December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Thanks for your thoughts about my friend. I hardly know her, she only just moved here but we really clicked and our dc's did too - which always helps! Hopefully her dh will be able to take some time off and go home if she really needs him but I think she will be staying with her mum so at least has that support. I am off to email her now to see how she is getting on.

thanks clara - I think there might be more to this not sharing thing, I had parents evening tonight and they want ds assessed for special needs and to have a hearing test, had one of those horrible evenings tonight where I think if I hadn't had all boys so close together I might have noticed something earlier, I'm not even sure what they are looking for or going to assess, he can't cope with change in routine, it really upsets him, they don't think he'll cope with main stream when he starts in September (its in the same school)
sorry this is a thread for ds2 really but needed somewhere share, god this parenting thing is so hard

Oh god Insy, share away, I often moan talk about dd1 on here as I think I get some excellent advice from those like Beckle and Cazzy who have older children.

That must be very worrying about ds1 but surely they can tell you some more, it all sounds very vague. I imagine he's been through a lot with two brothers being born in the last few years, could it just be his reaction to this?

The hearing test also makes sense, I understand hearing problems often cause what otherwise seems like behavioural problems.

How/when are they going to assess him?

Insy - sorry to hear of your worries with ds2 But please don't beat yourself up about it - remember educational people are trained to look for any indicators of SN and occasionally they do get it wrong!

Clairey & Buzzy - I think you are both absolutely amazing to put up with your ex-h's fuckwittery, in such a responsible way.
As the daughter of a man who was a fuckwit to my mum, I can assure you that when I got older the scales were lifted from my eyes about him, he has got better because I gave him quite a few home truths when he tried to blame my mum for his behaviour. I get on fine with him now, and yes, I would be lying if I said that I didn't wish my parents hadn't split up in the first place but if they hadn't I think things could have gotten a lot worse between them which would have had a far worse impact on me and my DTBs.
And I am a mostly well adjusted person who has happily settled down with someone I love very much And only slightly crazy sometimes

Yes your kids are going to need you now more than ever, especially your dd1, Buzzy. But it counts for so much, and when your dd1 grows up she'll look back and be thankful that her mum was always there for her even if her dad wasn't

Clara - I am hoping that the 5min rain was a prelude to a deluge

No news from Arcadie... I'm sure we'll see something here or on her fb soon!! Praying for good labour vibes Arcadie!

Insy I think we are all past using this just to talk about our dec07 babies! God knows I moan enough about other stuff here...

Can't advise re the sharing because my two practically kill each other most days and are both the whingiest, moaniest, tantrummy children EVER at the moment. I think they are struggling to adjust tbh, ds is teething, ill and going through terrible 2's and dd seems to think that she needs to join in. The noise level in my house is sky high (especially when I lose my patience and join in the yelling ). DS is also v v violent and pinches, hits, kicks and pulls hair though thankfully only me and dd so far. I have NO IDEA how to deal with it!

at you being so in love with Malachy skid. Sorry the feeding is painful though, does he have tongue tie or anything (seem to remember Milo did). You know you'll be talking about dc4 in a few months!

Glad the appointment was so positive Beckle, must be nice to have a lovely consultant too.

Insy, it was a fantastic appointment, feeling much much calmer now, like I can deal with it IYKWIM? No advice on the sharing thing I'm afraid, I still can't get DS1 to share with his brother and he's 9! Parenting is very hard but you can't beat yourself up for having them close together. even IF DS1 has some SN you are not trained to notice them so still may not have. Also, as BT said, the educational people are trained to spot 'signs' and will check it out just in case. Hopefully DS1 will be fine but if he needs a little extra help, at least he'll get it. FWIW my friend's DS also doesn't like change in routine and although they still suspect he may have some slight SN, he is dealing with it himself, is very intelligent and has integrated fine into mainstream school. Also, we all talk about other stuff with each other on here so share away, we may not have the answers but we'll try

Clara, apparently the thyroid is quite a major organ, I had no idea what it did until recently either! It controls your metabolic rate ie how you process your food but also it controls your body heat and your energy levels too. If they take the whole thing I will be very cold and sluggish until the tablets take effect, my weight will probably go up too until they get the levels of thyroxine right. Hopefully those clouds you have will turn into rain soon!

I'm sure Arcadie is now overdue... but she always goes over I think, no word on FB yet!

DD said the cutest thing to me today, she said "I love you up to the sky, for ever, ever, ever"

I think arcadie is only 37 weeks from her fb status earlier in the week-there was about a month between her and skid iirc

Ahh Beckle, so cute!!

Ds just gives me random hugs and says "ahhhh"

Arcadie is 38 weeks now according to her fb status!

beckle - that is brilliant news re your appt - what a relief.

insy - sorry to hear about your ds1 - what a shock to be told that at a parents evening . but OF COURSE it is not your fault for having them close together. hope your DS gets lots of support if he does turn out to have sn and that they can give you some more info soon - not knowing must be the worst bit

clairey - he does have tongue tie but the BF counsellor I saw said it's not severe enough to interfere with feeding. things have improved since I got some advice on positioning so hopefully it will be pain-free soon

sympathies on fighting siblings - agree with beckle that it is just really hard and you should try not to beat yourself up about it. i TRY not to get involved if poss and TRY to get them to sort out their own disputes (eg. suggest they offer another toy and swap it rather than just grabbing) but results are very limited...

Beckle, you must be so relieved to have a specialist who you can really talk to and who talks to you like a real and intelligent person. Not always the case! Do you have the book "Guess how much I love you" - DD2 loves it

Insy, you may want to ask if they can also test DS for Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). My DD1 was diagnosed with this (after we'd had hearing test which came out normal). It means they find it hard to process what they're hearing, especially in noisy environments. We did exercises with her for about 6-9 months and she seems loads better. Am actually taking her to be tested again on Tuesday.

Skid, ouch! Hope its getting better.

Thanks BT I especially appreciate your perspective on this. My own father is a complete prat too sadly who always blamed my mum for everything.

I am certainly no saint. The one thing I do take great satisfaction in is waiting at least 2 weeks before sending arrogant prat of an exH responses to his arsey emails. I always wait until the Friday DD is due to be back with me so there is no/minimal possibility of him taking it out on her. He on the other hand always sends me an email straight back full of emotional claptrap.

I've been taking DD2 to swimming classes on Saturdays for the last 6 weeks and today she volunarily put her face in the water. I was so proud

thanks everyone
clara it is all a bit vage to be honest, ds1 is having difficultly if things are out of routine, he gets upset (tears and everything) if things don't follow in the right order or aren't where they 'should' be, there is then no talking him out of it they have to use what they call visual cues (pictures with the word underneath it that seem to be all over nursery ie a picture of a book with 'Storytime' under it or an ear and 'listen') to help him through it. He's in a class of 14 and they have the time and understanding to do this but his reception year is a class of 30 and they have, quite rightly, pointed out he won't get this support next year. He also prefers an adult to play with him and will play really well with one-one support but flit from on activity to another if they leave him to it, he complains he doesn't understand stories and tells other children they are too noisy so they think he might have some difficulty with a some of the range of hearing if that makes sense. oh and he can't share for toffee, just goes in and takes it, I felt critised for that as I did tell them that we don't share at home but I meant that if one of them has something I don't make them share it (I think we've taked about something similar on here before buzzy, their old nursery used to do that - it certainly made my life easier and works well at home but at school he HAS to share, activities are time limited, I don't really see how I can do this at home..)

buzzy what signs did dd show for APD? and how did you get it diagnosed? it sounds like a possibility... what exercises did you do? I got a referal for a hearing test on Friday, it'll take 3 months! thinking we might get it done privately because if his hearing is fine then we need to work out what it is before the school term ends, even if its nothing at all!

beckle such a cute thing for dd to say, ds1 had to do a card for me for mothers day - he refused but they got him to to a flower on a lolly pop stick which said, in apparently his words, 'I love my mummy every day and she loves us all back even more' which after parents evening made me well up a bit did your friend do anything for her ds to help him cope with lack of routine?

skid hope breastfeeding gets better soon x

Insy, to answer your question, DD1 found it very difficult to make new friends as she didn't seem to follow conversations, at things like swimming lessons she could never understand the instructions (but compensated by asking the teacher again to confirm just before she started doing the next task), when she started school she got very anxious in big groups (e.g. school picnic) that she hadn't understood what to do next and might get lost etc, she would often seem to go off into a dream world. She is what is termed "gifted" and for the most part compensated for a lot of these problems (for example asking again) and with the help of her learning therapist we developed other strategies like encouraging her to watch what others are doing, and getting to her sit at the front at mat time. I believe most educational psychologists are competent to diagnose APD - there are some quite standard tests I believe. I actually took her to someone who calls herself a "learning therapist" who did a whole range of tests. This is her website www.integratedlearningtherapy.co.nz/
The exercises we do are centred on improving the functioning of her "vestibular" inner ear. Basically this should be filled with fluid but in kids with APD its more viscous than it should be. The exercises sound a bit whacky to start with but they do seem to work! One of them involves rocking back and forwards kind of like doing a sit-up but with knees tucked up and a parent supporting their back, about 10 times.

You might want to have a look at the forums on this website about "twice exceptional" children. It is the NZ Association for Gifted Children and the forum is a bit like the Mumsnet "talk". Here is a link for example to a thread from a mum who has a child exhibiting some of the characteristics you discuss re DS. www.giftedchildren.org.nz/forum/read.php?f=7&i=3889&t=3853 I hope some of that helps! If you want to set up a separate thread I'm very happy to chat some more about some of DD1's other "unusual" traits - most of which I must say I treasure, but some are a little more trying!

Hi all,

Thanks for thinking of me - I'm 38 +2 today and getting a LOT of BH tonight but with no chance of it being labour yet because I don't do early. Would be very nice to though.

Sorry to hear about DCs finding playgroups and nurserys and schools tricky. FWIW DS ( 4yrs 1mo) says everyday that no one plays with him. On closer inspection what he means is that no one followed his exacting specifications for being Bolt, Mike Wazowski, Mr Incredible but that they mostly all played happly next to each other.

Beckle great to hear how reassuring your appt was.

skid and at how lovely you're making it sound ( sore boobs notwithstanding)

Insy Your little boy.... how cute! What a lovely thing for him to say. [sniff]

BUzzy Sorry to hear XH still being a total pillock. Where do they find the energy?

BT Any more news on house? Moving dates etc etc?

Arcadie - oooh, I hated those last few weeks, I'm sure you must be pretty fed up. But. as they used to say in Jamaica, Soon Come....

I have had one of those particularly irritating days where everything has been very "St Lucian", I took dd1 to get her haircut and as ALWAYS we had to wait forever, which was difficult with two, bored small children...then on the way back I got into a Mexican stand off with a learner driver, whose instructor wouldn't allow her to reverse the three feet necessary to avoid me having to back up about 100 metres along a narrow, windy road with a large drop to one side....

It's rained at last but is therefore very very very hot and steamy and everyone's in a bad mood.

Totally off topic but has anyone read the Twilight saga books? They are my escape at the moment....

Buzzy, yes I feel very reassured by having such a nice consultant who explained everything in clear terms without talking down to me at all. I haven't ever read the Guess How Much I Love You book, its one I have always meant to get but never did, I might use DD's World Book Day token towards it next time I am in town, she loves books (just like her Mummy)!

Insy, I was welling up at what your DS wrote on your card, thats really lovely! Its funny, what you said about him refusing to make a card reminded me that my DS1 would never do any creative activities at nursery when he was asked either. Strangely, he was fine from the day he started 'big school' though, they even managed to get him to put his hands in paint (which he never ever would before). Perhaps once he starts there your DS1 may stream himself in with the others a bit more IYKWIM? I am not sure what my friend did about the change in routines with her DS, I will ask her tomorrow and let you know.

Arcadie! There you are! Its horrid going overdue, I was later and later with each of mine so you have my sympathies! How are you though? Hope you are well!

Clara, so glad you have had some rain! Hopefully there will be more to come very very soon. I have not read the Twighlight books yet but my SIL has lent me the entire set (she LOVED them) and they are next on my 'to read' pile! I'm looking forward to starting them as everyone who has read them seems to love them, SIL said she really got lost inside the story.

DD has been really snuggly lately, she has taken also to carrying a whole hoard of things about with her... she has 2 snugglies which she's had since birth but in the last couple of weeks she's also adopted a stuffed guinea pig and a huge fleecy blanket, she likes to sit (preferably on my lap but the sofa will do) wrapped right up to her neck in the blanket with the snugglies and guinea pig inside - all you can see is the top of her head, her eyes and the top of her hand (her thumb is in her mouth). Very cute but not sure why she is so obsessed with it at the mo, she's usually such a busy child so its odd to see her vegging in front of the television.

I spoke to my friend this morning Insy about her son's transition to school...what she did to make it easier for him was to make him a book, the headteacher was excellent and took photos of things like the playground, the toilets, where he would sit, where he would hang his coat, the dinnerladies, etc and then my friend made a book with all of it in and they used to read it a couple of times a week in the term before he started the main school. It was not set out like a story of his day, more like a guide to the things his day would be likely to involve. Towards his start date she said he would read it every day and he settled well into the school as he knew what to expect HTH a bit, would your school be prepared to do something like that for DS1?

beckle interestly when ds started nursery last christmas (in between maternity leaves) they did the book idea to settle him in, I never really thought anything of it as they made it sound so matter of course. The main problem is when something different comes along, he likes to keep everything to the routine he knows so someone coming in next term to observe and giving ideas on how to help be flexible if, for example, he has to have a supply teacher, he flatly refused to get in the pool last week because is was a different teacher - his regular one had popped to the toilet, when she came back 5 mins later he got in no problem!

now having rubbish week as decided to get coil fitted on Monday, turns out area is infected now, still bleeding, horrible abdominal pains, my docs surgery was closed today so ended up having to go to hospital after usual farce with NHS direct (who have never ever told me anything but go and see your doctor after a 4 hour wait and asking if I'm still breathing) luckerly I have a fab brother who came straight from Ambulance shift to sit with boys and dh will have day off tomorrow, I was so naive, I thought it was a really good option seeing as we haven't decided about no4.... maybe I'm just unlucky but they didn't seem supprised today at hospital

clara I read the first one of the Twilight last year but got a bit fed up with Bella's teenage, does he doesn't he love/fancy me angst, did think Edward was lovely tho hence its Bear's 'real' name (dh wouldn't let me register him Bear, I'm still hoping he changes it by deedpoll )

buzzy thank you for your long post and links, the gift link you put in was fantastic as it highlighted some 'helping your child cope with anxiety' strategies and I've discussed his 'case' with the disability link person who will assess him and she thinks it does sound like anxiety and teh fact he's a summer baby won't help. I really do wish I could get the hearing test done sooner though, does anyone know if you can see anything just by looking in his ears? I was wondering about a trip to doctors next week but didn't want to waste their time seeing as I already have the referal.

Hi all
No news here other than I've had 2 people ask me this week if ds has ADHD and another say he seems autistic.

Great.

clairey who said that to you? I hope it was a nursery person or HV and not from a random parent unless they have personal or professional experience. After being asked if ds1 can be assessed and doing a bit of research the spectrum of autism is huge and at this age signs of a range of needs like dyspraxia, ADHD, austism, hearing problems or gifted and talented etc are so so similar. Hope you're doing ok, are you concerned about him? it has been a crazy year for you all

Clairey - exactly what have they based their views on? I agree with Insy, unless they are people who know what they are talking about, I wouldn't pay any attention. I honestly think that there is a huge spectrum of all sorts of things (including autism) and many, if not most, children are somewhere on one of those spectrums. I was commenting on another thread recently about a woman whose daughter was very senstive to loud noises, touch etc. dd1 also is, I have never thought for a moment there was anything to worry about apart from perhaps avoiding very loud places.

Insy/Beckle - the Twilight series gets better, I am on the 3rd and it is better than the other two. They certainly aren't master pieces but she has done something very clever and created characters - one in particular - who gets inside your head. They have even been infiltrating my dreams. And I never for a moment thought I would like a book about vampires! Beckle, i think your SIL puts it very well that she was lost in the stories, they really are great escapist books. Which I need right now!

Had dd1's first ever sports day today and I am now burnt to a crisp after standing in the blazing sun from 9am - 12.30pm pinning ribbons on 3rd place children. What an eye opener! the kids didn't care if they won or not, they just loved the racing and everyone cheering them on. The parents on the other hand...oh crumbs, if it's like this at this age what will it be like when they are older!

Insy, so glad you found it helpful. I always worry about over-stepping the mark on MN in case people take it the wrong way.

Clairey I completely agree with Clara, certainly my DD1 has a number of what some people call "Aspie traits" but having said this many people with G&T kids would just called them typical characteristics of "gifted" kids such as over-sensitivity, difficulty making friends their own age, seeming to need less sleep etc. And I suspect yet other people would call them signs of stress.

Beckle, there is a line in the book Guess How Much I Love You where big nut-brown hare says "I love you right up to the moon - and back" which is amazingly close to what your DD said!

I have just been contemplating tonight how old DD2 will be when she has her first sleepover. Only because DD1 is having a sleepover at a friend's tonight. I can't for the life of me remember how old she was the fist time - 4?? What have been your experiences?

HI all - just checking in.

So sorry to hear about worries of ADHD / Autism etc. Afraid have only rich tea and [biscuits] to offer by way of advice but a ton of sympathy.

Insy OUCh on the coil... just ouch.....

Beckle Thanks for the understanding. Being last on the list ( nearly) for my AN group is just adding to the frustration. Feeling particularly and [hormonal] (There should SO be an emoticon for hormonal) today which of course makes me wonder if that might be labour starting which makes me with myself for fretting..... Grrrr.

Snap out of it woman and go iron..

Insy, its interesting that the book thing helped DS1 settle into the nursery, it may work with the school. I'm glad they are bringing someone in to assess him though and help his transition to the big school. I think it gets easier when they get older too, my friend's DS starts middle school in September but now he's older he understands that although it will be different and possibly difficult for him, he has to get on with it.

OUCH for your coil! I do know others who have had problems with it but many more who haven't. Have you considered the implant or the injection as a different method of contraception?

Clairey, who suggested that to you?! I agree with everything that Insy and Clara said (Clara your spectrum theory is just the same as mine...we're all on there somewhere - I can pick certain traits out in nearly every child I know but I'm certain they're not all autistic/dyslexic/ADHD/etc) I also think people are very quick to suggest a child has autism although I also think that when it comes from the right sources (HV, Teacher, etc) that its a good thing as any child who needs extra help will hopefully get it.

Clara, I can manage books aimed at teenagers (the Harry Potter books are amongst my long list of favourites) I'm not fussy what I read, I just love books! I've just finished re-reading The Chronicles of Narnia - just as fab as an adult as they were as a child, The Last Battle is much better as an adult though, lots of deep stuff in there which bypassed me as a youngster but had me filled with emotion as a 'grown up'. I'm also trailing through a book of Stephen King's short stories...then Twilight awaits... Sports Day can be a nightmare, they try not to make it too competetive for the children at DS2's school but some of the parents get stupidly upset (or worse, disappointed) if their children don't win anything! Thankfully DS's school go around different activities in groups of 5 or 6 and each group gets awarded stickers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd. Most children end up with at least one award so thats nice.

Buzzy, that book sounds lovely, I will have to get it for DD, she loves rabbits too so will love it . I don't know much about sleepovers, perhaps its not something boys do as much as girls? I don't know, my boys don't seem to go to friend's houses for tea and such either whereas my friend who has DDs seems to always be swapping tea/play dates! DS1 has never asked a friend for tea! DS2 has when he was in reception and had his 'girlfriend' round a week or so ago. I don't remember how old I was for my first sleepover, maybe 9 or 10?

Arcadie, my understanding comes from experience! I was the last one waiting on our Due in December thread, I went over to the January thread in the end as everyone else had popped except me! I was due 27th Dec but was eventually induced on 8th Jan. Even though I accepted that the baby would be late (the other 2 were, each child got later too) I still got frustrated/emotional/hormonal/depressed about it all, I felt like I was never going to go into labour! The last days always feel like time has slowed down. Chin up though, very soon you'll have your new little one all snuggled up in your arms and time will return to normal again

Oh dear, I seem to have written an essay......sorry!

No news on moving here... still no viewings!

The house we liked and made an offer on has gone, someone else made a much higher offer - more fool them tbh as I didn't think the house was worth what they wanted considering the amount of work they needed to do on it!

Going to hold off viewing more houses until we get some definite interest in ours.

I agree with some of you have said about most children appearing some where on the Asperger's spectrum. I myself do, I hate crowds of people and places with loud background noise, I sometimes struggle with my hearing - sometimes when people speak to me if there is a lot of background noise I struggle to understand them - I can hear them but my brain can't unscramble what they are saying from the background noise, so I have to get them to repeat and really concentrate to screen out the background noise - people either think I am deaf or just thick!
I have terrible handwriting, and when I handwrite or sometimes when I type, I miss entire words out or put the wrong word in, one of my teachers had the theory that my brain operated so quick my hands couldn't catch up, they tried all sorts to get me to sort my handwriting out. All my school reports say the same thing - "S is very bright but her handwriting lets her down". I probably would have gotten higher marks in my GCSEs and A Levels if my handwriting wasn't so bad lol. Perhaps I should have been a Doctor!

DrSkid - hope the feeding sorts itself out soon!

Clairey - are they hcps? If not then ignore! I think your Ds sounds lovely