DEC 08 - Welcome to the house of ill - We're riding a poonami

[MomOrMum]

This was the only thing I could remember some saying should be the next title!

Rubena: put them on hangars to dry, better still dry them outside, weather permitting!

Dh and I have sep accounts mainly cos we never got round to organising a joint one. Which means we don't pick over each other's spending or use of overdrafts! Sometimes dh bungs cash my way or vice versa. Trying to find a savi gs account for the house deposit, would be a good plan to have that as joint.

Guys, you're right - it is pretty draconian and totally shit. I think we're going to have some stern words over the weekend as am a bit tired of feeling like I have to answer for what I'm spending - it's just not healthy or fair. As long as I'm not going out and buying stuff that we really can't afford, then I really can't see the issue. You're all right. And yes, it was him who was initially weird about me going to see friends without him. I think if I actually wrote down for him his behaviour, he'd probably be quite shocked by it. And I think I might.

He's a total control freak and I hate confrontation so tend to be a total wetty and put my head in the sand and ignore it as generally life it pretty good. But there are some things that I just can't let slide!!!

Thanks for all support, you are total stars!

xxxx

Has anyone heard from urbane? She hasn't been on the meet-up thread either - hope the family are all ok.

Beans you are right as always! Am sure you will sort something out. Your dh does have a good record of backing down when his unreasonableness is pointed out . Which argues that he does respect your opinion.

Veggie: sorry to hear you are ill. When are your friends coming over? I will be in derby in may for my mum's open uni graduation ceremony. Which I will no doubt waffle on about later, suffice to say that I am immensely proud

And Veggie - so sorry to hear you're ill - you poor love. And it's not like any of us live nearby to pop and help out. Hope things get better soon. You're not pregnant are you? hee hee!

Effie, you've made me feel better as well - thank you.

And well done to your Mum! My Mum's just got her art A'Level, which I was v proud of - let alone an open uni graduation! Hurray!

xxxx

It's taken her years with a break in the middle for breast cancer treatment. And she left school for the forces without any A levels. And she is working more or less full time - it all makes me feel a bit tired! She was so proud to get an A for one of her essays cos she didn't think she could write properly.

Am v impressed by the art A level - that's a tough one. Has she produced any masterpieces of whizz?

Oh that's so impressive, Effie. Must be preggo hormones, but feel a bit weepy about it! Well done her!

Mum's human portraits aren't that hot - it's her landscapes that are rather brilliant. Got a few up on our walls. And she's surprisingly original for someone in their 60s - did a close up of a grain of sugar in acrylics and it was surreal and rather beautiful. She's fascinated by light. I'm as artistic as a constipated badger, so am endlessly impressed by her!

Well to be honest I'm guessing because he deals with them, but he dries them on a hanger and puts them away in a little side part of the hanging space do they don't get crushed by the other clothes. I think they look fine but I have low standards. Nothing else gets ironed, DS1 doesn't wear a uniform at this school but at his old school he wore a white polo shirt and grey trousers, and the others mums and I had a pact that none of us would iron our kids clothes (it was a very small school) so none of us needed to feel guilty sending our child in unironed clothes.

I have crossed posted with loads as I started writing this hours ago but the DS2 fell off the couch and then DH came home so I went promptly to bed. Not feeling much better but it was good to at least not worry about the kids whilst feeling crap. During today whilst laying dying on the couch trying to supervise my offspring, DS1 drew on DS2's face with several textas, DS2 threw pasta & cheese all over the loungeroom (that was the best I could do for them for lunch) and DS2 face planted with some force off the couch. So that and the complete tip of a house that poor DH came home to I really feel quite crap and being a sick SAHM is not fun.

Beans that sounds amazing, I'm really into works like that and would love to see it, I know it would be as good, but do you have a photo. MIL divorced my FIL before I met DH when she was about 60 and she decided to get back into arts as she had done a bit before she married, her piano playing & painting was so good she got accepted into an Arts & music degree and completed her bachelors a few years ago and she produces some amazing pieces and plays absolutely beautifully. It's a shame she had this all stifled by her husband really but she is happy to be doing it all now.

Def not preggo Beans, to make it worse Aunt Flo is here.

Effie that is brilliant for your mum, what did she do? I love open uni i'd like to do another short course through them. Well done to her esp against all the odds.

rubena I don't iron either. Occasionally go through phases but really don't see the point as everything ends up creased anyway. I am sure people worry about the crumpled state we waltz about in.

Who was on about weight etc? I am HUGE. Found myself wondering the other day about starting some serious exercise - probably running, as it's cheap, but I think it might kill me. Any tips?

Also on the not-spending-money theme, DH is seriously thinking about giving up work altogether from September (my Mum has just announced that doing the school run in the morning 2 days a week is getting taxing) ... which means I will need to seriously reign in my spending. Irony is DH was talking to me about secondhand clothes (vintage?! since when did it become vintage?!!!) and I found myself doing a little idle browsing on a charity website... AND NOW WANT LOTS OF STUFF!

lol

(and we might be ttc from next month >shh

Just want to say get well soon to our Veggie. I do hope you feel better soon.

Effie, your Mum has done brilliantly. What a great story. I'm loving hearing about these older ladies taking the bull by the horns - really inspiring.

I am watching A Room With a View on Film 4. It makes me all weepy for golden Italy and romance!

I am taking a bunch of cricketers to Switzerland on a weekend tour on the first May bank holiday. But it won't be like A Room With a View - more like American Pie I have got DP and DD to keep me company though.

Wow, Verso, didn't realise you were thinking about a third! Gosh! This one I'll be having later in the year will be the last one for me, definitely - couldn't afford/cope with three and I must say I don't love pregnancy...

ooh you're expecting!!!!! sorry - am very behind with everyone's news. Show of hands as to who's pg at the moment?

I know re the third. Possibly sounds like madness given that #1 and #2 almost killed us - but what can I say? Always wanted three...

(It might not happen anyway as I'm not an (ahem) spring chicken.)

Goodluck with TTC Verso and whatever thing are like this time know that we are always here to listen.

Lady I love Florence have been a couple of times once with a friend who was a big room with view fan and also with DH (when he was a DP) and we were looking for somewhere to get married. We cycled from Florence to Siena, the countryside around Firenza is just amazing (not to mention the Enoteca bars).

Well I am not a spring chicken either - 37 - but I still seemed to get pregnant at the drop of a proverbial hat so you may not find it too difficult. All a bit of a shock really. Four of us (maybe more!) - Beans, Summer Lightning and Rubena, but they are all much further on than me. I'm 8 weeks on Monday, thereabouts. Anyway, not going to go on as I am really worried everyone else is tired of hearing about it! I take my hat off to anyone contemplating three or more - I understand in one way because obviously children are lovely, they really really are, and I find DD incredible and ravishing and I love having her. But I am simply not equal to the challenge of/sacrifices necessary for more than two!

I really want 4 but unless our lotto numbers come up or one of us has a rich long lost uncle or something 3 is our limit.

That's where I bumped into Verso on a waiting to ttc thread. I'm finding it very helpful to waffle on at others waiting to ttc. Also making a stupidly long list of baby names. All names that MIL will probably kill me if I use them.

LadyT my friend has just called her DD Octavia. She studied Roman History and lived in Rome for a while and it's been her dream name for ages. It's caused a huge row with her mother as she is not the 8th baby. So I had to tell her about you having O and her being a first baby too. My friend is quite upset that her dream name is causing so many rows.

Honestly Kayz, I get a lot of people saying that to me. If it's not that, it's "She wasn't even born in October!" Well, my Octavia was named because we liked the name but also

i) for Octavia Minor, who wasn't an eighth baby. She was the daughter of Gaius Octavius (her sister was also called Octavia as well, and she wasn't an eighth baby either and neither was their brother - you guessed it - Octavian. Anyway, Octavia Minor was an important figure in Roman history and a graceful, remarkable woman. Actually, it was the Victorians, I believe, who started the whole eighth baby schtick. And when the name comes up on MN some brightspark inevitably pipes up "I think it is WRONG to use it for anything other than an eighth baby" and I want to rend my clothes, smash crocks and weep tears of blood.

ii) We wanted a musical name (or DP did, particularly, as he used to be a professional musician.) He liked Cecilia for this reason. But he liked Octavia because it was reminiscent of Octave.

So, lots of poncy reasons for choosing her name, none of which have anything to do with the number 8. But tell your friend not to worry. People should pick the names they like and everyone else should mind their own beeswax. It's silly to think that unless the meaning of a name is LITERALLY relevant it should be avoided. Should only cats be called Felix? Should only bears be called Ursula?

She was always going to have a roman name but at 1 scan she was told she was having a boy and at a private one she was told a girl. My friends DP is Italian so it fits really well. But she is just 4 days old and it's caused loads a rows already. Where his family love the name and aren't bothered. I'm going to see her tomorrow and I can't wait. Bet it makes me more broody.

I just don't see the point in arguing about a name. What difference does it make?

My name means waterlilly but I am clearly not a plant waterbound or otherwise. I personally think the idea of naming a child by where they come in there family quite horrible, would you name the first child Uno!

Or Premiera!

Verso - on the exercise front - a tip for running would be to start off doing 5 mins fast walking to get your heart rate up, then 2 mins jogging, then back to 5 mins walking and 2 mins running all for about half an hour. Do this a couple of times, then intersperse 5 mins/5 mins, ITSWIM, then start upping the jogging time to 7 mins and up until you can run for 20 mins straight. Then you've got your core fitness and can build on that. Should take 2-3 weeks to get into that zone, if you go jogging 2-3 times a week. Definitely worth giving it a go. I used to love it between pregnancies, but it was hard work initially!! Cycling is good too.

I love all sorts of names that are long and frilly and we come from a family of plain names, so am much frowned upon. My sisters are Mary and Claire and I am Sally. My nieces are Hannah and Katy. My nephews John and Mark. V straight. Isabella is v fluffy by comparison!!!

xx

Morning,

I have exciting news(for me anyway). We are going to the Ebor festival at York Racecourse for our Anniversary. It isn't until August but I am so excited. I'm already looking at hats!!

My MIL moaned about Freddie. So I expect if I use any of the names I love for the next baby I'll be in trouble.

Great news about the faces Kayz I haven't been in ages and ages. I am quite a fan of the old facsinator - you don't feel the urge to take it off (leaving behind dreadful hat hair!!).

effie how marvellous about your Mum - that is brilliant!! My little sis just graduated from her masters degree in Dec (she had no primary degree or even a levels - so was paranoid she wouldn't be able to write an essay). Like your Mum she did it part time after a full time job - full of awe (as someone who's degree took 8 hours a week as a "fulltime" student).

Veggie - hope you are feeling much better pet.

Beans I am a bit grrr like others that you should be on "allowances" and feel bad about little treats. It's a marriage of equals. Your contribution in terms of looking after your baby whilst not at work etc is immeasureable. DH and I have our troubles/issues (aplenty) but his father gave his mother an allowance and she had to fill out a list accounting for every last penny. He swore he would never do that and bless him - we have a joint account (he earsn way more than me) and never questions what I spend (and obviously I don't take the p*ss - I know what we have per month). I think a good chat is in order

Excited that you are thinking of TTC, verso - I think 3 is great and to be honest not that much more work than 2 in many ways!! I love the TTC boards. 2WW and so on - very exciting. I knew I was pg with L BEFORE implantation, which is apparently scientifically impossible - but I had really bad pains in my legs and the weirdest taste in mouth on day 6 and I read on one of these threads that that is (anecdotally) possible. So fascinating! Best of luck. Might be another December babe?

err "races" not "faces"

How exciting about TTC Verso! Good luck. I am slightly terrified of the idea of 3, and yet I feel compelled to have 3. It's so odd, not logical at all. DH wants 3, always has, I used to but found the jump from 1 to 2 so much harder rhan 0 to 1. What if 3 is harder again. Yet even when I try not to think about it I obsess about the decision and it feels like I might always obsess unless I have that third baby.

Turnip - what are the age gaps of your 3? And did you find two to three easier than one to two?

Beans - I agree with the others about your DH's controlling. I am glad you feel you can talk to him about it. Before I went on maternity with DD1 I had a long chat with DH and told him one of my fears would be him ever acting like he was in charge of the money. In a marriage with kids I think every penny is family money and nobody has more of a claim to it than anyone else. Thankfully DH agreed and we just have one account and both behave responsibly but independently when it comes to money. I hope your talk goes well.

Veggie - I hope you are feeling better today. You are right, it us NO fun being in charge of kids when you are poorly. It sounds like you dud brilliantly. How are you now?

verso Fab news on the TTC. I hope that it all goes to plan.

Rubs meant to say yes, DS is a bloody nightmare at nappy change time. In fact most of the time he is up and running with me trying to pin him down with one hand and get the nappy on with the other. FWIW I now have more sucess putting in while he is stood up. he doen't resist this as much.

aubs Yes DH has reduced his drinking. In fact the first few days after the funeral he was so exhausted he slept lots and barely drank anything. Also we are staying at a place called Finlake in Devon, anyone been??

kayz the races sounds great! I have always wanted to go but nave never been.

veggie Hope you feel better soon.

beans DH regularly does my head in. Take now for instance he is upstairs, I am downstairs on the laptop. Yet he insists on trying to have a conversation with me I can barely hear him over the toys & the TV. Yet is is still shouting, "Can you hear me, are you listening to me?" Well, actually no I'm not...ha ha he has just shouted "are you on that bloody MN again".

I went for a run this morning, decided to stop moaning about my weight and do something about it. But it was soooo hard. I haven't been for almost 3 weeks and it was freezing this morning. I could hardly breathe.

BTW we watched The Lovely Bones at the cinema last night, and it was such a great film so if anyone is planning on a cinema trip I would definately recommend it!

aubs - the age gap we have is 2 years (and 3 days!) between DD1 and Ds and then 3 years 3 months between him and DD2. I find the girl/boy/girl combo works quite well (not that obviously one can control that! unless you go to one of those clinics in the states ). For me the jump from 0-1 child was the hardest. 1-2 was hard logistically, but I enjoyed DS's babyhood more.

But DD2's babyhood I have LOVED!!! Yes, 3 is tough in that the parents are outnumbered but overall I have found it to be very positive and I feel totally (well about 99%!) content that my family is now complete. The only downside is that our apparently spacious estate car doesn't actually fit three car seats properly and we can't afford a new car...Like you, I wouldn't have felt that had I stopped at 2.

Daisy thanks for the tip on The Lovely Bones. I thought the book was amazing but feared that it might be too sad. I hate it when people shout at me from too far away.