December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Hmm not convinced by the speaking in sentences/no tantrums theory - DD was an early talker and well into sentences by age 2 but continued to throw the most spectacular tantrums until ...erm.. about 6 months ago (age 3.5) - could be my rubbishness to blame (not very good at really properly ignoring them, probably occasionally give into them without realising, not very good at the whole consistency thing... I know, I know, I'm such a great mother )

oh and forgot to say in my last post, thanks beckle for your kind words - must be so hard for you with your mum gone. I have a friend who lost both her parents in her 20's and I hardly ever talk to her about it out of embarrassment/not wanting to upset her but I now realise this is ridiculous because she is already upset and talking can only help. Hope you can confide in your DH at least.

I've been away so long I feel almost to come back in.

No way of catching up with the past 6 months, missed chatting to you guys so going to dive straight back in - just act like I was always here

ds2 does a great line in tantrums too, so different to ds1, rather than hurling himself on the floor with flailing arms and legs - which I actually found quite easy to ignore - ds2 breaks his heart, huge tears and sits on the floor looking desolate, I end up giving him a hug, which basically means he's a clever monkey who has watched his big bro fail to get what he wants and tried a new tact... must get stronger and not submit to blatant attempts to twist me round his finger!

BT - also agree that checklists are ridiculous, I understand they want to pick up potential problems but sending you home with 'homework' is not on, fwiw ds1 was still signing at 2 and not really talking, I'd find it really hard to think about what he was good at, that sounds awful but the checklists are all about speech and gross motor skills which is ds's weakest area. Trust your friends and your instinct

Insy - you are spot on, it was the "homework" that really annoyed me, rather than the checklists themselves.

Thanks for your reassurances guys,it has been a great help

Incidentally my friend's youngest nephew hardly spoke at 2, his parents were recommend to consider speech therapy at 2.5 but they decided to wait and see. He started talking properly at 3 when he turned into a little chatterbox He is 4.5 and he is amazingly articulate and still a chatterbox!
I think Ds is still storing up lots of words and when he has stored enough he will be a chatterbox too!

He is also still throwing massive temper tantrums. He must say the word "No!" in an outraged voice at least eleventy one times a day

Hi insy and welcome back!!! Tell me all about what it's like having three children please - only 4 weeks to go and panicking!! I remember you were finding it really tough last time you posted - hope things are a little easier now - is DS3 already 6 months old?!

BT - I know of about a zillion cases just like your friend's youngest nephew (one of whom is me!) - like you say lots and lots of children are relatively late talkers and by 3 or 4 are talking non-stop. What you absolutely do not need is some nursery nurse telling you there is a problem when there clearly isn't and almost implying that it's your fault - so pleased you have taken it just as you should!

insy - my DS's tantrums are exactly the same as your DS2 - it is really upsetting but my DS won't let me anywhere near him when he's having one so now that I am over the initial shock that he has them, I can actually get quite a lot done while I ignore him - yesterday I had a shower, made a shopping list and washed up the breakfast dishes before he had calmed down!

DrSkid - yes that is very much the case with me too! I just leave him to it,just make sure he is safe, and can't hurt himself and wait for him to come to me.

Went on a MN meetup and had a lovely time.

4 weeks skid! Are you sure?????

Hi Insy

clairey - if you could see me, you would not doubt me!

whoops ds pressed post!

Was going to say I had a nosy at your fb pictures and couldn't believe how big Bear was! Are you sad he is growing up or relieved the baby days are soon to be over with (or are you having another?)?

Skid, it is hard to know what to say to someone who has lost their parents, particularly at a young age, 20's is very young to have lost both, how . I do thankfully have DH to talk to, he lost both his parents in the few years before I lost my Mum so he understands. You move forward, you live your life but you still catch yourself thinking "ooh, Mum will laugh when I tell her..." etc.

Hi Insy! Lovely to hear from you! Will nip off in a sec to be nosey at pics of Bear on FB...

On a personal note, I had a lump come up in my neck on Sunday, I could feel something against my windpipe Friday but thought I was coming down with something. Anyway, I have been to the docs and they think it may be my thyroid gland so I have had blood taken and go back Monday for results... I've been really good and only read the NHS page on the internet about it [shining halo not going near evil google emoction] and if it is that it looks fairly easy to treat, although daily medication makes me feel old, I guess I've always taken my health for granted. Just wanted to tell someone really as haven't said anything to RL friends yet as there's nothing to tell but needed to get it off my chest as its playing on my mind a bit.

gosh beckle - how scary - a lump immediately makes you imagine the worst, doesn't it? Glad it sounds like it is easily treated - would it be daily treatment indefinitely or just until the lump/symptoms go? I know a few people with over-active thyroids (is this what they think it is?) who just needed a certain period of treatment and are now fine - hopefully your case too?

Eek sounds scary Beckle, glad they don't think it's anything to worry about though. Well done on avoiding google!

DS has just had a crazy moment and chucked most of their bedroom downstairs

Skid bump pic then please!

confused who's Freakoid?? its it you clairey??

Am a bit at Bear being 7 months now, he really is turning into a little boy, plus side is he is sleeping and watching him with the boys is lovely but I really want another, dh has said no way , we had a big chat about it the other night but its a head and heart conversation, I have nothing to contradict his well reasoned arguments on house size (we have a 3 bed), money, cars, holidays etc... I just think 4 boys would be lovely, ds1 asked if Bear could share their room the other night as it wasn't fair he was the only one who had to sleep by himself and he'd get lonely we've drawn the plans for the triple bunk beds for when he's a bit bigger. Bigger 2 have been monkeying around tonight, last night they announced they were swapping beds, tonight I found them both asleep in same bed - very very cute and I forgot to take photo!!

skid - at only 4 wks!! OMG! don't panic, I've found it really tough to start with but I think thats just adding an extra little one into your house (whether its 1-2 or 2-3) you all take time to adjust and make room for them and I did have all of them at home until ds1 started preschool in September so it was quite full on, main thing we've found is carving out some 1:1 with bigger boys even though they are only 3.5 and 2, I definitely found the move from 1-2 harder

Things I didn't realise would happen were it takes me 3 times as long to get out of house, I potty trained ds2 'early' because I just couldn't stand washing 2 sets of nappies, we co-sleep a bit more, the washing machine never stops, my house is hygienic but I wouldn't describe it as clean and I found breastfeeding harder as low energy and having to remind myself to eat as always tearing around after boys. The plus's are harder to put my finger on I just never have that feeling of 'what have I done' so must be all ok! I think its got easier because Bear is sleeping and we have chance to do stuff for us, bit of a ramble, sorry.

beckle - sounds scary but glad its nothing to worry about x

BT - what was on checklist? still waiting for any kind of communication of who our new HV is let alone when the check might be, not that I have any particular worries, I guess my only worry is that I'm missing something obvious to everyone else, I need to ask my mum friends like you did as a sanity check!

bt have probably already posted this, but when i had my two y.o check about a hundred years ago when hv's came to inspect our homes... anyway, she was doing the vocabulary/speech/understanding check and asked me about the open fireplace in the sitting room. she asked me what the fire was, and i said 'dangerous'. i failed the test, because i was supposed to say 'hot'.

the whole early years foundation thing i.e. "should" by doing x by y months drives me bananas, and is rapidly leading me towards the hipsy-dipsy path of steiner school-dom!

thanks for all your kind thoughts re. mil - she's had a stent put in to relieve her bile duct and is feeling heaps better. that might be the morphine-patch though - had know idea that such wonderful things had been invented! prognosis still poor, although if her liver is up to it she is due to start a 4-month+ chemo course, which suggests that the drs think she has at least that long, iyswim. actually my got to do round yesterday, which was great. she looks better than expected, but fil still can't talk about any part of it.

in other news, have finally persuaded dh that we can get a cat, mainly on the basis that you can put a cat out to sleep in the garage whereas people might object if we did that with a baby...

skid d'you think you'll go the full 4 weeks? good luck and hope you're not too uncomfortable!

LOL about not putting the baby in the garage, DM! And at you failing the 2yo cheque!

Things that were on the checklist.. can't remember everything but...
Being able to do a peg puzzle
Able to walk up and down stairs 2 feet to a stair, holding onto bannister.
Building a tower of at least 6 blocks.
Able to say own name
Able to say at least 50 words
Able to understand simple instructions
Able to run around without bumping into things
Able to feed self with a spoon.
Able to throw a ball.
Able to kick a ball.

That's all I can remember!!

blimey bt not even I can run around without bumping into things, never mind kick a ball...

lol dundee you reminded me that my mum told me I failed my hearing test when I was about 6 months old because they put a really interesting pink sparkly teddy in front of me and rang a bell behind me and I didn't turn to look at it, mum was advised to take me to specialist for follow up needless to say she didn't bother!

and bt by that list ds2 would fail on not being able to say his own name - he calls himself 'bo bee' or 'baby' instead of Toby, my friends little boy of 20 months says his name perfectly, ds1 calls himself 'olba' not Oliver - I just don't seem to have very good talkers

BT - DS would fail a few of those too (says I instead of his name, which is surely like dundee saying dangerous instead of hot? I mean it's not as if he doesn't know what his name is!!). As for the 'peg puzzle' - how completely random is that??

dundee - so pleased to hear your step MIL has some relief from the pain/discomfort, although so that your FIL in unable to talk about it - I hope that comes with time.

My dad has his operation today so fingers crossed for him please!

I have my driving test tomorrow so fingers crossed for me too! (you can combine one finger cross for me and my dad if you like!) - still can't get my head around multi-lane roundabouts so as long as I don;t get on of those hopefully will be OK...

eek insy - sounds very hard-going! I actually wonder if getting everyone out of the house for 8.30 to take DD to pre-school (and then pick her up 2.5 hours later) isn't going to be the most stressful part of my day! And I have decided not to potty train DS to avoid that 'mummy I need a poo' just as I sit down to feed a screaming baby - have I done it all wrong?! Glad things are becoming easier for you now though and can't believe you want ANOTHER ! Maybe it's jjust a bit too soon to convince your DH? Didn't he take a bit of convincing for no. 3?

Lol ds would probably fail too for walking downstairs one foot to a stair and not holding the bannister! (and god forbid if they actually did 2 year checks here and came to my house to see him hanging from his trapeze in the sitting room or jumping off windowsills etc-he would probably be taken off me)

He seems to be potty trainng himself, yesterday he stopped what he was doing several times, said he needed a wee and went off up to the toilet (so better than dd who just can't be bothered to stop what she is doing and so wets herself). I probably should take the nappies off and go for it but I am too scared! He is in pull ups so can pull them up and down when he needs to go (though he usually just removes them and wears nothing!). I am already in line for shouty mum of the year award and think wee and poo all over carpet will probably cause me to lose my rag atm

Insy yes I am freakoid. Or rather I am clairey seeing as am still posting as freakoid...

Feeling bit shit atm, bumped into old neighbour on way to bus stop on Sat and he gave me a lift into town. He said what a shame it was about me and H and what a lovely family we were, then was saying how lonely H was and how he was desperate to make friends but was picking the wrong people (H took some blokes back from the pub and they robbed him apparently). Just made me feel really sad, both because that 'lovely family' is what I wanted and what I tried so hard to get and also because it made me feel like he (and other people) think that I have torn apart a happy family and am a complete bitch.

clairey - I missed all the you and H story, I'm sorry to hear it hasn't worked out between you guys. Was it your decision to split? if so I can see why you would interpret what that guy was saying as it being your fault, but (with out knowing the whole story and only chatting to you on here) I'm sure its not, its not a decision you would have taken lightly, big hugs , its still really recent (?) so it will be quite raw, every man and his dog has their own interpretation on what might of happened, you know what really went on x

skid - it was a bit of a ramble and I do tend to find it sounds worse than I mean it too when I talk about it! we manage to get to preschool more or less on time and they are very understanding if we are a little late just remind yourself its not school so if they are a few minutes late in for a couple of months its not the end of the world! Not potty training is the right thing now, you'll only have a backwards moment when baby gets here, I trained both ds's AFTER baby arrived and I was on maternity leave, I think I managed about 3 months of doubling up nappies before I got fed up.
I've love another, I'm just getting ok at this job dh took a little convincing about ds3 but would need major persuading for no4
got fingers and toes crossed for you and your dad (whats the op for? sorry if thats really nosey)

I've not had a 2 year check for Evie yet although I think we have them here, mind you, her 10 month check was not until she was over 1... I would also fail on the running without bumping into things bit, as would all my DCs! Evie can say her name but if she is asked she announces she is "Evie Moo" which is what we call her!

Dundee, how very for your FIL, it must be heartbreaking for him but I'm glad that your MIL is getting some relief from the pain. Great news about the cat (I am a cat lover)

Clairey, I'm not sure you can have the shouty mum of the year award, not before the judges have been to my house anyway... I really dislike shouting and vow every evening that tomorrow I won't but then the boys play up/fight/refuse to get ready for school/swimming etc... Sounds like your Ex is making out he is hard done by and casting a real sob story about to get sympathy, don't feel bad, you totally did the right thing to leave. He sounds quite a manipulative person anyway, he's not going to tell people the real reason you split up. I had an ex who did this, we used to work for the same firm and I left just before we split (no coincidence there), a very good friend of mine who worked there told me about all the stuff he was saying about me and our split and making out how sad/hard done by he was. I lost friends through this although most of what he was saying was fabricated purely to get sympathy for himself - our split was 50/50 as far as fault lay, only I was the one who had the guts to walk away from something that was obviously not working and for that I was villified. Keep strong, your true friends will stick by you and the rest are not worth bothering with.

Skid, how did your Dad's op go today? Fingers crossed it went well for him. Good luck tomorrow too for your driving test! You are a superwoman, completing a PHD with a small baby (and a toddler) and now taking a driving test with just weeks to go before a new baby arrives! Also, I think you are doing totally the right thing not to potty train DS before the new baby comes, I did DS1 a couple of months before DS2 was born (he was 2y3m) and he did just the thing you described...I got incredibly good at one armed BFing whilst walking about to fetch potty and wipes and supervise hand washing etc...it was hard work!

Well I had my doctors appointment today to get my thyroid results and all the hormone levels are normal which means the thyroid is working fine. I have got to go and have an ultrasound done now on the lump to investigate further. The doctor said it could be a cyst or it could be a tumor, he thinks it is most likely to be a cyst because it appeared so quickly (tumors usually grow slower apparently) but there is still a chance it could be something worse. It's a scary thing when a doctor uses the word malignant in relation to you, even if he thinks it unlikely. Stupidly I have got to wait until 12th March to have it looked at, even though I am being listed as an urgent case, that is the earliest I can get in at any local hospital (within a 25 mile or so) radius. I hate not knowing, it makes me imagine the worst, roll on March.

Hi all - trying to catch up with everyone's posts and share verybusyspider's ....

Not having a good start to the year, 4 deaths (including friend whose DH dropped dead on sofa next to her in August and whose first DGC is due this week - her poor DCs are in a terrible state), lovely cottage we were planning to buy had dreadful survey and we had to pull out and there's virtually nothing as an alternative and I have to relocate in the next couple of months, and to top it off final meeting at the fertility clinic got told I had bugger all very few eggs left so another DC was totally out of the question.

Cheered up by MIL having DD whilst we were on a flying visit to look for another house and trying to potty train her in a day without discussing it with us and failing spectacularly. We'd said we weren't going to even think about it until she'd settled into the new house but MIL had bought some pants and took it upon herself to attempt it. Does my amusement make me a dreadful DIL

Sounds like we're all dealing with similar stuff at the moment. Will be popping in occasionally for a bit whilst we try to find our new home - keep your fingers crossed for us please [needs all the help she can get emoticon]

Oh gosh what a lot of bad news, I am very sorry for everyone. I had some too, a good friend of mine at university died of cancer last week, he was only in his early 40's. It really sets you thinking when it is one of your contempories.

Ok have been away for a while and lots of posts to catch up on so will do my best.

SQ - sorry to hear about your losses and also about the house, hopefully this is a good time to be buying with lots on the market as I am guessing people haven't been able to sell for a while. Sorry about the eggs as well - have you considered using donor eggs? I would let you have some of mine but I am probably not the best candidate as I am 41 and you would probably have more luck with someone in their 20's!

Beckle - how awful to have to wait until March to know what the lump is. I suppose looking on the bright side, they can't suspect it's anything too bad or they wouldn't leave it that long to investigate further. Have you managed to keep away from google? I am not sure I would be able to.

Clairey - I agree with everyone else, it sounds like your H is trying to get the sympathy vote. You need to stay strong on this one, you absolutely did the right thing for you and your dc's, don't let some tittle-tattling neighbour make you feel otherwise.

Skid - GOOD LUCK to you and your dad, I am having trouble typing this with all my fingers crossed! I hate multi-lane roundabouts too, I learned to drive in a country which didn't have any roundabouts so still find myself screeching across four lanes, leaving multi-car pile-ups in my wake, to reach the exit I want. Not that it matters here, everyone drives erratically so sensible drivers are the ones that stand out! I also can't believe you are due so soon, does it feel like it has gone a lot quicker than your last two pregnancies? FWIW I think you are right about the potty training. I remember last time round you managed it in good time for the new baby; I knew it wasn't going to happen so put it off until she did it herself when dd2 was about three months. It made life a lot easier. Dd2 is still doing pretty well although we get frequent poo accidents. She is trying though!

Insy - You were obviously born to be a mum, you sound like you are doing amazingly well! I still can't get over your two eldest having the same names as two of my brothers. You need to keep at your husband but have a girl, then you will have the same family as me (although I was third of four). Good to have you back!

Dundee - I really want to get a cat too, as do the dd's, but it would mean leaving it when we leave here (probably in 18 months) so it will probably make more sense to wait until we go home. I hope your MIL is feeling as best as she can and that the chemo does work for her.

BT - what happens at a MN Meetup? Do you meet lots of people you have been rude to honest with online and have to pretend you're a different Bouncing Turtle? I went "out there" into the Active Conversations for a while and got scared by how horrible everyone was so have retreated back here!

Claraq - MN meetups are brill! Last one we went to a lovely cafe and had very nice cake I saw StealthPolarBear and Indith (who I've been meeting up with a couple of years now), ButterPie and Juneybean, plus Indith's mate (who thought we were all fairly normal lol).
Been out with a few have loads of lovely mners!
And yes we all know our MN identities - but don't divulge on here who we are in RL!

Clairey - I think Beckle is right on the money. If your H wasn't such a self-absorbed twat, he would have met you half way to help mend your relationship. Don't blame yourself - you tried,he didn't Oh and I win hands down shouty mum award as I have screeched at DS so loud I made him cry

SQ - yes I am with you on the wait until we move before starting potty training!!

Hello!

Well I have good news on two accounts - first my dad's operation went well and although they removed some tissue as a precaution, they didn't think it looked cancerous so hopefully hopefully this will be it (insy - he was diagnosed with cancer of the larynx a few months ago).

And second good news is that I passed my driving test! Completely thought I'd failed as I touched the kerb about 2 mins into the test. But it was probably a good thing because I completely relaxed thinking it was over and the examiner obviously didn't think touching the kerb was too bad an offence (I was parking, not going 30 miles/hour!) so now I can officially drive - and thank you for all my lovely Good Lucks!

clairey - completely agree with everyone else about your H. That neigbour has no idea what went on between the two of you and you absolutely made the right decision. I do understand why it would make you though - reminding you of what you envisaged when you married him which was obviously not this. BUT you have your two beautiful children and you have your whole life ahead of you and will find happiness and fulfillment elsewhere - even if it doesn't feel like that atm. I think you should be so so proud of yourself for having taken the decision you did, and I'm sure everyone else would agree with that.

clara and SQ - really sorry to hear about your friends. It is so particularly awful when a death leaves young children without a mother/father

beckle - you poor thing, what a horribly long time to have to wait to find out. I'm sure it is just a cyst but you want to know that as soon as possible - is there any way you could bring the appt forward?

Thanks for reassurance re potty training - he's not ready anyway so it would be ridiculous to start. Changing two lots of nappies will probably be the least of my worries anyway! Have finally started thinking about hospital bag/labour - have started reading my hippy dippy book about breathing the baby out (Sheila Kitzinger) while secretly fantasising about an epidural