DEC 08 - Barely into toddlerhood and already at our tit's end

[MomOrMum]

Tit's end...had to be done.

Hope this works!

Yes, I think my friend was a bit bemused that we made such a fuss, but it is just so unlike her. She is the one who is never even 30 sec late, and who would have printed out maps to the resto weeks in advance. Everyone agreed that if it had been me who didn't show, they would have just assumed that I had gapped out and lost my phone, and happily gone about their day.

Well, I shouldn't be surprised but my DH went away yesterday afternoon and last night was a....SHOCKER! Of course. Why wouldn't it be. I have now been up since 3:00 am as it took me from 3-4:45 to get DS back to sleep (no idea what his problem was) and I then couldn't fall asleep until he woke up bright as a button at 6:25.

Have a very large latte on the go.

Lady - Excited for you with all the new house stuff! I need to live DIY vicariously through other people as DH has banned me from spending any more money on our house.

Kayz - Agree about the tile paint, unfortunately. I had high hopes that it would help me cover up a dodgy splashback in and old kitchen but it really looked a mess. Was impossible to get a nice finish.

Aub - I am still BFing, as are lots of us on this thread. My RL mums groups is all still BFing too, except for one of us who stopped last week. I am going to keep going until there is a reason not to - i.e. if a work trip comes up, I will probably use that as a reason to wind up. I think DS could probably give up the AM BF (but it gives me another few minutes lying down!) but the bedtime BF means he goes down so easily, so I'm not in a rush to stop that one!

Better go. Am v late for work already as I had to drop DS off at the childminder and will have to leave at 4:30 in order to collect him in time.

They can't move me off the deli as they have just moved our supervisor off there to do admin instead. So I will have to do 7am starts and the 8pm finishes so I can't work anyway as no one can have them.

Kayz - it's for a reason. You are meant to be at home with the boys and MN I think

kayz I am very of you being able to give up work. I do like work, but I'd love to be able to afford to be a sAHM. I am very pleased for you.

DS back on inhaler and paed. granules due to his wheeziness. They worked last time so hopefully he'll be sorted again in a few days.

Hi all!

Kayz congrats on making your work decision - and congrats to yourDH on his new job!

WG whatever gets Madam to sleep frankly is what's most important (I say having just BFed dd off for her nap ).

Rubena ooooh scan how exciting! Do you think you'll be able to keep it a secret even from us...?

Lady hurrah for new kitchens! We're hoping to get ours done as 6 years of the current dismal one is getting to be too much (eg worksurface isn't horizontal, half the cupboards are leaning off the wall, I have to masking tape the back door shut (!!) as the gaps round it are too big for that foam tape stuf to stop the wind - oh and the gap underneath is big enough for frogs to to come in and visit...) New plan means moving the back door into the living room (where there's a window) and bricking up current back door and replacing with a window, so we can put a worksurface there. Had a chap from Everest come round to quote. New door and window: guess how much? £7500 We then had a visit from the area manager who was able to give us a 45% discount, so still ridulously astronomical but also very insulting that they would ask people to pay the original price. Local joiner has quoted a so, so much more affordable price!

OK am going to have to stop now as he keyboard is still playing silly buggers, took me 10 minutes to type the above and it is driving me slowly insane. Anyone any ideas as to why it misses random letters? Not the same letters each time, so it's not toast crumbs!

I do feel a bit strange about leaving work. I know all of my friends in Pickering from work. I either work with them or I have met them through people I work with. I met DH there too. God I sound really weird don't I?

JJ, I am all too familiar with the cost of new windows We had to have a few put in when we had the new roof put on. What a shocker! If you are buying a new kitchen, don't miss the sales! Very pleased with our oak one - 50% off at Wickes plus an extra 15% yesterday, so mammoth saving. Although...if you'd ask me to guess whether it was wood or not I wouldn't have been able to tell

Rubes, I will see you after that scan... I PROMISE not to press you about the sex

Aubi, don't let those women rattle you. I think that's awful that they tried to persuade you to stop bf. From what I read it can only be a good thing. That might sound a bit hypocritical from someone who has never bf and I didn't want to, but I take my hat off to people who do and anyway, this haranguing of people for making personal choices really makes me cross. So your DH is back tomorrow? Fantastic! As to DP, well, it's funny you should say, because it feels like we always have the same row. It's not necessarily about the same thing, but the same things get said, we react in the same way, etc. I haven't managed to work out how to break the cycle. I guess we both need to. The thing is, we have always argued, even from when we first knew each other. I hate it, but the fact is we are emotionally very different - and I don't want to blame DP all the time as I am sure I am equally to blame but his parents had a terrible relationship, always rowing, his Dad always shouting, his Mum always weeping, and I do sometimes wonder whether he is replicating that. My parents divorced when I was 18 but they didn't really rwo, certainly not in front of us. It was more of an Ice Age. I'm not some sort of psychobabbler but I do think our parents' relationship cannot help but shape our own in the future.

Kayz - I am pleased you are giving up work because I know you really wanted to. I have such mixed feelings about the whole work thing myself, being forcibly off, in a way. I veer wildly between never wanting to go back and wishing desperately I was back (but only part time). There was an interesting piece in the Sunday Times mag last Sun (not yesterday) about mothers who have lost their jobs in the recession, often in quite high powered jobs, who are now at home. I know one of them personally! They all seemed...really angry about it, and resentful. Well, I don't feel like THAT. I love being with DD and it's not the being at home that I mind, it's not 'achieving' in the conventional sense. But I have been trying to do other things. Well, yet again I have managed to turn this into something about me! Oops, and sorry! Brill about the walking, by the way.

On the subject of working I would love to hear more about how everyone is finding it, being back at work.

Effie, that's super about the house. So are you now looking to buy a place where you are now or will you leave it for a while?

Mom - you are welcome to live vicariously through my DIY experience. It consists of looking at lots of magazines and gettign wildly excited, then looking at our budget/looking at the state of the house (think mess, rubble, fixtures ripped out) and rocking on the floor with my hands over my eyes like a stressed bear at a bad zoo.

Hi all, just back from my hen weekend in Iceland, which was great fun and a real liberation. T greeted me this morning after not seeing my for 4 days by refusing to look at me and shouting dadadada. . That's me duly chastened.

Have tried mini catch up in the few days I've been gone, all I can remember is:

Hi Tortoise, great to have you on the thread. There are some seriously nice and supportive laydeez on here, which is why we've stuck around for so long!

Aubs, so glad DD1 better, am thinking of you while DH is away.

WG, I can totally empathise with the frustration - just when you seem to have your head around one thing, it'll change. For the record, T often sleeps in the car or pushchair (though I confess if I Know he'' drop off in the car I tend to bring a book and pull over once he's asleep and leave the engine running ). Some babies wake up when the car stops (T used to) but now he's ok for at least 20 mins and I can get some poor quality literature in my sagging brain. (Not the only sagging thing, I wore my bikini to the hot springs in Iceland - have dropped at least a size and boobies look like walnuts. Was on hols with bunch of girlfriends and I was the only mum among them and I just looked on in envy at their pert figures ).

Oh, and on the car seat we switched to a forward facing on at 9 months and T definitely prefers this one, though if he gets grizzly we have to put on a children's music CD. I hate the bloody things but he always responds to nursery rhymes.

Kayz, fraid I can't comment on your bathroom as I have not a jot of interior decor style in me, but fingers crossed the job/childcare situation resolves itself. Would you like to give up work if it ends up not much more expensive to stay at home?

LadyT, sorry to hear about the rows, it's so hard, esp when they're big uns and seem to be part of the relationship (or maybe I'm just projecting there). i think it depends on how you feel about it as well. What I mean by that is I hate rowing, it makes me really miserable and we used to fight quite a lot. Quite a lot of personality incompatibility in our case. But others row almost to keep the spark alive and could almost be said to enjoy it. So I think there can be different types of argument, and a lot depends on the balance of power (whether one is always angry with the other etc) and how equal the relationship feels. Sorry I don't have any useful advice. Just that it's tough, I know.

Daisy, it sounds like your DH is under a lot of stress but that doesn't make what he's saying any easier or less hurtful for you. . Hang in there.

Effie, hello! . Good luck for the sale .

The place that DH was going to work have just rung to say they don't want him to work there after all. So I won't be able to stop working.

Hello just about to get out for a walk -

Lady, the scan tomorrow week I won't officially know as it's only the 12 week one (unless dh can read it again like last time ) so will have to wait until the 20 weeker but maybe you can meet up with me then too!
I could tell on here as I don't think any of you know any real life friends... however... I'd be worried that it might accidently slip out on FB!
One friend in RL really wants me to tell her when I know, but i've just found out she has accidently let it slip to a work colleague that I'm pregnant!!! I could kill her! They can't prove anything though, and the fact of the matter is that even if I had started my office job already, i'd have been too sick with nausea to go in so probably had to call in sick anyway as I'm only now starting to feel less queasy!
Right, must get out of this house for a bit......

Glad you had a good time, Spot. What's it like there? As to the rows, they add nothing to our relationship but heartache. We both need to find a way of not going down the same destructive path. Hmm.

Kayz, I'm sorry

Rubes, that is naughty of your friend. Tch. People who can't keep secrets are a pain.

DH is now unemployed and we can't afford our holiday we've booked and having number 3 looks unlikely now.

Kayz, that's terrible! Can't he go back to his old job?

No they have already processed his notice. I thought that he would be able to go back as his notice was only handed in on Saturday.

I think that seems very unfair.

Oh no Kayz - sorry x posted - I take so long to type a blimmin post!
Why do they not want him at the new job, and didn't he get a contract or anything to sign? How can they do that? Why did they change their mind? Sorry I can't remember what your dh does

It's the same place he was laid off from last year. Apparently he had 1 unauthorised absence when
he was there before so they won't take him
back. But on Friday he was told he had the job so that's why he handed in his notice.

All I have wanted since DS1 was born nearly 3 years ago was to stay at home with the kids. I feel like shit and now I have to go to work.

Oh kayz thats awfule news! Surely they can't have got it off to HR or whoever that quick! How horrid of them, its not like they could even have found a replacement for him yet surely?

X-post kayz

what does he do kayz?

He just works in a factory. That was what he was going to be doing. He is going to ring all the factories tomorrow and see if there is anything.

Well, I think both places of employment are being beastly to him. I am so sorry and I really hope something comes up.

over one unauthorised absence they won't let him work there? That's a joke, and even more of a joke that the last job won't let him retract his notice. Hopefully something will work out

need to post and run for the train, but sorry to hear about your DH Kayz . If they're going to react like that I'm sure they would have been shit employers anyway, but not much of a comfort at the moment. I have to say my dad has worked 12 hr factory shifts for about 30 years and I'm not sure he;d recommend it to anyone - he has the opposite problem in that they can't afford to lay him off while he'd love to potter about with a redundancy payment and a p/t job. Working in that culture is no joke (though I remember the days of social clubs and children's christmas parties and free hampers! long since gone).

So sorry to hear about your DH, Kayz, my post now looks extremely crass in retrospect