May 2009 - A new start. Mine's a large gin please.

[runningmonkey]

Here you go ladies.

Hello!!!!

saus - hope all goes well tomorrow.
Sorry M was poorly after her SF jab in the end. I'm sure they don't get bothered by being ill as much as it bothers us - not easy.

ReeBee - good to see you back. It is really difficult to fit everything in. How do you find having to spend nights away from F for work?

Spangel - I'd do as you suggest and go to the film. A few weeks ago I'd have been v cautious about doing that but the girls at nursery are so good and I know they will phone me if they need to but won't unless it's really necessary IYKWIM.

Runnning - great going for you and A this morning. LOL at all the ewww from the pupils!

Flippin - hope A has continued being happier and less clingy.

younger - I definitely need to try s'mores

I'm feeling a bit this evening but don't have anything major to feel about. I think I'm just finding it hard balancing wanting to progress and do well at work with not being too fussed about work because O is the only important thing.
I think it's because today I found out that one of my colleagues was being fast tracked for promotion. In the past, that's always been me and I've missed out as the course started before I confirmed my return. I can be quite competitive and feel wierd that it's not me being pushed forwards this time.
Then I feel bad as I think I should be focussed on being a mum at the moment and my career can be progressed later.
Can't win!

Evening all!

ReeBee - hello! Lovely to see you. Glad work is tolerable, but sorry to hear that you and F have been ill so much.

sausage - hope all goes well tomorrow. sending you great big bouncy vibes!

Feeling a bit crap about the whole potty thing after a long chat with my mum. I know she didn't mean to, but she's made me think that it's partly my fault, because of the way I've been handling it. And she pointd out that the problems started at around the same time as A's separation ansxiety. Could be a coincidence, I know, but it has made me wonder if DD1 is doing it for attention because A is getting so much . How on earth do you balance it? And I am much more likely to be short or snappy with DD1.

So, on to frivolous things. Shoes. Thanks for all the links and suggestions, so far I'm liking these, I think I like these; definitely like these, but don't know which colour! Having said all that, the way my feet and knees feel this evening, I might just wear my running trainers, and I only walked about 4 miles today.

ses Sending you a hug for feeling It's a bit of an adjustment, isn't it? It's still early days being back at work and at the moment you're still finding your feet again. You'll find the right balance for you in the end. Being a good mum also doesn't mean you can't be competitive at work, IMO. Next time there's a course that'll lead up to promotion, it can be your turn again.

I'd taken so long to post that, I knew there'd be cross-posts.

ses - sorry to hear you're feeling a bit . The whole career/mum thing is a tricky one.

belgina - lol at magic car keys! A likes my mobile phone, but has already killed one. Sorry to hear about DS's bedwetting, will they just keep tweaking the dose until it works?

flippin Don't feel bad about the potty training thing. It could be a coincidence, but possibly your mum has a point about the separation anxiety, however that wouldn't be your fault. The best way to go about potty training trouble is down playing when it goes wrong and over the top praise when she does well and taking her to the toilet if she does the whole jiggle-denial thing. I don't think there's much more you can do until she decides for herself that she does not like having wet pants. Some children just dont mind (like my ds unfortunately) and continuing their game is more important than avoiding accidents.

Lol, x-post again flippin No they'll up the dose 1x and it'll be the maximum dose then. After that there's the possibility for another kind of med. But meds alone don't work for a lot of children, but it's definitely worth a go IMO. What he's getting now is mainly meant to make the wet patches smaller, because at the moment I'm washing a full set of sheets every day for him, which is a real chore and a pain, but it's what the enuresis people want me to do

Like all your shoe choices, btw.

flippin I like the first ones for proper practicality and the last ones for fun. The middle are too high for me to contemplate.

Ses I agree with Belgina, these things take time - fwiw and linked to your nights away question, I have had some similar wobbles; feel trapped between being a bad mum because I'm away from F and working full time plus know am seen as less committed at work as am less flexible due to being a mum. Not easy although my management team / colleagues all have young-ish families so the atmosphere is very supportive in the main. On a brighter note, the nights away are fine. I enjoy room service / a meal out with colleagues and then a whole night's sleep on my own - bliss! I'm going to start taking my gym kit too. The bits I don't like are the travelling (Carlisle to Staines every two weeks-ish is over 310 miles each way and car is much the quickest transport at about 5.5hrs on a good day) as I set off at stupid o'clock and get back late - meaning I don't see F at all on day 1 or day 2. Last week was pants as I was away for 2 nights and I missed him like mad by the end - left work at lunchtime, belted through most of the country and then the M6 was shut so F was in bed by the time I got home. 3 days without seeing him was too long.

Sorry, that was a bit 'me me me'. Anyway, some good, some bad. It's the trade off for working from home and having flexitime the rest of the time I guess - last Fri I stopped work at lunch time and picked F up from nursery early to go out to lunch and do some playing!

I'm very lucky in that F adores nursery. Although I also worry that he loves his girls there more than me as they spend more quality time with him. Oh well, these are the concerns of working mothers the world over!

I hope you feel happier again soon - you just have to remind people of who (and how brilliant) you are and opportunities will start coming up.

Off to bed, full of cold and on hols tomorrow so going to Glasgow shopping if feel up to it. (Work bonus day today - I got paid even though I was off most of last year, bless them!)

Flip wanted to give you some reassurance about the potty training thing. I think some DC are more difficult than others. DD1 was (and still is) a nightmare. Belgina's dancing DS made me laugh because DD1 is exactly the same. She (DD1, not belgina !) sticks her bum out and jiggles, and flat out denies she needs a wee, when she plainly does. Makes me so grrrrrrrrrr !

Sausage good luck tomoz. Thinking of you.

Reebee great to see you. Work sounds pretty full on.

Ses feeling your pain about managing work and DC. It has taken me until now to want to put my career on a back seat. And even then, it is so tempting for me to want to get back into it. Today I was thinking to myself 'perhaps I should go full time again.' Totally mad ! I hate the place ! Why on earth would I want to do that ?!! For me, my worst thing is seeing young numpties getting promoted into juicy roles, when I know I would be much better than them. But I am not prepared to put in the hours that they do.

flippin L like your #2 & 3 best, but think #3 would be better for long walks. only 4 miles - wow!

sausage good luck for tomorrow. Hope it all goes well.

ReeBee good to 'see' you. How are you finding the nights away from F? I guess you must miss him but be glad of the peaceful night (I know I would be!).

running glad it went well today. Hopefully it's something they will remember. Like belgina I'm a bit sad they were all so ewwwww about bfing. One of my friends was like that and I found it hard to understand, even before I was TTC and had given babies a second thought. Don't get me wrong, I think there are plenty of valid reasons to choose not to BF, but to dismiss it with 'eewwww' I thought a bit

Belgina bless C with her standing and 'talking'

Ses IKWYM about feeling a bit down about career. I was having a conversation on that subject with my friend who went back from ML in the new year. She's disappointed because everyone around her has been promoted and she's been unsuccessful at 2 interviews. I was feeling a bit down about the role that's been given to me as it's one for which it'll hard to prove I've exceeded objectives etc which will put me at a disadvantage come appraisal (and pay rise - if any civil servants will get one this year!) time. But we both concluded that we just have to park our ambitions for a year or two and accept that now is not our time. We also both decided that just now we're better off in jobs where our managers understand we have small DCs and will be off work from time to time, and not doing projects where it won't go tits up if we have to miss a meeting or whatever.

Thanks to everyone for their advice about tomorrow. We did plan to go & take 2 cars but in the end decided not to go & see the film because MIL goes to an art class during the morning and on her current form it will be too much for her to go out again on the same day. She was exhausted just coming round here for a meal last night . DH and I will just go for a nice lunch somewhere tomorrow and take MIL to see the film another day.

I'm trying to think of something intelligent to say about the work/life/children balance. But I can't. So how about: everyone on here, you're doing a great job? Have some cake.

Thanks all for the reassurance. I really need to stop getting in such a tizz about the whole potty thing; she's young, she'll get there in the end. And she's picking up on my stress, I'm sure.

Shoes, again. What I really want to do is just buy these in nearly all the colours they do. I already have two pairs of this style. And two other pairs of birkenstocks. .

I just choose to see my career path as a windy, hilly road with lots of crossroads. Before DCs it was a Roman road; straight, I knew exactly where I was headed and it was safe. Now I've got the children I'm off that road but the hilly road is unexplored and in some ways more exciting. For me it has helped acknowledging that it is fine to change direction and perhaps even careers; it isn't a failure.

I think that what motivates people at work is fascinating and it helps to know why you work. Obviously money is one thing and most people work because we need money for stuff but I've found what motivates me has changed since having children.

I was chatting to my NCT pals about this yesterday and we all feel that we've experienced a shift in the way we feel about work since having children and we all agreed that we've struggled with it at times.

For anyone interested in the work/life balance discussion Fiona Millar's book is really interesting. She admits that since having children she has tried every conceivable working pattern and childcare solution and she still doesn't have the answer!

Ses I felt really similiar to you after I went back to work. I was basically demoted because I chose to go back part time. Before I left I had a really strong, clear career plan. When I went back and while I was AT work I still felt driven and was really hurt and when I wasn't sent on courses or given opportunities. I felt like changing my mind and going full time instead as I used to get some much enjoyment from work (and respect and pride) I felt like they just saw me as a mum and a part-timer didn't feel as valued. For a while I rebelled and started to do less and less. I didn't care anymore. I decided to get PG again . I really got my teeth into it again in the months before my second mat leave. I am now planning on reevaluating when we are settled in NZ and will probably have another DC in the meantime. It's a really hard balancing act. I am interest in reading that book Llaregg.

Just a quickie this morning (before I head to hospital again for more songstarring ) to wish Saus all the best today.

Have been away (work related) for a couple of days so will catch up properly soon.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Morning all,

Interesting chat last night re work-life balance. I think I would be feeling the same if I had stayed in my previous career as it was quite cut-throat in terms of promotions, etc. I changed careers to get away from that and am quite happy to just get on with being the best I am at the job I currently do in the time available. I guess it also helps that there are a lot of part-timers with young families at my school too (both men and women) and so it makes for a family friendly atmosphere.

re ewwww I think its too. I think that part of the problem with that age is that they have no exposure to it unless they have a family member bf a baby. Idid do my best to try to explain how both bf and washable nappies are great and easy to manage The teacher was telling me that they have to discuss all options in the course and have a huge bag of different types of washables that they demonstrate. I kind of wish that I had still been bf A as I would have had no shame in doing so in front of them. Maybe if I have another I'll re-offer my services

Flip I've tried on shoe 2 of your selection - a bit high for me for wearing every day but really lovely. 3 are fab and 2 are v comfy - I have a black pair

spangle hope you have a nice lunch and H has a good session at nursery

Belg A does the talking thing too. Usually accompanied by frantic arm waving if you are not looking at her. She also tries to lean around so you have to look at her if she is on your lap and you are talking to someone else - v cute

Hi to everyone else

Off out swimming in a bit, then back for some clearing up after the furniture assembling frenzy of the last few days. Have a good day all x

quick hello today.

Ses, I hope you feel more positive soon. It is very difficult to juggle work/looking after DC's and without feeling inadequate in some way. I wish I knew the answer to overcoming this and I'd tell you. big hug anyway.

I'm just working for the £ now. I had a career path years ago then fell into jobs just for the salary so when I left my exciting job as a Project Manager in Packaging (as exciting as it sounds), I really didn't look back. now I have a small role for the NCT which is mostly admin but it keeps my foot in the door of working. I'm still finding it tough to prioritise working/parenting, guess it's whomever cries loudest at the time, not an ideal way to work.

speaking of, it's quiet now so I'm going to forgo housework, further mNing and get some work done.

Hope saus is ok today.
Regg have fun at hosp .
loved the shoe links and thinking I'm going to buy.

flip, hope potty training is better today.

ok, i'm really going now.

hi to everyone else.
this is me.
going.
to.
work. sigh.

Very interesting work/life chat last night. Just to add my tuppence worth: this came from a friend of mine and I was a bit when she said it to me but TBH she was kind of right. I don't have a career anymore. I have a job. BC I had a career. Sort of. I at least had aspirations, but I have to say I can't be bothered with them now and am quite happy to accept that I just have a job. And once I did,it actually made life a bit easier for me as I no longer felt the need to impress so that I could get further up the ladder etc.

However, I think this is not necessarily a direct result of ML. A factor, yes. But things had been changing in my firm for a while and ML was prob the final nail in the coffin of my old career.

I like my job and it pays ok (no higher than that!!) but accepting that my career path was now halted in its tracks, made it easier to leave it in the office at 5pm and go home and concentrate on my other full time job.

Does that make sense?

I also like flips approach!! We are all doing great. Now, where's the cake?

belgina LOL at your DS and his wee dancing. DS1 does exaclty the same too. Deny deny deny, and then leg it to the toilet.

Sorry not to NC any further - best get back to my coffee job!

Cake is here .

Must pick DD2 up, back soon

Ooohm never had carrot and pineapple cake before. Sounds errm interesting to my Belgian ear.

Back later. I'm actually not on here. You've never seen me

I want your carrot and pineapple cake recipe please. I love carrot cake. It is the best of all the cakes. I always have a carrot cake for my birthday and I had one for DDs naming ceremony. Got to have the cream cheese icing .

Saus Hope you are ok!!!

I have my friend boy (2yo) today until 7.30ish so will be bathing 3 (2x2yo + 1x10mo)DCs soon and then trying to get my 2 to bed while keeping friends ds happy until pick up time. Wish me luck!!

work It was a very interesting chat about work lately, wasn't it. I like llare's comparison to a winding, hilly road. I think it's right. I'm still finding my feet in my career and although I want to stay in midwifery, I don't feel at home in the hospital/LW environment. I'm pretty sure that one day soon that winding, hilly road will lead me to a place where I can feel more at home.

saus Hope your surgery went OK today and that you don't feel too groggy from the GA.

running C does the leaning forward/behind to get attention too. Gosh, babies are so cute Hope you had a nice swim

Anyone else's lo waking up earlier nowadays? I can't remember last time I got to sleep past 5.30. It gets lighter in our bedroom from then on and I think it's that. DH is going to get our black out blind from the midlands soon. Our ap in her naivity thinks that the answer is to simply put C to bed a bit later. Sadly it doesn't work like that, if only...

Oh talking about the midlands. We've accepted an offer on our house in the midlands. It's less than we wanted, but cash and comes with a promis to complete in 6 weeks.

Febes hope you survived bath, bed & pick up time.

Mmmm... carrot & pineapple cake I would like to try!

Interesting work/life balance discussion last night. I think I will only really know how I feel about it when I've been back at work a while. At the moment, as I said last night, I can cope with the idea of my career being on hold for a little while but I can't let it go just yet. I imagine when I'm back I'll have a similar view to Headless. Particularly with the role I'm going back to, which I think I can do ok but is not very inspiring. Llare I like your analogy and think you are inspiring and brave for taking the windy mountain path.

We had a nice day for DH's birthday. I dropped H at nursery and he immediately started nicking another baby's toys playing. He cried when I left, and was crying when I came to pick him up at 3, but they told me he'd been ok most of the day and had had a good go at his lunch and taken his usual naps. Hopefully they weren't fibbing! In the meantime DH and I went out for a drive in his old (2-seater) sports car and had lunch in a posh wine bar. Nice to be grown up for a change

belgian- good news that you've sold your house and should have the cash soon so you can start looking to buy where you are. As for mornings- S wakes any time from 5.15 onwards (his favourite time is 6.10) and we have heavy floor to ceiling curtains and a blind (yes he still wakes up in our room even though he's put to bed in his).

career- I still feel I have a career plan and I am ambitious, although i also like the fact I can do my current job easily as I've been in it a while [lazy easy life emoticon]

spangle- sounds like H coped well at nursery - if he ate and slept that that's a good sign . Do they not provide a written record of the day - I get a report of Ss naps, nappy changes (wet or soiled), meals, milk feeds, and activities. If they don't it's worth suggesting it.

The carrot and pineapple cake is rather yum (and has cream cheese icin'/frostin' with a tad of clementine zest in, febes). It's a Barefoot Contessa recipe. It's quite cinnamony, with a nice moist texture.

Work/life? I just like havin' a job I don't mind but I'm unambitious and should really have lived thru the fifties. I'm also lazy.

I am pleased H settled at nursery and you had a day out span-le and I'm pleased you had an offer on your house bel-ina

Still have that missin' letter key, it's drivin' me maaaaaaad.

DH is watchin' Indiana Jones for the zillionth time. Deep joy

Good job you changed your name then Hinny. Can you imagine calling yourself a rumpyoldcaaaaaaa?

Great news about the house Belgina. Are you celebrating tonight?

sausage how are you feeling now? I saw your post on facebook about the zimmer. Are you zimming along nicely?

febes how are you doing with the extra 2 year old?

Hi ReeBee! flippinegg I've been looking at shoes ever since you posted your thread yesterday. I can't wait until the end of the month and my first proper pay check for a year! I am buying shoooooooooooooooooes. Though DH has just told me which pots my pay cheque is going in and none of those pots are called shoes. Sigh. He'll never learn.

Anyway. We've made some decisions tonight. We need to get back in that saddle for we are bringing forward TTC no 3 to, um, round about now. Though it would be nice to get DS2 out of our bed first, so it may be a month or so before we actually start practising.

DS2 stood today for the first time and he was so pleased with himself. He stood supported against DS1's bed and then tried to climb onto it. I think the effort exhausted him because he refused to demonstrate his newfound skill to DH or his grandparents.

Maybe I'm odd, but I'm not wild about cream cheese icing. I mean, I wouldn't not eat it, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

belgina - exciting news about your house, hope it all goes through ok.

early waking* - A is waking about 5 ish most days, sometimes I can persuade her to go back to sleep for an hour or so, but not always. Not sure it's the lighter mornings in her case, we've got blackout lining in our bedroom curtains as I struggle with the light too!

llareggub - show us the shoes you have in mind please, just in case I've missed something fab!

I've got a poorly baby again. She's very very snotty (teething) but she's coughing a lot now too and keeps waking herself up. The cough might just be because of all the snot, it could be because she had her swine flu top-up yesterday morning, or of course it could be something entirely different.

DD1 has been great today - no full accidents and only a couple of dribbles. I just don't get it!!!!!