DEC 08 - Barely into toddlerhood and already at our tit's end

[MomOrMum]

Tit's end...had to be done.

Hope this works!

Trace, FWIW, I think you are deffo overanalysing it. From how you have described it, it doesn't sound like a test. But I quite understand your slight paranoia because I think if I was seeing a consultant who was supposed to be assessing my state of mind, I would be wondering about every tiny thing they said. I think that's a natural reaction! So - don't beat yourself up on either score.

Kayz, do tell your friend about my lazy 14 month old who can't be fagged to go anywhere (or stand or anything requiring physical effort, bar extreme stretching for things).

As for wishing for the next stage, Kiwi, I don't do that so much but this not eating malarkey is doing my head in. It is so exasperating. I find it easy to be patient with DD - except over this.

Right, not much on telly so will carry on with my book.

trace yes you are over analysing it, definitely!! Can undertand your worrying about it but I am sure they are not doing secret tests on you!

LadyT the not eating winds me up too!! Grrrrr....does your DD eat nothing? It's so hard not to get actually obviously frustrated with them, but it doesn't help, also I spoke to the health visitor and she said it's the one thing you shouldn't do. He is a bit better of late though.

kiwi no I'm not really wishing this stage away at the moment, but I think we will all have stages where we do if you see what I mean. DS doesn't say anything yet, or really obey commands either. Never sure how much he understands. My SIL and I were saying that that "expecting" book is a bit optmimstic. I think it was that one anyway.

zj that one upmanship made me laugh! Though you might find that she's just one of these people that says something stupid like "oooh, she must be walking and talking" and then realises that it wasn't a very sensible thing to say and just keeps on digging. You never know, she may be cringing with mortification as we speak!

Thanks Trace. That is really helpful. My friend thought they would be pleased as she is now sitting up and is eating everything she is given. But they just moaned about her lack of movement.

LadyT I did tell her about O and her non-moving. Do the HVs say anything to you about it or are you like me and you just don't see them?

Hello, just need to jump in and say Daisy where are you (I mean physically)? I would help if I could, I've been through it and its very difficult - I could take the kids for a few hours if need be.

Summer, she eats her porridge for breakfast, happily, and she will eat fruit puree if I give it to her. But if I give her stuff to eat herself she usually just won't bother (except blueberries or biscuits or possibly toast) and if I try to feed her now apart from porridge she just won't let me. I think it may very well be her teeth but she is such a dainty little thing and getting a bit too dainty, it worries me. All she really loves is formula.

Kayz, I am sure the HV would have a ton of things to say but for the sake of my blood pressure I avoid her so I don't have to hear them. She's awful. Last time I went I mentioned DD wasn't crawling (this was in the summer) and she just suggested tummy time and putting interesting things just out of reach (even though I told her we had done this a million billion times). And when I was going to put her in nursery for 2, possibly 2.5 days a week, she basically said that I would be causing her trauma. So I can't be doing with her...though I do have to get DD weighed soon so might have to bite the bullet.

Brr, it's chilly here.

Do you try her on savoury food all the time then? My DS is similar, fruit puree, yoghurt, readybrek his favourites. He is back into his sodding HIPP organic jars too now though (which is good, but wish he would eat other stuff!). Could you give her porridge for tea too if you are worried? I did this (on veggies advice) when DS was waking up hungry in the night. It did work, in that he slept longer. He's being a pest in the night again now though....grrr.

Trace I can completely see why that would be playing in your mind, but sounds like pretty standard Dr behaviour to me. Also very entertaining to then claim that taking P off you and giving her back when she cried was a tactic to settle her. It may well be, what do I know, but it sounds a bit like 'Dr always right'. I also think that it wouldn't be a reasonable test of your mental health in any circumstances because it would be so dependent on how P reacted - what if she'd been fine? Hooray for L though.

Hmm have got a bit of a mard on against the medical profession (sorry Mr Rubena and Jump). Have had quite a lot of contradictory advice this last week all delivered with same absolute authority and no acceptance that it might be an opinion rather than absolute law.

Inspired by some you - and following the advice of some of the friendlier types in the wider mumsnet - we've ordered a superking bed today. Am so excited about it. This is what my life has become. Better go - DD is still up and shouting. DS is slightly better, but still not back on form. Had a hideous temperature this afternoon but it seems to have calmed down.

Daisy am thinking of you and your family.

Thanks Summer. She won't even really eat jars now. Those organic pots used to be bankers (forget who makes them, but the savoury ones - maybe Plum baby or someone) but she's even gone off those. We really have tried everything - fingers of omelette are v nutritious but she is just not interested. She is even fussy about fruit - eg she will eat fresh pear and not fresh apple

Urbane, I am absurdly pleased about your bed. I am a great fan of superkings. You will love it.

Hello all, have caught up now! Might lurk a little more but won't go away completely! Skip over this now for those of you not interested as I will more than likely ramble!
Thanks for all the support re the CS threads and for those of you who haven't dabbled in a little advanced search, I must clarify that it wasn't really a CS basher thread - (however as Lady did clearly point out the title of the thread did imply that general tone) however it was more a case of me opening my big mouth as only I can in a less than tactful way thus not getting across what I wanted to say in the manner I want to say it throw in to that the fact that I am not tactful at the best of times, and quite hormonal
There was a mis-understanding on my part (I guess highlighted by Summer - and no Summer I'm not offended ) but I do stand by what I said (well what I meant anyway, given I chose to take the word "over hang" as fat rather than what I think the other thread contributers were referring to as some kind of flap of skin which can result after a CS procedure if that makes sense)
I didn't put enough information in of what I was trying to say either, and therefore it sounded worse.
Urbane - I do agree with you that the medical profession can be difficult at times and I'm sure there is a class in Med school teaching how not to communicate well, however one thing he and I always agree on is most things are an exact science. I'm firmly in the camp of unless there is a medical condition present, if you create an energy deficit you have to lose weight, barring any medical condition. That said, you can bugger up your metabolism by eating too little calories. The body goes into starvation mode, and If you do this long enough, you can actually eat fewer calories than you expend and gain weight, or you can stay the same weight, lose muscle tissue and get flabbier. I've done so much research on this, I should have done it for a living - love me or hate me I have a bit of a thing about getting fat therefore have spent hours pouring over websites and ear bashing dh to work out how not to, and basically over at the CS thread, there was an implication that having a CS sometimes results in an ugly "overhang" to which I replied, if anyone has an overhang after a CS, they probably would have an "overhang" whether it was a VB or CS or words to that effect, as I think it's more a result of too many calories / not enough exercise and you can imagine where it went from there! However Summer pointed out later that she thinks they are referring to a flap of skin which hangs over that has been a result of scar tissue or something - in that case it shouldn't be called over hang! It should be called a "protruding" or "raised scar" or something lol, and they shouldn't imply that it happens in a lot of CS's!

Right, I have gone on way too long, way off topic and been way too self centred, and that, coupled with the fact that dh just asked me "how overhang-gate" is going, is my cue to shut the heck up....
apologies in advance if I have offended anyone, or attracted any unwanted attention from upset emerg CS-ers with unfortunate over hangs which I now know the meaning of (kind of - ok still not really)who may do a little advanced searching and find themselves here....
Oh and yes I really think I should just lurk a little more than I post until these hormones settle down.... yesterday I told my B that his GF is a hypocrite! I know I have offended some of our very own on here at times and I'm truly sorry for that so please forgive - i'm working on it

Rubes I think you only really offended that one woman to be honest, I think the problem was you were trying to defend c-sections by saying they are not that bad and you don't have to have flabby overhang, etc, and in the process managed to offend people who think they do have it!! Ooops! Not worth worrying about though i don't think. Ha ha at overhang-gate.

Rubes, you really do worry too much and you mustn't. To be honest, the question that started the thread was a bit dodgy and pointless anyway (if sections were done vertically would fewer people have them) so it was never going to come to any good and was never going to go down a happy route. Just put your feet up and forget about it, seriously

On the subject of weight, I find it very hard to lose weight and I suppose people just assume I eat too much and don't exercise, which isn't actually true, but that's my problem and will have to sort it later in the year now (though I am being super careful about what I eat and still exercising).

Urbane, I do hope your DS is feeling better.

And I hope Daisy's weekend isn't too bad.

Right, off to London to walk my legs off

Rubes don't worry. People really shouldn't be offended by what's said to them online by someone they don't know in any case. Also there's a whole host of people just waiting to have a fight.

LadyT DH keeps referring to our new bed as a john player special. It will basically take up our whole bedroom, but hey ho.

We had a screamathon from DD last night. I think it's teeth, but also she knows what she's about and was quite happy pottering around in DS's bedroom when we'd finally given up on her sleeping (DS was of course asleep sprawled out in the middle of our bed).

Fingers crossed both DCs seem on form today. Which is actually all I wanted for my birthday [saddo emoticon]. Am having blissful morning - macaroons from lauduree, champagne, long bath and some lovely presents from the DCs and DH. Including a Michael Buble CD from DD which is a real gesture of love from DH as he has proper music taste and am sure a small part of him died when he bought the CD. And we're going to the anchor and hope for lunch. Yum. DS is a little disappointed as all his friends are not coming to share my cake . LadyT enjoy your London day.

Ooh and meant to say sumer my DS went through the same eating thing at a similar age and it used to drive me mad. DH was a lot more patient though, and just used to give him stuff again and again. Eventually he started picking up other things and eating them. But it did take months I think. Partly it was just leaving things there for him to pick up when he felt like - it used to take him aaages to eat his lunch. I know everyone probably says this to you - and it is really annoying I know - but I'm all for just leaving them to it. Provided you're not offering them junk they get what they need.

ZJ grrr at competitive mums. Sigh. Right. My hair is drying into v odd shape.

Just been checking when my library books need to go back online. Apparently the potty training one I got out yesterday needed to be back on Friday. So will have to go and sort that out.

Oh lovely Rubs, you poor thing. I can soooooo understand those hormones and also your feelings about overweight. Yeah it's probably your little bit of crazy, but sweety we all have one little thing that if at one moment in time all things conspire to push the wrong buttons bang! We go off on a mental trip and make complete nonces of ourselves. I think that is what MN in for half the time, stops us doing it in public, if only men had a forum like this. And for the record I have had 2 lovely natural non hospital non medical births and I've got an overhang. You can quote that whenever you fancy it. I think it's just what you get with pregnancy not the style of birth. The more weight I lose the worse it gets. Hey and you've given the tutters and suck kissers something to tut and suck kiss about.

Trace I can say with absolute certainty that giving your child to a stranger to help settle her is not a medical technique. I think your consultant fancies herself as a bit of a parenting expert, she probably has a couple of impeccably behaved children and thinks she knows it all. I agree with Urbane she thought P would settle with her and when she didn't she turned it around to make it look like she knew that would happen. It a HP trick...I promise now never to do it again.

Summer & Lady, I really feel for you, from the bottom of my heart. All I can say is try not to stress try to make meal times as nice as possible try not to bring the stress into it and just go with what they want. One thing I would do which I didn't was put the food that they refuse out anyway. Don't make them eat it but just seeing it makes it familiar. I didn't do that and I wish I did. DH listened to a podcast on 'Super tasters' the other day. They have been doing research into taste buds and fussy eaters and in some cases people have extra taste buds like loads of them and it causes oversensitivity to flavours. In most cases it makes most fruit and a lit of veggies (esp broccoli) to taste bitter. Anyway DH was telling me about this in the kitchen. It makes sense and we both agreed this could be what DS1 is experiencing. Anyway a couple days later we were having dinner and DS1 announced that he would be able to eat the vegetables because he is a super taster! Cheeky monkey was in the loungeroom and had heard our conversation about supertasters!

Urbane loving the bed too. We currently have a big ole bed for. DH, DS2 & I and we've actually moved DS1's bed in right next to ours. Sad I know but when we first moved in we just put our mattresses on the floor and all slept together until we set the beds up. Then we put DS1's bed in his room but we all missed each other so we moved it back this way and we're all happy. We know one day the boys will have their own room and will be more than happy to have their own space and shut us out so for this short time we are enjoying it.

Oh gosh it's Sunday happy birthday Urbane!

Oh Rubes... Lol at overhang-gate. But I am sorry it stressed you out. I love to occassionally venture out on the wider boards but only if I am up for a fight. People hang out their just because they want to argue and prove others wrong. It's like a sport. I really would not worry about offending people, they wouldn't bother with the thread if there wasn't potential for a fight.

I am having a REALLY rough weekend with DD2. She is acting like she did before Christmas when I posted about not being able to read her like I can read DD1. She is complaining constantly. The soundtrack to my life is "aaaarrrrrrggggg" "mamamaaaaa" and the occassionally full on "waaahhhhh". My nerves feel totally frayed as even in the rare minutes of quiet I am anticipating the next whine/cry/yell. Maybe it's teething, maybe it's a stage but heck maybe it's personality and she is always going to be harder to comfort, amuse and settle. And if that is the case I have to learn new ways to parent and stop letting it get to me so much. I love her to pieces but her temper scares me. I even cried in a cafe just now because I thought a change of scene might distract her but the moaning just carried on and we were in public so it seemed worse. DH is a star but the fact he is so much more patient and calm partly serves to highlight to me that I am not. Urgh. I am off for a jog by the river to clear my head. On the bright side DD1 is being gorgeous and when I cried she gave me a huge hug and told me I was her best friend in England.

Oh Rubs, please don't stop posting because of what happened on another thread! But re: overhang-gate I suspecy you are right. I've had 2 CS and have no 'scar overhang', just a fat gut which would have been there after a VB tbh

Aub, sorry to hear DD2 is being a bit of a PITA. Hope its just a phase.

Things here are pretty shit, DH is drinking too much, not really crying. The funeral is on Friday and this week is going to be so tough, so I am just going to try and get through this week and take it from there. My parents are back from their hols on Tuesday, and I really need them right now, even if its just to take the DC's so I can spend some QT with DH, which is just not possible (in the NW Njan, but thanks for asking and offering).

DH's brother has just suggested Abba 'I have a Dream' to bring the coffin out to . I think the look on my face said it all. Anyway I have made another suggestion, DH loves it and I hope his brothers/sister & FIL do to. I think MIL would like it. Its 'In the arms of the Angel'. Anyway, I rambling, oh and I am doing a reading at the funeral! If anyone has any thoughts websites to direct me to please help.

Oh veggie are you about?? DS had his MMR & pnemococal (sp?) on Friday. his leg from the oneumococal has become very, very red and swollen. He is walkin okay on it but is much grouchier than usual. Is it normal? or should I get the Dr to check it out tomorrow?

my spelling is terrible!!!!

Daisy, thanks for your advice on the other thread. It means loads to me. How are you coping?

I'm so-so. I am so focused on making sure I'm there for DH, I don't really think how I am feeling at all. Not sure if thats a good idea or not.

LadyT My sister used to worry terribly about her DD not eating (and she still eats like a bird) but she got a book from La Leche. I borrowed it a while ago, it's called "My Child Won't Eat!" and its a bit, well, La Leche-ish in places but there is some interesting stuff in there. THe main thing of interest is that it says a huge proportion of children go through a phase somewhere between 10 - 18 months where they seem to suddenly go off food. It's obviously a worry for their parents but it usually coincides with the point where their weight gain naturally starts to slow down. It makes the point that people expect a 2 year old, say, to eat twice as much as a 1 year old but that's obviously silly cos if you kept doing that you'd be eating the entire supermarket for tea by the time you were 10.. I guess it just says "don't worry, it's normal, they all do it, try to relax" which isn't terribly helpful in some ways but is in others IFSWIM. DD went thorugh a stage like this at about 10 months and I found it really stressful too but she now eats like a pig (yet is still tiny ) and I try to chill out about it.

I have a new computer and am loving the fact that it's not taking 3425325 hours to load this thread. Hooray!

I went round to my parents earlier, they are such rubbish grandparents. They make no effort to childproof their house and then get a bit "oo get her away from that" when DD goes near anything interesting (i.e. involving buttons, shininess, lights...). She waves frantically away at my mum who just sits there looking at her not even waving back. Honestly, how they raised two kids is beyond me, me and my sister must have entertained each other from a young age!!

oh daisy this is so tough. hope you take this week one day, or even one hour, at a time and hopefully get a little time to think about how you're feeling too. Thank God for your parents.
kiwi was it you that mentioned your dd constantly lifting your top and wanting your boobs? P is exactly the same! She manages fine at nursery with just water and meals, but if I'm in the room she just clings to me and yanks at my clothes. If I give her a boob she sucks for a few seconds then stops, so I put my boob away, and straight away she's trying to get back in! So frustrating!
Sher's another one who's off her food too, but not to the extent that some others are - you do have my sympathy. She is normally such a pig and would until recently eat almost anything but has now refused her dinner for the last 4 nights. She won't let me use a spoon with her and just drops everything over the side of the high chair - unless it's a bit of cake or a satsuma And she would eat yoghurt all day I think, as long as she was allowed to hold the pot and scoop it out with her entire hand!
Anyway I must go.
Ooh nearly forgot to say happy birthday urbane Hope your day continued as it started...sounded lovely!

Trace that's exactly what DD is doing. Driving me nuts! Like P she's absolutely fine when I'm not around but the minute she sees me it's "Hello mobile dummy/milk factory, get 'em out!". I suppose the answer is to do more stuff, take her out, distract her, but sometimes you don't want to spend the day outside when it's rainy and cold ... Please please let it be a phase that ends soon!

Daisy sounds like a localized reaction, should be fine, sometimes the nurse can be a bit rough with the injection or just the muscle around reacting a little it'll be ok. The grumpiness is either co-incidental or making all the antibodies is causing a little yukky feeling.

Poor you Daisy all this going on around you and you still have to be the mum, just keep going.

Aub I have the same thing with DS2, I don't seem to have the same connection with him that I had with DS1. He also complains a lot more than DS1 and has at least one mini tanti a day. I tend to ignore him when he throws one but we are at home usually when he does it. It is starting to be a little easier as I'm seeing his sweet little personality more but it hurts a little that I felt so connected to DS1 so early but well we'll see.

We had a nice weekend, DS1 had his first ski lesson yesterday so DH and I took turns to do some boarding. It was brilliant it felt so good to go boarding again. The only thing is now I want my own board, i've always wanted one and if I go more often I think it would be worth having one. Today we went for a cycle into the town center and DH took DS2 so DS1 and I could go to a coffee shop together, it was quite nice, we haven't done that for a while. Oh and lastnight we took the boys to dinner to a place called Pirata familie restaurant. It's brilliant all pirate themed with a really cool play area and they have napkins for the kids that double as a pirate bandana, it's so cool. We all really enjoyed it DS2 was running around the play area jibbering to all the other kids and DS1 wore his eye patch and had his little pirate sword. They went mental. DH nearly got into a fight with a little kid who kept hitting DS2 and taking the toys he was playing with.