AUG08 - Sunshine, Friends, Food, & Fun

[TwilightSurfer]

ah christ, I knew this day would come. DH's family have found facebook and are starting to add us and yes, this exposes me as an utterly shameful judgemental cow but hey, I am and I can't help it. If you're going to show pics of your kids decked from head to toe in their rangers football kits holding bottles of becks then I'm SO not interested

sorry rant over but having had a slight rant earlier about DH's home town being utter shite earlier I don't feel I can mention this to him don't get me wrong, I love Ireland and would sellthekids love to own a second home somewhere in Wicklow however where he is from isn't my cup of tea - frankly where I am from isn't my cup of tea AND there is a REASON we moved away

sorry, shall desist from ranting now

Ladies can I ask your opinion on something please?
It's this. DP's boss has nominated his company for an award (some tax award, big deal ) and they've been shortlisted. Award ceremony is next month, swanky black tie do in London. DP would have to hire a tux to wear probably about 40 - 50 pounds he reckons. What's bothering me is that we haven't been out together for over a year because we can't afford it. He turned down going to his brother's birthday do because he couldn't afford £30 to go bowling. I'm wearing clothes and trainers that have worn through and have horrible holes in them because we can't afford to get me new ones. And yet suddenly £50 to hire a tux and go watch his boss's enormous ego get stroked isn't that much money. Am I silly to feel a bit miffed about that?
This is without even considering where he's going to STAY that night either.

Oh I have to point out DP has nothing whatsoever to do with the tax work, so it wouldn't be as if the award is actually anything to do with him or his work.

is he 'expected' to go? would there be some issue with him not attending - i.e. showing lack of support to the rest of the team etc etc?

I don't know Dizzy. THe problem is that DP just seems incapable of ever saying 'no' to his boss. I don't think it would be a problem with the company for him not to go. I just don't think it's occurred to him to say no, so they're assuming he's going.

have you asked him straight out WHY he thinks you can afford it?

haven't got there yet Dizzy. Just been thinking about it today and wondering if I'm being silly. Will probably ask him when I get a chance
It's just the sudden shift from not being able to afford anything, yet this one thing comes up for work and he's not even thinking about the money aspect.

the only reason I asked about the 'expectation' is that DH misses out on a lot of shift nights out. One because we are skint. Two because when he finishes shift, I start so the thought of a hangover with 3 kids doesn't appeal to him or is approved of by me. HOWEVER there are times where we feel he has to go and show face. This is mainly due to the nature of his work and the fact they have to rely on each other for the sake of their own personal safety AND the fact that he is the head of the team (short of their immediate supervisor) We discuss it and try to work out which ones merit attending, for example one of the lads had a baby wetting night and they were ALL going and it was fairly local - fair enough. The other one was having a shift BBQ just because he could, on a day when DH had the kids and it was a good 40minutes away - apologies given straight away to that one.

weigh up the pros and cons and ask him if it is a necessity to go or if he just wants to. If it is the latter tell him fine, but if he can afford that then you want some new trainers and a night out pronto!

hmmm don't get me started on nights out .. worked out on our calendar today that dh has two stags dos on one weekend, and two reunions a week apart ... that means a total of 4 nights away in the next month or so.. this is after coming back from 6 nights away in vegas..should i just throw in the towel now???!!!

LOTI you definitely have it worse than I do in that respect. Hats off to you. Can't believe you have to wake him up in the mornings for work. I'd wake him up with a kick to the bollocks one morning. He'd learn to set his alarm after that
You're right Dizz - it's the fact that I haven't had a night out in over a year because we have no money, yet suddenly he can afford to rent a tux to go out. If he can afford a tux he can afford to take me to the movies every so often.

Dizzy - it is not even as if the cousin is a small child she is 36 FFS! So if there is any similarity she can just take it as a compliment!

QOD and LOTI - I do whinge about my DH but you 2 really have a lot to contend with {{hugs}}

I smell burning back in a bit

Seriously doubt DP could borrow a tux - he's lost touch with all his male friends. Also he's pretty short, so anyone else's trousers would hide his feet

woah, you've certainly got your sensible head on tonight sazz!

Sense spoken re. borrowing jacket, also charity shop, you often see them in Oxfam etc for a couple of quid and often in good nick. But I reckon you wouldn't mind him spending a few quid on the jacket if he could see his way to spending a few quid on a night out for you too at some point.

Any chance of having sort of fake date night in thing? Get your obliging MIL to take S for a night and do a proper dinner at home with candles and dress up? Or if you seriously haven't had a night out in that long could you just say fuck it and put dinner and a movie on your credit card? Sorry I know that is really rash advice but it seems the ishoo is not how to fund your dp's night out but how to get some fun into your life.

i meant that in the nicest possible way of course

Sorry I hope that post wasn't stupid, I expect the last thing you need is an extra item on the cc.

If your temping comes through have you an idea of what you will do with S while you work?

course you are sazz, millions wouldn't believe you but i do, with a cherry on top!

although i see GG is up for competing for the sensible advice crown

as for me, i'm just the judge!

No, you are precisely right GG he gets to go out with work and the drinks are paid for by boss he says so that's ok. But I havnen't had a night out for over a year. It doesn't feel fair. I can accept it if he's not forking out money to go out himself. But when he tells me we can't afford to go out together then happily spends money on a work do I'm not best pleased. It feels like he WANTS to go out to the work thing therefore the money is suddenly not a problem, but he isn't that bothered about going out for a night with me. (admit that's probably me overthinking things a bit, he probably doesn't see it that way)
So no problem with him spending a few quid on a night out, but for pete's sake spend a few quid so we can go out to the cinema or something once in a while.

qod...bit of a seemingly random question but have you got a garden where you are? is it overlooked? (bear with me on this one!)

Evening

To go waaaay back

loti it was a real shame we didn't meet up, but please don't apologise as you have nothing to apologise for. I had hoped you were just having too good a time and am about your week. You deserved a bit of a rest.

miamla congratulations . Your teasing made me laugh a lot (reading it today, may not have been so impressed had it been yesterday...).

dizzy, red, sazz about the respective f**kwits you have had to be dealing with.

qod about not getting a chance to go out. That's really tough on you. The wise sazz speaks very wisely about your dp though.

sazz (in retrospect) at your dh and likewise ts (sorry)

Hi to everyone else sorry if I have missed anything major

oh, and loti not that you will ever be in that situation again, but if you do ever make it back down this way, I have a 3 children who know exactly how to be children, and a house where they are allowed to be just that. Yours would be very welcome to come be children here too .

pleased you were amused ataraxis, i honestly didn't mean to stretch it out as long as i did but (ssssh...don't tell the others)...i was enjoying myself (and we had a guest here last night so couldn't really sit on laptop*)! Especially when dizz confessed that she knew

*this particular guest was also at our wedding and he asked me what all this mumsnet stuff was about anyone going to confess to dropping me in it as a forum addicted hairy trucker?

Miamla - We were all tryingto be very tactful and said we were members of an antenatal group and knew you because we all had LOs the same age and then wee were asked where we met and Pert's hubby told us to stop being so wussy and admit we met on MN. I am aassuming it was from out table or it was GG. Do you notice no one is here tonight as you are not torturing us???