December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

No way Clairey, moving is hard whether it is round the corner or round the world. Don't underestimate the effect it MAY have on your dc's. Some adapt easier than others. Dd2, no problem. Dd1, still stressed by it three months in. She is very much a child of routine, she even cried yesterday because she is now having swimming lessons in the afternoon rather than in the morning - even such a simple change was too stressful for her!

Good luck, stay strong, and get as much advice as you can from MN. When you read some of the threads about splitting up/moving out etc there is some excellent advice.

I lost my post

Glad you had a good birthday, Buzzy!

I don't think it is so much about a geographical move, Clairey, than it is about being a big upheaval in your and your DCs' lives, IYSWIM, so I think you are allowed to be stressed by it all!

Suey - it sounds like the visit to pyschiatrist was very carthartic for you.

Just popped on to see how beckle got on today at the doctor's (how did it go beckle? Hope he set your mind at rest) - only to read about what a rubbish time everyone is having

suey - So sorry you are having such a crap time but as always I am in awe of your pro-activeness (if that is a word?) - that si so great you have sought help and it has indeed helped. Hopefully you have caught it early on this time and the ADs will prevent things going further. Isn;t it amazing how deeply our births affect us? I can still get very upset when I think about DD's FOUR years ago.

clairey - hope you are safe now to say what you want. Can't believe he has been checking all your emails too - further proof that you are absolutely doing the right thing. Have you decided to stay put for now then? And my God, there is nothing pathetic about being worried/scared about this huge huge step you are taking. Like clara says I don;t think (for the DC particularly) there is that much difference between moving 100 miles and 5000miles. Hope all our reponses helped you to clarify your own feelings about it anyway.

buzzy - what a horrendous situation. He is clearly being a c*ck and you are clearly being a saint. Your poor DD all excited about her holiday to see him not knowing the whole story. I have always been so in awe of mothers who are able to speak so nicely to their DC about their ex-H (if he has been a real bastard). I really really hope I would have the dignity and generosity to do it (as you clearly do) but I honestly doubt that I would. My mum still refers to my dad as 'that bastard' 20 years after they split up - and I do know how damaging it is, but it must be so hard. So well done for managaing it despite everything

Thanks DrSkid, but I don't think I'm really that saint-like. A large part of me now can't wait for him to leave us just to get on with our lives and make it 100% responsibility to take care of DD's wellbeing. Which is pretty selfish. I just hope that I can fill the gap he will leave at least partially.

Beckle, how did it go?

DD2 is either talking or singing almost non-stop at the moment, the only time she stops is when she's asleep! She's obsessed with keys too - which is a bit of a problem when I need to drive the car - I have a toddler in the back screaming "my keys!" for 10 mins after we set out...
And funnily enough DD1 is obsessed with cars - she has to identify every car we drive past (Honda, Ford etc) and keeps asking me what sort of car I think she should get!!

Hiya, thanks for asking Skid and Buzzy. DD was really good for the doctor and let him examine her eyes quite thoroughly. He said they looked healthy and were reacting properly and that all the nerves at the back were fine but that he couldn't check from different angles as she kept looking straight into the light. He's sure that she's fine and that the pale eyes in the photos are caused by her slight squint and suggested I chase up her opthalmic appointment (she has to be seen yearly as DS2 has a very bad squint, very long sight and a lazy eye) and if I still wasn't happy after that to come back to see him again. I chased her opthalmic appointment and it is on 3rd December so not too long to wait and the person she will see will be an eye specialist which is good. It's funny because although I noticed her squint as a baby (it really is very slight and not all the time) I hadn't noticed it was still there (bad mother alert). I do feel a little reassured and hopefully the specialist will agree with the doctor.

Buzzy, its lovely when they sing and chatter all the time, DD is just the same (and similarly obsessed with keys). Could you get her a spare set to play with? I also think you are being a bit of a saint when it comes to your exH, you are a fab Mum and always seem to put your DD's feelings ahead of your own reactions to his arsey behavioiur, that can't be easy.

behaviour (not sure where the random extra "i" came from there)

HI everyone long time no speak

Lovely to see you all still busy in the post natal group thread, sorry that so many are having such a naff time recently.

Is anyone else's little one quite aggressive? DD used to be the same and at least this time round I keep telling myself she grew out of it so will he but I seem to be the only one at toddler group having to watch their DC so carefully to try and prevent him hitting or pushing another child. He usually does it when he wants a toy from them or if someone takes what he has but like I say, other kids seem to just cry or run away to their mum whilst my DS takes matters into his own hands. He is a sweet boy don't get me wrong.

I can't believe our "babies" are coming up for 2, has anyone thought of birthday parties ? We are having a low key affair of a wee party tea in the afternoon with a couple of games and party bags etc.

hey brb,
DD is only hitting me! having a bit of a problem with it at the moment, but hopefully teaching her the difference between a tap and a hit, also that a high 5 is ok to hit hard, but not on the face or using anthing else is helping.

We get back from hols on DDs birthday, so we'll have low key tea and cake, i think.

Hi BRB, DD can be agressive but only with certain children who she knows well. She is more prone to taking things though and teasing other children with it It's funny to watch but not a good habit for her to be in! I think DD will also be having a low key, cake and balloons type party although I've got a couple of months yet so probably won't really think about it until Christmas is out of the way.

oh good, that sounds really positive beckle. I'm sure the opthalmologist will confirm it in December.

hi BRB - DS isn't very aggressive but I definitely see lots of other toddlers who are and never think anything of it (easy to say when it's not your own DC I know). Like you say it is just a stage and he means no harm. It is hard though when it feels like everyone else's child is behaving perfectly.

I will be away in DS's bday but we'll celbrate it when I get back - definitely very low key after the stress of organising DD'sbday extravaganza!

I've just had some horrible news - my dad has cancer of the larynx. They have caught it really early and the prognosis is good but it is such a shock. He had an operation because he had a lump on his vocal cord which they said wasn't cancerous. They did some tests after the op and it turns out that it was cancerous. He needs 6 weeks of radiotherapy and hopefully that will do it. My poor lovely dad

Skid I'm so glad they have caught it early though and fingers crossed the radiotherapy will totally zap anything lurking and he'll be totally fine. Still a worry though I know.

Thanks for reassurance that other kids are hitting out etc and from DrSkid that you don't bat an eye at other similar kids at playgroups etc, sometimes I get really upset (not from pulling my hair out from me knowing how sweet he can be).

So sorry about your news DrSkid so glad they have caught it early.

Oh no DrSkid how horrible for you and the rest of your family.

BRB - my DD2 is going through a bit of a hitting stage right now too. Advice I was given was to put arms in front of your face so they can only hit your arms and say stop.

I've always been pretty determined not to speak badly of the ex to DD1 - my father spent 30 years trying to convince me that my mum was evil, so I think that's the reason. Strangely with him it escalated over time rather than got better and 1 day when I was 36 he rang me at work with "evidence" that he believed she'd had an affair and he thought maybe I wasn't his. I haven't talked to him since - so I know how destructive that sort of thing can be!

Ahhgghh just noticed my post from earlier didn't go through!

Dr Skid, sorry to hear about your Dad, good they have caught it early.

BRB - DS gets very grabby with his toys, he doesn't like to share. I keep telling him that he should share but don't think the message is getting through. He doesn't hit other babies but he hits me a lot. He also likes to grab my boobs when having milkies and he has sharp nails!!

Update on DH job, was supposed to recruiter guy weds but he cancelled as his grandma died. recruit then rang dh on friday to rearrange meet for monday, apparently he was at the company when he got the news about his grandma, but still spoke to the guy at the company about dh and the company are keen to interview him. So looking very hopeful. Onluy prob is that although houses in sheffield are cheap we may have alot of difficulty selling our house - we've lost about £20,000 of the purchase price, and houses in our street just aren't selling, so may have to sell it even cheaper

Skid - really sorry to hear about your dad, like everyone says at least it sounds hopeful that they have caught it early, sending out get well vibes to Pa Skid.

Buzzy - how awful, I just don't understand how people are like this. I love my dc's so much I cannot understand how anyone would want to do anything to hurt or upset their own children. To me their happiness comes above everything else, doing anything to compromise that just seems unnatural.

BT - good news and bad news! Hopefully you will get a buyer for your house, I am a little out of touch on the housing market situation at the moment but surely it's got to start getting better sooner or later? Good luck to your DH.

My dd2 has always been fairly aggressive, she went through a stage of hurting me and dh and will still pinch her sister, or pull her hair. I do worry that we are going to be the parents called in for "parent teacher" conferences at the school about her behaviour, but we are working on it and now just threatening the naughty corner makes her think twice....

Right off to make some bread for the morning.

Ok, I hate to boast and wouldn't normally do this but I am so proud of dd2 and there hasn't been much to be proud of with her as she is such a scamp and usually up to no good...anyway she has started to draw faces! She has been doing circles for a while and now has added two dots for eyes, another for nose, a straight line for a mouth and even some sort of approximation of hair. I am sure this is a lot earlier than dd1 started drawing faces and I recall that she was early (although I think been caught up by her contempories now). Ok boast over, but feel free to all add your boasts as it's lovely hearing what everyone else's dcs are up to!

oh skid, your poor pa . Hopefully the radiotherapy won't be too arduous and he'll be back to normal in no time.

Clara i'm very impressed with your dd: mine has no interest in drawing, but recognises all of the letters of the alphabet! I think that's pretty good, but i have nothing to compare her with.

I am being a bad mummy today; dd is still in her pjs and pretty much watching back to back peppa pig: still feeling rough with MS and the ADs did the same as last time: ie made me feel much worse to begin with! However, feeling less panicky and sick today: and maybe even a bit more positive about life. Bring it on! But have decided on a duvet day, DH is at work all weekend so i reckon one day of laziness won't kill dd.

Hi guys

Clara wow I am impressed with your DD2 drawing faces, my DD was about 3 when she started doing that, DS likes scribbling and sticking but all his shapes look like heaps - nothing to make out from them!

Suey that's fab your DD can recognise the letters of the alphabet, very early for her age I would say. Glad you are feeling a bit more positive, don't feel guilty about your DD having a Duvet day too, so many bugs about at the moment it will probably do her the world of good. I feel for you too as my family are down by you whilst your Mum is up here by me, I get envious of friends who can drop their kids off to their parents when they aren't feeling 100%. I was going to chat to you on the antenatal thread about elective section, I think I have done the full 360 now and am 99% sure I will go for that instead of a VBAC, is your mind made up?

BT fingers crossed for your DH getting the job, could you rent your house and rent one in Sheffield if you can't sell your house?

I am shattered, have been so busy for the past few months with weekend social engagements and had a lovely fireworks party to go to last night which meant i didn't get to bed until 1am and the children woke up with stinking colds and in foul moods so DH has taken them out to the park whilst I try and do some chores round the house then have a birthday party to take DD to at 2, I can't wait to be tucked up in bed at 9pm tonight!

We can't afford to rent our house out, what we would get rent wise would only cover half the mortgage! Plus we are tied in for another 2 years to our mortgage deal.
The main problem we have is when it comes to assessing our new mortgage, they will only take DH's income into account as I need to have been self employed for 2 years for my income to be counted.

I'm worrying about things that might not even happen! Dh might decide the jobs not for him or they decided he is not what they are looking for.

Oh Skid how awful , hope the radiography does it's job and gets rid of anything still there.

Beckle sounds promising about the eye.

BRB ds can be quite aggressive, if we are at groups etc I tell him off then hold him on my lap (facing away from me and arms held down so not a cuddle) for a minute before letting him go back and play. Not sure how effective it is but at least the other mums can see I'm doing something when he attacks their child!

Clara wow at the faces! dd is only just drawing them (and still just scribbles most of the time).

And suey wow wow at the alphabet! Do you mean she can read all the letters? DD (3.5) can read 9 or 10 of the letters and is considered advanced at preschool for being able to do so so your dd must be super advanced. Get yourself to the g&t threads!

Erm clever things ds can do....erm..........

(his alphabet song is still very cute "Douggiewoo egg Y and Z")

Skid I too typed a long response about your dad which MN consumed and spat out.... Gist was - very sorry about the news. Sending prayers and general get well soon vibes.

Suey My nearly 4 yr old DS doesn't know his letters so to mini-Suey.

BRB DD shots, screams, the red mist descends and she bites and grabs hadnfuls of fae. It's a delightful time for all. Luckily is only a few times a week. Our response is time out on the naughty step followed by a big sorry and cuddle for the injured party.

Clara DD can scribble!

Ahem BRB DD shouts... not shots. sorry.

BRB i have definitely decided on a section. I am absolutely bloody terrified about being a mum again after the PND last time: part of me feels i will be unwell mentally until this LO is 15 months, which is how long it took with DD to really feel back to normal. The shrink definitely led me to believe that the illness was directly linked to my birth experience and frankly i am just not going to risk that again. My OB also said that it was extremely unlikely that i would be early or on time, given that i was so overdue last time: so I would probably at best have a difficult labour. I also think that personally, a 5% risk of the uterus rupturing during VBAC is not a risk i'm prepared to take.

clairey yes, she recognises all of them. She doesn't recite the alphabet, but can identify each letter individually on pointing: the only problem is she doesn't know the phonetic version: so i am now trying to teach her A makes the sound 'ah' if that makes sense.

suey FWIW my friend had hospitalisingly bad PND first time round after a traumatic birth (30 wk section for Pre eclampsia). She was properly monitored throughout 2nd pregnancy including having a few ADs along the way.

Nearly a year after her DC2's birth seems to have escaped a 2nd bout of Pre-eclampsia AND a 2nd bout of PND.

It can be done - she just made very sure tht she was being checked regularly.

And I think she wishes she'd chosen a 2nd C-section - her VBAC wasn't the whale song hearts and flowers experience that lucky people like me had unwittingly led her to believe

thanks for that, arcadie, it's lovely to hear it's not inevitable. crazy thing is, I know in my brain that an elective cs in the Portland is going to be a totally different experience to my own personal hell that was my first experience, I just wish I could persuade my insides!
Btw good work in only now going into maternity clothes! I've been in my comfy trousers for 4 weeks! And I am wwaayyyyy behind you.