since my last post i gave a lecture on good behavior vs bad behavior which included a sermon on the fact that behavior is a choice. through your choices you can be happy or sad since good behavior is typically rewarded with smiles which make you happy and bad behavior is punished which make you sad.
for the first part of that i endured with screams and pushes and fingers in her ears and tongues sticking out and snooty back talk and just complete utter rudeness. once she realized that i was going to repeat: "good-rewarded, bad-punished" ad infinitum, she eased off the rude behavior a little bit.
we actually made it over the mountain that is "i'm not listening to you", through the valley that is "i'm not going to respond to anything you say", across the river that is "i know everything and you know nothing", and found a nice spot on the plateau of back and forth communication in a civil tone.
i pulled out my buddha power for all this. zen surrounded me like a bright glowing orb.
that's not to say i didn't loose my cool at the beginning of the incident when she tried to kick the shit out of her door once i closed it. i feel bad for reacting to that negatively but told her without hesitation that that kind of behavior makes me extremely angry.
i even went so far as to ask if she ever saw her father and i yelling at each other. she replied "no". that led me to ask her why she thought it was okay to yell at me or anyone else. i went on to ask do either of your parents fuss, whine, cry, or scream to get anything. again the response was "no".
where or where does all this come from? i'm loosing faith in the idea that "children are clay that parents mold" and beginning to believe "children have a preset mannerism that parents have to tweak, like braces on teeth, in order to help them become civilized individuals."