June 07...........the one where they discover they have a mind of their own; and aren't afraid to use it

[LackaDAISYcal]

oops last thread got to big!

Foxy... now I am no expert at all and I know nothing about your dh but it almost sounds to me like yes, he is having an affair, or at least wants to, and is looking for YOU to make the decision to leave/kick him out, as most men are cowards and would prefer to make our lives miserable so we make the first step, thus saving them from doing it.

It's also the reason why a lot of men don't go - because they don't want to save the relationship, or because there is someone else. If a bloke really wants to make a go of saving it, he will see a counsellor.

My mum works for relate and also runs her own business as a relationship counsellor/sex therapist/mediator, I hear a lot of similar things.

You have to do what is best for you and your kids.
You say the boys need their dad - but given he is away so much anyway, if you lived apart would they actually see him any less?

You can't be the only one trying to make it right, you can't be the only one fighting to make it work. He has to want to make it work as well otherwise there is little hope.
And marriage isn't going to make it better.

Also, forgive me if I have spoken out of turn.

And you know exactly where I am if you fancy a hot beverage

But seriously - I will do anything I can to help

probably easier to open up to us because we don't know you and don't know him, and don't have our own take on you life like RL friends would.

well done on the nappy selling daisy. I think I am going to have to start buying stocking fillers on ebay to add excitement to my life. (DH at the hotel today, but he should have said no - they rang at 9 for him to be in at 10. If we didn't need the money/weren't clinging on to maybe they'll take him on FT...) He had a naff day yesterday too - waited 1/2an hour at the childrens centre for his literacy teacher not to turn up. they "forgot" to let him know it was cancelled

ooo, just got our 3rd charity collection bag in a week.

wise words from fury there about it being a joint effort. He needs to meet you halfway.

DD and I are going to minimovers this afternoon. I have made the conscious decision to get out and about a bit more and do some more networking (especially if this book and nappy thing are going to take off; so far all I've done is spend money!). We will know a good few of the mums and tots there already so it shouldn't be like stepping into the unknown like some P&T groups. big fat bump is always a conversation opener anyway

Need to clean the kitchen floor before I do anything else though.

take it easy foxy and remember we're all here for you

I find they make great emergency bin bags Ria!

talking of which...we are out of bin bags and I'm sure there are a couple lying in the front porch

Foxy - I really hope you can get things straight....I think the enforced being on your own for a few weeks - being home for a week and then away again have not helped and as Daisy says, you get into a little rooutine & then they upset the applecart.

Why is it that men think that we have to make all the effort and they don't

I also done what Daisy did when getting married......we wanted to get a joint mortgage (I already owned a property and he didn't) and said "not without a ring on my finger" as I was sinking all my equity into it, and nowt from t'other side.

Some of what you said really rings bells with my relationship with regards to trust and I've learnt over the years how to deal/live with it as I've learnt that its in my head (mostly)....probably half my anxiety problems tbh......please e-mail me (at work address - can't get onto FB a lot) as I don't want to go into details here but I will also do anything I can to help

And also, it is much easier to talk on here.....blimey you lot know more about me and my life (and care more about me - my issues as well - how is that) than most of my family / RL friends.....anonymity is very powerful....which is why I suppose we are all on here at the end of the day.

If there is ANYTHING I can do - just shout.

I have to say FWIW, my DH would never ever, in a month of Sundays, see a counsellor - no matter how desperate things were......he would bury his head in the sand and accept what was being dealt. That's just the way he is - and many men are

Crikey you guys Thanks. I know that all you offer is genuine. Which blows me away.

Norty, I had no idea - you rarely say anything negative about DH. Yes, I will email, thanks.

Fury, I don't think he wants to go, I think he may have flirtations, possibly 'dalliances', but I have no proof. I suspect a relationship continued after I got PG with DS2. We weren't together during my PG/birth of DS1, and got together when he was about 5 months old (and swiftly conceived DS2). I think I knew then that I was committing to something not quite right, but as we conceived so damn quickly, by the time I wanted to say 'no' it was too late. So, I decided to crack on with it and make the best. And I did/do. There's always been doubt though. Any attention he gets/seeks is all about him, thats the beginning and the end of it. Its not because he's unhappy, or wants out, I truely believe it is about having the attention. He is used to being the big cheese at work, but comes home and he is not in control, and frankly, his presence barely registers in any positive way whatsoever.

I can't talk to him because I won't open my heart to him. I'm being very protective of my feelings (positive and negative) because he will belittle them. He will tell me I'm being rediculous, and thats not the case. But won't put forward any reassurance.

I know all of this, I know I make a choice.

DD1 called him a bully this morning (after hearing me call him it when we were rowing). DS2 has been telling him "Mummy does all the jobs and you watch sport". He finds this really hurtful, and perhaps I'm responsible for that. Do I complain outloud too much, or can they really see that for themselves? I think I must plant the seed.

Now I must stop this, because I am taking over the thread! So thankyou for your kindness. I hope I haven't put anyone off posting (Ekka, not Ezza, sorry!)

Lets move on, but thank your for listening, and all of your very good advice and support

YAAAYYYYYYYYYY

Big day for me... the thing I have been working on since January is now LIVE

We just flipped the switch! Wooooooo

Oh Foxy, sorry to hear you're having such a shit time. Not much I can add to what others have said, you are absolutely right that you need more commitment and involvement from him, especially before you pack up and move across the country.

Hope you get a chance to talk about it soon.

foxy, you might have had the odd grumble that the kids have heard, but they see a lot for themselves.

DS said to me last Thursday "what day is it mum?....it's tidy up day, Daddy is home tonight" I was a bit that he had even registered that I get in a bit of a fluster when I know DH is due home and the place is a tip, but I've never said anything out loud.

Minimovers was great ( you know you need to get out more when a toddler group gets you going!), but DD was a bit overwhelmed by it all. hopefully she will be better next week. The mums were nice and there was the ubiquitous nasty child who was just going round belting everyone who stood still long enough; adults and children alike! and her mum never said stop, no or bad even once. If she belts DD again next week I will say something.

right school run and then ALDI for some bargains.

baggins won't eat bread. we got round this by giving him chopped meat with bread soldiers to dip in ketchup. I gave him brown sauce today[blush, he got far more excited than he does with ketchup, but he still didn't bother with the bread, he just tried to lick the plate

DH has just rung about a job that was only advertised today and has already gone. It wasn't 100% suitabhle anyway but am stil . I suppose I have to try and think it means someone else has left their job somewhere else and it might be better? Fingers crossed.
There is another job I could do very locally, 1-2 days a week termtime, but if DH has op/gets a job the logistics of it would be a nightmare with baggins. I suppose I'll do nothing as usual.

Sounds good fury, must be a satisfying feeling.

I am off to wallow in self pity and colour in my cross-stitch plan. Sod the housework.

Oh Ria - hope things pick up with DH / work situation soon.....what a pain.

Foxy just make sure you e-mail me at work not home address

Come on then Fury.....what is it that's now live? Improved IPlayer? (we have all sorts of problems with that!)

bugger. I can't work out how to turn the garden roller the other way round to how it is on the grid. (I know that makes no sense - I am planning a cross stitch - very over ambitious I think - for Dsis xmas present - and I need the roller to be the other way round. greaseproof paper time I think, though it is a different size on the grid to my graph paper.) Maybe baggins will wake up for his tea soon then I can add it my pile of projects I'll never ever finish!

Don't worry Foxy you won't put me off posting - I don't see any problems in venting to friends (whether online or RL!). I can't really add anything, but am for you.

Ria - a cross-stitch fan? I love doing cross-stitch and have just really got back into it since dd was born, but have a horrible feeling that I'm facing another year or more of nothing being done after dc2 is born! Still working on one project 5 years after I started it

Oh b*ks, dd has just turned on the washing machine again with no washing in it. She loves doing the washing with me, but I wish she hadn't worked out how to turn the knob and set the programmes...... Now I need to read the manual and work out how to stop it when in mid-wash!

lol ekka, at your "helpful" DD. Mine can work the tumble drier so I have to switch it off at the wall every time now.

My children have both been in bed for 15 minutes. I had officially had enough!

Hey Norty

No I don't work with Iplayer - I work for the journalism team.

HERE

woohoo fury; so that's what's keeping you busy.

took me a while to realise that your job and the weather pages were connected though!

but iplayer is being majorly revamped in the near future btw

good, it needs it

the scrolling through to find the day of the programme you want is torturous using my cable remote control!

Foxy.

DD was 3 today, and we had a party for 6 of her friends and their siblings, so 12 children 3 and under. I am absolutely knackered.

happy birthday to your DD fairy

does that mean she starts preschool/nursery after Christmas?

Fairy, I just had a visual of your day, and then decided I am going to have McDonalds parties every year.

I don't think I have the strength to do it myself.