Flori - I've spoken to dog sitting people this morning (they walk Stan + Dex for me to help me out) and they can do it. I'm happy with them as there is no way Dex can go into kennels. So we're still on to meet up if you;re free? What time would suit you? We'll be up from friday so could really do anytime on sat...
here is the rough draft of my email...
Dear B and G
I hear, through Dh, that ?Emma didn?t speak to me for 7 months?? was mentioned last night in a conversation so I would like to address this comment in an open and honest manor. Yor way of dealing with problems in hoping by ignoring them they will simply go away or alternatively dismissing anything anyone says to you that you don?t like is obviously not working as you still bring it up as an issue when you disagree with Chris.
I have an alcoholic mother who made my teenage years particularly difficult. She would phone us and leave rambling drunken messages on our answer phone often tearful in content but always with an emotional blackmailing slant. I had to deal with these on an almost daily basis which made my life incredibly difficult. I had to contact a solicitor to ask her to stop phoning as it was very hurtful. The important thing to remember with alcoholics is that they don?t actually remember what they have said and, therefore, often deny they ever even they?ve phoned. I had to keep tapes as evidence in order to make her stop.
When the last argument broke out G had phoned and left a very tearful message on our answer phone intimating that we weren?t speaking to either of you and asking ?what has dad and I done that has upset you so much that you aren?t speaking to us?? As far as we were both aware we hadn?t spoken to you for a bout 2 weeks and had no idea what you were talking about. I then tried to email and talk to you regarding this but you kept leaving these awful messages and that?s when I got very upset. I will not have these types of messages left on our answer phone for us to come home to, for our children to hear when there is no reason for them. If you feel that we don?t phone you enough then mention it by all means but do not try to make situations up that aren?t there. I often go for weeks without speaking to my closest members of my family, K (bf) and other close friends, we speak when there is something to say and not just ring each other to talk about the weather. We all have busy lives and don?t spend a lot of time on the phone to each other and this is something you will have to accept as I really don?t see the situation changing. After all, would you really want us ringing you everyday because we felt we had to or that you would get yourself in a tizz and invent situations that really weren?t true if we didn?t? This is emotional blackmail and we won?t react to it anymore.
I don?t remember you ringing at all in that 7 months (was it 7 months, we really weren?t counting) so why is it that I wasn?t speaking to you when you didn?t ring either?
I have also had a letter from my mother (via another source) telling me that her husband has died and that she is all on her own and she has money troubles. I have had a very difficult time in the past few months trying to make a decision as to whether to have contact or not. All my family have turned their back, yet I felt awful in doing so. This has brought back memories of all the awful times I had just before she left, just after and for a long time afterwards.
You also seemed to get yourselves in the middle of the J (dh's sister)/Dh parking ticket fiasco. J and DH had sorted things out and B (FIL) then went onto the internet and told G and J that J would have a criminal record from this. G (MIL) then phoned Dh and had a massive go at him, intimating that he was laughing at her (he wasn?t, he was incredibly confused) when Dh tried to talk to her about it a few days later she wouldn?t talk about it. You can?t say how you feel in whatever way you think right and then not allow people the right to question what you are saying, especially if it doesn?t actually involve you. We find this a lot in that you cast your opinion and then when anyone disagrees you change the subject, end the conversation and this is very frustrating.
This upset me very much as DH is my husband and if I see him upset then I am upset for him also. You can?t expect to treat him as you do and for this not to have a knock on effect on me. I would be no wife if I didn?t feel protective towards him.
So, the situation as I see it was - How can I make pleasant conversation with you when you have just upset my husband, refused to talk about what you said, when you leave strange messages on our answer phone intimating that we aren?t speaking to you. How on earth do you expect to have people even want to ring you after that?
When we do speak all you say is that how you miss the boys, yet you make no effort to come and see them. Dh?s working day including travelling is about 12-13 hours a day EVERYDAY and he has no choice to as we have to pay the bills. So that?s at least 60 hours per week and lately he has had to work in the evenings and weekends. There is absolutely no way we can travel up to yours for 2 days of a weekend. I worry about Dh?s health yet this seems to not be a consideration in your view of us. Most of my friends? parents of retirement age have retired and are free to spend their time as they wish. If B doesn?t want to retire then that is his choice but it does mean you will see less of your grandchildren as it is impossible for us to do what you want.
We are bending over backwards to take the children to yours before Christmas in that I had to move a scan, Dh is taking the day off (and not getting paid) so we can share the driving as I had to take the 1st paediatrician?s app for Oliver which was that Wednesday. I can?t do all that driving on my own as I am tired at the moment, suffering migraines (which make me sick and I have to put Ollie in front of the telly and put Henry to bed and wait for Dh to come home. I can?t take any migraine medication due to the pregnancy) I was due to drive up by myself but I can?t leave as early as I had originally planned due to Ollie?s app. We have to drive back the same day as we have the scan the following day and Dh is working from home so he can come as I am apprehensive due to the Miscarriage I had between the boys.
We had thought about cancelling but knew that the fallout from you would be awful so we have tried the best we can to still make this visit happen.
So, Oliver has been ill (and still is), my mother has made contact and tried to guilt my brothers and I into contact, we are in a recession and Dh is self employed so things could go wrong very quickly, Dh is tired from working incredibly long days and worries when he takes just 1 day off and instead of support from you we seem to get told off for not ringing enough and made to feel guilty as you don?t see the children that often.
and breathe.....