November '09 and the months are flying by, our 3 month plus troop, and us, the knitted boob group!

[SirBoobAlot]

New thread, we chat so much!

I'm taking fish oils (inc evening primrose) and B6 magnesium hoping they will help. It's early days. I feel better than I did in January. I think I never really got over the baby blues and declined steadily from day 1 until Toby was 6/7 weeks old when I was at my worst an admitted to DH that I wasn't coping. I think doing that must be a huge part in recovery. Everyone around me is here to help.

BBL sorry to hear you are still up and down. You do sound happier than you did around new year and I'm really glad DH and your family are being supportive. Did you make any friends at that parenting course that you could meet up with and support each other through it?

Scarlotti I hope Relate works out for you and that today is the first step in repairing things. Have you and DH talked about going there? Do you feel optimistic?

I am feeling really fed up today about my truly rubbish skin Link there if anyone has any experience of this!

I'm just sitting round feeling sorry for myself. Need to get on and do something.

lexi is the same, cries very little and so left her and dd1 with dh aat to get hair done..sitting with hair covered in dye and got texts and calls telling me she wouldnt stop crying...eh hello what the f* do u want me to do about it?! anyone once i got home she was happy as larry so must be a four month phase!

BBL it sounds to me as though you're on the up now. Family support, esp from your dh is the best medicine you can have I think. I would just carry on as you are and I suspect when you start to regularly get more sleep things will improve more noticably. With DS1 I was up at least once a night until he was about 8 or 9 months old and I'm sure that had an effect too.

Laugs we have only talked about it when the appointment time came through. He asked how I felt, I said nervous. I asked how he felt and he said he was worried I'd make him out to look like a bad husband Am not sure if I'm optimistic ... am not sure if I want it to work out - I think I'd like to be married if marriage could be different to what it is at the moment if that makes sense. I don't want the life we currently have as I'm being taken for a bit of a mug tbh, but I'm not sure things can be any other way as I'm not sure he wants it to be different. Guess that's what we'll find out.
My biggest worry would be that they would fix it all back to how it was and I'd be trapped that way for the rest of my days Does that speak volumes?

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread

Laugs sorry to hear about your skin problems. I'd echo others on the thread and demand a dermatologist appointment. My mum suffers and has been helped by seeing one. Keep a food diary starting now (or past days too if you can remember) so that when you get your referral through you will have a good few weeks to show them. If your skin is dry, I'd try E45 just to help soothe it. Mum uses that and it's never aggravated anything. Aqueous cream is also another good one as it's mostly water - both of those are used on babies so good for sensitive skin. I can understand how it would bring you down, distraction is probably the key!

weston x-posts. Why do they (husbands) feel the need to text about screaming babies esp when you're in a situation where you can't get home? Do I need to know my child is screaming when there's nothing I can do about it? No. Deal with it and tell me about it when I get home if you must - better still, deal with it and pretend all was well when I get home so I can actually enjoy my free time and not be wracked with guilt about it.

Hmmph, sorry, am not as happy with my dh as you guys are with yours

scarlotti thanks, I'm going to try and get a referral.
Did your post mean that your marriage has never been particularly happy? Maybe you are better out of it then and relate will help to make things amicable. You seem to be a very strong woman and you have a good job which at least takes away some worries. You mentioned a while ago that you were planning to move north to be near DH's family. I think maybe you should reconsider if that's the way you're feeling as you'd be leaving behind your friends, work contacts etc.

Laugs The responsibility for everything has always been put onto me, think along the lines of living with a teenager, and that's very wearing. Decisions however have to be a joint affair, so I'm shouldering all the hassley bits but sharing all the good bits. When a job came up locally that would have eased my stress levels, his concern would be that we'd have less money coming in from me and so he'd have to put more in
We have shelved the idea of moving nearer his family, and I have decided myself that I'm not going anywhere. I have a good network of friends here and my dc's are happy so I will do what I can to keep that for them.
Yes, am lucky in that as I'm the breadwinner, financially it won't be too much of a strain should it end up just me and the dc's.
He's a nice guy, but lazy and can't be relied upon, so not great husband material.

I realised the other day that if we were to split I would actually have more time to myself and chance to recharge my batteries as the dc's would go see him at least once a week. As it stands, to date I've only had one night where he's done the night feeds and I am rarely without a child. When he does get up in the morning, he has to go back to bed to catch up on his sleep. After his night shift last weekend (4am feed, 6am waking) I took over at 7:15 and he went back to sleep, then got up at 1:30pm. He would see nothing wrong in that.

We would have separated long ago I suspect if it wasn't for having DS1 at the time.

Scarlotti it is a very difficult situation and I hope that Relate help you both come to some conclusions on how you can both be happier, whichever way that goes. My sister's husband is just as you decribe your DH when it comes to the children.

I did go to the mother's group and loved it. It's ended now though although we are still planning to meet up every Tuesday (I couldn't go today as DH has the car and carseats).

I think I am on the up but I am still worried about sleep. It is so silly. Even now I'm thinking 'what if I don't sleep well tonight'. It's such a horrible negative thought pattern and I need to find a way to get out of it. I think part of my problem is that I've been hanging out on the mental health threads and getting worked up about what can happen if PND spirals out of control. I'm terrified of that happening to me.

yes exactly scarlotti all it did was stress me out and worry for the whole time at the hairdressers! maybe we should start a new thread for moaning re DH's...

have just got a babysitter so going on a 'date' tomorrow nite so that we 'spend some time'...

Scarlotti big hugs. I hope - whatever you decide - that you make the best choice for you. And remember we are always here if you need to chat

Hi everyone!!
Sorry I haven't been on in while been up north visiting family! Had a lovely time and my mother was a great help looking after Pearl so I could have free time! I got a sickness bug last week and was so glad to be staying with my parents as DP was in boston. My mother helped out loads taking Pearl so I could sleep - I was so shattered and couldn't eat anything so had no energy. Especially with breastfeeding it was extra draining.

Luckly I was better for monday!! Had such a lovely time.
Rather annoyingly DP got an email today 2-4-1 at giraffe restaurant ?? lol We will just have to go again!

laugs I had quite bad skin as a teen its still not the best now but has become so so much better since I started using Liz Earle Products!
uk.lizearle.com/
I really recommend it , its very mild and all natural! My skin used be extremely dry but I also used to get alot of spots! Since using it my skin is far less dry I have actually change from the dry skin moisturiser to the normal skin one! I still get the odd spot and have no where near perfect skin but often get comments from people saying I have a glowing complexion?
Maybe worth a try! And when it comes to GP put on your nagging hat and don't stop till they take you seriously!

BBB Glad to hear you are feeling happier!! When I gave birth I had a 3rd degree tear and once at home I use to google it non stop. It made me extremely paranoid about and I used to make myself get upset! DP banned me from researching stuff as it made me worse and worry about things for no reason! If you can, probably best to avoid that thread. But I know thats easier said than done!

scarlotti your husband is extremely lucky to have you and hopefully these sessions will help him realise this!

misssese another Liz Earle fan here, their cleanse and polish is the best make up remover I've ever used!

Well, we went to our session and I guess it was ok in some respects. She suggested something for us to do almost as homework but dh thinks there's no benefit to it so I'm even less optimistic than I was now that things will get sorted. Nothing sudden will happen though as dd has her gcse's in June and I will not jeopardise that in any way. A few more months aren't going to make much difference.

Scarlotti They do tend to give "homework" type things. I hope he changes his mind and at least gives it a go. Am around for coffee if you want to bitch some company. x

scarlotti what a difficult situation for you. The fact that he was afraid of how you'd make him look bad is a sure sign that he knows himself he is not being a good husband imo. Its made so much more complicated when dcs are involved. My sister fell out of love with her dh years ago but has stayed with him for dcs sake. But I dont think thats for the best. Dcs are so perceptive so is it really better for them to see an unhappy mum and dad? Is it setting good example to them that she should have to put up with his behaviour? Sorry for the rant. I just feel like shaking her sometimes and saying "you deserve better!" So my point is, you deserve to be happy and supported and so dh needs to step up to the mark. I really do hope it works out for you

missese I'm am the worst googler and worrier and it is because I am on maternity leave still and have time to google and worry. I've decided not to look at the mental health thread at all now and just get on with my life. I'm restricting myself to this thread and one other on the conception thread where I still keep in touch with a few lovely people who miscarried at the same time as me (we were on the 'due December 08' thread together and all miscarried around the same time in May 08 - one of which, if anyone is interested, went on to have a baby last July and is now pregnant again with twins!!!).

Anyway, I hope everyone is well today. I must go clean the kitchen before my mum arrives!

Thanks SirBoob appreciate that.

TOK that's exactly what I thought about his response, not helped by the next comment which was that it was going to cost a lot of money for us to go every week surely it's worth it if it were to work out? I don't believe in staying for the dc's, I come from divorced parents and think happy parents are what you want.
He finally said last night maybe we should give the homework a try, but this was after dismissing it as pointless, so I suspect it might be partly so he can go back next week and get his gold star for having done it
He also said he has issues with me earning so much more than him, he's always said that's not a problem, so not sure what we can do about that one.

Anyway, enough of my relationship waffle. I bore myself with it at times.

BBL I think staying away from the mental health thread is a great idea. I found/find that sometimes with some problems, if I just get on with life and other things they seem to fade in importance iyswim. They're still there but seem more manageable as they don't have the main focus of my energy. That's lovely news about the lady on your thread I was on a knicker checkers thread through my m/c and then pg and it was lovely when we all hung on to our beans and then had our babies.

BBL, I know what you mean about the negative thought pattern. It's similar for me about my nightly back problems. I am sometimes scared to get them again and that makes it even more difficult to relax. At least I know now that even if I get a cramp it will pass. That is somehow "relaxing" to know. I really hope for you that you can step out of the pattern. And stay away from those threads

scarlotti, I hope you will soon come to a decision that is right for you, whichever this will be.

sleep, someone over here said that a sleepcycle is 45 min. That was a big fat lie! [waves to scarlotti who tries to hide behind the sofa]
Paulas naps are only 35 min long, never longer, even in the pram it seems impossible to go for a second cycle.
And I really struggle with the nights now. I'm not too tired as I go to bed early or my husband let me have another 35min in the morning but he is away on business this week.
Paula wakes up every two hours at least. From midnight on it is usually for a feed (before, I can avoid it). Then she seems to have problems to digest, wakes up 10 min later and I take her into our bed because it seems easier for me. From 5 or 5.30, it is rather every half an hour and I usually give up once we have reached 6am. I thought this will improve at some point, after all I have never heard from a teenager who wants something to eat or drink every two hours. Now I think, I have to live with it and Paula will be the first 18 year old who wakes her parents up every two hours.
Could those of you who have easy sleepers please avoid talking about it on here? Or could you even do me the favour and lie about it? Maybe telling me that yours are even worse, waking up hourly?
For the rest, Paula is really funny, she just discovered fake coughing on monday and really enjoys it (even vomitting doesn't stop her). Yesterday she added fake snotty nose to it and breaths in and out through the nose heavily and quickly(I hope you know what I mean). Those two things seem to be really funny. I hope they let us on the plane on monday if I arrive with a "terribly sick" child

Scarlotti tour dh sounds scared (and a bit lazy -sorry). If he tries and it doesn't work he will have to admit he has failed. If he puts the effort in and it works he is going to have to keep up putting in the effort. Possibly he is subconsiously (sp?) thinking that things can remain the same because you haven't left yet so why would you?

Do you know what you want from him?

Ninja you're right. He said yesterday he's only unhappy as I keep moaning. He says he's not lazy, just laid back. I want to be happy and I guess I need to work out if that can include him or not.
Will set up a thread in relationships board I think as don't want to muddy this thread with my ramblings. Will post a link when I have so anyone who fancies can take a look.

ursi Ioan's morning nap is getting shorter and shorter - only 25 mins this morning so he's disproving what I read too! I never get more than a one cycle stint at a time, and have a grumpy boy as a result at times.

Toby's naps are weird. He'll have a two hour nap in the pushchair in the morning and then 45 mins over lunch, 45 mins late afternoon and sometimes another 45 mins before bathtime. How many naps does everyone else's have or is it really random?

Nighttime sleep not brilliant. Both the other two were sleeping through by now but Toby does have his eczema keeping him restless at night. Good news is that he has dermatologist appointment next week so hopefully we can sort this out.

my other thread is now here if anyone fancies chipping in.

BBL we seem to have 4x40 mins of naps a day, ish. He then goes down at 7pm and wakes between 6 and 7, and might doze a little if it's nearer 6. I've now started to restrict any naps from about 5pm so he falls to sleep better, although he is getting quite ratty then by 6:30!

Works for now, although I suspect it will all change again when I'm back to work!

Well Anya had a 2 hour nap this morning She never normally does this. I decided to join her for her nap when she was getting sleepy and took her up to my bed. The next thing I know we are waking 2 hours later! The lazy wee sod then had another cat nap of about 20 minutes about an hour later! However I am now worried it may affect her sleep tonight but, hey ho, gotta grab any sleep we can any time we can these days!

BBL Anya really has no sleeping routine during the day she'll just drop off when she feels like it and there doesn't seem to be a pattern. I hope she gets into one soon as I know the Nursery are going to ask me what her routine is when she starts there.

Thanks for all the advice about my crappy skin! Once I've seen the doctor I will try and decide which moisturiser to buy. I am quite wary of them all as everything I try seems to make it worse!

Ursi I know that everything you read says that weaning has nothing to do with them sleeping through, but that's not what I found. When DD started on solids she slept far better at night. I suppose it depends if they're waking because of hunger or habit. Anyway, that can't be too far off for you, so I'll keep my fingers crossed it helps you too.

I'm ba-ack! Had such a lovely time at the London meet-up and just been to peek at the pictures, great camerawork! I had a lovely afternoon visiting my old colleagues at school who all cooed no end over Rosa. The kids at school were sweet too, apart from them all saying the most obvious things a million times, like, 'Is that your baby?'. Er, duhhhh.

So now I'm back from my lovely London catch up. It was good to be back actually. Made me value my maternity leave more. Since so much changed with us moving to Oxford, not working is just one little part of that when I'm her at home. But being in London reminded me that not working is great. You all know I mean not working 'outside the home'. Mummy work is serious work, I know.

Welcome bluecardi. Like your profile name!

Excited to hear we were in your dream DWB!

And...lots of good news about sleep, which is great! lots of the babes seemed to have regressed in their sleeping through but now seem to be getting better, which is brill news.

Right, off to catch up on emails and the like. Are you honoured MN was first on the list?