December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Buzzy don't say I'll still be finding him hard aged 8

I think the hardest thing is that he is so full on ALL the time, either because he is putting himself in dangerous situations/breaking things or because he wants cuddles/attention. I can never switch off from him so by the time it comes to takign him on the school run I am already exhausted and out of patience. I see my friend whose 2 year old just trots placidly along behind her without making mad dashes into the road and she seems so together and calm whereas I am juggling bags/lunchboxes/keys, trying to chivvy dd along (dreamer) and trying to hold onto ds who is desperately trying to wrestle out of my grasp and under a car. Makes me tired just typing it!

Nothing wrong really with taking the buggy I suppose except it is such a short way and dd was walking miles by ds' age and I kind of want him to burn some energy out of the house!

Clara hope it all goes/has gone? well today.

Skid at ds2 growing up so fast, but are you sure he is your last?

aaaahgh it's all been delayed by a day. So frustrated. It's to do with a bank account that her dad is opening in the States for her to transfer money into. Anyway we're on for tomorrow, crossed fingers, although now she won't stay with us but at a hotel near the airport as she is flying from the airport in the south rather than in the north. I just want to get it over with!

Skid - I shouldn't have mentioned his nationality! I guess I sort of assumed everyone would already know enough Germans/know enough about Germans to have formed opinions about that nationality, but most people probably wouldn't know too many St Lucians. So when you met a St Lucian male at some random point in the future I didn't want you all to think of this mad ranting guy!

Clairey - take the buggy!!!! Can't you take him to a park after you've dropped dd to let him run off his energy? And stop comparing him to dd!!! They all do things differently, my 2 are so different, I have to keep reminding myself that dd2 will not do x at precisely y time because her sister did.

And anyone (Skid?) who remembers me talking about how dd1 was a total tom-boy, well dd2 is completely different. Favourite colour is pink, loves Cinderella and ballet, sings, dances and twirls around all day long. And I have done nothing different, I guess they are just genetically made that way....

Oh god it's all gone wrong. He's somehow found out. He has taken their daughter's passport. She think's he's also stopping any money being transferred. I have her son at home with me, but she isn't answering her phone and I don't know where she is....She would have to go to Barbados to get an emergency passport and they need both parent's consent! Hopefully they will be pursuaded when they hear the story - he already has two restraining orders against him from previous mothers of his children...

Oh shit, the bastard
Does he know of your involvement? I hope she can get that passoport sorted

oh my God clara - how scary. How on earth did he find out?? Why do you have her son with you? Really hope things work out, please keep us informed

It's a nightmare. I had her son because I picked him up from school at the same time as mine, and lucky I did because then he went to the school to try and get him. She is at my house with both her children but the consulate have told her they can't issue emergency passports without his consent. She has no money and no way of leaving the country. She is trying to pursuade him that the only way he will ever see his kids again is to let her go but of course it is how he is controlling her....

Oh fuck... what a terrible situation

She and my dh have now gone to her house where he says he will give her the passports (via an intermediary...). He wanted her to bring the children and "spend one more night in the house" - yeah right! She is just really hoping he is true to his word about handing over the passports, that is what matters most.

Apparently he found out because the bank called him. I bet if a man went into the bank and asked to transfer a large amount of money into another account, they wouldn't call his wife to check...

On another note, I have basically been looking after her children all afternoon as well as my own, so I had four aged 1, 2, 3 and 4. And BOY was it hard work. ALthough the 3-year-old boy was probably as much work as the rest put together!

Anyway, if in doubt, cook, I had better go and make some supper for when they return, hopefully triumphant.....

ok they are on their way back with the passports...I am hoping that tomorrow I will be able to report that they have safely left the island.....

Oh clara, I'm shaking, how awful. And you are SO right, I just bet the bank would not have done that in reverse circs. Does this mean she can still go but will have no money? How are YOU feeling? Pretty shakey too I imagine.

Clairey, i hear you on the burning off energy front! Can you push him in the buggy then stop off at a playground or something on the way home? DD1 does drive me to distraction sometimes but I can't help but be proud of her "smarts" and therefore can forgive her loads and try my best to find ways to manage that energy and intelligence in positive ways. My other advice is to accept that you can only do the best you can do - no-one is super-mum.

Clara my DD1 is a real tomboy too, couldn't give a fig what she's wearing so long as its NOT pink. Whereas DD2 loves her clothes, is very picky about what she wears and is absolutely passionate about Dora the Explorer. I know there is a school of thought that 99% of traits are due to nurture rather than nature (including intelligence) but I'm not having a bar of it!

Oh my god clara how awful. I don't know what to say. I hope everything comes together and she is able to get away.Also that there are no repurcussions for you and your dh as I assume he now knows you are involved.

Can'tbelieve the bank did that

OK well they have left the island, she has just texted me from Peurto Rico to say they have cleared US immigration, now they just need to fly to Miami, but she hasn't been flagged up as a child abductor so that's one thing at least. She didn't take any money BUT the bank have been clever (in the end!) and frozen the account so that neither of them can get the money without the other's consent. Which is why, I am sure, he was being so nice to her yesterday, "I love you, I love my kids, we have to keep the family together etc" so that she would stay and sign the consent form on the money. She was supposed to take the letter of consent to the house when she went to get the passports but didn't and for whatever reason her husband's colleague who was the intermediary gave her the passports anyway (hopefully because he is a decent bloke and knows what this arse hole is like!).
ANYWAY. She may be able to get him to give her some of the cash in return to agreeing to get the funds released but at least she is (nearly) home and safe.
When I told her son's present and former teacher's this morning they were so relieved. Both said the way he was acting was not normal and went beyond the behaviour of a boistrous 3-yr-old, and are really happy to hear he has been taken away from such a poisonous environment.

OK. I am knackered as awake half the night (partly due to dd2 coming in and out of our bedroom several times) and up at 5am so going to try and have a nap.

Thanks for all being here, I don't have many close friends here to talk to but now at least I can tell those that I do!!! But it's been good having my virtual friends to discuss this with. I do feel pretty emotional about it and had to give up on my exercise class this morning as was going to either burst into tears or fall asleep!

PS Buzzy - dd2 ADORES Dora. Do you have the Pirate Adventure? The songs really get stuck in your head. "I have a little song but I think I sing it wrong"..."Eesa turn the wheel, turn the wheel Eesa..."....

Strandedatsea - thank God she got away. I know it will be difficult without the money but at the end of the day it IS only money, and wanted she needed was to be free and now she is - I'm sure there will be ways to find money for a new start - I hope that friends and family will be able to rally around her to help her until she can get back on her feet - and hopefully her H will let her have the money, in the hope she lets him have access to the kids. I have a feeling she should make sure if she does so that, it'll have to be on US soil and she must keep the kids passports in a safe place.

You know it makes me sick to think that this man has so many rights to his kids when he has treated their mother so appallingly, and yet a lovely man like my friend's husband had to fight a costly legal battle to get access to his daughter by his cheating, coke snorting exgf

oh thank God she's made it - feel a bit emotional myself. What a couple of days you've had - you must be utterly exhausted. Hope you get some sleep and be very proud that you have helped her to do this and that this is just the beginning of a very happy new life for them all

(PS We have that awful Dora DVD and that song 'Isa turn the wheel' is the only thing I like about it - we use it to persude DD and DS1 to do things - Milo eat your spinach, eat your spinach Milo' etc - doesn;t work but it is fun trying!)

(It probably didn't work because you were trying to get him to eat spinach. Maybe "Milo eat your cake, eat your cake Milo" would be better )

strangely enough he's never needed too much persuasion to eat cake...

how are things today? Have you heard anything?

Clara and Skid, no we don't have any Dora DVDs. TBH I don't think DD's ever seen Dora cartoons, so why she's developed such a passion I have no idea!

Clara, please give us more news!! Still feeling quite anxious on behalf of your friend. How are you feeling now - still wiped out?

DD1's father been a complete AH this week - told DD that he wanted to move to the UK because he "likes T's family better than his family" (T is stepmother). Which she took to include herself naturally and spent next 2 nights crying herself to sleep . I only found this out as received email from her teacher to say she'd been "more introverted than usual" last week so I made a point of asking her if she was feeling very sad about anything at the moment and it came out. What a complete bastard, I mean really.

Oh Buzzy that's awful. He really needs to sit down with your dd and explain that of course he didn't mean her. Hopefully he cares enough about her to do this, even if he is a complete w*er to you.

I have heard from my friend, she is back home in Florida and apparently on the phone to her H all the time trying to negotiate on the money. He wants her to come back to live with him for 6 months (and have that in writing) before he agrees to release any but a small amount of the money to her. Don't forget though that he needs her to sign to get the money released as well, and apparently he really needs it to pay people etc (he is a property developer) so hopefully he will have to give in eventually. In a way, although it has been stressful for her to get away, it's a good thing they are in separate countries as it makes it harder for him to come after her and easier for her to resist going back to him.

(deep breath, sorry this is so badly written, trying to do as much as poss while the dd's are quiet with Peppa Pig).

My worry is that this is apparently the talk of the island. I didn't tell many people but of course it only takes one gossip, and I fear that gossip might have been one of the teachers. If he doesn't know exactly who helped her he will soon. But I have talked it through with my very sensible and very experienced dh and he is happy that he won't try and do anything to us (I started panicking with thoughts of contract killers running through my head yesterday). He said if he had been that sort of person he would have come after S (my friend) on the day she left....

ANYWAY. He passed me in my car today and either didn't see me or didn't register me so he can't be after me!

Buzzy - @ your ex-H, what a complete bastard, yes he has some serious making up to do to your pooor dd1

Stranded - I don't blame you for being worried but I reckon your DH is right - he never would have surrendered S's dd's passport if he was that sort. Glad to hear she is okay, hopefully he will cave in on the money soon.

Clara, my heart was in my throat reading your posts! I was worried something had gone wrong when she hadn't updated her blog. I agree that if she stays strong he will eventually give in on the money thing, he'll have to - I guess he needs it more immediately than she does, I soooo hope she doesn't ever go back. It must be a worry for you too with the gossip flying about but I also doubt he would be that sort, he'll be too focussed on getting the money and children back to worry about causing himself more trouble. I'm so glad she got away in the end though

Clairey, I also take DD everywhere in the buggy! She won't walk where I want her to, won't hold hands over roads, if we're late wants to stop and sniff every flower, point out all the slugs ("look Mummy a nuffa slug, its soooo cuute Mummy") etc... she once even turned on her heel changed direction and ran away from me - she's fast! Sooo much easier to put her in the buggy and accidently forget her shoes so she can't walk home either! And you really can't compare your children, even when they are the same sex they are so totally different to each other in temperament!

I agree with Buzzy about the nature vs nurture thing, I'm not sure how much difference the nurturing makes to personality, I think they are born with most of it in place although obviously environment will affect little bits. DS1 is a really boyish boy (cars, fishing, bikes, cars, cars...) some of it is possibly nurture though as everyone gave him 'boys' things as a baby/toddler. DS2 is very different, he loves singing, music and creative things, his favourite colour until recently was pink and he had all the same influences as a baby/toddler as DS1 did. DD has always mostly worn dresses (I like them and give her a few years she'll probably refuse to wear them, I'm making the most of it!) but she didn't have a doll, pushchair or any other 'girly' things until she was almost 1 and was given them (by others) for Christmas and yet she loves them! She loves the same things as DS2 plus dancing, shoes, dressing up/clothes, jewellery, tea sets, etc.

BT, no advice on DSs op either, do you have a date through yet?

Buzzy, your exH is a total arse. You will be well rid of him I think! As for DD, would your Mum be able to take her for the odd special day out or something to make her feel good and give you a break from each other? We all need that sometimes!

She's finally updated her blog here
She still needs lots of support as I think she is a bit all over the place emotionally. But I told her whenever she doubts what she has done, just read back through her blog....

Stranded - Wow what she has had to put up with is unbelievable So glad she and her dcs are away from that now and can look forward to a great new life together
With lots of love, encouragement and time her ds will forget all the awful things that he has had to endure.

Beckle - no date as yet, could be a bit of a wait!

DS has come back from nursery absolutely starving he had porridge at home for breakfast, didn't want any breakfast at nursery, at all his snack, most of his lunch and most of his tea but has now had 2 bananas, some slices of ham and some cheese as a snack!

Guess he must have burnt off plenty of energy today

Oh and we've switched estate agent.

ad with old agent
ad with new agent

Even though they haven't finished the add yet, it still reads better than the old one. He was here this afternoon to take pictures of the house and they look so much better than the ones M&H took

Wow BT your house looks really nice! I'd buy it (if, err, I even knew where Thornbury was...).

I know, what my friend had to go through is awful, just appalling. I am so glad she's out of it. Waiting to hear that the money is getting through to her today then she's planning to file an injunction against him. This, apparently, will be when he gets really angry so I am still very nervous of seeing him.

If you could see how gorgeous her two little children are, it's unbelievable that someone would want to do that to any child - let alone their flesh and blood.

Clara, just read your friend's latest blog post. She sounds like a survivor. I truly hope he doesn't turn his anger on your family - but perhaps take heart that bullies usually only take on those they believe to be weak?

BT - I'm amazed you can get such a nice house in the UK for that price. I'd been lead to believe housing costs in the UK were hugely more than here in NZ but I don't think you could possibly get anything that nice for the money here.

While we're on the subject of real estate though, anyone fancy buying my parent's lovely house here in Wellington? Look here They need to move to a house on a single level as my step-dad is nearly 80. Plus the garden is a bit much for my Mum now as she has bad arthritis in her hands. Price is about GBP380k

Had one of my wisdom teeth out yesterday, not pleasant but not that terrible either. Glad its over tho.