May 09 - Pumpkin (or champagne) anyone? We're doing the Monster Mash!

[ScarySpangleMaker]

In honour of sausage's forthcoming nuptials, with a nod to imminent weaning.

i'm off to dream feed g and try to sleep a bit earlier tonight xoxox

Crikey Fi, the weather in NS is a bit fierce. Do pack your woolies, won't you?

Darn, or some other expletive, I've missed the crumble. It's my favourite too.

flippin nice to hear that everything's back to normal now.

spooky You drunk? Nah, I never noticed

sleeping babies Well I hope they're all fast asleep now.

Just came in to say hello before going to bed, really. Just watched The house of flying daggers that we taped yesterday. It's one of my fave films.

OOh, Ooh, I just realised I've got a claim to vicarious fame too. I can't name any names for professional reasons, but I've collected several bedpans of someone who once used to be in the apprentice. . Not the nicest way to be able to have such a claim but still. Especially as she didn't quite get the instructions and handed me bedpans filled with poo

I have one too!

Bonnie Tyler did karaoke at my father's birthday party. Rock and roll, fellow cocktailers.

Morning all! Sorry I missed the crumble, it sounds delicious!

Have been lurking for a couple of days - what a chatty bunch at the mo! Sorry there are lots of things I was going to respond to and will no doubt forget . And I'm afraid I'm going to start with some mememe because I had such a HORRIBLE day yesterday and I know you will understand - dh is trying to be nice but doesn't get it. I have to go into work this afternoon for a couple of informal meetings about going back - basically as I am moving posts, these are like interviews with people I don't yet know, so I need to look smart. I got all my work clothes out last week and cannot fit into any of them, the ones I can get in just look horriblebecause they are way too small. I'm not overweight and don't actually mind the baby weight, but this is a disaster! So I spent a very long time yesterday trying to buy just one outfit, pushing T round the shops in his pram, and failed miserably. It was such an unpleasant experience - it was busy, he understandably got bored and was stressed (I hate people taking babies on long shopping trips, and got the looks that I gove other people when he cried ), and I seem to have totally changed shape as well as gained weight, so all my guesses about what might fit/look good were way off. Plus trends have moved on since last time I shopped and I felt like an old git because I just didn't know what to do with all these new styles. And it's just so horrible getting in and out of shops and changign rooms with a pushchair. So I got very stressed and spent most of my times sitting to feed T, and the bus ride home, desperately trying not to cry and looking a bit mad. And today I have to cobble something together from my casual and pretty scruffy stuff, or my maternity work clothes . Also I am very stressed about leaving T for the first time, even only for an hour and a half with a very good friend. BUT all will no doubt be well and I should stop worrying... I have calmed down this morning and realise it is just because I really need some time on my own - both kids have been very demanding (not sleeping in evenings etc) for the last 2 weeks and dh has been away and out a lot, so I really have cabin fever and am feeling very unlike myself.

Well, rant over I think. Thank you for putting up with me . Just to offset all my whining, I'm going boast about my morning's expressing, in anticipation of leaving T later - first attempt since having him and I got 120ml in one go ! I got a cheap but excellent Lansinoh hand pump in Sainsburys last time we were in the UK and it's brilliant - comfortable and, obviously, highly effective! I am so relieved, it looks like I'll be able to aim for some time away from both kids soon ...

OK enough of me!! Sorry .

In laws - much sympathy and wishes of patience for sausage and flippin and indeed all those with irritating (or worse) PILs. Sausage like others have said, your day will be great and I hope you can get to it without too much stress beforehand.

Also, at all these teeth! Dd didn't get any until she was 14mo [more ]! We still have huge probs getting her to clean them.

Heating not on yet but I predict it will be morning & evening by the end of the week.

OK everyone getting up and I have to get through the shower. Better go - have nice days everyone, and catch up with you later!

Ooh by the way slebs - an acquantance of mine from uni went out with Jamie Theakston and I met him at a bbq the year after we graduated. Stayed silent while friend introduced him in case I said anything stupid so I don't think I made an impression!

morning. just a quick note to gloat. it's past 7 and everyone is still sleeping! H usually sleeps when I expect otherwise. I thought she'd be up at least twice. have just quickly expressed a few oz as I'm bursting. off to quickly wake her as my boobs are bursting!

hope everyone else had good sleep.

ok.
baby in lap. so funny, usually i hear when H is up as she's either chatting or fussing or cr crying. just now, though, she was just laying there with bright eyes as if she were waiting for me. then did a little kick of excitement. now she's feeding happily.

dh is home the rest of this week as hol so am looking forward to the extended weekend-feeling. just brought me cuppacoffee, bless him.

euro good luck with the work meeting. i hop you've calmed from yesterday's stressful shopping trip. i hate when people look at you when the baby cries. it makes it feel so much worse.

i also felt the same as you when shopping the other day and couldn't decide an outfit so had to ask the trendy teenage-looking fitting room attendant her opinion. she did look sympathetic and chose a lovely jumper and belt.

anyway, glad about the expressing. i've got a 3 yr old medela mini elec that just doesn't seem efficient, it seems to have lost a lot of it's suction though i can get it to express.

oh, quick exit, dd1 just ran into room, needs attention! hope you allare well.

Morning!

euro - you definitely have my sympathies. My clothes tell me I'm a completely different shape.
However, my feet haven't changed shape so I treated myself to some black ankle boots yesterday from Jones My old pair fell apart back in March and I decided I wouldn't be wearing heels for a while so didn't replace them then.

Momi - v impressed with your DDs this morning and how cute for you to get that welcome from H.

In the end last night DS woke up again at 11.20 and I struggled to get him back in his cot to the extent that I didn't. In the early hours I brought him into bed. I guess I just try again tonight.

Anyway, on the cute side of things, DS has just started doing this funny thing with his mouth. Almost like he's trying to be a fish. We've never done that though so I'm wondering whether he's either trying to do kisses or he's copying us chewing our food. He does it the whole time though, not just when we've got food.

morning all

we have had a restless night here M was up x5 [yawn]
I don't think she was even hungry half the time, wasn't cold/hadn't filled nappy so think it might have been DH's snoring (alcohol induced-just for a change!)

she had her last feed 5.10-5.40 then slept till 7.30 when DH woke us both up rushing to get ready for work

sorry - will stop moaning now

sorry me me me

DH and I still having problems mainly due to him demanding sex which I still find painful
I just don't feel sexy AT ALL I tried talking to DH and explaining that I think its partly down to my hormones/breastfeeding but he says I'm talking crap

I don't know how to improve things at the mo, thinking perhaps giving up breastfeeding would help but I don't want to yet as I feel so close to M when I feed her myself.

DH has always been quite demanding but now I just feel like he's punishing me.

sorry to whinge - I haven't got anyone else to talk to about this.

Hi Looby,
Am in a bit of a rush and afraid I don't have a great deal of advice, but don't want to not reply - sounds like your dh is being a bit unreasonable - he is wrong and you are not talking crap ! Whatever you do re bf, if you do give up you need to be happy with that decision for your own sake as well as his, as otherwise I don't think it'll have the desired effect, ie allowing you to feel more up for it with him. If you resent giving up bf for that reason, you're unlikely to be feeling in the mood anyway. In any case, given how difficult you've found bf, you've already done really well whatever your decision is now. I hope that things get a bit better soon and you can sort what sounds like a recurring problem. And I'm sure you'll get more & better wise advice here!

thanks euro thought I'd scared everyone off

Loobs, pretty soon you'll be breastfeeding less and your hormones will return to normal. However, what your DH needs to understand is that you probably aren't feeling like sex because of his drinking, constant demands and general crapness. Sorry to be blunt, but I'm just repeating back what you've said on the subject. Yes, breastfeeding can have an impact on libido but I think it is more complicated than that for you. I don't think you are helping yourself by blaming breastfeeding for it. You need to tell him that it is him.

I've said a lot to you previously about my DH and the problems we had so I won't go over old ground, but if you want to chat privately on it please feel free to do it on facebook.

As for whether you should stop breastfeeding, that decision needs to be yours, but I think I would resent my DH considerably if I felt pressured into stopping breastfeeding so that he could have sex.

Sorry Loobs, but I've been where you are now and I found it helpful when people were straight with me. But I'll send you lots of love too.

Right. Off to get cleaning now. DS2 is napping and DS1 is out with his grandparents after a remarkable 7pm-7am sleep. I'm hoping the tantrum nights are OVER!

thanks llare I know I'm blaming it on BF
DH gets angry when I talk about the drinking but he has admitted to me that he's dependant on it we had a big row on hols

would appreciate talking to you

euro I haven't braved clothes shopping at all so think you're very brave to give it a go, IKWYM about those days when shopping just wants to make you cry and i'm sure it'll be better next time. good luck at your work appointment too.

looby I take it your dh isn't appeased with other intimate relief? I give dh a helping hand and lots of touchy feely stuff like.. cuddles, kisses, gropes when squeezing past him etc. on a daily basis. It makes sure he knows I still fancy him even though i'm not frisky atm & I think it helps demonstrate it all you can do is keep talking to each other. Oh and don't you dare feel bad about breast feeding and what it's doing to your hormones.. M won't be bf for ever so in the big picture it's not that long to be having a spartan sex life imo.

bit nervous today.. dh has gone to london for his assessment exam. he only gets 2 goes to pass it before he's allowed to go on the residential course sunday. if he doesn't do the course he'll lose his job. hopefully he won't have to sit the test again on thursday.

NS snow storms look a bit wilder than I thought they'd be! more remote property is looking less attractive in comparison to semi rural now i'll just have to learn to ski and brush up on my chronic skating

on phone and took ages to reply.. x posts

I'm such a worry wort.. G has been sleeping soundly since 10am. so much so that i had to go over and lay my hand on her chest to check she was still breathing she's having a great nap today and at this rate i'll have to wake her up to give her a quick feed before we need to collect ds from pre school.

Phew she woke up.. just time to do quick feed and we're off!

euro good luck for this afternoon. I know what you mean about clothes shopping, I've only bought a couple of cheap tops and am dreading reviewing my work wardrobe.

looby just echoing what llare and fi have said - don't feel bad; you don't have the problem, he does. And I agree, keep up the BFing as it isn't the cause of the problems, you've battled so hard with it and you could well end up resenting your DH if you stop because of him. DH and I do some of what fi mentioned: although there is still no action per se, we are still physically affectionate with each other and we know we fancy each other.

fi - good luck to your DH. I wish F was sleeping soundly. He always has a 10.30ish nap but not a sign of tiredness today, I reckon he's going to go straight to overtired and whingy!

SES love the image of the fish!

I haven't been on for a few days and am catching up. First things first -

Looby I think this isn't about bf (but you know that) - bf is a red herring. Yes,it can create physical changes in your body that might impede intercourse, but it shouldn't make it really painful. And much as I wish this wasn't true for you, I'm pretty damn sure that your sex life will NOT improve once you give up bf and your hormones settle.

Because really, what this is about is desire and respect. I think your DH knows this which is why he said you were talking crap re bf (which btw, wasn't very gracious of him at all).

You don't desire sex at the moment, which is your perogative, and may be the case regardless of what your relationship is like. Having a new baby can mess with your head and your libido - fact. But what is worrying here, is that your DH doesn't seem to respect your wishes that much. You say he is 'demanding' sex, to what extent he is forcing himself on you - to put it bluntly - only you know, and I'm not asking you to share that here if you don't want to. You have the right to say no to sex, of course. He has the right to feel a little aggrieved when you say no, because we naturally do when what we want is withheld from us. But he does NOT have the right to demonstrate his anger or belittle you. You previously mentioned being referred to a consultant re sex being painful - has anything come of this? Given that referral, I think it's even more suspect that your DH is pressurising you into sex when he knows it is painful.

Drinking clearly is an issue, and he really needs to address that, but IMO that should not cloud your judgment over the issue of whether he is bullying you into having sex when you don't want to. Being drunk is not an excuse for that. Nothing is.

thanks for all your support

DH texted early "do you fancy a bath?" which is his code for "sex tonight?"

I just feel so angry at him at the moment. I do still try and kiss/cuddle him in passing/show affection but he's not been like that for so long unless sex is on offer . I have given him the odd "helping hand"

anyway I've texted back...

No thank you. What I do fancy is my husband being nicer and more understanding towards me. I love you very much and we need to sort this out. X

I don't know how he'll take this . Oh well probably in for yet another crap night.

Good reply Looby. Great advice from Dandy and llaregg so just hugs from me.

looby good on you for the text.. it may well be harder to stand up for what you want but nothing will really change until you both work through this. have you thought about going for couples councilling at relate? might help you both voice your issues and have an independent person suggest ways to address them?

Well done Looby - great reply. Hope it nudges him to talk properly and be more understanding & respectful.