June 08 - if your name's not down you're not coming in!

[EddieIzzardismyhero]

Welcome to our new cliquey thread !

eddie - sorry to hear about your moving woes. Three months down the line we still don't know if the people we are buying from are going to actually move out or not. They are waiting on their survey, and will stay where they are (meaning the whole chain collapses) if it isn't pretty much perfect. Then the whole thing will have to start again...

Good to see you back essie I knew you'd be lurking somewhere

Rolf I would try not to involve the police unless you are fairly certain he is going to move out before you. It would definitely have stopped me from buying a place if there had been previous neighbour issues.

Ah, you see I knew he was a saint (the patron saint of M&S isn't he?! ) but not an angel - now you're going to tell me all angels are saints or vice versa and I'm going to look even more ignorant!

sybil, sorry to hear you're still having moving stress too - dh has vowed we're never moving again!

essie lol at your fainting story

all the house moving stories sound stressful. It's the waiting and not knowing that makes it so hard, when you just want to get on with it. Hope things start to look up

poppy good luck with the scan

Welcome back Essie . I was going to say I've never heard of Angel Michael either Eddie! That'll be why.

Poppy (and all other pg ladies) good luck with the scan. It's such a worrying time isn't it. Hold off on the P&T until you know how many babies you are having . I love my double pram but it can be a bit of a pain getting round shops.

I went to see mw yest (28wks now). Everything fine, she says the baby is all out front (placenta at back) which is why I look like I have a beach ball up my t-shirt (not much weight on anywhere else) and am feeling lots of movement (knees, elbows, bum etc!). I put my size 10 maternity jeans on today and they are still too big (surely that's worthy of a [boast]) - I have never looked good in a bikini though, my boobs are small but my hips are quite wide so I am all out of proportion. Good child-bearing hips tho!

DH has cut the rockery right back and laid down white stone so it looks lovely - unfortunately the DTs think it is now their new assault course. That would be fine but when they fall over it really hurts them cos it is quite uneven and they are little pointy stones - I seem to be spending all my time at the back door shouting 'Theo, Esther out of the rockery please!' What must it sound like to the neighbours .

E was off playing today. When I went to check on her she'd gone upstairs [oops, left the gate open]. I found her in the loo - she'd put the toddler seat on the toilet and was trying to take her nappy off. I put her on and she sat on it for a good few mins but didn't do anything. I thought that was a good sign. We had an hour's nappy off time last night with lots of accidents so still dont think they are ready (Altho E didn't poo, only wees - maybe she is getting some control over her bowels).

Rolf, nightmare about your neighbour - hope the plants do the trick.

Very bitter that my earlier post was eaten up by MN server downtime, one of the hazards of being in NZ..... Complained about it on FB and RL friends didn't understand the sarcasm in my "they're a cliquely lot comment".

Essie - So glad to see you back! Hope you feel back to your old self soon.

Eddie - John Travolta played an angel called Michael in a dodgy film a few years back? OK, not as genuinely clever as Essie's response, but so much funnier if that's the angel the other Mum was referring to.

Rolf - I really don't know re: yr neighbour. I considering ringing up on the crimestoppers anon line re: my horrendous neighbours when I was preg, they were so dodgy the police would have def found smthing if they went round. (Not sure I told you all how that ended up, neighbour was eventually committed into pysch hosp against his will....without my assistance! Now I've scared you haven't I? Opps! Sorry.)

Completely ignoring Neenz until she takes back the size 10 mat jeans comment. YOU HAD TWINS FGS WOMAN! (The G stands for Goodness, btw, I may be an unbeliever, but I try not to blaspheme).

I know we've been talking a lot about kids books, but can anyone recommend some good fiction? Books are stupidly expensive here, altho for a small town the library is good, so my usual scattergun approach is an expensive habit to maintain. Looking for some relatively easy escapism, but not mindless chicklit. Funny a plus. (Prices eg: paperbacks = $20-$50 = approx 10-25 pounds and Amazon don't deliver here. )

Penguin - I just saw that on FB, how annoying about the servers.
I'm reading Wolf Hall at the moment after it was mentioned on here and I'm really enjoying it. Not sure it would fall into the category of easy escapism though. What about charity shops? Do you have that sort of thing there? That is where I used to get a lot of my books but all the ones round here are too packed to navigate with a double buggy. I used to use readitswapit a lot too, maybe there is an NZ equivalent.

Neenz - glad everything was OK at the MW but also at the size 10 jeans!

Sybil and Eddie - will keep my fingers crossed for both of your house moves. We swore we'd never move again once we finally moved here. It took about 16 months from putting our old house on the market.

Essie - good to see you back, I hope you get things sorted soon. If you feel the need to rant we won't mind

I have an acquaintance who is a community police officer, and I need to see her anyway about CRB checks for church, so I'm going to ask her if she can give me some off the record advice. Thanks again for the advice and support. Last weekend when it was really sunny, all the children were playing out in the street (apart from this bloke, I love where we live) and the children were getting the neighbouring children to come over and look at him . He's turning into an exhibit.

Neenz what Penguin said about the size 10s! Glad the pregnancy is going well though

Penguin [shock[ at the cost of books in NZ. I've just read Can Any Mother Help Me? Which was recommended on MN a while ago. It's non-fiction, about a correspondence club that ran for 50-odd years from the 1930s. It's interesting as a piece of social history, and quite funny and touching. I've just read a brilliant children's book called Charlotte Sometimes which I'd like to read to the children. For light reading I'm reading Donna Leon (very light but quite well-written and makes me want to visit Venice). I recently read Sacred Hearts by Sarah Dunant, which I really liked but it might be a bit Catholic

Rolf I read 'sacred hearts' by Sarah Dunant recently too and really liked it. I also read an earlier book by her called 'in the company of the courtesan' and that was similar and also very good.

Would your friend do an 'informal chat' with Bob off the books do you think? It might make him back off - or make him worse, actually no, don't listen to me I give horrible advice!

ktpie 16 months! Don't tell me that, I'd have gone insane by that time

Brio Alert TK Maxx had a few small bits in today. P is getting track for his birthday, so I bought him a timber train. It was for his birthday but got opened as soon as we were home. Not an expert but probably not v cheap prices, still discounted though.

He loves he train but howls every time the "logs" come off the carriages. I am working on teaching him how to put them back on. In retrospect this might be a disasterous birthday present.

Argh, no TKMaxx near here!

Hi everyone,

I've not really had time to post much lately, although I have been trying to read what's been going on. Am currently waiting for tea to cook (S in bed, DH at work) so thought I'd take the chance to sit down and post.

I think I managed to congratulate everyone on their pg news, but in case I missed anyone out - huge congratulations to you all.

Rolf the neighbour disclosure thing hadn't occurred to me at all. I didn't even know about it - am not sure if it's something we have to do in Scotland (must check out before I sort my own neighbour issue out). Speaking to your community police officer off the record seems like the best option. Do you think it's gone beyond your DH going round and trying to clear the air?

Spider good tip on tkmaxx - I forget they sometimes have bits. Must try and get into have a look before I go on my hols.

We're off to France on Sunday and I absolutely can't wait!!! Still have loads to do before we go. Managed to get S's passport in time though which was a huge relief.

Am started to think that S has a sixth sense re: when my patience is about to break. He's been ending up in bed with us every night for weeks and weeks. But we were too knackered with assignments and exams and work and everything else to tackle it properly. We decided to finally start CC again on Sunday and guess what? He's slept right through every night since then. Fingers crossed it continues!

In other news, we had a brilliant weekend. BBQ on Sat and quality time with DN's then on Sunday we went to visit a friend who has loads of land around their place (they live in the middle of nowhere). They're looking after 3-week old lambs just now and S got to feed one a bottle of milk. There was also some feeding of horses and general summer fun (while we drank Pimms on the lawn). It was such a lovely day with brilliant company. I got some really good pics (if I do say so myself ) of S feeding the lambs if anyone wants to see them on fb...

Back on the subject of Brio, I'm still struggling to find the smart track deluxe set anywhere in stock apart from a shop in Taunton. Their website doesn't look brilliantly secure though so I don't want to buy it online. I could phone I suppose and see if they'll take an order over the phone. That seems even less secure though [hmmm]. Anyone know anyone in Taunton?

On books, I fancy reading Wolf Hall ktpie but despite it being on my Amazon wishlist for ages no one has been persuaded to buy it. I've got a load of easy escapism chick lit that I got at Christmas that I'll pack for my hols. I cannot remember the last time I read a book which is unlike me. I haven't read any 'decent' fiction for a while though so I'll look into some of the suggestions on here.

Can I take a moment to share a moment. One of my 'mum and baby' friends (who I see every week for lunch, we're not especially close but kids same age etc etc). She's recently had second child (girl). The other day she discussed how when she had DD1 her favourite boys name was the same as chosen by our mutual friend (who she's much closer to). She talked about how even though the name was top of her boys list she couldn't possibly have used the name because the mutual friend planned to use it (they only met at NHS ante-natal so could have only known each other for a few weeks). She decided this before both of their DC's were born. She then went on to tell me that S was their planned boys name for DD2 had it been a boy. Despite the fact that she's known me and S since he was four weeks old. She did say she was worried that I might think they were copying us, but she really liked the name so she'd hoped that we wouldn't mind.

Now, I don't actually think that anyone owns a name and while I might have been a bit these things happen. I was just a bit that in one breath she talked about how she decided she couldn't use our mutual friends favourite boys name, but it was ok to use my son's name. I really felt like a second class friend. Now I know they are much closer than I am to them, but it seemed a bit insensitive at best. Do you think I should start a thread in AIBU? Anyway, just wanted to have a wee moan about it.

This post is mammoth so I think I should stop!

do you want a relief parcel penguin? I was about to give a bunch of stuff to charity (mixture of chick lit/historical stuff and more decent quality fiction) -will do you a list if you like and you can see if you fancy any of it (I will put postage down to the emergency reading fund as there is NOTHING worse than having nothing to read).

and rolf I loved sacred hearts even though it was very catholic.

sorry to hear about all the house buying woes - we are living this vicariously with my mil who is looking to purchase a small sheltered flat but issues with the contract there and someone hasslng her down the chain (yes cos an 82 year old who has lived somewhere for 40 years can move out in 5 days ). Fortunately dh doing his usual excellent job on handling it all.

and welcome back essie - what does DewinDoeth mean? and the health kick is most impressive. and the chapel story made me smile.

am drawing a line over your jeans story neenz as am swelling a bit already and well done e - edie knows what a toilet is for and thinks a potty is a good hat so some way off there.

thanks for all the nice wishes about scans. you lot of course will be the first to know next week

oh and domestic your friend sounds at best tactless and worst a loon so no wonder you were pissed off.. I cant remember if told you about woman at work ( won't dignify her with name friend as she has a long history of being a cow -fort those of you who probably dont remember the boss from hell story before I went off on ml and basically acted like ml protection didnt exist). Phoned to tell me she was pregnant (All very well ) but basically it was an excuse to dig about what went wrong with my son as she was coming up to teh 20 week scan and wanted reassurance. !!!

I got half-way through Wolf Hall .

Goddess at your friend. I'm not surprised you found it odd. People are so weird about children aren't they? Bob wants DH to go round so they can have a fight like Real Men (I think) and DH isn't having anything of it.

Since she had gastroenteritis, T has hated getting into the bath. She used to love it but now screams and screams as soon as I take her upstairs, and even when I put her in she screams and tries to get out. Even when I've got her wet and she knows it doesn't hurt her bottom (which was v sore for a while). Has anyone else had this?

Oh that's awful Poppy! Horrible, selfish women. Good luck with scan next week.

Yep, I think my friend is pretty 'tactless'. There's a part of me that feels a wee bit used. She's a SAHM and by her own admission finds it difficult to make new friends and I feel that's she's just latched on because it helps fill her Mondays. I don't quite fit the traditional Edinburgh middle class mould that she, and a few of the other mums, fit. Pah.

I loved wolf hall but did take some getting into - also not sure if I would have loved it as much if didnt know the period (I know dh found it harder work). It really lived with me after I had finished it as was something very touching (and not just emotionally) but some of the physical descriptions were quite unnerving. some books really bring home how cheap human life was in time gone by...

no advice on bath but does she have toys/bubbles or anythign to distract? waterproof crayons popular with e (if not me ). I know that nappy changing is a living nightmare for a good while after e has had nappy rash so can see how the bath would cause issues.

domestic I think antenatal groups /baby stuff is very odd in the way it throws you together. when it happens that you meet people that are your cup of tea (like on here fr'instance ) that is great but its a pretty artificial way of being lumped with someone -oh you had a kid at teh same time and live in same region.

But I think we have moaned together before about the nct mentality and being a bit out of it (I am still so glad of here as although it was never explicit , its still me that is odd one out of my nct bunch as was first to go back and only 1 of 2 out of group of 8 who wohm). There was no sahm/wohm but it does mean that you have a very very different experience of motherhood.

on which note, eddie did you ever make up your mind about when you'd go back?

looking at posting today - you can tell 1 I am not into junior apprentice (I am sorry junior anything is shit - junior kickstart, junior masterchef - if I want to see kids playing at grown ups, I'll watch my own child thanks) and 2 that acupuncture yesterday seems to have helped my tiredness.

Yeah, I think you're right poppy. I still see just one of my nct group every week at a class we take our Ds's to, but we make an effort to meet up and take them out to the park etc during the holidays too.

Have heard that Wolf Hall isn't the easiest read. I quite like the period but will have to see how I get on if I ever get round to reading it.

Rolf sorry about T and the effect on bath time. S went through a freaky hating the bath phrase (for no good reason though) - a new bath did the trick. It was this one.

Must get on with holiday prep chores...

My new name: well, wanted to use Rala Rwdins, who is a witch in a children's book- she's a kind witch. But she's also old, fat and warty, and I don't have any warts . So I went for her friend instead, Dewin Doeth, the Wise Wizard. You can call me Dewin for short - which is wizard, hahahahaha!

I've read Wolf Hall - I got it from Iestyn on mother's day. It took me about a month - I'm not a very fast reader (in English) but that was extremely slow progress. Loved it but quite hard to keep up.

No NCT here at all, so I have huge reverse snobbery about it, and I wouldn't want to be one of them. Hm, I'm not sounding very intelligent or mature now - NCT, and also having a sulk becuase everyone is pregnant despite the fact that I'm not trying. Hm, need to reconsider my personality. Sorry all - will go and try to become a nicer more mature person! (Had a strange day with some academic competitiveness, all very odd but I'm being immature about that too! )

sacred hearts in on my to-read pile and I have read Wolf Hall twice, I loved it, even though it is a tough read.

Rolf can you try T in the shower for a bit? Once they get an idea in their heads it can take a couple weeks before it's worth trying again.

Dewin I like the new name...

And I've posted before about my NCT experience - I was one of the first to go back to work and got pretty excluded and now that I'm at home, I don't want to spend the money to keep up with them all. It was all very upper-middle aspirational and I'm not. (Nothing wrong with upper-middle, it's the aspirational bit that drives me bonkers).

On a good note - I worked the past three days at the office I want to work in I was so happy when i woke up Tuesday morning and I think I've finally accepted that I've been actually depressed about losing my career. I've just been writing a report this week, but I enjoy data mining literature and writing so it's been really good.

I don't regret quitting work because the nursery situation was horrible and if anyone is going to be unhappy then it has to be me instead of the boys. (My old job was a gov job and didn't cover the cost of a nanny).

So fingers crossed that over the next two or three years something works out! It hopefully will if I can pick up a new field quickly enough. We had our potential nanny here on Tuesday afternoon and the boys loved it. DS1 has agreed that I can go back to work (he was really upset about it before because he associated me working with a bad nursery experience) so the guilt is even gone.

AH, that's great news about your job - you sound very upbeat about it all . Keeping everything crossed it works out.

poppy, I'm going back to work at the end of September for two days a week. I will only make £50 a month (hears sound of violins playing in the background ) but I want to go back for a variety of reasons - number one being that I'm very concerned about what's going to happen to the public sector in the next five years. The Tories have always seen as a bunch of workshy layabouts and we're going to be made to pay for the recession. Also, I would put large amounts of money on the fact that final salary pensions will be abolished for new starters sometime soon - if I leave I will be counted as a new starter, but if I stay on I will keep my pension.

I also like the idea of the variety of being at work for two days tbh !

Still undecided as to whether to go back into teaching - will wait until next year to make some decisions long term.

Dewin, fab new name!

As for post-natal friends, we have been very very lucky with our NCT group and I have made a couple of very good friends with which I have a lot more in common than just our babies' birth dates. But IKWYM about the randomness of it, and I have hooked up with some mummy friends that I know I have absolutely nothing in common with at all!

This also happened to me with infertility, as I joined a number of support groups, both virtual and RL and made some quite intense friendships united by grief. Most of those friends have now fallen by the wayside as we realised that the only thing we had in common was our inability to procreate! One 'friend' particularly turned out to be a very unpleasant person - hideously competitive and seemed to take pleasure in putting me down. Two weeks after my 2nd m/c she told me that she liked having an overweight friend cos it made her feel good about herself . As you can imagine, we're no longer friends!

poppy and domestic, cannot believe the way your friends behaved - esp your work colleague poppy, cruel beyond belief .

penguin, we're having a sort out too if you want any books sent your way .

at your friend Eddie! And at your old boss Poppy. What an awful thing to do. DG, it does seem strange what your lunch pal said - and that you don't see her as a close friend. If I was meeting someone every week for lunch she would have to be a really close friend... I am lucky if I get chance to phone my best mate once a month. I think I am a bit lazy though - I love my lunchtimes to myself cos the Dts have a sleep.

Loving the book chat - I just read Anita Shreeve's Testimony which was OK but nothing special. I'm not really a big fiction lover. I am into politics and economics atm. We are going on holiday tomorrow and I got a few books out of the library: 'Marxism & Christianity'. 'Eat The Rich', 'Plan now, retire happy' and 'Red Tory' for some light reading .

Rolf, E gets a sore bum sometimes and avoids the bath - I just literally dip her in and out when she gets like that, and she soon goes back to loving it. I think it helps to give her some control over the situation - she has to have a bath but if she really doesn't like it she can just have a very short one. It seems to help. DG, I really thought you meant you had bought a new bath for S - I thought wow, that's extreme . Then I realised you meant bath toy - doh.

Eddie, very sensible re your job. Two days is a lovely balance. I have mon and tue at home, think 'oh it will be nice to go to work tomorrow'. Go to work wed and thurs, then think 'oh it will be nice to be at home tomorrow' . Then its the weekend which is the best part of the week cos dh is home.

AH, great news about the job. It is such a shame that there is no other childcare provision except the horrid nursery. Any chance there might be a change of ownership or was that not the problem? Would DS1 just not want to go back there whatever. A nanny is so much more expensive than a CM (I know there are no CMs where you live either). Does DS1 go to nursery (ie at school) yet? I have been looking into what I will do when I return to work after this baby - the DTs will go to nursery (at our local primary) for their 5 free sessions in the afternoons - and on the days I work they can go to after-school club (also at the school) till 6. I am hoping our current CM will have DC3. Sorry, I don't know how old your DS1 is but the wraparound provision here for 3+yos seems really good. But you'd still have to find someone to look after F - sorry if I am not making any sense!

Dewin, I have a bit of inverse snobbery about NCT too! I met a couple of lovely mums at my NHS antenatal class and we are still friends. I would have done the NCT classes if they had been local but they were about 20miles away and I thought no point in meeting other mums when they live that far away! My SIL did NCT to meet people but now she has gone back to work they don't really meet up. It's an expensive introductory service! There should be a match.com for mums wanting to meet other mums... mmm, just hit on an idea there!

DG, enjoy your hols. I am looking forward to our camping trip - we're going tomorrow for eight nights to a campsite hear Wrexham in N Wales (sounds very glam doesn't it - it's a really nice site). It's pretty secure to give credit card details to that shop over the phone - I do it all the time. Any fraud on a credit card can be recovered anyway, debit cards not so easily so always use your credit card and you won't be liable.

E did her sitting on the toilet thing again this morn (but didn't do anything - I wonder if she is doing it cos her ITNG book is there ), and T has started sitting on the potty too (which he wouldn't do at all last week). Not doing much nappy off time but they are obviously getting more understanding. Still going to wait another 6mths tho.

neenz talking to friends, alot of their 3 and 4 year olds have struggled at nursery too so it's not just the one we were at (although it was particularly dire due to one single problem kid) and DS1 is so happy at the school nursery (2.5 hrs/day) that there's no way I'd move him. I know it works for some kids, but DS1 is not meant to be social for 8-9hours a day and only home-based care gives him the time he needs to potter about and play his own games. There's no wrap around care either at our school nursery - rural life good thing I love it.

I don't mind the cost of a nanny because we've been living without my salary anyways, but my new contract work will not be regular enough to get one I think. It could take a year or so before they would want me in every week for a few days... it's just a matter of crossing my fingers and being patient. At the moment there's such little work (3 days a month at most) that DH will just stay home and watch the boys and that's a good thing for us - we're better as a couple when we're not in strict gender roles.

That's funny cos i think me and DH are better when we are in obvious gender roles - although only better than if we both went out to work. If we both worked full-time I would be a right grump cos I wold be tired and would feel rushed off my feet doing housework etc whereas being at home most days means I can potter round doing that stuff. I think if DH stayed home on the days I went to work it would be lovely (for both of us).