April 2008 - The one with the arrival of little sisters!

[Scorps]

Here's to PM's new little girl to come very soon, oh yes and my dd2

Have just posted there. I am so sorry. In the meantime (until you can see Relate again) - can you go and see a hypnotherapist / nlp counselor (sp?) just to help you cope a bit? I know it sounds wishy washy, but really good for self esteem, won't change the world, but will help you cope. Thinking of you. x

Hey all - not been around as moved house and had no internet access and damn work firewall has started blocking MN!

scorps - read your thread. Am so sorry things are hard lady, how are you?

How is everyone else?

Hey Ellie, I wondered if you've moved or just ran away Glad to see you're back now. Unpacked yet? How is the new house?

It's looking really cosy now after lots of hard work! Am exhausted. And still isn;t officially ours but have had to move in (all very dull and complicated) but should pass contract this week. Molly loving having her own little space to sleep (we have stuck her in an alcove on the landing for the moment until she can share with DSD) and has been sleeping through so am not feeling guilty at all about her being on the landing, but rather delightfully happy and giddy with newfound energy

Yey for Britain to get you as a citizen Sal!

And Yey for Mr Soph!

(Just working my way through thread)

Ellie. That's such a nice thing to say.

If I were you, I'd leave Molly on the landing - hell, if we had one I'd stick R there if that meant he'd sleep through!

Yay for ellie & mr soph

Scorps I'm sorry. I think you're worth more but what I think doesn't matter. Get the baby here and see how it goes.

I have faith in your strength, and you know where I amX

oh scorps I'm really sorry that you're going through this, I've read your thread and can see that the last few weeks have been hellish for you - please do take care of yourself, make a big batch of vege soup so that even if you find you're too tired/sad/confused to get dinners you've got something healthy and easy to fall back on.
Sorry to hear that there will be a big gap in the relate counselling, but it does sound like even just that first session helped you to start getting a bit clearer about how you feel, which is important, hold on to that if things start getting confusing again.

Ellie - congratulations on the housemove! Even if things aren't completely settled with contracts it's great that you're in and making it your home.

And Sal - congrats on the citizenship. Strangely, I started looking this up myself last week - it's not the most glamorous thing I could spend my bonus on, but it would certainly be helpful.

no big news here, just puddling along. Have decided to try to lose some weight but not being terribly successful with the ol' self-discipline, there being so much yummy-ness around at the moment. Just feel a bit frumpy and un-fab so will give it a go and see if that helps me feel a little better. Or might just go shopping

I'm doing ok; i'm going to keep updating the relationship thread, seems easier

I really feel like doing a runner; kicking him out. It will be time and space to relaise then, won't it! But then i keep thinking the live in help will be invaluable when the baby comes. I just dont know how im going to get through the next 6 weeks until another relate appointment. Im thinking surely in 6 weeks one of us will know something?! I feel like this is the end coming up, but it doesnt feel a suprise anymore. I keep thinking that he isnt the easiest bloke to be with, hes very demanding, maybe let some other girls deal with him. He will, i expect, never live with any of his children again (i dont think he will have more, who knows though)

Most of my friends have wonderful husbands who adore them. There must be someone out there willing to love me, and maybe one day the dc too.

I keep getting the serious horn though . Have NO idea how to deal with sex drought. And no, a rabbit is not the same.

Morning. Scorps, I'll keep following your other thread (even if not always posting), but if you want to chat off line, e-mail me at any time. I can give you my mobile number if you ever just want to moan/cry/swear with someone not known to him.

Just one thing to post on here, and then I'll try and post on other thread in future: yes, of course, in a marriage, everyone deserves someone who loves and respects them. Annoy the hell out of each other on occassion, sure, of course, that's normal - but you need the deeper knowledge that that person is part of you, as you are of them. That they respect you, and you them. And that you love and care for each other, in sickness and health, pms and man-flu. And that that person would break themselves to stop you from getting hurt, as you would for them. For me, that is the basis of my marriage - not stuff, travel, spoiling (all those things nice when you can have them, but it's just superficial, it's just decorations) - but the knowledge that we are "us", independent, but one unit. When one is weak, the other covers - together a marriage should make for two stronger people. If it doesn't, it should, and something has to change.

You did make me laugh with your sex question though - I'm sorry, no idea, I just wanted to lie under the duvet and drink hot chocolate when pregnant, so I'm of no use there, sorry!

Ladybee, love your shopping alternative. I, too, should really lose some weigh (shocking amount picked up just over last 2 weeks, as if it wasn't enough before!), but I'm so utterly rubbish with diets... And I keep telling myself stuff like "but you won't get mince pies again for months", which doesn't exactly help!

Re citizenship - yes, I try not to think of the thousands (really!) we've had to spend on visas and applications etc to date. At least it's getting to an end now. It was strange yesterday, I was really proud to sing God Save The Queen. My Boer ancestors will turn in their graves to find out I'm now one with the English though!

Ah Scorps the sex thing wears off, women it seems areprogrammed differntly to men biologically- men want it always 9wellalways fertile)*, women want it lots when available epaking at their most fertile; so if you go without for a while the hormones drop and you want it less.

*Clearly this is biol perpesctiveonly- sexuality is far more complex buut yes on the absic level, forfemales,the more you get the more you want.

Good i hope it goes, because i dont think shagging him is going to help at all. Maybe the baby will come soon and i wont fancy it anymore. Imagine if dh & I never make love again and i have sex with someone else one day after childbirth; they wont be as gentle as he is after a baby

God i miss him. He must think something of me to be doing this, relate etc?

Hey all.

Ellie - pleased to hear that the move went well

Sal - congrats on becoming "one of us" although that's a bit rich coming from me as I'm no longer a resident of the UK.

Scorps - so sorry to hear about everything you've been going through and I hope that everything gets sorted one way or the other.

Only two more days of school left and then 3 weeks hols - can't wait, even though I'm still not fully prepared for Christmas. It always works out in the end though, fingers crossed.

Hey Soph! Thanks. I keep chuckling (rather childishly), thinking my great grandparents will probably turn in their graves at the thought of me joining "The English" (the whole Boer War thing of course! ). Strange how things change in, in the bigger scheme of things, not that many years.

Whoo hoo for you almost having holidays! What does that mean for us though?? (Which is the most important thing, of course ) Will you get to post on here still? If not, you'll have to post at least 5 times a day now so that we've got some reserves to go on!

Ooh, here it's freezing cold today. Snowing at the moment, but melting again immediately on contact with the ground. Would love to show R thick snow (for a nanosecond before running back to the warm flat!)

It's R's school play today, and I was terribly proud of his outfit - until I realised there is no way in hell he's going to wear it - flatout refuses and throws a master tantrum (a regular occurrence nowadays). But hey, I delivered it at school anyway, with the instructions not to bother if he doesn't want to play ball. I'd be terribly surprised if he does pitch up all boxed up though!

Poor ds3 dosn't have two more days of school- break up is 22nd for him!. Other two break up friday though. Good, they cn help with the big tidy up

Bas not well again, been up most of night and dh was up half of that!. Guess whcih one is asleep on the sofa now (Clue:mucha s it may look like it,I don't sleep-type LOL)

Since he ahd swine flu poor Bas has rarely been without a bug of some kind, though he was really hit by the measles vaccine- he ahd the rash andeverything, only just gone. Stillif he reacted so strongly to that I dread to think what actual measles would have done.

Oh yes Sal the tantrums! Poor Bas has several a day,and whilst the most extreme need interventionn(my first headbanger ), usually I barely notoce save to pop him down somewhere he'ssafe asfrankly, compared to ds1'smeltdowns he's a beginner!

Peachy. Think I might just stalk hang around you to see how to handle these, as I'm getting rather nervous when he has his major ones! Most of the time it's fine, but in his cot he'll bang his head against the wood... So far I've convinced dh that we can't take him out and let him play in front of tele every time he does this, but I have to admit I have been tempted. This is usually when we don't understand exactly what he wanted in his cot with him, and then he gets himself all worked up.

I do find the stamping his feet thing kind of funny, but try not to show!

How is Bas now, Peachy? Poor thing, it must be so hard to deal with feeling ill for so long (I feel sorry for myself one day in when ill!) Bad cold, or what is wrong with him?

TBH, if theya re headbanging and yopu can shove a pillow behind him, do it as longa s you're there obv;then let him get on with it. If he's endangering himself somewhere,put him somewhere safe-middleof floor is usual with me- and again,,let him get on with it.I sometimessing quietly whilst 'ignoring' as I know my singing alms him (clearly he is not Simon Cowell PMSL). but ntohing overt,just to make himfeelsafeas the tantrums can be scary for them.

if it is solvedevery time,or'rewarded',he won't need to try to communicate with you: Bas has gone up to 3words since the tantrums started. but if you can find a proactive way to help that- do it!.if there'sanumber of ytoys or epople he likes, put pics of them in an album,kidslove that anyway and you can help him point to what he wants.Some people think that delays words but actually no, it helpsthem learn all about ciommunication and spurs language development on loads (a simialr system called PECs for asd kids made ds3 want to talk at 4).

But mainly, its about safety,comfort and knowing they grow out of it. And that they won't lock themselves in and hack bits orplaster off with a razor (guess which ds did that this week )

Its asore throat with him Sal,I think anyway as ds2 has one. He screamedlast night because he wanted drink on for comfort, then when he got milk it hurt him to swallow.... bit of a panic inducing cycle really

Peachy, thank you very much for this. I didn't really think of the link, but I now think maybe one of the reasons why his tantrums are so often and bad is that he can't speak yet. It might be because of the two languages (we speak to him and each other in Afrikaans), but he is definitely behind other children his age wrt speaking. He communicates ok / good when able to reach something and show us, but gets really frustrated when he can't reach something and we don't understand. I'm going to make him the book you suggest, and will go from there.

How would I know if he needs extra help? I don't really know anything about this, so I'm not always sure what to search for. All I know is that he only really says "car" and "mommy" (x10000000) and "pappa" (daddy) on a regular basis. Most definitely not anywhere near saying phrases - I get a bit scared about that sometimes. Not that I mind if he's later, actually, but I'm scared maybe it's something undiagnosed and by not doing anything, I'm delaying giving him the additional help he needs. Sorry for the rambling, I don't know how to explain. I don't think it's a problem with his physical speach (he can form lots of different sounds, just not recognisable words.

Sorry, meant to say, hope Bas's throat gets better soon and that you get some sleep. Obviously not good for teeth, but I sometimes give R water with a spoonful of honey in it when his throat bad, and not sure if it's just the sugar treat, but he seems to like/tolerate it.

He'sprobably just being a lazt tike Sal (AKA boy ) but its worth looking at hbow you can help- what'she like with songs/action rhymes etc? Loads of those and books, and he'll get there in the end.

WRT to other types of communication, if he has a triadic point (point with index,looks at you then at item pointing at), and non verbal comms then I wouldn't worry tbh. I think they say 2 word phrases by 2, so if he can't do that maybe ask HV but many kids just don't follow anybodiy elsespath-and they make up for it later!

Tomy IIRC do a little photo album that lookslike abutterfly,Bas loves his and you can record names etc for the pictures- a good way of getting words in as it can be updated often with new pics

Thanks Peachy. Ok, well, he def does the pointing thing, and otherwise good non verbal, so probably just laziness combined with the language confusion then. I am going to do book (will look for that photo album) and will spend more time on this. Wrt to songs/action rhymes - well, he doesn't participate (except Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, for which he'll "sing" and do the twinkle star movements etc), but likes listening. Action rhymes - he gets bored if I try and do it without a book, but with a book, he'll point to the pictures and wants me to say the name, again and again. E.g. on (say) Little Bo Peep, he'll point at the sheep, I have to say "sheep", again and again. And then he gets bored, goes to next rhyme, same thing. Actually, he gets bored very quickly when listening to a rhyme / story (even if only 30 seconds long sometimes), and will want to turn the page or gets frustrated if I don't say the name quickly enough. If we just look through a book and I "make up" the story by pointing at stuff and saying, then he's happy to play with. Yet, at the same time, he'd be happy to play with his blocks / lego for half an hour, so I don't know if it is a concentration problem, or if it is just be expecting too much too soon and over reacting. Or maybe it is just me (quite possible and I'd actually prefer that, as that I can change), as he fits in perfectly at nursery (one day a week), listens to stories with the other children, etc. Urgh, I'm so clueless with this whole parenting thing, even though I try to read up etc.

I worry sometimes that he's got adhd, and that we created this by letting him watch tele (about an hour a day - cbeebies). Obviously stopped that now, but from some of the things I've read (yes, I know never google health ). My routine was also non-existent, which is apparently really bad for them. I'm obviously trying to do it right now. Dammit.

Except for this all, he is a really happy, friendly little boy, gets on with his friends, loves other people, happy to play or be left with others (likes nursery etc, loves our neighbour). He is also bright, understands us perfectly, etc. Oh, I'll stop now, I'm possibly overreacting. Sorry.