Nov 09 and we're feeling fine, feeding, burping, not enough sleeping - that's us!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Just thought I'd better create a new thread.

Raggie how about a trip to Burford?

I'm still waiting for this mythical no-poo period. Does every baby go through it or just some babies? LO is 7 weeks now and still pooing several times a day.

In order to increase my oat intake I am baking these cookies

Laugs That sounds miserable! Sorry you and the DC have to put up with them

omg his farts really are smelly. and [tmi and they smell like mine why is that?

scarlotti It sounds like you had a lovely time with your friends. Have they got older children or were they desperate to know what life with a baby is like?

It's really liberating when you first BF in public rather than lugging yourself off to a designated cupboard, isn't it?

I think I will buy What Mothers Do for my SIL who is pregnant, but with strict instructions not to read until the baby arrives. I don't think it would make much sense until then. Oh and she really likes her sleep, so I don't want to burst her bubble too early.

longway those cookies sound delicious, I might try them myself, although I was thinking of revisiting Kyte's choc chip cookies.

I wonder how she is getting on? I often wonder about those who were on the Nov antenatal thread with us but don't post on this one. I hope you're all doing well if you're lurking!

Those with older kids, do you feel guilty for really relishing the time they're not around? DH has just taken DD to nursery and I had to suppress a long, slow AAAH as they closed the door. DS and I will be having a very lazy morning I think. But then I also feel bad that I never spend any time on my own with DD. I'm going to try and take her to a group tomorrow so we can have some fun together on our own, no boys allowed.

Laugs I too look forward to waving ds off to nursery. I spent most of yesterday just holding Anya, staring at her and watching her sleep! It was so lovely. I remember doing this with ds too. Dh would get home from work and ask what I'd been doing all day! It has to be done, they don't stay so little for long!

laugs yep i def find myself relishing the quiet when ds1 is at school but lo is still asleep and yep i feel a bit guilty too!!

scarlotti congrats on the bf it can be a bit intimidating at first. I find the UK a bit too baby friendly nowadays hiding bf mums in some special room!! Basically france is totally non-baby friendly i'm lucky if i find a baby changing area even in a "family" restaurant! I'm now a pro on discreet baby feeding!

Well today is LO last day with me. Monday, he's off to the childminders!!I can alreay feel the tears (from me not LO !) Can't believe i'm back to work not sure i'm really ready to starting thinking again (apart anything non children related!)

On the oatmeal front if hobnobs work do chocolate hobnob work...or maybe just chocolate on its own (hopeful emoticon)

Laugs no, it's the first for both of them. Funny as they were both desperate to look after the pram when I went to get cash and to hold him when we were in the restaurant! I told them to read the book on maternity leave - my first friend to drop needs permission to slow down and needs to know it's ok to be 'doing nothing' otherwise I think she'll give herself a hard time.

I love the sound of the door closing on everyone as they leave for work/nursery/school Peace and quiet descends and I can just get on with my day with DS2. I enjoy DS1 far more when I collect him from nursery and then DD comes home from school an hour later and we have a few hours before DH comes home. I like that time, just me and my dc's.

Have a friend coming over tonight for a catch up and drinks DH is out with work friends and DD at her friends so will be a proper girls night for me. Looking forward to it actually as will let me get my frustrations about DH off my chest, and this friend is very rational and good at sorting thoughts out.
Struggling with DH a bit at the moment. Last night at 10pm he announced he was off to bed (in the spare room remember) as he was so tired I've been giving bottles now at 10pm for about a week and he's not done one. He could do the bottle whilst I pump and I'd get to bed half an hour earlier ... but no.
Am getting very at the situation.

Those of you married or with long term partners - do you ever think life would be easier if you were on your own? Trying to gauge if my musings are normal or not...

maman hope you enjoy your day with LO today. sorry you're having to go back before you're ready too. Just remember that LO knows no different - life to them will be mummy working and them at the childminder, so that will be what is normal. Once you're back and into the swing of things it won't feel quite so gut wrenching.

scarlotti what are your musings?

sometimes I feel like it would be easier, as dh doesnt do much as he is at work but then when he is home he doesnt help me much. I feel guilty when I have to ask him to do something. but i realise that without him it would actually be harder for me, as i'd need to be working a lot and wouldnt have the childcare a lot. Dont get me wrong, I love my dh with all my soul, just annoys me that he doesnt think about could be done when it comes to the kids and just leaves everything for me.

What you need to do scarlotti is get in before him and say "I'm off to pump then going to bed, he'll need his nappy changed after you feed him" This works with dh.

Although I can see where you are coming from, I'd be lost without my dh. He's been helping out lots lately, bathing and putting ds to bed every night and sometimes cooking dinner if I'm lucky. I mean, he winges about it, but he does it.

Trikken Iknow what you mean about feeling guilty asking them to do things. I have to remind myself that they are not my children, but our children, he wanted them as much as I did and their care is as much his responsibility as it is mine! Wow, didn't mean to go into such a rant!

turtle welcome back, hope you're well.

laugs spooky - I was just thinking about kyte and all the others not posting on here. Hope we'll hear from them sometime.
What a pita abput the neighbours, why do people think this is acceptable behaviour?

scarlotti definitely don't think it would be easier on my own, but i do enjoy it when dh is away - he works from home usually, so it can get a bit too much sometimes. I have to say though, he's been really good with helping out, but doesn't count night time as time i need help... well, i've not touched on the subject but am thinking about it. same reason as you, i can express while he bottle feeds.

pavlov i suppose ds eats whatever you do so it kind of makes sense. we had some shockers smell-wise when we gave formula. bf poo so much nicer. i also tried the laid-back feeding trick - she did it! well, at first she tried to latch on to anything in the way around the boob, but then she got it! looked sooo cute from that angle too.

i must resist the urge to get her to latch on though, thrush and nipples still hurting. sounds like you're hopefully past the worst, laugs.

aaarrggggghhhh!!!! bloody snow! house is leaking!

sorry, one hand typing...

longway site added to favourites, thanks. i also try to eat lots of oats - had to give up biscuits as i seem to have actually put on weight rather than drop... i have a pot of mullerlight yoghurt and cram as much oats as fits in the pot into it, eat, repeat when cake craving strikes again. yum

scarlotti-I'm on my own and can safely say that I find it easier. But then again exH is a knob. If you have a DH who is even company for you then dont even think about wishing him away!!!!

Glad to hear you are managing ok on your own Turtle. It must be tough.

Scarlotti I do have the odd fantasy about life being easier on my own, I think because then I could know exactly what I was doing, be in control of things etc (damn DH for being his own person ), but I think the reality, for me anyway, would be far harder. I am lucky that DH is a night person, so - when it works - I go to bed after James' cluster feed at 10ish and DH stays up to settle him until 12, 1, sometimes 2am and just brings him to me for feeds. Luckily he'd be up anyway, or I would probably be doing it. Have you spoken to DH about being more helpful? I agree with TOK that I normally have to ask DH to do things before he's suggested otherwise. Like the rest of you, I seem to have to ask him to do stuff, rather than him taking it on himself. This annoys me quite often but I must be in a good mood today... I hope your girl's night in sorts things out. I do miss having a few drinks and putting the world to right.

Skorpion The midwife suggested I do skin to skin with DS while I wasn't feeding him on my breast, to keep up that instinct. Have you tried it? I have to say I found it hard to encourage his interest in rooting, but then give him a bottle instead, but it's nice to have that closeness.

scarlotti i am totally with you. Do not get me wrong, i love DH, and would not want to be without in him reality. But certainly i wonder if it would be easier if it was just me, and then i consider that it is because i like to be in control, and am not very good at things not being done my way, or having to 'discuss' things every 5 seconds, or compromise. I think, i know how to do xyz, why do i have to discuss the 'right' way. or 'why do you have to discuss it, just bloody do it' DH says of course i don't want discussion as it means i might not get my own way. Very true. I long for when he is back at work and I can just get on. I am sure it will be easier with the kids, house and all if he is out of the way each day for a while. Not that he does not help, but i guess, while he is here, it is just never enough/right. So, i think your musings are probably normal for this difficult period of newborns, esp with other children. Do you think it is more than that for you?

Oh and talking of being in spare bed. Oh that would be nice! It was only after the industrial revolution that people started to share beds as a married couple. People used to have their own beds/rooms, and joined together for a bit of family making and when jobs meant people moved to the city, with more houses built, denser population, and smaller rooms, people had to compromise on space, so bed sharing became the norm. So, we put on all this pressure, how it can damage relationships to sleep seperately blah blah, but it is normal! And is done i beleive quite commonly abroad. I would do it. If i had a spare room!

Dh works so is out of the house all day, but then does very little to help at night either. He does get up with DS1 but then he gets to get a full night's sleep in the spare room.
I'm fed up of coming down every morning and clearing away their breakfast dishes (how long does it take to put the bowl in the dishwasher ) and then clearing away all the dishes from dinner when I've cooked.
His Mum was a sahm and did everything for him, and he's now in that groove here. When I work he cooks and so it seems more balanced.
It's not the stuff I do that I resent, but the being taken for granted. I've said that I have no adult contact (much) and so would like some interaction of an evening but I don't get any really, we just veg in front of the tv.
I guess I feel unappreciated and his actions indicate that I'm not someone worth bothering with on any level other than practical domisticity. Hard to bear as I usually work in quite a dynamic environment so am used to having my opinions sought out and matter.
I brought DD up on my own for 9 years and know how nice the feeling is to clean a kitchen/house and have it stay that way until the next time you use it!!

Am not alone I'm sure, and it's probably just an off day!

laugs exactly the same, it is easy for me to forget the bits that help, like him having both the children yesterday morning while i lie in bedtil 10am as i had a rough night with Reuben from 4am. If he was not here, i would be up at 6am with both, like it or not. Or, he has taken Bella swimming this morning so i can tidy her bedroom and get her train track set up/sleep and MN. But i love your description of it being a 'fantasy' exactly what it is

scarlotti know exactly what you mean about having a tidy house/kitchen til next time you use it. It drives me mad. DD can only make so much mess. I don't mind cleaning up after her, and teaching her as i go along to put things away. I don't enjoy doing the same for DH!

scarlotti I also get that feeling of being only there on a practical level. Last weekend I was feeling quite down and as I was drifting off to sleep I thought of the phase 'she's a shadow of her former self' and thought that was exactly how I felt: like a shadow. Now that seems really melodramatic, but that's how I felt last Friday - like I was just existing for other people, not even as a person in my own right.

Perhaps you are so deep into baby world (and how could you not be) that you and DH need to reconnect? I think we do too. So you and DH both have your nights with your friends tonight - why not send him an email at work today and suggest to him that you spend a nice evening together on Saturday night? You could mention that if he feeds DS while you are pumping then you'll have more time on your own together to watch a film or get an early night together.

On separate bedrooms: DH falls asleep on the sofa most nights and comes to bed some time in the early hours or sometimes not at all. This used to drive me mad, but I am getting to quite like my own space

me too. dh doesnt seem to be able to put things in the bin or put plates in the sink. love it when its tidy.

Oh, the feeling like a shadow of our former selves - i had my 6wk check yesterday. Not Reuben's. Mine. DH said, you need to take Reuben with you though don't you? No, its my check.

Then this morning, he said to me 'did you ask the Dr about whether Reuben can use carvol for his virus, did he say anything about Reuben's virus?' I was like 'NO, it was my check, to see if i was ok, not Reuben, not Bella. Me' hmph. He got the point 'oh yes of course, not suggesting you should have asked'

I'm quite untidy I have to confess, but when I do clean I like it done my way. I really have to bite my tongue seeing DH doing something in the kitchen or elsewhere that is not how I do it (for example he never wrings out a cloth properly to wipe surfaces so just spreads the water around... oh, even thinking about it now annoys me! - how petty is that?) I didn't care straight after giving birth, but it's starting again. But he does things around the house without being asked so I guess that's good. He's always adamant that the house is spotless when I'm away (i used to go to Poland for a week every year before Lucy was born), but it makes it hard to believe it when I constantly pick his socks up to put in the washing bin - his socks have special magnets sewn in that correspond to magnets implanted in the carpet three inches away from the bin, you see? Argh, this post wasn't supposed to turn into a rant, honest.

No, I wanted to say that I too feel really strange, like I'm not myself at all. I belong to somebody else, it's just hard to say if I feel that it's my mind in a stranger's body or the opposite - it changes like that. I've also started to feel quite claustrophobic, weather is not helping here. I suddenly catch myself thinking that this is it now, this is my new life, no going back. Of course, I forget that it will not carry on like this forever, I will start thinking about other things in life, not just boobs and nappies, but it is difficult to imagine the end of that now. I'm also struck by how things have changed for me and not necessarily for dh, he's out tonight in Brighton saying bye to a couple of friends going away and I'm stuck at home. I miss my old freedom sometimes, I miss being completely in control of my life.

But, oddly, then I look at Lucy sleeping sweetly and somehow it doesn't matter that much.

I'll be doing skin to skin with her after her bath tonight, laugs.

Nice to know I'm not alone with these feelings. I think a lot of it is to do with the fact that he has to be reminded to do stuff, which then takes the shine off it iyswim.
So I tell him I'm feeling the strain of no intellectual or social stimulation and he agrees and can see how that would be the case ... but then does nothing about it. If I ask then he'll give me the obligatory pat on the head, but won't do it off his own back. So this leaves me feeling as though it's insincere as I've asked for it, and the feeling that if he stopped to think about me for just 5 minutes he'd remember/realise how I feel and might think of doing something small to alleviate it.
With the dc's it doesn't matter a jot as it's not their responsibility and they actually do stop to do something to show they care!

skorpion we must have the same carpets as there are magnets in mine too

Shame I didn't know your dh was coming to Brighton - that's where I live and you could have hitched a ride with him and come for the girlie drinks!! Spare cot upstairs for Lucy!

Decided at about half 2 to take the dcs out for a walk. Bad idea. Melting, slushy ice and pushing a buggy with a heavy 2yo and baby in are not a good combination. I have a feeling my arms are going to be aching tomorrow because I am sure I used muscles I didn't even know I had! I suppose its one way of getting back inot shape

Bil is having ds tonight and keeping him until tomorrow evening. Dh is cooking dinner (my first rare steak since Anya was born, I can't wait!) and I am going to demand a lie in tomorrow

Do any of your dcs have cradle cap? Anya has it on her head but it also looks like its on her eyebrows-is that normal? Is it just detinox shampoo that you can use on it or is there something better?

Skorpion Scarlotti i understand too..it has become a little better since I stopped BF..but I am fully prepared for a year of it like it was with DD1..however that was because we moved to Ireland for 8 months so I went nowhere for months with no friends or family. I think it will be easier this time around. I hope.

Laugs I can't wait to be alone..in a way am petrified but I know i'll have to deal with it. if one screams I have to let them whilst dealing with the other. At the mo my mother is there so am so detached..i.e Spoiled

Going for supper with DH tonight as its his bday. I hope we don't talk about kids all night! Perhaps I'll discuss his lack of compassion for Charlotte..or should I just let it develop by itself. I just love her so much can't imagine that he doesn't feel the same way.

Scarlotti am willing to sell it..it was used very little. Let me know if you'd like it.