Fab Feb 2009 - 9 months in, 9 months out, now they're sitting, standing and crawling about

[TheHAUNTEDHouseofMirth]

Here we go again!

My ds1 has the same idea of sharing too. I tell him, "that's Luke's toy" and he yells "NO IS MIND" tut so I tell him if he's going to play with Luke's toys and not let Luke play, then Luke will play with one of jACOB'S TOYS. So I give Luke Jacob's favourite teddy/toy and that soon getsJacob to give up Luke's toys or eve better play nicely.

I felt really awful last night about how much I'd yelled at Jacob yesterday. I told my dad I didn't like Jacob very much yesterday and he thinks that's awful (fwiw I think it's quite normal isn't it? I still loved him, I just didn't like him.....) Dad thinks I'm not doing enough to discipline Jacob and what I am doing cleqarly isn't working so I need to try something else? But what? He did not know.
I told him I am doing all I can and Jacob is just a normal 2 year old, He seems to think that Jacob can't be getting enough attention. Dad has clearly forgotten what it's like trying to juggle 2 lo's and mumsnet. I do the best I can, but maybe it's not good enough, I don't know.
I normally feel like I'm doing a great job but I have the odd days where I think I've got it all wrong

Anyway, enough moaning from me
It's NYE, is it too early to crack open the booze

lbb i'm a bit at your dad. from what i know of you on here you are always thinking about what's best for your kids and thinking of ways to deal with tricky behaviour. i can't imagine you not trying your very best to give both of them attention and if you start listening to 'advice' about how much to discipline you'll be prone to changing what you're doing without considering it properly therefore you'll be ping ponging between different disciplining which will confuse ds and make things worse. 2 year olds misbehave (yes, even those that are paid constant attention and disciplined to within an inch of their lives)and some days drive you mad and absolutely lead you to think you don't 'like' them on that particular day. the bad news is 3 year olds misbehave, 4 year olds misbehave and i'm fairly sure come next august i'll be able to confirm the same for 5 year olds. but they also have moments of sheer loveliness that make it all worth while.

don't doubt yourself.

and you really should use this opportunity to ask your dad to look after the boys and come for a couple of drinks next monday to give you a break?!

kbn Thank you. I know you're right. I nearly always do what I feel is best for the boys and as far as discipline goes, the only other thing to try is actually hitting him and I am not doing that. Dad thinks I should give him a tap on the back of the hand or something, but how can I punish hitting with hitting? Just doesn'r make sense does it?
Let's remember my dad is a man, and we all know what they are like. A bit stupid.
I can't have my dad have both of them. I know they'll be asleep, but just in case. The man is 50. I'll see if mum will have 1 at her house and I can crash there and collect the other 1 from dad's in the morning

Hello all! Happy New Year ! An enforced absence from Mumsnet due to a bust laptop but am in the office today so trying to catch up with you all. Too much to read in one go so just skimmed this page...

4th Jan meet-up - hmmm, this is the DC's first day in the "new" nursery and I have to pick them up, but could probably come back up to Victoria and leave DH to put them to bed. Probably wouldn't get there til 7.30 so maybe just a drinkie for me... Will double check with DH, but would love to see you all and catch up in person.

LBB I feel for you! I've had a rough few days with the DC's - Orlena in particular. Yesterday was so bad I was driven to drink and had a glass of wine at 3.30pm . The afternoon went smoothly after that ! Sam's being really clingy at the moment and doesn't like being left to play - you need to get on the floor with him. He's also sleeping really badly so we're really tired at the moment.

He's recovered from his bronchiolitis, thanks Dinky, but still has a bit of a cough. Heis appetite is back with a vengeance and he's now tolerating wheat which makes life so much easier.

Lovely to "see" everyone chatting away but got to get some work done now - will try to stop by at lunchtime. Not sure how long we'll be working today. Anyone else at work?

Happy New Year everyone! Nice to see everyone crawling out from under the piles of laundry and small people or wherever it is we've been hiding.

DH is baking a cake with DS1 and DS2 who are desperate to crack some eggs. I am MNing with DS3 glued to me as per usual. And waiting for my cake.

Hello - just a quickie to wish you all a very happy new year

Will catch up tomorrow x

Bought DSs first birthday present yesterday ...where has the time gone?

that's me - piles and piles of laundry - where does it all come from

LBB, totally agree with KBN ref your dad. Like you say, he is a man and what the hell do they know?

who mentioned laundry? I'm just ploughing myself through bags of washing that we left here in the summer and half of it doesn't fit anymore so just ironing to put in the charity bag. Can almost see the sofa in the sitting room now

The sun is definitely over the yardarm somewhere in the world so might just open a bottle of something in a minute to make it less painful.

LBB it would be great if you can join us next weekand STW if you can escape. Just explain to your OH its a very important committment

Happy new year everyone xxx

Did a huge post and the computer ate it at MIL's - will try again...

LBB - MOS and KBN speak alot of sense. We all have good days and bad days - its part and parcel of being a parent. And somedays we dont like our DP, ourselves, our DC, the world at large - the key is to understand that everyone has good and bad days and you need to draw a line under the bad days and start each day afresh. Jacob is only 2 and still adjusting to having a little brother - who is now mobile and demanding even more of your attention (with having to rescue him from places etc) so he's bound to act up - just repeat ad nauseum "this too will pass"... And DS1 is the same as J in being rather interested in Danny's toys too but not too fussed about sharing. In fact Danny has now developed a very particular "I want my toy that big brother is playing with" cry. And FWIW I agree - hitting to teach that hitting is bad is not a great idea - and really rather antiquated given the many other techniques that can be used with small children such as talking things out (to help them express in words what they are feeling rather than lashing out in exasperation), reward jars/charts, naughty/thinking step etc which dont teach that bad behaviour is bad by applying more bad behaviour to correct it Hope you can make it on Monday - sounds like you need a cocktail or two

Herbgarden - lovely to see you on. Glad your planners are more helpful than our useless planners - our 2010 resolution is to try to get our house sorted. Laundry... plan is to have a laundry zone when we do our place up with a washing machine and drier in a cupboard complete with fold out ironing board . Never thought that would feature in my ideal home - my how life has moved on

Swampster - liking your style - your menfolk certainly know the way to a lady's heart

STW/S - glad Sam is better and his appetite is on the up too. Would be lovely to see you if you can make it on Monday but understand travelling home in rushhour, picking up kids after first day at new nursery and then turning around and travelling back into London may be abit much. Drop me a text on Monday to let me if you're going to make it or not - if not, am sure we'll make a meet up at some point.

MOS - its rather common that people that live in that fabled land of greenery/sand with personal space aplenty get rather apprehensive when faced with the sardine run that is london transport So, Monday meet up is going to be at Giraffe - is at 120 Wilton Street really near Victoria tube - my mobile no is on Facebook for anyone that cant make it. More details can be found (including map of how to get there from the tube) on www.giraffe.net. Suggest meeting at 7 - though as is near Apollo Theatre may be busy until 7.30ish anyway (which will let us get some cocktails in ) So is me, Nkweto, MoS, KBN and possibly STW and LBB so far. Any more takers?

Wishing one and all a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

ps MOS - hurrah for your DH (a) feeling bad about his rubbish presents this year - will definitely make him up his game next year and (b) getting you some good gifts - DH gave some of those gifts to his sister (she works for a NGO and is really into gifts like that) and that money really will make a huge difference for those 3 kids

STW I hope things get better.
dinky Thanks
He has been very good today. Right up until he picked up a plastic phone at the indoor play area we went to and smashed it into his little friends head (a different friend to the one he did it to the other week)

Hope everyone has a happy new year.
I have a friend coming over maybe. If she does come, she's bringing her 8 year old dd and a load of Polly Pockets. Why I told an 8yo that I used to collect Polly Pockets.......she'll want me to play with her and I will secretly love it

hello all... trust ye lot to get mad chatty while my pc is dead! dp had to scour and install everything from scratch again as the hard drive our system files were on decided to try and eat itself.

going to take me months to get all my favouites back

hope you're all having a happy new year... A has been practicing his walking all afternoon as the little praise junkie had an audiance (my parents). little sez, i totally agree its much more fun when they're mobile.. all three of mine have just been frustrated and cranky before they were able to run around but were much happier on their feet.

the ice is finally retreating a bit here so hopefully i can finally hit the sales this week

hope you're all well... need to go find my email inbox now... been so long since i did anything other than click on it in favourites i may never find it

just settled down for some Mn before work but can hear some shouting so off to investigate why cant he just sort it out oh yes i forggot he doesnt have (.)(.) .........BBL

Happy New Year and all that.
Crappy New Year here, DH decided to walk out on us yesterday morning whilst I was giving DD and DS breakfast. Fuckwit.
No idea where he is but he has taken his suitcase, most of his clothes and his passport. doesn't even sum it up

oh no MOS... how are you doing ??

Is it a strop or is he really gone ? If it makes you feel any better/worse.. my DH is going to move out this mont ...

are you ok ?

hi nkweto I was suprisingly calm yesterday during the day (when kids around) it only really hit me late last night/early am.
I thought it was just a childish strop at first but when I started looking around the house he had taken a lot of stuff, most importantly his passport and both ours and the kids tickets back to KSA next week. Not sure if he has got an earlier flight.
I realised for definite last night he wasn't coming back when one of his friends phoned (female half of married couple who are H's godparents) They were due to visit us for the day on Monday and he phoned and cancelled and told them he'd walked out as 'he'd had enough'. She was lovely and had me in tears as she was so kind bearing in mind they are HIS friends for 20+ years and I've only met them a few times. She was shocked and furious by his behaviour and said they are still coming Monday anyway regardless of whether he is here.

I'm so sorry about your news too, is it definite? How are you doing?
Are you going to meet up Monday? Maybe we can drown our sorrows together as I'm hoping that even though fuckwit has gone, DD1 might babysit although won't be able to do a really late night.

sorry got caught up with nappy changes !.. Yes definitely coming on Monday and yes it is definite is moving out... lots of things that I would rather not share on the world wide web ...

you are doing incredibly well..but don't hold back on feeling angry if (when) that comes...

oh deary me, that really is a shocker..

Am being strong and calm (at the moment). Have dug out all mortgage paperwork, phoned building society (thank god its all in MY name)and talked to them about changing the term to reduce the payments. I'd shortened the term a few years ago (god only knows why) but by changing it back I can change the payments from £1,500 pcm to £380 pcm which is doable. One less thing to worry about if the fuckwit stops contributing financially. Will phone council tax people Monday to sort out 25% reduction.

I will survive

oh god MOS and Nkweto I'm so sorry.

MOS what a child he's being just leaving without you knowing where and without a real explanation. and taking your tickets too? just to show he's got full control?!

i don't have much time on here just now but please find someone to babysit on monday and we can discuss properly.

lots of hugs to you both.

Thanks KBN...

MOS lets try our best to make Monday (even for a short while..)

I have to go and do shopping etc, etc.. but MOS you sound very organised on the financial front. I was doing the figures last night and this year is going to be very, very tight...

Oh MoS and Nkweto - am so incredibly sad to hear about your DHs and sending you big hugs. What a terrible start to the new year Perhaps a little time apart is all they need to realise what is at stake and how important you and the kids are to them - am hoping so anyway. If you can make it on Monday please do as would love to give you support in person but no worries if you cant. And we're all here to support you and for you to talk to/rant to as you need.

Cant really talk now as taking kids out shortly but really hope you're both ok (MoS you sound surprisingly in control - hope you are feeling as well control in real life as you sound on here) and your beautiful children and managing to put smiles on your faces despite everything else going on.

MoS and nkweto I am so sorry to hear about your dh's.
mos yes, you will survive and good for you for being so organised in sorting finances out.
I really cannot make monday for a few reasons (mostly money tbh) but I hope there are a few there and mos and nkweto get a bit of support face to face.
Sometimes it's easier to talk to you guys than RL friends I find.
I don't like slagging my dp off to my RL friends because then when me and dp make up, I feel like I've muged him off iyswim.

Anyway, if I'm at home, fb is normally on whether I'm infront of it or not, but feel free to bitch to me about anything. I love a good man-slagging session

Chin up girlies, it'll all work out in the long run.

Don't really know what to say.

{{hugs}} to you both

New Year, new name.
Say bye bye to littleboyblue and hello to SilveryMoon.
That's it now, never to change again.

SM, nice new name, suppose I'll have to change mine now I'm no longer overseas and it looks like I won't be going back. Maybe to 'singlemumof4strandedinuk'?

KBN you are SO right, it is all about control. Thinking about it, when we were in Saudi I wasn't allowed to keep my passpprt, his company held it and on a few occasions, ie when I wanted to fly home to visit my mum when she was sick, he said I couldn't leave without his permission and he wouldn't give it. I suppose its a power thing.

Ref Monday, DD has said she will babysit but as she is only 13 I won't be able to stay too late as don't want to leave them too long. DS1 goes back to school tomorrow pm

dinky have to be in control. Been here before. Ex husband f*ed me over financially when we split up many many years ago and left me in a lot of debt. I won't let that happen again.
My main concern is the DCs school fees which DHs company contributed towards. If he wants to be nasty he will stop that so need to plan ahead, hence changing terms of mortgage well in advance, just in case. You know how childish men can be.
He really is very very foolish though. You just DON'T mess with a divorce lawyer
At the moment I'm obviously very angry and think that has taken over my emotions. I'm sure all the tears will come soon though.

SM, good that you and DP are getting on ok now, I remember that it was a daily occurence you slagging him of you came out with some very choice words for him and I must try to remember those for DH

i like it SilveryMoon

mos and nkweto... i'm so sorry both of you are starting off the new year on such an awful note.

whether the splits are permanent or temporary i hope the end result is that both of ye are happier.

if either of ye fancy a chat via email or FB i'm on the pc several times a day, it can be easier to talk about these things to people we don't have to see face to face afterwards i find

{{{hugs}}} for both of ye