APRIL 2008 - The One Where They Can Eat Food & Shoes & Toys ........

[FrankenSoph73]

Thought as the messages were coming in thick & fast I´d start new thread. Don´t know if it´ll work though. Fingers crossed.

Awwwww cute Sal.

Me and Jack were going to visit DP at work today but have decided its TOO COLD outside, so will stay cosy here.

It is terribly cold, isn't it?! I've got the heating on but it doesn't seem to help that much. Think I'll just have to start slobbing around with my nice and cosy sheepskin slippers from now on.

I'm going through a (for me anyway) really strange stage of wondering about whether or not I want more children. (Well, not ttc right now, just wondering about it generally.) Coming from a big family (4 children), I've always almost automatically assumed I'd like 2 or 3 children if possible, but lately wondering about an only. Strange how you could change something that was always an "obvious", isn't it.

Me too Sal. First I wanted more as soon as I realised Jack was the cutest thing on EARTH. (about 3 months old) Then later I thought I love Jack SO MUCH how could I possibly ever give away my attention to anyone but him?!
Now I think I will have at least 2 as planned (2/3 years apart..?If I can wait that long DP certainly can) in order for my perfect baby to have bro/sister to play with.

Of course when number 2 comes along they will be perfect too...

I do know one thing though, even though I get some funny ideas since I had a baby, my heart is definately BIGGER since I brought my little man into the world.

Sigh. PUKE. Sigh.

Sal - you just have PFB syndrome I found i got most broody each time after 1. Apart from this time , lol.

Got Mimi her beautiful all-in-one thing today, will have to do a pic soon!

I'm doing OK. Bumbling along.

Hi Scorpio!! Nice to see you

Oh and I want to add to my last post that the first 4 weeks after I had baby Jack having more children was far from my thoughts. I was more along the lines of NEVER AGAIN... SHUDDER...

Hmm, PFB syndrome?

Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I suspect i'll soon settle down as I've always wanted 2 or 3, but for the moment I'm enjoying being able to attend to his every whim. (This is coming from the person who, like PFJ, thought about ttc at 3 months!!!)

Having child(ren) have made me a more considerate and understanding (if tired) person.

I concur on the tire.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Great to see you Scorpio

Ah your heart does expand with each one, and the last is always your baby LOL

I haven't changed my mind at all - started getting broody quite early on and still am, although not as strong as I can see it getting quite hard work as he gets more and more mobile and demanding. I'm still anticipating starting to ttc after Christmas (shall we race Scorpio? ) - feels odd thinking about that while DS is still so babyish, but I keep reminding myself that 9 months is a long time, we're not even there yet with this one.

Actually, the idea of getting pregnant again is a big part of how I'm coping with the idea of going back to work - I enjoy my job and am good at it, and am looking forward to getting that part of myself back again, but now I know what the grass is like on this side of the fence and I like it

at your last sentence!

Ladybee - being a SAHM is nice, but sometimes, when you have been doing it forever, you do get lonely. I'm not sure about ttc yet, we havent been using contraception for months BUT i had my period return so felt very chuffed, but seeing as DH is a lying dirty bastard, i don't know anything anymore.

I feel very sick today and didnt go anywhere near him last night. He told me y'day that his work phone has equal amounts on it too - so when i thought it was tailing off, it was just transferred on his work phone!! I am finding this hard.

oh ladybee that bit about dh on the end of my message to you - sory it looks like it was aimed at you and it was aimed at dh being a bastard. i would dearly love a baby i really would, but i dont know how to do that anymore.

oh and we are going out to the cinema on Friday night. Don't particularly feel like doing myself up for him, either. Have agreed to go as him making the effort for a date is unheard of; i don't want to push that effort away, and discourage it, yknow? Plus he is paying from his own money that he got when he sold some of his ps3 games too.

I wnder Scorpio if the alck of effort on his part is a real issue here? If he'd made the effort you'd fell more vaued so maybe it wouldn't seem like such an issue (but i asked dh about your DH- sorry hope you don't mind- and he said your dh sounds more like a stalker than anything). It's not that long ago you were posting on here baout feeling neglected is it? I think he really does have to make some srious changes- not a lot focuses around you and you are 23 FGS, very young indeed.

Ladybee- I hafd to lagh at your post too! I like being a sahm but I have to say that now it looks as if I have no option atm (ds1 borderline exclusion, no childcare is going to touch him) suddenly the glow has worn off; another year with ds4 I will cherish, after that- hellllllp

Peachy no i don't mind - what did he mean though?

He has already made/making changes. He wil lcontinue with the boxing but not much else for a while. He is not to be trusted. I feel very hurt indeed by this - i know he didnt physically cheat but its just as well he did.

scorpio- it was the sheer volume of texts I think; he thought it sounded odd, esp. if she wasnt always answering. definitely doesnt sound affair-ish but not right either.... if I had to put my money on it (and i've never met you so feel free to ignore) I think he's a panicker: probably loves you to bits but has acquired a wife, baby, a sn dx in the family (always worth including in the equation) and now there's talk of a dc4.....can't recognise his life from a year ago and just needs some settling time. Plus- and this is the harsh bit- I don't think you do yourself any favours by accepting so much crap from hm: he seems to plough on regardless of the family whilst youb get beate down. When there's 100& adjustment required then you should do 50% each otherwise it goes tits up. One of you will mistakeny believe they're still single and responsibility-free; the other will feel resentful and it will cause ongoing effects.

He has to give a little; dh has his hobbies but understands (through much arguing- trust me he was beyond obsessive at first, his bags were packed on several occasions during our early days!) that things give when you have a family, esp. a larger one, and that things need to rebalance and ou need to feel valued.

Now sorry I may be comletely wrong- please don't be angry with me! Basing this entirely on my experiences and your intermittent postings on this over the last year or so. Your Dh sounds actually like one of the Good Guys to me- I suspect he has a heart of gold and adores you all to bits and can't beleive his luck, I just think he forgot tor ebalnce everything after Mimi arrived, and is having bit of a pre-midlife-panic now.

(BTW remember i'm on the way to the stepfamilies- you can always come over any time if you need a break!)

I agree Peachy, although dc4 was his idea to properly try, not mine.

I know he loves us; i think it was because (and he has said too) that he got so used to 'his' life - work, friends, boxing etc, that i was here and almost seemed my own unit - someone who he could have sex with, love when he wanted, but we weren't 'together' unit iyswim? He said he liked the flattery of her attention and he fact that she thought he was 'hot' - i dont think he realises he is an attractive man.

He has said too that our marriage is what he wants - that he does love me, that i am a fantastic wife. But you know what? im not playing precious little wifey anymore, and things will be more about me, for sure.

I agree with the most of your post Peachy - its exactly more or less what DH has said himself.

oh the woman always answered - it was just a cople of times when she obv missed him ringing her that he tried ringing her again.

He said he liked getting to know someone new, some new attention, etc.

i have lost so much weight

I want SO much to draw a line under this now and move on, im just not sure how, really. small steps.

Ah I'm a perceptive old bat LOL

You know what? They key is he didn't do anything. That and you both want to remain married. You've got the motivation now to reclaim a bit of his life outside the home; he has had a big kick up the arse and relaises what he has got- which is hell of a lot!. Chances are that a few years hence you will be stronger as a result. I actually think most mariages go through something similar- I know we did- and its when the 'real' life takes over from the honeymoon effect. It's a filter between nice dream and reality. Between those strange couples you see with the shiny wooden floors and the prada outfits who just seem to talk in mannered phrases and ait kisses, and those couples who bicker, dont care if they are seem with hairy legs and still hold hamds at the age of 65.

Peachy - you just described mine and dh's little picture we have of us, really old, eating chips on a bench by the sea, bickering and swearing, but still cuddeled up.

thankyou for that last paragraph - its true. i just still feel its my fault.

Baby steps yes.

Write a list of things you want to do, no matter how hard they seem now. Go through it with him, work out which ones are doable and get him to hellp you do a few. More study? Job? A weekend away without him? Whatever- even if its dye your hair pink (embarassingly I did that lol). take your focus away from it all before you sink.

I gave someone else this advice today on another thread- family and all that matters, but so do you: you have ne life and that has to work for you or its a missed opportunity. Start looking at how you can build the stuff you really want in, if you want it ewnough you will find ways around it.

Advice I should take myself. I know that.