Gabriel Duncan was lost to us at 5am on the 5th May.
When I woke up I knew something wasn't right and went to the bathroom. After bleeding for an house, I knew that this wasn't the same as when I bled with Dylan and there was nothing I could do. I waited as long as possible but was worried about E coming through so tried to shout on DH. He eventually heard me and came through but by that point I was feeling really unwell and started to pass out. Fortunately for me I missed the sink on the way down but I was convinced I was fine and by this point the girls were being woken up. DH was insisting on phoning an amb but I said no - I didn't want to scare the girls so we reached a compromise and phoned my friend to come and get them. It was only 6.30 and she was there within minutes, bless her. I tried to busy myself sorting stuff for the girls but only managed to pass out again and by the time I made it downstairs I was collapsing all over the place. Girls gone and DH flew drove me to A&E.
Staff were lovely, considering the state I turned up in. Passed out again (after trying to clean the toilet so the wee boy in A&E wouldn't see it) and was hooked up to all sorts of nonsense then admitted to gyne ward. Staff there also lovely. Scan confirmed that baby was lost to us but concern was then my ridiclious low blood pressure and racing heart rate (118 resting apparently) A horrific internal, won't detail, more bleeding/passing out and another scan but through in the actual dept for better equipment for better look. I think that was one of the worst parts tbh seeing what was no longer there. Injection was then given to get me contracting and roll on the painkillers. Lovely lovely staff couldn't have been nicer throughout. Decision was FINALLY made at 5pm (after I asked as I was concerned what would be happening to the girls) not to take me for surgery. Apparently due to complicated births there were risks attached with the procedure (won't detail those either) and consultant wanted to give me another hour before final decision re blood transfusion. By this time I had apparently lost between 1.3-1.5 litres of blood - don't ask me how they know but considering they kept taking sodding blood you think they'd have stopped that to leave me with what I had however I was to be kept in overnight as they weren't happy with my colour (death warmed up according to DH) and my hemoglobin levels (please forgive the spelling) blood pressure and heart rate. I was too tired to argue and just grateful that by 6pm I was brought some toast.
DH went home to swap girls over into care of another lovely friend at our house, told them I was at work and came back to hosp with some clothes and stuff for me. I didn't sleep very well but all the nurses were very kind and understood that having managed to retain a sense of humour throughout the day I was finally done.
DH went home to bed at 10pm and I was left alone in my side room to sleep - with the door open so theey could 'see' me - not sure what they thought I was going to do
was up and ready to go by 6am but had to wait on tests/consultant till 11am when I was discharged with iron tablets/antibiotics and strict instructions to rest
DH has been an absolute star. my friends have been wonderful. My family are tiptoeing and I'm having to deal with my aunts' guilt over argument we had on my birthday. the aunt who is obsessed with my weight is already posting on FB about not eating the brownies Oops sent me and to eat fruit instead . You can get a grip on my fecking family from that alone . DH fielding phone calls as I haven't the energy to speak to people but I sent them a text this morning - pathetic I know but I just don't have the strength to deal with their guilt at the minute
lovely GP insisting that am not to go back to work till blood levels are checked again in 3 weeks. all upcoming midwife/antenatal/scan appts have been cancelled etc and DH was back to work in the nightshift last night.
I now feel like a bit of a fraud as the bleeding seems to be slowing from this morning and all I feel is tired. GP stating that a transfusion would have been quicker but iron tablets should kick in sometime over the next few weeks.
DH and I chose Gabriel. It seemed appropriate. The first baby we lost was Joshua, he would have been 8 this July.
I don't expect replies to this which is why am posting it on this thread - I don't want to upset anyone and I certainly don't want to make any of you sad. I just wanted you all to know that having been through both this and the loss of mum with you all I cannot thank you enough for all your support - I'm only staying away as I'm so fecking miserable in my posts and frankly its lovely just to see you all chatter away as usual. Please know how grateful I am to you all and in a very unMNly way you all mean the world to me