

millington - just noted the timing of your last post. Bless you, 4.30am!

carikube - how was christening? You're so organised to have done it already!

Got my appointment at the private hospital at 4.45pm today. Very nervous of what consultant will say, but I suppose I should be pleased I'll have a definite answer. Fed up now

Carikube - hope christening went well! I need to organise Corin's one sometime.

We haven't thought about contraception much either, it's not really a priority tbh. I think I would like another one in the future but not sure DH will and my DM keeps trying to put me off having a third so not sure it will happen Very happy with my 2 though and wouldn't want another for a while.

Manic weekend with DD's birthday, we didn't really get to do what we had planned because of lousy weather so have postponed her big treat. She's very pleased with all her presents though, is spending hours playing with her farm.

Got a horrible shock on Saturday, DH and I were washing up in the kitchen when we heard the windchimes on DD's windowsill. We ran upstairs to find her standing in front of her open window I never open the windows in there because she can climb up there but DH had apparently left the window open to let in some air thinking I was being a bit over-protective I think he's got the point now though Kept me awake that night though thinking about what could have happened.

First1 - a meet-up sounds great although could be hard to arrange. We're a long way from anywhere but might be able to travel. Hope your appt. goes well.

Pamelat - sorry you're struggling with your DD, it sounds pretty tough. Ours is being a bit tricksy but I think it's just because she's teething.

The christening went really well thanks. Have just waved off MIL, having had my parents leave this morning so I am now finally sat on the sofa and relaxing a bit. The weather yesterday was great which meant that we were able to use the garden which was fantastic given that there were about 10 children aged 10 and under running around the place. DD2 was a star and didn't make a noise during the churchy bit and then put up with being passed around everyone once we were back at the house. DD1 enjoyed the attention and loved that she kept getting rounds of applause each time she showed how she can stand up on her own .

TCH that does sound scary about DD standing in front of her open window. We're now hoping to push on with moving both DDs in to their own room together and so I'll have to remember to keep their eindows locked unless we're around to supervise them as they are plenty big enough to have a small one fit through if they are open.

As for comments about the possibility of DC3, I know my MIL would be thrilled as these are the only GC she will ever have (DH is an only child) and she dotes on them and as I'm the youngest of 6, there's not much my DM could say really! I'm in the extremely fortunate situation that we can survive on DH's salary so our only issues would be practical ones ie would we say this means that I definitely become a SAHM (I'm still on mat leave even though it's now been 16 months...), would we build an extension/move house/not have anywhere for parents or guests to sleep, would we have to buy a bus etc. I think there will be a DC3, it's just going to be a question of timing probably (ie I'd like to go for a slightly longer gap this time as I don't think I can face having another 14 month gap!).

We'd be up for a meet up if it ever proved possible (or regional one if that was easier).

Hope everyone has a good week...

Hi all, one handed typing as Grace is having a marathon feeding session today. Reading all posts but no real time to reply.

DTD last night and although it wasn't painful it felt kind of raw inside (sorry tmi). DD 8 weeks tomorrow, can't remember that with dd2, anyone else had similar?

I have painful lumps in one boob today - blocked ducts I guess that I managed not to notice early enough to shift in one feed. Hoping some hot compresses and massage will shift them. Any other tips?

homebirth - I hope you found something nice to wear for your dd dedication btw - I can't offer any help - unless you want to wear something with jeans. I meant to say also re step families, dh has a grown up dd who was angry and horrified at first to hear we'd were having a baby. Jealousy I think even with a 23 year age gap! She has since got over the shock and is now sweet and positive about the whole thing. I hope your step kids come around soon - have they met their little sister yet?

I have realised that I can only buy clothes online now, after making the mistake of trying to try something on in a sale the other day. Baby didn't know what was going on but didn't like it at all. I didn't get anywhere near trying the clothes on but he had a feed. I have learnt my lesson and I'll stick to buying online.

Those of you planning next pregnancies impress me too. Most of my nct group (btw by nct group i just mean the group of people who were at my antenatal class - we keep just keep in touch, it's nothing formal) are thinking about the next pregnancy too. I'm quite jealous. DH and I are just too old. We didn't have any trouble conceiving last time so that isn't really the issue, but not sure how well we'll cope with keeping up with the energy of one young child never mind a young child and a baby. Still, i'm finding impossible to get rid of the little clothes he's already grown out of..

first1 - good result from the consultant I hope?

schipo nope going for tests on Thursday morning, apparently I should have been given them automatically as standard practice after 3rd degree tear, but my NHS hospital never offered them. Think I'm going to write to complain. Then following them will need remedial surgery, but this time under a general. Lovely consultant but I came out in floods of tears. All of this to cope with, coupled with going through a divorce and an 8 week old baby. I'm heading for a breakdown at this rate.

first I really hope it all starts to improve for you it must be very tough.

Make sure you lean on any support you can get.

first1..so sorry to hear that you are going through the mill..no, you wont have a breakdown..but it does sound like you need some support..do you have any help?

schipo..sounds like blocked ducts..try taking a wide toothed comb down your boob whilst feeding

First1 - sorry you're having such a horrible time Hope you're OK and have some support.

Hollyoaks - that's what it felt like for a while for me after I had DD but it seemed to get better quite quickly and haven't really had any problems since.

Cari glad christening went well I'm also impressed you've got it down so quickly! We're planning Jude's for October.

first1 so sorry everything is crap for you really hope you get some answers about your tear I really feel for you. I had awful episiotomy that's still a bit painful now but was mainly healed after 4 weeks so can't imagine what you're going through!

to talk of next pregnancies... I have always wanted loads of kids but so scared to go through that birth experience again. Ask me again in a few months

Right sorry for not more personals but baby has been asleep since 7.30 and Ive barely spoken to dh as just been catching up on here

First- Sorry to hear that your feeling down. You def have alot on your plate at the mo. Lets hope this new Dr fixes finally fixes you up

Meet up sounds great, but dont you think you have enough to worry about right now!

Carikube- Glad the Christening went well.

Heffa- Bet that was abit of a shock!

Busy weekend with 2 BBQ's. Yesterday was catching up with DH's old work collegues. Last time we saw half of them I was pregnant with DD1 so they were supposed when we turned up with both the girls. Lots of "youve been busy!" jokes doing the rounds.

Been trying to get some odd jobs done along with the normal housework ready for the parties at the weekend not getting very far though. I hate having half dine jobs but it seems to be the story of my life at the mo.

Lucy is sleeping well and we got a full nights sleep last night. 10-6.30
Fingers crossed for a repeat tonight.

first1 sounds like you made the right decision going to see consultant privately on this. I had a small episiotomy and the aftermath of that was bad enough. I can't imagine what you're having to put up with. Hope things get better for you soon and you've got good pain relief and help in the meantime. You have your family around you right? I hope they're being helpful.

thanks ml on the comb tip - I think the lumps have gone already - with a lot of help from hungry baby and a bit of a hot flannel.

first1 - glad you are finally getting some help but that you have so much to deal with at the moment. I hope you are getting lots of help from family and friends.

carikube - glad the christening went well, we have DD1's on the 7th August. DS1 screamed the place down at his christening until everyone started to recite The Lord's Prayer, at which point he fell asleep and stayed asleep for three hours of being passed between relatives! Divine intervention!

Whoever was asking about outfits for dedications/christenings - if you search online through google for feeding/nursing dresses there are some lovely ones out there that don't look like nursing dresses at all. I have bought a lovely pale blue dress from Mummylooksfab.co.uk which has a double layer top with the splits in the fabric underneath so can feed discreetly. It was very reasonably priced as well. Hope that helps.

Pamelat - I also forgot to reply to your post last night about sibling problems. We have had problems with DS1 (now 3) where for 90% of the time he is fine but when I am feeding/changing DD1 he tries to hit her over the head, pull her arms or legs, etc. We have found that time out has really worked for us. I explain to him before doing anything with DD1 that I am going to feed/change/whatever, and that whilst I am busy with DD1 I want him to be a good big brother and read books/do picture/etc. If he behaves then he gets a treat for his tea (a small piece of chocolate or scoop of icecream). If he doesn't behave, he goes in his room behind a stairgate until I have finished and he has said sorry to DD1. At first was a nightmare - he would stand at gate and shout/cry which I absolutely hate (couldn't do controlled crying when he was little) But within 3 days he had got the idea and now have problems very rarely and only when he is really tired and having to wait for bath until DD finished feed or something. We have also been reading him lots of stories like the Alfie books where the main character is a big brother with a little sister, and who behaves well towards his little sister. When DS does something well, we say he is like Alfie; when he is not, we ask him whether Alfie would do that etc etc. Hope that helps a little bit - good luck!

TCH - you are in the same situation as me - thinking about a third, but DMum trying to dissuade. Why is it that DHs have to see how dangerous something is before they take precautions?!

Hi to everyone else!

just a quick post

schipo..sounds like you got a bit of a milk back up..it soon drains if you feed often, glad its sorted..I woke up the other day with the tell tale signs of blocked ducts so put DD3 straight on the boob and massaged..they were a bit tender but cleared by the end of the day..terrified of getting mastitis again...had mastitis around this time with DS2 as well so watching out for the tell tale signs..

Im currently finishing putting streamers etc up for DD's birthday..six tomorrow..cant beleive its 6 years since I was in hospital at this time waiting for my induction to kick in..I was 38 weeks preg..she wasnt due until 1st August...a sure sign she is growing up..she asked me to remove some stuff from her bedroom which she said was babyish..the fairy stickers on her dressing table and fairy wall plaque..admittedly she has had them since was 2 but..

she said DD3 can have them which was quite kind considering I think she secretly resents her right now...she confessed the other day that she thought she was getting an instant playmate..and didnt realise it would be a long time before Olivia could play with her..by which time DD2 will be not interested in her little sister....shame..I think she feels left out because DS2 doesnt really like her (he is on the autistic spectrum and finds her irritating) and of course DS1 is 16...DD1 is 19 but when she does come to visit she makes a fuss of DD2 so DD2 misses her...poor DD..I think she is lonely

morning all
first before i forget, take it easy a lot has happened in the recent months, but up for the meet up, something nice to look forward, too.
people's comments on your child, i am taking the rude approach, i was visiting dh work and the lady in the canteen (which i never seen before in my live)told me, having not clue of how i am feeding, to give him a bottle at night and he will sleep 10 hours straight, my answer: what would you know?, she left all flushed but my dh manager find it amusing, another lady, on the bus! asked me how old he was, and informed me that he was too big, and that she used to be a midwife, answer: good thing you quit if you are going to start advising mothers to starve babies, in case they get too big.
re next pregnancy, for us is easy, not happening any time soon.
feeding: bfeeding more now, new tactic, one bfeed, and top up formula 45 min later, every time, until the evening about 6 pm he starts complaining at the breast, i guess is too slow or little, but still a nice cuddle. went to gp yesterday as ds pooing less often now, he's fine, but he was hungry so bf in the consultation, nice young gp, mother to a 11 months old, she strugled to bf, so great support and lots of tips, someone told me off for calling my ebm poor substitute, i know is good, and i am proud of what i am doing, it is just that it took me a long time to make peace with the fact that bf does not come naturally to me and i do not enjoy it, so different from the picture i saw in my head while i was preg.
weight: who cares! i didn't have a big bump while preg, so most people though, and i don't know why anybody would think about this, that i would be back in size 16 in no time , well, i lost quite a bit of the weight i am now in size 20/18ish, so not too bad i think, esp considering that you are not meant to diet, and let's face it prob eating too many cakesand fewer grapes than i should; don't worry about it, it should take no less tha 6 months to get back to anything close to normal, you just had a baby, massive body transformation, and lo doesn't help, your 4 hours getting pampered/ready to leave routine is long forgotten.
right , baby crying so more tomorrow

Happy birthday to my DD1 and ML's DD2, 6 already, yes doesn't seem like 5 minutes ago. DD1 was born at 37+5weeks, 4h2m labour from me thinking I had wet myself to baby this time 6 years ago I was lying in hospital staring at the goldfish bowl she was in not quite believing I was a Mum. Was talking to DP about it this morning we were so unprepared, I had to send him out to Mothercare to buy a base for the car seat (never realised the travel system never came with one), the crib and moses basket hadn't arrived, only had a travel cot. BFing was a nightmare, she was so little and jaundiced and wouldn't latch so I was expressing every 2 hours, I remember getting excited as she had managed a whole OZ! We got out the next day but the day after that had to go back in for phototherapy. We really didn't have a clue.

wouldliketoknow - good for you, great when stangers tell you what's wrong with your baby isn't it? It was me who told you off for saying your EBM is a poor substitute, it SO is not! And mixed feeding is fine too, only thing I would warn against is every bottle interferes with your natural supply and demand so you have to be careful to keep your supply up.

ML - I suppose my DD1 is different in that she was 18 months when DD2 came along so always had to share me, always been around babies etc plus she has always had the "oldest" status. DD3 was kicking off this morning as she thought DD21's presents were hers.

Third babies - cannot believe there are so many of you thinking about it already I would say go for it but be warned you may just want a fourth

first1 - you poor thing wish I could do something other than offer you some virtual support. One day you will look back on this time and think "poor me but I got through it and look at me now and look at my lovely happy little girl!"

carikube - great the christening went well, don't know when Jacob will get his, well DD3 still hasn't had hers either, needs to be before school so got about 3 years.

Heffa - oh dear but we all have those "what if" moments. Lesson learned and move on

Right better go the boy is crying again, had an awful day with him yesterday, he must have slept for a total of 20 mins all yesterday, took him to bed at 8pm thinking he will go to sleep quick, brought him back downstairs at 10am wide awake as had to do things, he finally went to bed at 11pm, one wake at 4am and up at 7am.

happy birthday to others older children 6 seems very grown up. DD will be 3 in January, each birthday so far I have had a little cry. I love her so much, which is a good job with her current behaviour!!

Alex much gentler little soul

our nights not getting any better and this is a baby who does drink 6oz bottle at 1030pm, so doesnt buy you 10 hours!! wakes 2 and 445am and then 6am has few mins feed and sleeps next to me for another hour

naps went "wrong" yesterday. he easily has a morning one for 30 mins at 9am and always tired by 11am but getting him to sleep is different story and when he goes usually wakes after 30 mins.

my washing mountain has left imprints on carpet when moved it this am

wow, you can still see the carpet??? i need a house cleaning service, mum?

morning all!

excuse the lack of posting, but i seem to start and DD starts crying.

happy birthday to all those children...my friends daughter is 4 today,birthday tea tonight.

first1 i would love to be able to help you in RL but i dont know where you are. i found it had the first time around with no partner, it does get easier...or it may just be that you get used to it. if you do need RL help try homestart they will send someone to you to help you out with whatever needs doing. i do hope things calm down for you soon as it all seems to have happened to you at once.

im starting to get a bit more organised now and we are falling into more of a routine, Florence loves the water and loves the bath of a night, she wriggles herself out of her seat so she can float in the water, but that may be because we ahve been going swimming once or twice a week since she was 4 days old. we also have her christening a week on sunday, so have that to sort out too. i would love her dad to just come and see her, there will be that many people there anyway he could just blend in, but i know it wont happen so ther is no point in beating myself up over it.
im very envious of all those planing anothr baby, i would love more children, but i dont feel that its fair to keep having children with no father, i do at time still feel that ive let my childern down by them not having their dads about, plus it would be nice to have someone else to help out and coo over baby too.

im still Bf and expressing, but DD has had it confirmed that she is milk intollerant and whaet intollerant, so i cant have any dairy or wheat...plus side thought is that it stops me eating lots of cakes! doctor commened me for not looking for the easy option out, but i have to go and see the dietician as they are worried that i could become deficient in things.

Ds is on a school trip today, so im meant to be tackling all the big jobs and getting everything sorted before the school hols...im getting there.

anyway have to go sorry for the post being all about me.

Thank you all so much for your sympathies. I probably sound like such a moaner . Just that its all happened at once. I could probably deal with it all a lot better if I had gaps between all the different problems, but heyho. We're all dealt our cards aren't we? Do you all think it's worth me complaining to Kingston hospital about my aftercare (or lack of?) And the fact that I wasnt stitched first time by a consultant which I learned yesterday that it's a must for patients of 3rd and 4th degree tears? Feel rather let down by the NHS to be honest. I know they should be commended in many ways, but I had a rubbish time with appointments there from the word go when I found out I was pregnant. Just my bad luck I suppose. Shouldn't speculate.

Happy Birthday to older kids! 6 seems so grown up, I'm getting upset Chloe is now in 0-3month clothes!

Pamelat - My kitchen looks like a laundrette!

Schipo - hope your ducts have unblocked themselves, sounds painful

4 nights on the trot Chloe's slept 10-6.30. Fingers crossed she'll stay that way! Have a good day all...

first, feel free to have a moan, i don't know how i would cope in your shoes, i guess we can take what is given, surestart is great, even if it is just to have someone to listen, and they can help with shopping, cleanning and stuff if really needed. complain, complain, complain, if anything just to stop this from happening to someone else, maternities are mainly wonderful but when they get it wrong is often soo wrong, they need to address it.
its happen, i don't know your story but it sounds like you are doing great, who knows what the future holds for your children and their dad/s. don't feel guilty.
need to call the nurse again, breast bleeding again, don't know why as not painful when feeding, and anybody knows, blood in the milk bad for the baby or irrelevant? i am soooo confused...