Jan 2010 babies and mummies here.....can't think of funny thread title!

[crumpette]

... sorry couldn't think of a title that didn't mention how to get orange poo out of a white vest, or how to get jiggy post partum!!!

Gosh I'm a fertile beast arn't I, no wonder I look like one of those bred to death dogs, 29 children would even be to much for me, I'd have to move to a shoe

super/party Dd is nearly 10 so this mixed with hormones has left me with one very unhappy girl

lottie your post about your fil brought a smile to my face pmsl at cutting cloths ha ha

crumpette how are things at home have you decided about work yet?

london steptoe - falling about.

Does he really raid skips?

My in-laws are on their way round so I better wipe the big smile off my face now.....

Ali to hear about your DD. Poor love. As you say, hormones kicking in too must be very hard for you and her to deal with.

Lottie - PMSL at your FIL. Still, you're getting some sleep right so all is not too bad .

Had to take DS (11) to doctors this morning. Painful chest the past few days, accompanied by v dry persistent cough and of course, horrendous hayfever. Sounded way too familiar from my own childhood. Asthma. Just off to the pharmacy to collect steroid inhaler for him. Fingers crossed it is only this bad in the hayfever season for next few years. Mine was horrendous as a child from age 7-21. All in the hayfever season. Hospitalised more than once. Thankfully, in my older years it's controllable. Hope his will be too as he is sport mad... football, rugby, tennis, golf, athletics, swimming... all played to a really good level for his age. Ho hum. Somebody else bring good news please?

Crumpette - tell me you've obtained some sense and have thrown DP out to bring a smile to my face .

lottie - you do make me laugh with your tales of your FIL Maybe you could pass him off as the hired help or even care in the community?!

ali - i'm so sorry about your DD. Is it an underlying condition she has that can be treated or will it gradually get worse? If i can do anything, let me know x

ctofn - fingers crossed for your DS and that his inhaler keeps things under control.

crumpette - are you sure you're not with my Dad?! You have described him to a t and he's in his 50's. Stick to your guns if you dont want to move to Liverpool

I took Jack swimming today and i dunked him. He looked a bit shocked but fine. I did however feel like i was trying to drown him which wasnt good.

So, to make you all laugh amid all the poorly DCs, my niece has gone back home and when my sister took her to the supermarket and they were packing the car she said 'please mummy, dont make me travel in the boot'. So my sister luckily got that i hadnt put my niece in the boot and id been joking with her but with that and her saying that i knocked Jack on the sink i can see the NSPCC will be round soon.

CTOFN Did you not see on news a while ago about David Beckham having an inhaler? If he can get away with it, I'm sure your DS can!!

Lottie I fear one day I may turn into your FIL. I am a horder of the worst order, and love a freebie, even if it means "saving" something someone else is chucking out. It drives poor DH to dispare, the house is well cluttered.

Have had a baking day, made about 3 dozen chocolate orange cookies and a banana cake. DS1 has a cake sale at school tomorrow, and they have asked for stuff. Will split cookies with DH's workmates though. It's deadline week and they all seem especially stressed this time round. Cookies help, afterall stressed is desserts spelled backwards!

Noop has been passed around the teachers at school doing her best to be cute and lovely. There was a coffee afternoon, and I promised I would go. The Headmaster has told me not to bring the baby anymore as it's making his staff broody (there are already 3 on ML at the moment).

Oh gosh maybe I am new!! I swear he once said he had 6 'legitimate' children and a few others as well I do worry. I try not to think about, at least 2 of them are older than me (anyone got the number for Jeremy Kyle!?)

Anyway, lottie am now in se 10 so not too far! Have actually laughed, out loud, yes, a your FIL tales of madness! Good god, a bobble hatted bearded foreigner rifling through skips and cutting up innocent kitchen cloths.. I expect your neighbours are alarmed! rofl at 'care in the community' gosh lottie you are a braver woman than I! Just an hour of either of DP's parents leaves me feeling homicidal! Oh DP raids skips too, he also brings home items he 'finds' left on the street. I always throw them away again. It was a laptop bag last week, a plastic ring, china dolls, etc. I try to point out they were discarded cos they're rubbish. It must be an age thing

ctfn sorry about your DS's asthma
I did chuck P out today! He drove to N London and then came back. Massive argument, he was being an arse blaming me for not doing x y and z which have nothing to do with me, I told him to bugger off to his house.. and you know what, before he came in the front door again, I was quite happy, like a weight lifted off my shoulders. So I'm halfway there!

lol sock just seen you're a hoarder too. It's not an age thing then. Hey I'll start knitting a bobble hat to send you My mother's the poster girl for hoarding. I keep sending her articles, you know, where women have been found dead under collapsed piles of cases and clothing. That's how bad she is. She hasn't been in her own bedroom for 5 years it's got so much stuff in it!!! She sleeps in another room!! MAD!

new you also made me laugh- your niece sounds adorable..ish! Gosh! I looked after my cousin back when I was 18/19 and he was 3ish. He was a real terror. He used to get out his willy in the north finchley co-op and shout 'touch my sausage ladiiiez'!!

Hoorah! Crumpette has made me smile! and for that matter so did Lottie's tales of FIL....

Skip raiding is just the weirdest past time isn't it?

This stuff is so shit, someone has paid around £150 for a big bin to throw it in - come on people - just walk on by, show some pride.

We once saw the ultimate in skip raiding at our last house.

Nice street, all bungalows but one owned by an Asian bloke who let it out to Romanian's Polish etc etc who had place like the slums of India, really minging.

Bloke finally got made to clear it up and the Eastern Euro's out and we watched skip after skip come and go with just matresses. Literally over 50 matresses.

One night a couple pulled up in a newish car and....
JUMPED OUT AND TOOK ONE OF THESE SCANKY SMELLY WET SINGLE MATRESSES....

We were in tatters...nearly died from shock.
The man did have a long white beard london, hmmmm, you think?

crumpette Lets see, im not up on all of your relationship but so far we have...

-in his 50's
-a drunk
-no personality
-doesn't help you or DS in any shape or form
-verbally abusive/scary/nasty
-no job
-an evil mother (although we all have men with them)
-countless kids scatterred and not paid/cared for
-not hanging around for birth
-not visiting DD in hospital

Yes, I can see why your swithering....

I hope my little check list helps

london if you do manage to visit our crumpie, could you just fireman lift her, J and her bags please, thanks very much.

Sorry crumpette i just read that back .

I know your making a big move and nervous but I just know we are all sitting crossing our fingers it's soon.xxx

wmdo. can you cut and paste that every few days please. That's pretty spot on. sadly I could add to it but your post does indeed sum it up. Had to laugh at 'no job'. I know I am mean but I quite like being able to say, er, excuse me, you don't do that anymore. Or er, excuse me, I have a job, y'know, a real job, in the city,I'm offskis, thanks I guess I am just feeling a bit stuck, and consequently doing nothing about it, which is not good

I'm quite disturbed by the used discarded mattress tale.. imagine the smell..

oh lottie I must have been wrong about strawberries, I have got some kind of processed baby food in front of me (ella's kitchen squeezy thing) and it has strawberries as the main ingredient and says 'from 4 months'

thank you, wmdo, kick me every now and then please, may prompt action

Here you wmdo - I'm a west coaster!!!

Hope you haven't strangled your fil yet lottie he sounds like a right character! My mum once saw a beautiful table in a skip (not a skip surfer but lives in Lincolnshire where they walk around lots of lovely wee villages) and took it out...but the guy came out and made her pay for taking it £50 for taking something he didn't want and freeing up an extra square metre in a costly skip!

ali I'm so sorry to hear about your dd, the frustration must be terrible xxx

That would be hilarious crumpette! It is one of those situations where you couldn't actually give the child a row for laughing!

Cara is now very close to crawling She is tending to stand more than kneel tho, but can get to an object out of her reach.
I got a call today for my next smear, wonder if she will comment on my "very good muscles" this time

Think wmdo's suggestion is a good one for crumpette - I can offer dh's services for lifting if necessary

crumpette how did he pull you?
Was he all George Clooney Charm?
What drew you to him in the first place?
He must have/had good points?

My dad was really good looking when my mum met him. Dark skin, hazel twinkly eyes and handsome face, slim...

He treated her like kak all of her life and 28 years later he had a massive beer belly, broken red veins all over his not so lovely swollen face which was constantly angry.

I chose my DH for his kind nature !!!

Then fraoch id imagine your drunk right now, sitting in your Celtic strip drinking Buckfast and growling at me through your missing tooth

Ha ha

Im seriously only joking of course. You come from the Highlands I think you said which is beautiful.....but your still drunk aren't you?

No im really joking. I hate that sometimes very typical stereotype of Scots Ive had thrown at me too so I don't know why im going down this road really....well I do, there's feck all on TV, DH is down at new house building stuff (yes I know the time) and DS & DD are sound asleep so im sitting here bored out of my tiny mind slagging off my own country .

wish I was drunk

but I'll have a new baby na na na na naaaaaaaa

I could do with a glass bottle of wine right now instead I'm googling with not very positive results

Noooooo ali look what happens when you google (me), stop it now.

Nobody bothers to put the good stuff on this bloody internet. I had an under active thyroid turn into MS and thats no joke, Thats how alot of the site's had you believe would happen.

Your DD is individual with her own individual case.

ali please don't google, you'll just upset yourself even more.

Its a shit situation for all your family especially a ten yr old girl, with everything else going on at that age.

Party/super sends hugs to you and yours, try to stay strong.

Bored when??? get some ironing/cleaning/washing/drinking done you naughty scot