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May 2007 babies. Shoes needed? Surely not...

1000 replies

largeginandtonic · 21/05/2008 10:20

Here we go ladies.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
largeginandtonic · 11/06/2008 12:19

Thanks Tilly! The reappearance of kernals is mighty fine, and raisins. He loves raisins though so i cant deny them!

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Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 12:25

I swear on Saturday evening I changed a nappy that was pure sweetcorn. That must have been interesting for her to, er, pass. I haven't given L raisins yet. Will try later on. I'm always looking for things to keep her quiet, food usually does the trick.

She's started to have big wobblers now, real tantrums. Has anyone else's baby started doing this? Isn't it a bit early?

AprilMeadow · 11/06/2008 12:29

Will be thinking of you at 5.30 LG&T!

Ella only got her 1st tooth on her birthday and she managed just fine on fruit and hard bits. She only has 3 teeth now and was 14mths yesterday!

Hey Lups that means that D can fill up on KK's on a friday night and bring them back for you

SOH & Pebble we NEED to see pics of your new do's!

So when can i start filling my diary with coffee mornings and such like...... will be a lady of leisure by the end of next week

Pink, have you any pics o L in her Minnie dress?

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 12:32

April - she has a birthday party to go to in a few weeks and is saving it for that! Its too special to wear to nursery or to my mum's! SO jealous of you leaving work.

twelveyeargap · 11/06/2008 12:40

Raisins come out as grapes though.

Laughing at me scolding MrSOH in that dream.

I couldn't be arsed with mashing and so on and A's never been keen on being spoon fed. Changed to a BLW type approach and she's been stuffing "normal" food into her ever since. I cut it into pieces small enough for her to pick up and that's it. No chopping or mashing or anything of the sort.

Typical day is: cheerios or rice krispies for breakfast. Tries to use a spoon sometimes and flicks milk everywhere and eats the cereal with her hands whilst I try not to twitch about the mess. Lunch is usually bread based. Either some sort of crisp bread or normal bread with loads or butter or cream cheese and cold meat, cut into fingers. Then I put peeled sticks of cucumber on the plate and cherry tomatoes cut into quarters on the plate. (Yes you can give that stuff with no teeth - they have hard gums. The only thing that doesn't work with babies would be thick pieces of meat, like steak, because you need teeth to break it down.) Then fruit. She's a HUGE fan of grapes, like tank Mathilda and loves pineapple chunks, slices of pear or any berries. Sometimes a jelly or yoghurt after that, which she suffers being fed on a spoon if I let her put the spoon in once it's loaded with food. For dinner she sometimes has our "leftovers" from the night before, so today it will be chicken provencal with new potatoes. I'll cut the chicken into strips but she'll go at the rest herself. If we've had an unsuitable meal the night before then she has something like a cheese omelette, which I cut into strips for her to eat with her hands. Usually a plain biscuit after dinner as a sort of "supper" before bed.

Unfortunately I've given the poor child OCD because I'm always wiping the table around her and now she tries to rub off anything she spills. Oops. I purposely didn't keep cleaning her hands and face mid meal, even though I wanted to, so that I didn't make her fussy, but didn't manage to restrain myself about the mess on the table. Oh well.

cameroonmama · 11/06/2008 12:42

April I'm free next Wednesday, want to pop round? 9.30 good for you?

By the way what happens if I say 'quack quack' to you?

I'm not even going to tell you what J eats in an average day Its just too embarassing.

Pink, we are starting the strops too. If he doesn't get his way he does this annoying squeal. Drives me potty, normally that's when I hand him over to Margaret He only does it for me. Actually a good tickle and a distraction with 'look there's a tree/bird/aeroplane/giant/leprachaun' seems to work, though I think he may soon catch onto my game.

So SOH, what did they say? All lies I'm sure.

Great news Lups on dh's job. What will he be doing?

LG&T forget the tidying woman, simply make her a cake...

largeginandtonic · 11/06/2008 12:49

at A wiping up the mess, the twins used to do that and demand a wipe mid meal Oh how times have changed...

How is that lovely baby in your tum TYG, all midwife appointments going well? Is Mars still your Doula? So of that. When i come up to see the baby (is that ok btw? ) i plan to time it with a Mars visit. Have you got the pool ready, ground sheets? I think it will be quite a speedy affair this time, does D have his gloves ready?

A cake Cam???? Nooooo, i cant bake a thing! It is bad enough having to smell dinner every day without enforced baking smells lingering. The poor neglected children.

Could Margaret pop over next January?

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cameroonmama · 11/06/2008 12:52

Sure she would love to, she loves a baby or two or three or four...

MKG · 11/06/2008 12:53

hi everyone!!
On this food thing Cruz is a hoover and eats whatever we eat although since we changed him to milk he's been a little constipated so we've been sticking tons of fruit and veg in his mouth. Last night I made really good lentils and he gobbled them up like mad.

We've also cut down his milk to one bottle a day and am now giving him juice about 3 times a day. Doctor says until his system gets used to milk, juice is a good alternative. TBH I didn't let Mateo have any juice at all until he was 2, but everyone's different.

LG&T You better let us know as soon as the midwife leaves.

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 13:12

I've just spoken to the HV re: the cow's milk thing and she said to stop giving L a bottle altogether now. She said just a cup from 12 months. She's just so busy, she hasn't got time to drink her bottle as she's too keen to get on the floor and cause trouble.

OI SOH and LG&T - no more meet-ups without me!

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2008 13:13

As expected, am a failure.

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 13:14

SOH! No you're not! You're amazing and wonderful and M is lucky to have you! Now, what do they say?

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2008 13:24

TBH I can't read most of it, espcially the important bits that happened after transfer. It's illegible scrawl. The homebirth bits were slightly encouraging, lots of 'exemplary maternal effort, effective pushing' but followed by 'no progress', 'no descent detected'. They end with 'pt advised to cease pushing due to ftp'. That's the first time the word failure crops up and I can see it lots of times in the hospital notes but can't read what it says beyond that. There's something about her position during the consultant's VE but it's illegible. I now know she was LOT but that shouldn't have stopped me delivering should it? I can decipher that her heart accelerated with each contraction, cons has written 'fetal tachycardia' at one point and they note 'brief decelerations' at various points. Contractions confirmed as lasting 2-4 minutes with 30-60 second breaks. I remember that vividly.

I don't know if I've learnt anything at all.

Reason for em/cs says 'failed ventouse with zero descent'.

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 13:31

Exemplary maternal effort, what more could you have expected from yourself? You weren't a failure, the ventouse was a failure. I know its easy to say, but all of these thoughts in your mind are just thoughts, you have the power to change them, and choose to think of M's birth in a different way, if the current thought process isn't helpful. Try and concentrate on the positives, you tried your best, you delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl, you can't change the past, its all about now.

Think about what you'd say to one of us in this situation. You are overlooking all the strength that you showed during such a challenging time, don't let it overshadow the amazing job you are doing now.

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2008 13:35

I want to know what happened, that's all. I want somebody to tell me why she wouldn't descend.

I can't have any more children if I have to go through that again. I wanted a big family and I've told dh to get a vasectomy because I can't go through it again. I never knew that it might be my only pg/delivery and I don't understand half of what happened.

And I can confirm that the postnatal notes are a steaming pile of crap.

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 13:44

Did you CAT lulu after the last thread. I've just been frantically reading it, trying to see what suggestions people who had been through the same thing came up with.

A few people suggested a one-to-one with a midwife. Have you rung LG&T, she used to be one, can she shed any light on the notes at least? Or do you think counselling might be an option for you.

I only say this because the anxiety management group has been brilliant for me. I never thought I could break the cycle of chronic worry, but I have. (A few trips to A&E aside, they'll miss me if I don't go.)

largeginandtonic · 11/06/2008 14:01

They can be illegible scrawl, you need the consultant to go through them and explain the scrawl to you.

Failure is just a term used, it is absolutely NO REFLECTION on how you managed the labour. Please tell me you know that or i may have to cry. Left occipito transverse is exactly what Beau was. The pelvic diameter is a tiny series of twists and turn with hardly any room for error. If M's head was in at the slight wrong angle it is entirely likely that she just got wedged. No amount of ventouse would have budged her, e are talking about mm in the pelvic cavity.

Beau had a small head and i have a bucket pelvis (dd head was huge and very stuck too) so she managed to take the ventouse cap in above the pelvic bone to manipulate him.

This would not have been possible with M.

God i wish you had opened them here.

OP posts:
largeginandtonic · 11/06/2008 14:08

You cannot let this experience ruin your life, it will if you let it. There is no reason to suggest the same will happen again. It was awful, we wont let it happen again. The hospital postnatal care was atrocious, there is no excuse for it. Have you written a complaint yet?

You are not a failure and i am sat here with big fat tears rolling down my cheeks bacause i can see you sat there doing the same

Oh ffs life is shit sometimes. Why dont you live round the corner?

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MKG · 11/06/2008 14:14

OK SOH first of all YOU aren't a failure.

You read in your notes that YOU did brilliantly. Please remember that birth involves 2 people not just one. YOU did everything right, YOU dilated well, YOU pushed as much as you could. You did everything right that was physically possible for you to do.
The problem is that Mathilda didn't descend. Perhaps she was in the wrong position, we may never know. Unless they did an ultrasound to see what was happening, they probably have no idea what happened.

You can't take this on you. You can't blame yourself. Your body did all it was supposed to do.

And I'm not saying that you should blame M either. Something was going on that prevented her from descending.

Stop thinking that you did something wrong. Don't think that this will happen again. If one day you decide to have more children the odds of the same thing happening are very low.

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2008 14:15
Sad
largeginandtonic · 11/06/2008 14:20

Oh dont do that

OP posts:
MKG · 11/06/2008 14:20

Oh SOH don't .

Everything you have done as a mother is outstanding. From your plan for M's birth to how you are raising her now is fabulous. You cannot allow this traumatic experience to cloud you from seeing that.

Pinkjenny · 11/06/2008 14:23

SOH, there is no reason why your next birth experience should be the same way, surely the odds are in your favour? There are LOADS of success stories about VBAC on MN, people who never thought they would be able to have a vaginal birth. The world needs more kids like M, and more mums like you.

cameroonmama · 11/06/2008 17:24

SOH, I'm so sorry the notes have not helped you reconcile your feelings. I think it is now really important you talk through your emotions with someone qualified to help you. Sometimes there are no answers and to keep searching may be futile for yours, J and M's happiness. I think you need to address why what happened has affected you so badly with someone who can understand the issues. Talk now before it becomes too late.

A complaint about the postnatal care is totally different, now that can be dealt with easily enough with a good letter.

You know yourself you have not failed M, you are a great mum and we are not just saying that to be nice

cameroonmama · 11/06/2008 17:28

By the way, dd was a LOT with a mahooosive head, no amount of pushing was going to get her out. I too 'failed to progress' and had a failed Ventouse. If I hadn't come to terms with it I wouldn't have my two gorgeous boys, whose deliveries were all so different from their sisters and each others.

LG&T you are currently being dopplered as we speak

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