June 08 - if your name's not down you're not coming in!

[EddieIzzardismyhero]

Welcome to our new cliquey thread !

Amber great posts from everyone here . Do you know that prayer that's on little prayercards, I think it's called something like footprints in the sand? Actually, I'll find it...here it is....

One night I had a dream...
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your times of
trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

You won't be struck down and nor will Mark .

Not having any support is very, very lonely and isolating. And with Marks' worries, you are having to be the grown up for both of you. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I could go round to my mother's house and have her take over with the children and look after me. I really, really sympathise with you about that. It is the single thing that I would change about my life as a parent. DH used to think that by buying-in support, he was meeting his obligations, and making up for the fact that I don't have any. Whilst it is a huge help to be able to buy in support, it is a very poor second best to have people helping because they are paid to do so, not because they love us. Even having DH look after the children willingly whilst I did something, would have been so lovely instead of paying a nanny or nursery. It makes all the planning, worries and stresses of parenthood your problem, rather than a joint problem.

DH is loads better now, but it took him years to get into parenthood. He sounds quite similar to Mark in that respect. To be quite honest, I still rather resent how he was when the boys were little. You are having your hand forced in giving him the supremely generous gift of being, emotionally at least, the sole parent. A nicer person than me would see that as a wonderful, patient, loving thing to do, but I would seethe about it

I bet Mark will be just fine with the children when they are a bit bigger. He's only a parent of babies/toddlers for a few years, then will get into his stride and be lovely with them. It feels like forever, but it won't be.

Oh, for your sister - I found the La Leche League brilliant. Once I knew that I was doing it right but for some people it's painful for a while, but will settle down, I got on with it. BUT bfeeding isn't for everyone and your sister is a goddess for getting to where she is now with her sanity intact and a take-home baby.

Amber, my DH is good with the DTs and loves all the fun bits but I am still a bit of a lone parent when it comes to the rest of it - he leaves the house at 7.30am (after I make him his breakfast! ) and he gets in at 6.30pm, so he helps get the kids out of the bath and reads a few stories. I do everything else, even at the weekend (cos I am just in the routine of it IYSWIM). Probably only 50% of the nappies at the weekend tho! What I'm trying to say is doing the majority of it on your own is not unusual or even unenjoyable. I think most SAHMs or those with DHs with high-pressure jobs with long hours do it. I like it that the kids are 'my job' iyswim and he just gets to do fun bits. Even when the DTs were newborns I did most of it on my own cos I was BFing and I felt DH needed a good night's sleep. So he didn't really help during the night. It was really hard but very do-able esp with help one or two nights a week. And if you work hard to get them into a good routine early on then you can have them sleeping pretty much through the night from 3mths old (fingers crossed). When is Luke getting his adenoids done? That will improve his sleep massively surely? I can understand why Mark is worried about Luke x 3 (wrt sleep!). But it won't necessarily be the same at all. It's great that you were talking marriage - I don't actually think getting married is particularly important, more the commitment you make to each other. As long as you feel he is in it for the long haul come rain or shine then that is all that matters. He will come round, he is just a little insensitive and you are very hormonal!

Fantastic news about the scan

amber I seem to remember that Mark wasn't too excited during Luke's pregnancy either - I'm sure he's extremely overwhelmed. I know my DH would be so panicky about twins that he wouldn't be excited at all. He's probably drowning in logistics.

Also, while everyone struggles with their first (and I really did), often the second is much much easier. Fraser was a piece of cake in comparison to D, even though he was a worse sleeper and is way more headstrong. The difference is that I was calmer and more inclined to relax and let things happen. So while twins will be harder than one, perhaps not harder than a first baby? (In awe of neenz who combined the challenge).

Yeah for two heartbeats!!!!

Plus my God would never ever strike anyone down - he's all good, not spiteful or petty like a human (me). When I'm overwhelmed I don't pray for him to help me, because my whole belief centers around the idea that he loves us all the time, regardless, and would never cause anyone pain. But I do pray that he'll help me be less looney and give me peace and it does happen. I prayed a lot when I quit work to be confident I was making the right choice (I am so happy that I made that choice too) and it made a lot of difference to how I felt (I didn't pray to take away my bitterness about the whole situation - maybe I should have - but then being bitter sort of makes me keep fighting and I'm not ready to do that yet )

and as for BFing, I have a lot of experience (3 years in total!) and didn't have that smooth a ride with either boys at first so if your sister wants someone sympathetic to talk to (who loved BFing but doesn't think it's easy and thinks formula is fine), she could give me a shout? Both my two had problems latching and then worries about weight gain...

spider i love that you described me as figuring it out by first principles - that's the hugest compliment to a physicist

neenz to counter the article - yes, there's good evidence to spend during a downturn but Labour ran a deficit before the recession - that's a sign that we were spending more than we had on an averaged basis (excluding the past few years). The article points that out as not appropriate. And while other countries have run deficits of 3 or 5%, we're in the teens...

Also, I would be very cautious of extrapolating an American article to the British system - the difference in government and welfare spending is so massive that conclusions for America (spend) may not be relevant here.

He does make a very good point about cutting spending though and points out it's often done not for fairness and efficiency, but to save votes. I think that is a big concern about the 25% cuts - I think they need to be made but it's very hard to trust any politician to make them without keeping re-election in mind.

And the taxation of harmful activities is a good idea in principle - it would need careful implementation - but we already have many of these things here (road tax, london congestion charge etc).

p.s. on a more important note, I made biscotti today and they are lovely!!!!! valium you just missed my appeal for help!

V. good post from Rolf too (sorry, doing it again) and also Neenz. I got all weepy thinking about the way my Mum looks after me as my Mum, not as grandmother to Iestyn. (There's the difference with MIL - she doesn't adore me. Btw got annoyed because she sent her favourite photo to me, one of DH and Iestyn (not me) and said 'a photo of my boys'. Why am I p*ssed off at that? AIBU?) And so it's really, really hard for anyone without the support of their mums.

I was going to add as well that you're hormonal!

Made me think a bit, really - because I'm having all this big panic about being left behind and not pregnant (I'm not, not even trying - thought you'd all like the update ) but then I remember actually, I'm doing it by myself here, so I'm 34, I can make life easier for myself, and get stuff done in my job, before having another.
Anyhow I'm doing loads of Davina exercise and results are showing. Not messing that up just yet!

It's raining here - thank goodness!

Only other news is that DH flew to Cardiff for the first time today. (There was a company which went bust, but they've started the service up again - it goes from RAF Valley to Cardiff.) He was raving about it on the phone - cheaper than the train, and only 40 minutes in the air!! - and then he phoned back totally miserable. Only 9 passengers on the plane, it only flies to Cardiff and back (i.e. not an international or even national airport) and the managed to lose his bag...

Need a new thread btw.

Oh, and your sis - I'm an accredited bf supporter. Can chat to her if you pass my number on; if she can hang on in there until Monday I'm in London then.

Anyone else around in London next week? I need one half day in the PRO (Kew gardens, anyone??) and an evening do with the Selden Society - their annual wipeout piss-up meeting. Might need until lunchtime on Tuesday to recover...

Only a quick post Amber to say that I'm sure that Mark will come round and be a great Dad to his trio!Everyone else has offered some really great advice to you today so I can't really add anything but we're all here for you!

T is back at school and much , much better plus VERY hungry, check out my latest FB photos, there's one of him cross legged in the garden yesterday, his arms and legs are like sticks he's lost so much weight, and he was skinny to start off with!!

still trying to decide house or location, location or house????? I love the village even more now but now can't find anything to rent there and not much to buy!

deb what's the location like for the house again? Is it reasonable? It's very hard to tell though until you're living somewhere...

just marking my spot. amber I second everyone elses' wise words. x

I have a poorly girl, she's hardly eaten for a week, none of her trousers will stay up.

Very quick post for Amber, also echoing all the wise words said by others.

Sorry not to reply to a couple of things for me - will try and comeback to them tomo. Have been busy tonight at a Labour Party meeting

New thread - something along the lines of June 08 - a Coalition for all (even those with May or July 08 babies).

Biscuits, sounds like Ethan the other week, check those gums out!!

Biscuits, sorry also meant to say, hope she's feeling better today.

love the thread title DGT!!!

Biscuits - hope C's feeling a bit better. How do you manage when she's sick? Can you get time off easily?

and where's your glaswegian counterpart these days? has she disappeared?

Abdn - sorry I didn't reply, the house is between 2 villages from what I can make out on street view, both look OK with small(very small, about 40 pupils) Primary schools but not much else. The nearest town is Barnard Castle which is a traditional market town and the secondary school there does German.

the village we like has lots more events and things going on, schools for both boys and pre school, but the local secondary doesn't do German!
If the house was in the village then we'd have bought it by now

that is difficult then - how far from the villages is it? I really like that the boys can walk to their friends' houses and it'd be nice if your older two could do that on their own...

I've heard good things about Barnard Castle though...

hmm... it'd be simpler to go with location if there was anything for sale in the village. How big is the village you like? How flexible can you be on what type of house you buy? (i.e. would you be gutted to end up in a modern new build house or does location matter more? The house you've posted is so gorgeous!).

Do you know anyone you can get to drive over to the house you like and scope out the neighbourhood? I had a friend in our village who raved about it and had me over to go for a walk and see the area, introduced me to the library van etc. and it really sold me on where we live. (But now she's moving to the nearest market town - I'm surprisingly sad even though our kids have been on different nursery schedules so we've hardly seen each other).

Abdn - dad might go and see the house for us. I'd like the boys to be able to walk to friends too, much easier.

these are the properties for sale in Allendale at the moment. We have viewed this one. I liked it and the boys loved it but Nigel wasn't sure. Lots of big trees around so it didn't get much light as you can see from the mossy roof, garden round the house, then over the track is another piece of garden going down to the river/beck which the boys absolutely loved as you can imagine. Problems were bedroom 3 and 4 were in the attic and headroom was restricted, once in the room I could stand in the middle of them but I had to bend to get in them. At the moment it's not a problem but Stefan's very tall already, I wonder what it would be like when he's 6 foot and in there with his 6 foot tall friends!!They would have to wear crash helmets!Also it's down a quiet lane which only leads to 2 houses(great) but right next door is where they park the school buses and taxis along with a few storage containers, not particularly attractive and I don't know how noisy. Conservatory looks out onto that.

Bet you're pleased you asked now

AH - you just made me giggle (in a nice way) with talk of a library van selling you on a village: rock n roll! Pleased that you liked the first principles compliment.

Biscuits - hope C js better soon.

Just sitting in the waiting area for the 20 week scan. V relieved that they have 3G here. They were running 50 mins late last time. How behind can they be for a 9.20 appointment?

Deb I'd hold out for something in the village. You're not in a mega rush just yet. Have you spoken to estate agents to see whether houses regularly come up for sale in the village? I think a house where you can walk to school/the shops/friends etc is more important than the house itself. It is gorgeous tho! If you are meant to be in that house it will still be available when the time comes if you can't find anything else (iyswim!)

Biscuits, poor C. Hope she gets better soon.

Dewin, your MIL sounds like my dad's mum. She didn't have a single pic of my mum in her house! Only pics of my dad and us kids. She was nasty to my mum too - jealous I think and always felt mum wasn't good enough for him . Mum spent far too long feeling bitter about it so try not to!

Abdn, you're right about trying to compare US and UK situations. I just love that guy. He's published a couple of books based on his columns and a lot of the issues are US-centric (eg healthcare reforms) but lots are generic too. Very interesting.

I am starting to feel very big (most of my maternity tops stop at my belly button ) and tired too. But a lot of my Sky Plus programmes have ended now (Lost, 24, Brothers & Sisters, The Good Wife) which means I have nothing to watch when the twins have their nap so more incentive to go for a sleep myself

x-posted Deb and Spider. Good luck with the scan - I have always wondered how they can be so late for such early appts! I was just about to ask then what's 3G - I thought it was some new baby scanning equipment, but I think you mean internet reception don't you

Deb, the house with the loft rooms doesn't sound ideal. The right house will come along! What is your timescale?

hope scan goes well spider mine is in two weeks.

C does have a couple of molars that I can feel through her gums, but she has been vomiting too, so don't think it is just that. She seems better today, but then she sold me a dummy last week, was fine on Tuesday, vomited at nursery on Wed. Fine Thurs/Fri/Sat (other than a bit off food) vomited in spectacular style on Sunday and again yesterday. Hopefully she's better now.

abdn Time off when she's sick is awkward, DH and I usually try to split it as if he has a clinic he needs to go in to avoid cancelling/messing up appointments for patients, and if I have an ultrasound list it's the same, also, of possible DH will take time off first, as it doesn't seem so bad if a FT time worker has a day off compared to someone who works only 3 days. If my Mum is in Scotland it is easier as she'll step upp to the mark! not sure where bugger is, I know she lurks but finds it difficult to post sometimes with working FT.

Deb loft rooms don't sound ideal, I'm sure something will come up in the right place

Spider - hope you've had your scan by now, everything OK? I'm more sold by the fish and chip van that visits the village once a week, but it does also have a permanent library!!

biscuits - she sold you a dummy?

Only 6 mins late. All done now and it was fine.

I didn't understand the selling dummy thing either.

Spider, boy or girl? Or did you not find out?

I'm completely fascinated by the topic because if I have another I would like a boy (because I have one and I like him ) but I wonder if everyone I know who has one boy has a second boy then I won't because all the second boy vibes will have been used up.

It's highly scientific.

Didn't find out the sex. It was funny this time as last time we didn't want to know but at the 20wk scan the sonographer didn't even ask, and it was only afterwards that I realised it hadn't come up. This time though she did ask and told me to look away. DH couldn't be there today, so I was suddenly really tempted to peep. A bit like when I was a kid and I knew where the Xmas presents were kept and would go and look. Anyway, I was very good and resisted.

I would be v happy to have another boy, as I think I have said before, but a girl would be nice too. I am not desperate for one of each though, which is I think what you are "meant" to want.

Dewin - have you discussed with your DH yet about having another following from your soul searching on the MN thread a few weeks ago?

Biscuits as a radiologist are you the worst person in the world to scan pointing stuff out to the sonographer? Or do they know you in the hospital anyway?

My parents are here for a few days, so they have taken P swimming this morning whilst I had the appointment. As a result I have a whole morning to myself. It is so nice. I am wondering how my Dad is getting on. To say he was feeling anxious in an understatement.