FEB 2010 Valentines, pancakes and BABIES!!

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Here it is, then - the post natal thread for the Feb 2010 gang - let the poo/bf/nappy rash/sleeplessness/crying

OMG whatdoIdonow!! conversations commence...

BabyGiraffes sorry to hear you are having a hard time with DP. I think having children is supposed to improve relationships for some folk, but DH and I definitely found last time round that it put some major stresses on our relationship for a time, particularly when we were very tired and when I got a bit down. I've even asked him this time to give me a year's grace before he considers leaving me - this was kind of tongue in cheek but there was an element of fear beneath it! So far, I am much easier to get on with this time round, but we're only 11 days in! When both DCs are ill/not sleeping, I'm sure there will be testing times ahead!
I also feel an element of jealousy from time to time when DH gets to walk out the door to work each morning, leaving chaos in his wake! This is coupled with the feeling that my career - which I love - has gone down the pan now I work part time. I love spending time with DS1 (and now both DCs) but it's much harder than going to work for a day (and I work with children anyway!)
Sorry if this is all rather off the general topics, but don't want you to feel that you are alone. Keep talking to us and I'm sending a bucketload of hugs (though apparently unmumsnetty?) Hope things pick up soon.

bethylou thanks for the kind words - really appreciated!

Ah, BG
Sorry you're not getting the support you need. More un-mumsnetty hugs from me too
(why are hugs un-mumsnetty? Are they more netmums, then?)

Nikki how annoying! Your poor hands!

Another unsettled night with Rosie - her new-found appetite is making her greedy - she wolfs down loads of milk, then can't settle because of wind, then voms half of it back up. Can't win!

Forgot to say - Welcome along, marypoppins!

Well done marypoppins, what a close shave! We had the same due date I think, my early tiddler is now 4 weeks old (but still very small). I too felt irrational anger and was so short tempered with my 2 yr old DD in the first few weeks, I couldn't handle the constant racket she makes either and then I felt really guilty about neglecting her, really tough. Things have calmed down a bit now but often when I'm feeding she wants attention which is hard, thank goodness for cbeebies

BabyGiraffes sorry your DP is not being more helpful, it is early days and I remember mine just freaked out and looked like a deer in headlights for the first few days/weeks, I guess to shut down or withdraw is a common initial reaction, I think they also feel a bit useless or left out as they haven't bonded with the baby or worked out what their role is on a practical and other levels, hang in there I'm sure things will get better?

Nikki the best advice about feeding I was given last time around was to pick one feed adn make it a formula only feed so my DP can do it, this was the late evening feed so I could go to bed early and it worked brilliantly, don't stress about your milk supply, good luck.

IC, I'm amazed that even though you had a bad night with Rosie that you still sound so 'together'. I'm starting to feel more and more.... worked up as each day goes by, getting a little concerned its not just baby blues, but am determined to plough through it and come out the other end.
Corey kept me up all last night, even though he was sleeping! he's a very grunty baby so just as I started to drift off to sleep I'd jolt back awake thinking something was wrong..... arghhh I'm never going to get the hang of this [almost crying face] when can I put him in his room with a monitor, I'm thinking maybe that way I'll get some sleep and be able to be at least partly conscious to look after him =[
sorry for the very un-mumsnetty rant/winge/moan/depressive rant, but I just needed to get it out

my first day on my own today as dp has gone back to work. really missing him, he didnt really do alot with jaime but did everythin round the house. and the company was lovely. feel v lonely now.

if shes awake all she does is whinge and act like shes starving even though she had a feed 30mins previously!! i give in and feed her and the whole lot comes back up!! both of us need to change, carpet needs cleaning! shes now finally asleep for first time tday. know if i put her down she wil wake up and scream! but have loads of housework to do! what are you meant to do? dont want dp to walk in from work to a war zone. hes already feeling neglected by me. jaime takes up all my time and attention now. hes finding it hard.

ems take it one day at the time (I know easier said than done)
My DH went back to work the day after we came back from hospital (he's self-employed and parental leave does not exist for him) and I thought it will be panic on board! But no, it is not, some days I just only deal with the baby, others I can wash the dishes (because of the cs I'm not allowed to vacuum }. We manage to get some quality time together in the evenings when DS is fed and asleep.

BG DH and I are working as a team and swapping the night feed when he's not working at night or on earlies, and he helped him to bond with DS. He also 'plays' with him in the evenings.

I'm a 1st timer so maybe my advices are not proved but I thought I'll share them with you

Nikki, I''m sure it's sleep deprivation, making you feel that way, nothing more sinister than that. My posts may sound together, but tiredness means my emotions are really close to the surface and it doesn't take much to set me off, believe me!

The way you describe your feelings - well, I'm sure everyone can relate to it! Sounds to me like you're doing just fine, don't be hard on yourself. I keep harping on about Naomi Stadlen's book, but she describes, contextualises and explains all these emotions so well - including the exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed, dealing with partners etc. etc. - that I kinda felt ready for them and forewarned is forearmed, so to speak. plus, I'm finding everyone else's kind and wise words on here really helpful too. And I know I'm lucky to have such a great boyslave DH and keep telling him so.
Anyway, if I sound together, that's why!

Sure, if putting Corey in another room helps, do that. Although I suspect you'll worry even more about him, so it may not be the answer. How about earplugs? Other mums say they can really help and you'll still hear the baby cry through them, but they may block out the other noises and help you sleep (I have the same problem with Rosie, incidentally and that's one option I'm considering!) Another one is a dummy - something else I'm thinking of trying with Rosie, seeing as she now wants to suck on something as a soother, but clearly isn't actually hungry. ClappedOut's suggestion might help you too (another one I might adopt myself!) But remember - you're doing okay!!!

Ems this sounds like sling territory to me! I've managed to do washing up, laundry and food preparation with Rosie snoozing in the sling, among other things. Highly recommended, if you haven't tried it yet! Maybe a dummy might help Jaime too? I haven't previously been a fan of dummies, but having read up on the pros and cons, they don't seem so terrible, especially if, like Rosie, Jaime just wants something to suck as a soother and isn't actually hungry...

FWIW...

And read this - some really helpful stuff!!

This for sleeping/nightfeeding

I second IC on the dummies side, I was not a fan myself but Samuel like to suck my fingers, his bibs... and the dummy does give us help to settle him down. He just throws it when he doesn't need it anymore. As soon as he can sucks a soother or his fingers I think we'll say bye to the dummy but at the moment it keeps us sane especially after feeding.

Nikki Sam sleeps in his own bedroom since the day we came back from hospital. I can still hear him crying but I can't hear most of his others noises which permit DH and i to sleep in between feeding. His room is next to ours so I don't need a monitor. Do it a go and see how it work. I hope it'll permit you to have some sleep and rest because you sound exhausted.

Good luck

thanks IC glad to know its normal to feel like this, my DP is brilliant, but I don't like him doing too much in case I get used to it and then it will be torture when he goes back to work on Monday
GF I feel much better know it is OK to put him in his own room this early, our room is next to Corey's room so, like you said, shouldn't need a monitor.
I am using a dummy at the moment, but he is so fickle, one minute he spits it out, and the next his winging for it, lol.
Went to my mums before and had a big long chat [she had a lot of problems post birth with me] and feel a lot better, although how long this will last I don't know.

Good on yer, Nikki! Good luck with the new sleeping arrangement, too.

Well, it's post 0600 feed now and madam wasn't quite ready to go back for more kip so rather than have her mewling and waking DH (who needs his sleep more than I do), I'm in the kitchen having a cuppa hoping she'll nod off soon in the sling so I can go back to bed (seems to be working so far, those eye-lids are starting to look heavy...)

Anyway, I finally levered the two of us out of the flat yesterday for a bit of fresh air, with a few entertaining results - if you've got nothing better to do during a feed, here's what we got up to. Felt very refreshed afterward - even better than a sleep. And Rosie had a more relaxed evening and night too, so I think the release from cabin fever did us both a bit of good.

The dummy had mixed results. Yes, she wasn't sucking unwanted milk from my nipples to get to sleep, so less wind and vomiting, but she quickly grew unimpressed with the dummy and spat it out with growls of contempt. Worth a go, though! It bought me a bit of time post-feed, so I think it's serving a purpose.

Power cut here last night (northern scotland), Poppy woke me up for a feed but I couldn't see my hand in front of my face let alone where her mouth was in relation to my nipple! Had to wake DH up (first time he's woken up with us during the night, at four weeks I don't think that's too bad ) to find torches so I could see what we were doing.

Thank goodness it was back on this morning as all our heating and hot water wouldn't have worked without it. I would have had to stay in bed all day I think, it's far too cold!

Sounds like there are some very greedy babies in the Fab 2010 club! Poppy sometimes feeds until it's running back out of her mouth! We've started using infacol for wind 'cos Poppy was starting to get whingy with lots of bottom burps and pulling up her legs, seems to have given her a little relief. Poor baby.

I'm loving all this time with her, we've settled into a bit of a routine, she sleeps in on a morning and lets me get showered and do a little cleaning, and on an afternoon feeds and feeds and feeds and has a lovely snuggle. I'm feeling sorry for DH that he has to work and miss this time with her.

Morning All
Reporting in for the post 0600 feed detail.

After thinking I was going to be up for hours jigging Rosie in the sling last night before she would settle, I gave her the previously rejected dummy and she almost instantly fell asleep - result! I think I must have had four good hours between feeds as a result. And now it looks like she's drifting off again, so I'm going to see if I can sneak in a few more zzz while she's not looking.

Hasta luego!

PS A succession of our Spanish friends came to visit Rosie last night - it was lovely, thought quite tiring! We're now immersed in a sea of baby clothes, one (rather hideous, oops) baby blanket and a splendid portable high chair. Fabulous, generous people!

Anyone with a toddler as well, finding they are acting up a bit??

oh my days what a hard couple of days! esp last nite!! we didnt get settled for the first time til gone 2am last nite!! dp went to mils at 12am to get some sleep so had to do it on my own! if im honest he doesnt really do much at nite anyway but i really missed the company! normally i can vent frustrations out to him but had no1 except jaime for company and felt so awful when i was gettin frustrated. had to put her down and walk out the room at one point! she has just been soo naggy recently whenever she is awake she just whinges. she had been asleep most of the day so i had kind of anticipated a hard night but still didnt make it any easier. how much sleep do babies need? and how do you keep a baby entertained when there so niggly.
was told by my health visitor that the antibiotics im on can make her niggly so im praying its that. and not me being a bad mother! so tempted to stop taking them just to get my smiling baby back. after all they are only preventing a possible infection. the thought of any nastiness down there sends a shiver down my spine though

oh god, moaning warning!!
Corey has a cold and a bit of a temp, having trouble feeding as can't breathe though his nose, got that bad last night I had to have my mum round and she kept him downstairs in the front room while me and DP caught up on some sleep, it was a godsend!! he was still a little snuffly this morning so got him some saline drops. does anyone have any suggestions on what to give him? I'm really not looking forward to tonight, getting myself a little emotional just thinking about it!!
ems although I'm not in exactly the same boat, I can kinda sympathise, so sending [un-mumsnetty] hugs your way, and hope our DC's start sleeping soon

oh, forgot to mention, hes only 2weeks, so kinda limited at what he can take

marypoppins2 Yes I have the acting up toddler... My dd1 is 2 1/2 and usually plays up when I try to feed the baby. Initially she thought it was her lucky day that she was suddenly allowed to watch lots of DVDs but she's now realised I am just trying to get rid of her for five minutes... and refuses to watch! After all she gets a much better reaction from me when she winds me up! Oh, and anyone else find they are hypersensitive to sound? DD1 racing her doll's buggy down the hall is driving me insane.
On the other hand, she is very sweet with DD2 and the other day copied me, with her doll, in everything I did with the baby, including changing nappy and washing. Luckily the doll had not done an enormous poo that went everywhere...

Hi all,
At the moment i am dealing with colics and it seems that DS can only settle in my arms... which means that I only had a few hours sleep last night but today we swap his formula for one which helps (apparently) dealing with colics... so will se how the night goes.

Any one else happy to be able to eat / drink things they were not able to do during pregnancy? For me it's coffee, I did miss it, I'm soo happy that the smell don't make me throw up anymore and wine and rare steaks... In the other hand I'm also glad I do not need to eat chocolate 2 to 3 times (or more) a day!

A small glass of wine, a couple of weak beers and an espresso - yes!

nikki - do you have any straws? Especially the thinner variety? Apparently a little maternal suction can be applied by way of the straw to remove obstructions in the nasal passages and help the baby be able to feed better. A tip from my nursery school-owning MIL - might be worth a try.

Good luck to everyone having difficult nights - hope things improve soon.

GF I've not really had to chance to eat much else that what we already had in the house which was pretty much the same what I ate during pregnancy, but I am sooo looking forward to that 1st medium rare steak, with gooey eggs and a nice cold glass of cider. incidentally I've found since giving birth the smell of freshly brewed coffee makes me feel sick [instant is OK though]
IC I don't have any straws, although it sounds like a good idea so might get some tomorrow, thanks

Permanently tired, sore everywhere, starving hungry at all times of day, toddler running riot, weather awful, tears and tantrums (all of us!), drowning in washing (v leaky LO- both ends), dh irritating me all the time..... I love it and already want a third! After dd1 was born I walked around shellshocked for months, telling everyone who would listen that I could not possibly understand why anyone would voluntarily have a second child!
To all you first timers struggling... this is normal and you are doing great!!! And it does get easier, and in a few months time you may already want another LO...