June 2008: New Year, new thread, new names, new words, new goals, but no resolutions!

[abdnhikinginawinterwonderland]

New thread since the last one's at 997 posts...

Bit of time to post now...

Spider sounds like a sensible decision re: highchair. One less battle...

Amber might Mark be won over by the idea of a couple of early mornings possibly leading to a proper full night's undisturbed sleep?

On the housing side of things we're already far enouh out that we have to drive anywhere nice so I suppose that's no different. It's just the idea of moving across the city border that's psychologically hard. Schools are an issue. Based on inspection reports alone (which don't give a full picture) they're no worse than where we are now. I'm only keen on one of the three catholic high schools in Edinburgh and houses in the nice areas in the catchment area are pretty ££££££££££. We could get lucky and pick something up but probably quite small which wouldn't suit us at all! It would also be in the burbs but without the garage, 2nd bathroom and 4th bedroom that we could get by moving out if Edinburgh.

Housing - hahahaha, I suppose I live in one of those 'real' villages! No pub here, though.

Spider highchair issues? Beat this - Iestyn went in his highchair tonight but totally refused to eat after he'd taken the edge off his hunger until I took him and his plate through to the tv room. (And tonight I was tired and I'm by myself all week...when I can reason with him and he can respond I'll deal with these issues...)

One born every minute - God, that little baby. I had to give myself a stern talking to throughout that ad break - 'surely they wouldn't show a dead baby out of respect for the family' etc. So I guessed he was going to be ok but I was actually shouting 'breathe, breathe!' at the telly and getting upset.

Where is everyone today? It's a lovely day here.
I've arrived at work and the University flag is flying half mast for my colleague today - it's his funeral and a memorial at the University as well. It's quite moving seeing the flag for someone I knew.

I don't like Essie3 (it's silly with the number)
Essie by itself is taken
I want something interesting with Essie in it.
Considered BossyEssie (true ) but felt it was too revealing...

Amma is what Iestyn calls me!

snow day here - DS1 off nursery so I'm busier than normal and trying to sort out getting work...

That guy was atrocious on One Born . Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy - 'you're not going to be able to do it, you'll labour for 24 hours and still have to have a ceasarean... this is all your own fault." Nice. Looked like his management training really worked . She did so well despite him! They didn't seem too worried when the baby was being resuscitated

Essie, I like the new name

DG, the schools issue is such a biggie isn't it. Plus schools can change a lot in 10yrs so you could move near a 'good' one but by the time S goes to high school it might be (seen to be) rubbish. I don't really like league tables etc and think they give a very narrow view on what is a 'good' school. Even Ofsted reports can distort views unfairly. I think unless it is a really terrible failing school, then with the right support from the parents any child can do well at any school. I went to a crap school but it was just all the kids whose parents didn't care who brought the figures down. There was a minority of kids from 'normal' families who did really well. I say buy the house you love in an area you like that is big enough to make life easier!

Aaaargghhhhh! Am trying to hire a travel cot and car seat to be delivered to my friend in Surbiton on Sat morning, but the company I used last time doesn't seem to be around any more and everyone else uses couriers, which is no use as they can either deliver on Friday daytime which is no good or charge a fortune for a Sat delivery but won't guarantee time which means our friend might not have the car seat in time to pick us up from the station. Grrrrrr.

EssieAmma - I like the name. Sounds very moving re the flag.

Weather miserable here. Snow then sleet. Pah!

S just had his swine flu jab so at least I got to come home early!

Abdn - you're so right on the schools. Some of the areas we're looking at are building a lot of new 4 bed detatched houses which I think will attract lots of middle class residents which can only be good for the schools. Hope that doesn't sound a bit snobby - I grew up on a rough estate, went to a fairly average school and still turned out ok!

Yeah I think there is too much hysteria nowadays over schools - but our local schools are pretty good so it is easy for me to say that

DG, Does your friend now anyone who has a car seat she can borrow for the morning? Surely she must know someone who has a baby?

I see what you are all saying about schools, but I do slightly disagree. My school was atrocious and while I did ok, 4 of my brothers who are really bright did appallingly. All the other boys in the school spent their evenings chatting up girls and mucking about and so they did to. A school that has no real academic standard is harder to do well in as its not the norm. I think this is particularly true for boys, as they are often more peer focused and easily led.

My local primaries are excellent, the secondaries are very variable. Houses in the old-grammar (boys/girls) school catchment areas fetch about 200,000+ more than elsewhere in the town, because its 80% success at gcse rather than 60% - and if it is your child and their future 20% is a lot. I do understand why those who can pay it, unfair as that is to the rest of us

I agree with Sybil

Oops, just realised I've attributed some schools chat to abdn by mistake!

Thanks for your schools chat sybil - food for thought. The schools in the area we're thinking of aren't particularly bad, just not particularly good like the one in the area I'd like to move too! However DH and I are reasonably agreed that we don't want to live in a too small house of mortgage ourselves to the hilt to live in that particular catchment area. I guess it's all about getting the balance.

Anyway sorry, have been monopolising the thread with my house and schools musings so will stop now!

I ordered my MacBook today

Goddess I'm typing on my MacBook right now . It's lovely!

It's so difficult to know what is the right thing to do about schools. Where we used to live, my friends and I got very worked up about it. We were in a no-mans-land between catchment areas and I was worried that they wouldn't get a place anywhere good. I promised myself that I wouldn't get so hysterical when we moved up here. Where I live now there are plenty of good schools, so there isn't so much pressure (although now we're fretting about 2ndary as DS1 is yr5).

How are you feeling Amber?

neenz our local school wasn't okay so I'm not so sure it's as much hysterical as practical - we had thought it would be fine but then as DS1 approached school age and we began to see more problems in the area, we realized we had to move. The other thing for us was that all the families we were friends with and had thought "oh well, the kids will go through together at least" had all moved away before us...

That being said, I think DGT has the hit the nail on the head - an average school is fine, it's the ones that aren't average that just aren't ok. The primary the boys will go to isn't exceptional according to the reports, but gets marked as at least good across the board. That's good enough for me, especially at this stage where I want them to develop as much socially as academically.

And the new houses in our village have all been higher end (large 3 bdrms) and although it's led to overcrowding at the school, there's a lot more young families in that part (we're in the older (1980's) bit) that it's great for us.

Hi all, enjoying the schools banter. I went to an OK school in a shit area. There were lots of ability levels and everyone in the middle did ok. The people who needed more help struggled and that's those at the top and the bottom. People who were academically bright didn't get pushed at all and were left to their own devices which would be my concern. That is of course assuming Luke is the child genius I hope him to be!! We are lucky as the school down the road (secondary) is in the good schools guide and whatever happens Luke should really get in based on our location.

Rolf - thanks for asking I am much better other than my constant cracking back ache. I think Luke has had a growth suprt and seems to have put on three stones overnight. It's really bad and I tried to get a massage today but they said they wouldn't touch me in case I was pregnant. 4 more mornings to wait to find out! I don't feel very pregnant I must say.

Neenz - I am going to leave Luke when he wakes up tonight. 4.45 this morning and the cumulative effects of waking up this early are taking their toll on me. I don't think he is old enough for one of those clocks - he would just want to play with it. He knows about moon=night and sun=day but it makes no odds and would just be a lovely new thing to chuck about and pull to pieces. I will give it 10mins before going in to shh him. and then keep it going like that I think. Mark won't do the earlything as I expected. He said it would all just go back to normal again as soon as we swapped over and he may well have a point.

Essie - like the new name much better than Tedibers!

Thanks for all the additional schools chat. I was actually speaking to a slightly hysterical mum and baby friend who lives in a posher area than me, but still in the same current catchment area the other day and she was banging on about how she'd put her name down for a nearby private primary just in case 'cos all the schools round here were shit. (They're not, they're just not 'brilliant).

Abdn my DH sort of works in the education sector and he says that 'good' on inspection reports is darned good because schools have to go to go through a lot of hoops to get that.

I always get the sense that there is loads of pressure to get into the 'right' schools in the South East - much more so than anywhere else in the UK. Unfortunately Edinburgh has such a massive private school sector (something like 1 in 5 kids go to private school) you're almost made to feel like an alien if you dont plan on sending your kids to private school. So another good reason for moving out of Edinburgh - all the brightest kids might still actually be in the state sector...

Am making headway with the baby equipment hire. Bless my friend, (he does know people with babies Neenz but there was nothing doable as we'd need it for the full weekend) he said 'can I not just go to John Lewis and buy what you need?'.

Amber sorry about the backache. I've got everything crossed for you. Shame you couldn't persuade Mark on the early mornings.

to everyone else, sorry for recent batch of self-obsessed posts!

Goddess the friend you describe is me 6 years ago . All the schools I was fretting about are probably "better" than the school my children are at now. We spent hundreds of pounds on "registration fees" for the private schools, too.

I don't love everything about their school, and some things really bug me about it, but on the whole we're happy with it and I'm getting a bit more confident about intervening when I'm concerned

Good luck Amber (with Luke and Monday ). I would just put the lamp in the corner of the room, not so he can play with it, and set it on a timer so it comes on at 7.30am, and keep going in when he wakes and say 'time for sleep - when the light comes on it's time to get up'. He won't understand at first but he might get it after a couple of days, and if he doesn't you haven't lost anything.

DG, yeah I'd not thought about the rest of the weekend! I was just thinking to get you home from the station. That is very sweet that he offered to go buy the stuff!

It does sadden me that homes in a catchment area of an 80% 5 A-C school are £200,000 more than 60%. 60% is hardly bad - my school was less than 30%. The 20% who don't do as well probably wouldn't do very well at the other school either. And I always wonder what about the 20% who don't get 5 A-Cs - what if your kid becomes one of them! and I think the figures get cooked now don't they - they don't have to include maths and english in the 5? Fiona Millar (Alistair Campbell's partner) is very good on this subject - she thinks everyone should send their kid to the local school and if it not a good school then get in there and do something about it. She sent both her sons to the local London comp and they both went to Oxbridge (and had no extra tutoring). Brave woman, it's hard to take that stand when no one else does, not sure I'd be able to do it.

neenz our minister sent his kids to the local school in his old parish and it was in a horrible area - I have so much respect for how they stuck to their beliefs. I'm not
willing to take that much of a gamble.

DGT - good is just one level up from acceptable and I've seen acceptable and it's not so it's nice to know that good really does mean that... It kind of gets diluted by the fact that there's very good and excellent categories as well.

rolf and sybil - yes, I think kids need a peer group that is motivated and interested in learning. I'm looking around at DS1's friends and feeling relieved that I can see those kids already. DH always says that he played dumb a bit in school to stay friends with people, fortunately he still got into the university course he wanted.

Amber thinking of you!

Very quick post for Domestic, we live an hour away from Surbiton and can lend you a car seat and travel cot for the weekend if that's any good?

We could have dropped them up there last weekend if we'd known!

Anyway, bear it in mind if you're stuck .

p.s. best argument for rural living seems to be getting out of the school catchment dilemma... all our rural schools are fine but in the city there's definitely a huge financial premium on certain catchments.

I'm back - needed to change Michael's nappy and put him to bed.

Was sick yesterday , bug going round nursery - Alex was sick on Friday and poor old Michael caught it too which was a bit of a worry. Not like he has any weight to lose . Then I felt really crap yesterday - lucikly mum was here and A was at nursery so I was able to go to bed. Slept from 12-5pm and then went back to bed at 7pm and slept til 7am ! Feel much better today .

One Born Every Minute was v traumatic on Tuesday - Essie, I had the same feelings that they wouldn't show a baby who'd died but it wasn't looking good for a while. M went blue and stopped breathing a few minutes after he was born - he was lying on my chest and suddenly went floppy, the MW was brilliant and kept talking while she brought him round while I was trying to remain calm. And that was only for a minute or so - nowhere near as long as they had to work on that baby on Tuesday. It was the only time I felt sorry for the dad, cos he looked very frightend. The rest of the time I wanted to hit him!

Schools - I agree with those who say average is fine, but I wouldn't send my boys to a sink school. I am politically opposed to private education but wouldn't hesitate to send them private if the alternative was somewhere where most kids would barely scrape 3 GCSEs on a good day . I couldn't sacrifice my children for my politics. We're incredibly lucky here cos our schools are some of the best in the country - one of the reasons why the house prices are so ridiculously high!

Talking of house prices, our house is now on the market, so we're having that horrible stress of having to keep it clean and tidy every day - not easy with a toddler! Haven't seen anything we like yet, but more and more stuff is coming on every day so we're hopeful.

Right, back off to bed I think .

Sponge All that sleep sounds lovely, the sickness does not!

We moved house to get the girls into a good primary school as the one where we were living before would have not been good for them at all. It was on a main road and the kids could only play outside for 20mins a day due to the pollution, also has a negative report. The one they go to is rated outstanding in all areas by ofstead and it is very reassuring knowing that they go to such a good school. Secondary's around here are very mixed, there is a very good small (120 intake per year rather than 240) girls school in the next town which we are in the first catchment area for which will fab for the girls but no idea where to send ds!

Yeah I agree Sponge, I would really struggle to send my kids to a failing school, even though in my heart I think everyone should go their local school. But you can't use your kids as guinea pigs can you. A school that had a 50%+ pass rate at GCSE (including maths and english) and a 'good' from ofsted... I'd be happy with that. There are two high schools in my town and if one was getting 80% but the one closest to us was getting 60% I'd still want them to go the closest one. They are good figures IMO. I am opposed to private education but DH really wants them to go to private school. But with the number of kids we're having I am sure we won't be able to afford it .

He says he doesn't want to find out the sex of this baby at the 20w scan [spoilsport]. I said he could choose this time cos I insisted on finding out with the twins. I don't care what it is, I am just impatient, Apparently there is some crazy gender website in the US where you can upload your scan pic and some crazy ladies tell you what sex they think it is! So I am going to do that [crazy lady]

Sponge that's really kind of you! I've actually managed to get it all sorted, but next time we visit our friends I'll definitely touch base with you first. I didn't even think about it last week when you said you were going to Surbiton. Aww, isn't mumsnet such a great place sometimes?

Sponge you won't be surprised to hear that I'm idealogically opposed to private schooling too, so couldn't imagine ever considering it. I do completely respect the decisions of parents to send their kids to private schools, but it's just not for me. I agree I wouldn't send S to a sink school though as long as I was fortunate enough to have a choice.

Rolf glad to see you've seen the error of your ways . It's good that you feel confident enough to intervene, I can't help but believe a school is as good as the parents who get involved in their kids education.

Should really get back to work!