December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Oh and also, your march 10 thread title is disgusting!

Why??? >

Hope you are all enjoying crap weather this bank holiday weekend...

(why what?)[extra thick emoticon]

why is the thread title disgusting [stab in the dark emotion]??

clairey - glad to hear his intentions are honourable! It is a bit of a wierd situation, isn't it? But at least you have it all out in the open so it isn't awkward.

Is this the snotsucking thing.... don't blame me or Skid. We'd never do it

Now I understand... I only saw the planning thread!!!!!

Thanks for the advice!! You are thinking along much the same lines as me. Skid, no I don't know for sure they'll ask me but 2 partners have warned me to be prepared. Have been thinking about it - basically what's virtually impossible for me is to go away for more than 1 night. Can just about get Mum to do one night every now and then. Travelling for the day, getting home late etc are possible with some advance notice. So I think the message is that I need to be a bit more careful about planning things in advance but the only thing I find it really hard to organise is nights away. Particularly as I'm not willing to pay a babysitter for 12 hours! Actually have a situation coming up where the team is going away for a "conference" for 2 nights and I really don't think I can go...unless I could somehow take DD2 with me!!

Yep it makes me feel a bit icky whenever I see it

Buzzy that does sound tricky. Am sure lots of people must have difficulty going away for two nights though.

The dc went out for the day with H, SIL and BIL on Sat. DD said they couldn't really enjoy themselves even though it was fun because they were too hungry and they didn't have lunch just icecream. H had said they'd come first thing and came at 10.30 (not bad by his standards) SIL and Bil hadn't had breakfast so they were going for brunch. I told him the dc hadn't eaten since breakfast at 7.30 so he should get them lunch when they had their brunch (it was 11.30 before they left because dd was showing them her bedroom etc so not that early for lunch). When I questioned him why dd was saying they hadn't had lunch he said they'd had some sausage and beans off his plate

Sunday both dc were really whingy and clingy and dd wet herself a couple of times.

Then yesterday he took them out on their bikes for an hour, when he brought them back they were both clinging to me and crying then this morning ds has woken up with a massive bruise across his back.

Again they are both whingy and clingy...

It seems to affect them really badly when they see him and he doesn't look after them properly-they are hardly fed anything, yesterday they rode their bikes the 2 mins to his house then went in and watched tv, last time they stayed at his ds wore the same nappy all day...

Don't know what to do...my friend thinks I should keep a diary of when they go and any bruises etc. I don't think he would hurt them but I can't be 100%-I never used to think he would hurt me either.

Sorry v long but you all know the background better than most people.

oh clairey - that does sound awful and I think your friend's idea is good. Did you ask DS (or DD) about the bruise? What did they say? Can you have a proper conversation about it with him or does he just get defensive?

Very very difficult situation - I suppose keeping a diary and seeing how things go might be the best way for now? Do they still want to see him? Sounds like they might not be too keen either... might help to get some legal advice just so you know where you stand if it comes to that - hope it doesn't.

buzzy - would the one night thing just be for now? I mean could you rmum (or someone else) have the two of them a year or so from now? Older children are so much easier to look after - will take a lot of planning though.

clairey what a horrible situation to be in. fwiw, i would def. keep a diary of what happens and when, if only for your own peace of mind and cos it's hard to remember anything with dc's sapping our energy keeping us busy - but i guess you'd have to put all the things that happen as you'd hope them to in as well, if you see what i mean. on the other hand, it sounds like for him, "fairness" has gone right out of the window!

Clairey, my twopence worth for what its worth is that most men are completely useless when it comes to looking after kids general wellbeing. Not because they mean to harm, they just don't think. DD1 comes back from her Dad's house with her hair like a birds nest because she hasn't brushed it for a whole week and often wearing the most inappropriate clothes. When I question what she's been doing with him most often its TV or XBox. However I do know that sometimes he does stuff with her that she really enjoys and I don't so like going out for a scooter ride together or kicking a ball around. He's also a bit more "fun" to be around whereas I come across as quite stressed (I know it but even though I try my best I'm never going to be "fun-mum"). Certainly if you were worried for their safety then you need to keep a journal. Other than that the big thing to try and judge is whether they enjoy being with him on balance. My Dad was just as bad - I had the most boring weekends imaginable with him when I was growing up as he had no clue what to do to keep a child entertained. Looking back it was quite scary!

Oops sorry not to get back on that, thread got lost amongst lots of election-y ones

I just said to him very casually "do you know how ds got that bruise?" and he immediately got defensive "what bruise? I didn't see any bruise? what are you talking about? Are you trying to say I hurt him or wasn't looking after him properly?" So I'm none the wiser really.

No answers from dd or ds about it, ds just said it hurts.

He asked this afternoon if he could have them tonight, dd wasn't keen but I told her to just tell daddy if she wanted to do something eg go to the park and he probably would (I do think a lot of it is him not having a clue tbh) and I also sent them with trike and scooter so he will hopefully get them outside.

DD's hair was in a right mess from dancing lesson so I gave him very specific instructions that her hair needed wetting and combing through...we'll see if he manages that, I'm not sure he has ever brushed her hair before.

DS' hair got attacked with the clippers today, it's v short now but also v cute

Clairey, its worrying isn't it although it could be that he just doesn't know what to do with them. My DH hasn't got a clue, he even asked me to sort out a couple of outfits for DD and put them on hangers for when I was in hospital as he had no idea what went with what! As for her hair, well I don't think it got brushed... On the other hand, if you are worried at all (which given his history I'm not surprised) then keeping a diary is a very good idea. Also, listen to your children, if DD keeps not wanting to go then it might be worth trying to get her to explain why.

Buzzy, job sounds good, I also think reassuring them you can cope with childcare if you are forewarned without going into any details is a good plan. If this is important to you then go for it, if they want you then they'll compromise a bit if need be!

Insy, how are the boys? I hope you are now in a pox free house!

Hope everyone else is okay!

No word from the hospital yet, I'm going to ring them on Monday as they wanted to see me at the end of next week anyway (but haven't given me an appointment yet). I'm feeling much much better but still struggling with lifting and pushing - I used the buggy for the first time yesterday and suffered for it last night

Beckle - oh poor you
Hope they have an appointment for you this week!

Freaky - maybe you should pack the kids off with snacks as well, maybe your DH didn't know what you normally give them?

I am shaking and feel sick. ds and I were in the garden and I was hanging out the washing, had about 3 things left to hang when ds went into the house. Finished hanging it out and went in, no sign of ds and front door wide open. Went into road couldn't see him anywhere ran to the footpath and saw him ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUSY MAIN ROAD-he'd gone to preschool to get dd. In the time it took me to hang those last few bits out he'd climbed up and got the keys, put them in the lock, opened the door and managed to get across both our road and the main road. Somehow without killing himself. Feel so so sick

Eeek Clairey, so so glad he's okay but not surprised your shaking! Have a hot sweet tea and give him a huuuuuge hug.

Got my appointment for next Wednesday BT but on the upside, my GP has signed me off work for another 2 weeks

Thanks beckle
I was in quite a state but wc came over as soon as he got my text about it to check I was ok and gave me a big hug-the human contact really helped calm me down!

Good news about work, how are you feeling? I remember when I had the op on my shoulder not having realised how much you move your neck/shoulder, kept pulling my stitches by moving too much.

Hi - back from Florida, the girls are now Tigger/Mickey/Cinderella crazy. I am just crazy. It was fun but exhausting! Not sure if anyone has "done" Disney but I would thoroughly recommend it. Just book a few hours to lie down on your own in a dark room at the end of it!

After Orlando we went to the most beautiful place on the coast called Anna Maria island which is like a less-commercialised Florida Keys. There were beautiful beaches with big playparks attached (v. important for us as there is a distinct lack of parks here in SL) - at one we saw dolphins swim by and later saw a manatee swimming just feet away from us! We also found my "fantasy supermarket", they had a trolley which was built like a little plane with two seats - each with a wheel to drive, a fantastic array of food and drinks (from someone totally starved of variety!)and incredibly friendly and helpful check out staff who even gave us free colouring books and crayons.

Aaaah if we won the lottery I would happily move there.

In the meantime back to reality.

Need to read everyone's messages and try and reply to them all. But Clairey at ds going across the road. It's the sort of thing you just don't think will happen to you...

Stranded - glad you had a nice holiday!

Freaky - OMG, you must have been petrified! Still DS is okay, just stay focussed on that... and hide your keys!!

Beckle - good luck for tomorrow, I hope you get some good news.

OMG clairey hope you're doing ok now, we've put our keys on high hooks after my friends dd (2 yrs) took her doll in buggy for a walk down the road whilst she was upstairs just putting some washing on their bed, couldn't find dd anywhere, ended up calling police who had already had call about 'child without shoes on wandering the streets' and she ended up having to have home visit from social services, it really shook her up too, its amazing how much trouble they'll get in to.
I also think diary is great idea, my cousin did it when she split up from oh and she was able to see things where getting better which helped her relax when dc's went to visit, I really hope that h gets his act together soon so its less stressful for you x

beckle - great news about appointment, pox free house here and starting to get back into routine

oh clara - forgot to say welcome back!

where is everyone? clearly you have more to do than me!

I'm here Insy! Must say I've been assuming everyone's been a bit pre-occupied with election stuff this last week. WE've been watching with interest here in NZ too. From this distance GB came across as possibly the most boring man alive but have no views on DC except that he looks remarkably like our PM John Key!

Clairey, how absolutely terrifying. I can just imagine how hard your heart must have been beating. I think I'd be close to hyper-ventilating. A good reminder though at how clever they can be.

Beckle fingers crossed for your appointment on Wed.

I've had a mad week travelling for work. But the good news is that my presentation to the partners went well and they concluded that "I deserve the chance to prove myself over the next 2 years". Scary thought that now I need to build a decent practice of clients....

Rewarded myself by buying 2 new work outfits, some Clinique make-up, and a set of French wine glasses. Perhaps a tad OTT but really felt I deserved it (not looking forward to the next Visa bill tho...).

Clara, Disneyworld sounds amazing. This year I'm taking the kids to Bali in Nov, next year was thinking Fiji, but would def consider Hong Kong in future. How much longer will you be in SL? I think the NZ cricket team is there right now.

Insy nope I have nothing to do, hence not posting as I have nothing to say

Although the past couple of days have been quite hectic and have a few busier weeks coming up (woohoo I actually have some semblance of a life!)