June 2008: Nine months in, nine months out

[Essie3]

Here's to the next nine months!

going2 don't be too embarassed - according to wikipedia 1 in 3 of us will have it. Besides nothing can be more humiliating than giving birth in my opinion!

amber wow! congrats to your sister

neenz!!! I need your help - my DH has gone and got some medised but I threw out my old bottle - what is the dosage for the 0-1 and 1-2 year old brackets?

Hi all, just need a rant!

Alex's naming ceremony is in May and Matt's sister and her husband are legal guardians to Alex and so supposed to be a major part of the ceremony - anyway, been trying to pin her down for a date to come up and discuss the ceremony (they only live an hour away) and she's just emailed me to say sorry nothing free, can we just do it over the phone!

AIBU? I really really wish we'd never asked them to be his guardians now - we've hardly seen them since he was born and they make no effort to visit at all. I'm so angry. Dh can speak to her, I'm too busy .

Abdn, it's the same as Calpol for under 1s, so 2.5ml-5ml every four hours. For over 1s, I think you can give 5-10ml Calpol but I am not certain about Medised so maybe stick to 5ml max?

Amber, that's great! Funny they have given her different dates for each one - I never had that even though they were very different sizes. Perhaps they just did the smaller/bigger one for me or averaged them? She can only have one due date so they'll have to choose one or the other!

MIL has had the DTs for the afternoon which has been lovely - been catching up on Desp HWs and The City [guilty viewing pleasure].

Let DH speak to her Sponge. What does being his guardian actually mean? Can you change it? I can understand why you are annoyed. They should come to visit their nephew! Can't believe they cannot find a spare couple of hours on a weekend to come and see you. I live an hour from my parents and it is too far to go for the evening but at the weekend it is not. They should come, and not just to discuss the ceremony, to come and see her brother and his son! YANBU.

If both Matt and I died Alex would go to live with them. They're bloody strangers to him though . Damn pregnancy hormones . (I mean my pg hormones with Alex that made me think it was a good idea to ask them - but we were pretty desperate and had no one else to ask ).

sponge Hmm, this is a tough one. I can totally understand why you're I have picked different Godparents to legal guardians for my kids. My brother and his wife are the boys legal guardians. They live too far away to make an effort, but even if we were close, I know he'd be rubbish. BUT, if we died, I know that they would take the boys in and raise them and love them as their own. That's why I picked them - not for now, but for how they would be when they were needed. My brother is very focused on his family to the exclusion of all else. But my boys would become his family IYSWIM and therefore would be treated like siblings to his kids. The boys Godparents are close friends and family that know that their job would be to tell our kids what we were like as my brother is very different. Would your SIL take Alex in a love him as her own? Because I think that's the most important thing. I want to know that my boys wouldn't feel like they were second in importance...

p.s. you can always change guardians - at any point, so if you think of someone you are more comfortable with, or if circumstances change, it's not a problem. Legal guardian is a huge responsibility so it's important to pick who you want and not worry about hurt feelings (you can always 'forget' to tell them you changed it, after all the chance of you both dying is really small).

Or can you pick other people to be atheist-parents? To fulfil the role a godparent tends to do?

Sponge my parents are our kids guardians simply because they do not know their uncles at all. I couldn't bear the thought of them losing parents and then going to people they didn't know so decided that grandparents (only in 60's) best bet. They are not their godparents though, we used close friends for that.

I am too old for this single Mum at home with 3 children lark {very tired emoticon}

Ethan has been extra whingey, think he may be getting another tooth(his 7th)

Boys have been OK, but addition of another child wasn't good planning really.

Waited around all day for guests to arrive - they have just turned up.

And to top it all it's still snowing, I went out to clear path and car park this morning, Stefan did it twice this afternoon, then once I got all 3 in bed I went out and did it again.

Now the guests are here I can relax now though, I am looking forward to a glass of Baileys and a mini Christmas pud I found in the cupboard!!Going to watch the tv prog tonight about surrogacy.

Sponge - you're not being unreasonable

Abdn - Medised doseage - 1-2 5ml spoonfuls, 3-4 times daily.

We have got two friends who are going to be his 'mentors' (atheist god-parents!) who see loads of him and whom he adores!

We would love to make them guardians but they have a 15 yr old son and have done their parenting, plus they want to move to Scotland in five years which could be tough on our families.

My parents are too old and there's no way I'd leave him with the PILs.

Both my brothers are footloose and fancy free and I really don't think they'd want the responsibility.

It's so tough .

What has really pissed me off though is that she can't even be bothered to make the effort to be part of the planning for his naming ceremony .

Anyway, I'm just stressed tonight for obvious reasons. Need to calm down .

deb, neenz, thanks!!

.... and breathe Sponge

Lol @ Deb!

that's better

Evening! Amazingly, Iestyn has gone to sleep. I was expecting a huge rumpus, because he's been off colour all day (possibly teeth, possibly a cold, and a little rash too). But he was ok. Sorry Iestyn!

Sponge there's not something deeper going on here with your SIL? Is the thought of the responsibility too much for her? Does she have issues with discussing possible death situations? Does she have children of her own? If no, is she unable to have any, or decided not to (but maybe has regrets or whatever)? Don't answer, I'm not being nosy, just a thought. I'm only saying this because I'm currently shirking from meeting with someone I know for lunch, and she's getting p!ssed off, but I can't admit that it's because it's a bit painful (it's a job thing - serious woes still there in the background but counselling happening next week).
But if it's nothing and she's just being annoying, then seriously consider whether she's a suitable guardian.

Others having bad days - Deb, Going (nothing to be embarrassed about, it is not an STI or dirty and not your fault ) - hope things improve soon. Home alone here, Deb, and Abdn (but I think your DH came back?) and anyone else. Last week was fine, but today has been challenging because Iestyn isn't himself.
Great news Amber about your SIL too. And hello to everyone else, hope your babies are being beautiful and lovely.

Oh, I know what I wanted to say! Iestyn had a lie in this morning! Until 8.30! Couldn't believe it - I had a cup of tea in bed, reading, then went for a shower and was all dressed and ready when he woke up. He was lying in his cot jabbering away and jabbing his little dictator finger in the air. I seriously hope this 8.30 start is his New Thing. But I'm realistic. Sigh!

HI Essie - you're sounding very positive this evening. Ethan has started the finger pointing too - it's so sweet.

Hi everyone, just catching up on the weekend news. Sympathies Goingto, hope you get it sorted.

Deb, enjoy the Christmas pud and Baileys, get you, being all sort of festive in March!

Sponge, good luck tomorrow.

Aberdeen, hope you're ok - it's horrid being left by yourself, especially if you're not on top form.

Well - we've decided to see if we can get B out earning his keep - if only! - as a child model. He's been accepted by one agency, but not sure if we should go for it (Goingto and Puree, I've posted on the modelling thread for some advice). All the agencies I've found online so far are pretty much London based, but surely there is work in Scotland too - lots of ad/creative agencies in Edinburgh and Glasgow, and they do still make TV here too. DP's agent is now dead (yes, that's how old DP is, no wonder he hasn't had any work for ages, but he does occasionally pop up in old episodes of Taggart!!!), but he knows another one we can try.

Essie, fingers crossed for the 8.30 thing - B had a lie in til then on Saturday morning and it was fab.

Sponge, don't worry too much about the guardian thing, because nothing is going to happen to you! And if you do decide to change his guardians, you wouldn't need to tell them. I think Essie could be right that there might be other issues going on with SIL. Good luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you.

Does anyone know anything about getting a nanny? I am just thinking of my options for when I go back to work. I will probably do two days a week and it might not be much different in cost to have a nanny as to put them in nursery. I know when you have a nanny you are classed as an employer and it would need to be a nanny share I assume if I only need someone two days. But I don't know anything about it so any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Is your DP an actor Whinegums?

Essie/Neenz, yes there is more to it. SIL can't have her own children. However, before you think we were hideously insensitive in asking her to be guardian we did think about it long and hard and we also did try and talk to them about it when we asked.

We started the conversation and wanted to talk about what we hoped would be their relationship with Alex, etc, but they just cut us off, said of course they would be honoured, didn't need to think about it for one minute, the answer would be yes.

SIL is not someone I find it very easy to talk to tbh and I'm not really sure what the problem is.

Anyway, putting it to the back of my mind now. Just trying to think about anything but tomorrow morning I think .

Sponge, I think if she wants kids but can't have them then it is going to be difficult for her, but it is still her brother's son (not her husband's brother's son IYSWIM, Alex is her blood). When I lost my baby and was desperate to be PG I never once felt uncomfortable around my sisters' kids or felt that I didn't want to see them, cos I love them almost like they are my own.

I can see how you wanted to have a conversation about how you'd want them to bring up Alex... perhaps write a letter to them and put it with your will, just in case the worst was to happen (which it won't!)

He was once upon a time Neenz. He is a director now, but theatre and opera rather than tv and film - in other words, not the sort that earns megabucks unfortunately! (And I dabbled a bit when I was younger too - Whinegums whispers 'Byker Grove' in VERY hushed tones and runs and hides).

Neenz, it wasn't so much that we wanted to have a conversation about how we wanted Alex brought up, more that we wanted to talk about whether they really wanted to take on the responsibility when their lives had taken a completely different path, and also that we would want them to make the effort to see Alex as much as they could.

We never had a chance to have that conversation and it gets more and more awkward as time goes on.

You're right, the chances are remote that this would happen, but it's peace of mind I suppose.

It's hard isn't it Sponge? We still haven't really decided who would be B's guardian(s) - my mum is too old, DP's parents are dead, and our siblings are not 'right' either.