January 08 shiny new - year babys , tired mums and dads!

[lilyloo]

Will that do

Lucky - good luck with the HV. DS1 used to sick up after every single feed. I would have to carry about 3 changes of clothes around with me everywhere, so could be normal, but you just need your mind set at ease.

With teh DP thing. I totally empathise. My DP is much the same. He has been at work blah blah blah. Thing is he is working from 8 - 5 all by himself whereas I am working from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed, so more like 7 - 9/10. They dont get it. I have kept the house tidy all week.... everyday sorting stuff out before he comes in, and the one thing he knows I hate and will not do if i can avoid and ask him to do is hoover and mop, cant stand it. Now I tidy up, polish, wash up (somedays it seems I just wash up constantly), wash millions of loads of washing, bath both DSs by myself as he wants to watch Enders, put DS1 to bed which involves sitting with him till he sleeps etc etc you get the picture, then ,most nights I come out of DS1 room to DH telling me that DS2 is hungry . Sorry for the rant but wnated to let you know you are not alone. As a result I am now a bit of a machine, and constantly move from one thing to the next. He cant even keep DS1 opccupied whilst I have a bath. Drives me mad. No answers I am afraid, think you just have to get on with it and find what works for you and aaliyah and he will just fit in where he fits. Most men are better when they are toddlers if that is any consilation.,

Lucky does your lo always do burps after her feeds? Could be an air lock. Both ds3 and 4 used to do this loads and I found out it was because they hadn't burped enough and threw up spectacularly most feeds for a few days. Just a thought.
re the partner thing as mixedmamma says unfortunately you do have to just get on with it sometimes. It has caused unknown arguments in this house I can tell you. dh is quite hands on with the boys but just sometimes he will sit on the pc with ds5 screaming and Im trying to have a peaceful bath or make dinner. They seem to have a deaf ear as far as babys crying are concerned. Bide your time and bite your lip. Sorry thats not much help but your definately not alone

(((hugs))) Lucky sounds like your having a tough day.
Agree with Gingeme r/e the air thing. Might be worth spending an extra ten minutes winding her even if she has done a burp.
Sympathy with dh. I just think they have no idea the reality of having a baby and juggling everything else. Tbh mine is much more hands on with Martha thane was with the others so i can't complain this time although he is able to sit on the pc when she is crying or plonks her next to me when i am busy if she is crying a lot. Have you sat him down and told him how you feel. You are right r/e the work thing i have always asked dp to help with the night feeds as i feel it's just the same for both of us having to get through the day regardless of our jobs. Suppose this is harder as he is on nights but could you not agree a time for him to set his alarm for so he spent some time with her before work. She will grow so quickly and he will miss it. Good luck.

Gingeme can't believe how fab George is doing with his sleep we still ahving 2/3 wakes through th night here

Mixedm good luck with the job am sure ds will be fine once you get into the routine!

Hi to everyone else hope all your lo's are doing ok.

I am abs shattered we have had 3 partys this weekend with dc's as well as football, dancing and swimming! Feel like a taxi driver and chauffeur ! Poor Martha has been carted all over the place not a chance of her having a routine in the day i hope this isn't part of the problem of getting her to sleep through the night more guilt. There just aren't enough hours in the day!

Hi ladies,

Thanks for the advice re: sicky baby. She always does HUGE burps after feeds. I'll try and see if there is more in there though.
RE: Dp I know there's not much advice there but it really helps to know i'm not alone. I've s/w him a little but he starts to get moody almost as soon as I start the conversation so it's dropped very quickly.

Lucky what about a little reverse psychology then ? Go on , over the top, about something new she has done whilst he was in bed. Like a giggle or a a noise os something maybe that may make him feel like he is missing out.
I think part of the reason dp is so much more hands on with Martha is that both dd and ds would both come to me if they were upset / tired etc as i have done the majority of care and i think he finds this quite hard so is hoping Martha may have this bond with him. Maybe make a fuss saying 'daddys girl' etc.
Mixedm is so right men are generally much better with toddlers when they get something back.

I've tried that - She's just learnt to blow raspberries but he's just not interested.

Had a busy weekend with friends - have had about 5 walks with the LO despite icy winds (but they didn't smell up here).

All efforts to tire him out in vain tho, he has been waking 2 or 3 times in the night all week .

Alek had his first taste of culture today, when we went to the Baltic art gallery. One of the installations was a pile of junk in a skip. I kid you not. But they also had a huge family space with fab views of the Tyne and squashy sofas where I could sit and BF while friends' kids did colouring.

Have had loads of company last couple of weeks what with DH off work and visiting parents, all back to quiet from tomorrow.

Lucky it sounds like you need a break - do you a friend or relative that can give you a few hours off? My nephew had really bad reflux, special formula helped, if you're not happy with HV advice see your doctor, nephew was referred to paediatrician and they sorted him out.

Lucky, you are emphatically NOT a terrible mother. If you were you would not care and worry so much!!

You do seem very lonely. Who in RL supports you? Not dp at the moment, not the group you go to. Any parents/good friends?

Am not a bottle feeder, but can you give Aaliyah (how many typos in that? )smaller bottles more often?

MM - You spelt it perfectly!

I've got my parents and friends who I have a winge to but I'm worry about portraying him terribly to them cos they see him. You lot don't so I don't mind telling you the truth! lol

I'll see what health visitor says tomorrow (If she calls me) and if i'm still not happy i'll arrange a doc apt esp cos her eczema is getting worse.

Thanks all.

Lucky - sounds like your dp is being most unhelpful, i know you have tried talking to him so this prob won't help but he has to realise
a) you need support/help
b) aaliyah needs to get to know him now, not wait till she's 2 or 3 and fun (!)
c) he is missing out big time
d) it's not a CHOICE, it's his RESPONSIBILTY!
[sorry for shouting but you sound so down about it]
I don't know what can wake him up to all of this tho sorry

well ds2 has gone back to 2 feeds a night tho last night was just one
bed about 7, feed somewhere between 1 and 3, then somewhere between 4 and 6. i count 6 as morning here so sometimes it's 1, sometimes 2 depending on the timing of the 2nd feed.

amani - so sorry to hear about the ear infection, i hope the stronger abs are working?

well, ds1 is watching 'beebies' before breakfast (as a treat, not normal behaviour but no dh this morning, he's back and fro all week with work), ds2 napping back in his cot, will have to get breakfast started soon, am starving

sorry, i've missed loads of you out, i get too far behind, but know i have read all your posts

Morning ladies

Lucky - sending you positive vibes - can only second what has been said. Sending your DH kick up the backside vibes

Big adventure in the next few days - looking after baby completely on my own! DH has gone to conference in Spain until Weds night. The firends I would usually ask to help here are also either ill or away. I have some others I can call on, but sort of only if i really need it.

Probably sounds like a joke to those of you on your own - or with useless DHs but it feels like a big deal to me. Sabela is sleeping more at night but some days she doesn't sleep at all during the day - like yesterday - wide awake from 6.30am to 11.30pm. I'm going to have a job keeping up! Although some days she sleeps loads - let's hope I get a couple of those. Anyway, send me positive vibes please!

o - and thanks gingeme

Susie, sending you sleeping vibes. Nathan is much easier during the day and sleeps better at night when he has naps. Since reading the baby whisperer I can generally pick up on his typical whines that mean that if I grab him now for a quiet cuddle he will sleep.

Long day yesterday with church, property viewings and tea at the vicar of dh's new parish. By then it was 4pm and Nathan was wailing for a long feed, which he got, then allowed himself to be passed round the family and smiled and cooed at the lot. By the time we left I was changing his nappy and he stretched out on the changing mat, put his arms up in sleeping position and smiled at me. I realised blimey, he just wants to lie down . He was exhausted when we got home, but then I counted he had been in and out of car seat 8 times and had not seen the inside of his cot since 9am. So he slept from 8.30 til 12.30 then from 1 til 5.30. By which time he was so hungry that he bolted his milk, it landed on the airbubble I had not managed to evict despite half an hour trying at 1am and out came the lot. Wow, I did not realise he drank that much milk . So DH changed our bed while I changed Nathan. Then he was hungry again, then he slept but I had to run the washing machine as already behind and now there was all this bedding. Then he wanted more milk, then I wanted to sleep but he was awake, then we both slept and the estate agent rang for feedback . In the end we both had half an hour in the big bed together (dh left at 7.15).

I just had to put him in his cot while I had a shower, luckily he did not yell at me . He has rediscovered rolling over, but he does seem to find it tiring.

Having a quiet morning now, consultant this afternoon. See what they think of him.

Good luck Susie. What was you thanking me for by the way?
Lo slept loads last night but he has a roaring temp today
I think he has picked up ds3's cough too. He also sleeps on his front now which scares me a bit. He starts off on his side when I first put him down at night but when he woke this morning he was right on his front. Guess he was comfy thogh as he was asleep.
Just have to give him calpol and keep him in just his vest today. I was going to take him to be weighed this afternoon but I don't want to spread it round any other littluns.
Well I hope you are all well.
Ill try to pop by later.
Take care xx

Sending some very positive vibes to Amani re DD2's ear infection, Gingeme re George's temperature, Lucky re Aaliyah's vomiting and useless DH and Madmouse for proper growth of Nathan's head. Do hope evrything alright for everyone. Lucky - I would throw a massive tantrum were I you - can you make him look after er for a day at the weekend and go off and leave him so that he has to cope and you get some me time or would he be a completely counterproductive martyr then? Or even worse simply refuse?

Am very weepy here today - don't know if its PMS or just cause - good friend of mine on here and in RL has just lost her baby at 17 weeks after doctors discovered he had a chromosomal disorder (triploidy) and induced her. He was so much a wanted baby and she is meant to be such a lovely mummy - a very warm bright special person. They have called him Thomas and I can't imagine the pain she is in.

And I got all weepy when dh was going off to work this morning and I realised that will be me in 3 weeks - Cerys was being just gorgeous - smiling at her Baby Sees book and another toy, chuckling and gurgling away. I almost can't enjoy these moments as I'm so dreading not being around or them daily soon. It's silly really because a lot of the time I'm a smidge bored and in principle really looking forward to work - just can't bear the thought of not taking her with me really.

Oh pull yourself together girl

bm how for your friend. That must be so hard to go through. I can't even bear to think about going back to work and i am hoping to be off until next Jan! i felt the same with my others though and the thought of it was much harder than the act itself.

Many (((((hugs))))) to all poorly lo's.

We are just back from the doctors and they have taken a swab of Martha's skin as her infection has come back again. We don't know if it's thrush or wet eczema so will get results next week.

Gingeme - for sayingnoce things about DD's photos!

What a day MM - hope consultation goes well. She does nap most days but somedays it's just play all the way. She always sleeps when we go out and I can't lie down!

BM - sending you chocolate cake and tea vibes on an emotional day. My best friend is pregnant at the moment and I've been crossing my fingers so hard! I'm so much more affected by any difficulties with children than I used to be. Hope you enjoyed your walk.

Half a day down and o disasters yet! [Although DH wouldn't actually have been here anyway... ]

Thanks all,

Had another moment today with DP. I was up till 2am this morning painting DD's room (cos he didn't want me to do it while she was sleeping in the afternoon in case she woke him up) DD was up at 6 as usual and I asked him to watch her for abit when he got in at 7. I got grumbles then i'm just going to the toilet. Which turned into cutting his hair, shower, shave etc etc etc 3 hours later...... I'm going to bed now. Also I told him I had some jobs for him to do on his days off, I said he could either do it all on 1 day and have a day to himself or spread it out. He didn't even give me chance to tell him what they were he just started ranting...... "I get enough from my boss at work, I don't need a boss at home. I want to have both days off" I said why should he get 2 days off when I don't even get one. He said "oh its not that hard, you get loads of time off when she's asleep and if you don't want to do anything you dont have to, just put her in her bouncer and leave her"

I'd love to leave him to it for the day but I don't trust him, if she got upset he'd just leave her cry. Also if he fell asleep and she cried he wouldn't hear her.

BM - so for your friend, I hope she's ok. Am sending you hugs (and ali sends sloppy kisses)

Lucky was it your dp who posted the lovely birth story about going to hell and bringing back an angel , might be worth reminding him of that.
For what it's worth it is really hard with your first you just really can't comprehend how much a baby changes your life. It sounds like dp doesn't want to accept that but it's too late now. Sorry can't think of anything more helpful as is seems like your terying to talk to him just that he doesn't want to listen.

p.s he is being completely unreasonable expecting you to function on 4 hours sleep so he can get double that. Your tiredness will only make you feel worse i def couldn't cope on 4 hours or go to bed at 2am.

Lucky - unfortunately there seems to be no answer. To make you feel a teeny tiny bit better last night I went to DS1 room to put him to sleep and DS2 was due for a feed in about 30 mins and DH thought it would be a smart idea to dump DS2 with us in his chair so he could watch CSI.

I second the not leaving them thing tho my DH just goes to his mums where his sisters and mum will do everything so he learns nothing.

Barristermum - your friends sad news made me cry.

LL - yeh that was my DP - Don't know where he's gone now though.

It does help knowing i'm not alone. I may just have another word with him tomorrow.

DP would do the same - the only time he's ever watched her he took her to his mums and then came home and bragged about the fact he hardly saw her.

Nathan's consultant is all bushy tailed and cannot believe how well he is doing, she really could not get over herself! Yes, his head is not growing as it normally should, but that is to be expected as a result of damage areas, so it is no additional problem IYSWIM, and all that matters is how he copes with it [relieved emoticon]. No doubt there will be challenges but so far so fantastic

She especially cannot get over his vision. She basically says she does not know how he has done it but he clearly has, and seems more visually alert and aware than many 'normal' babies. He can have his first lot of jabs now, wait two weeks, then if all goes well halve his meds, wait two weeks, take him off it, wait two weeks and continue jabs. She thinks he will be ok without meds.

He is a little miracle and we are very happy. We believe it is a real miracle in response to the thousands of prayers that have been said for him.

Oh madmouse that is just wonderful. Praise God for such goodness and clever fighting Nathan.

Thank you all for good vibes for friend. She has found mumsnet a tremendous support. Was on the same thread as Mrs McJnr and found her really inspirational - am sad we don't hear more from her anymore.

Off to make tea...Lucky - I think I would go on strike re your fella - he isn't participating in the family - let him row his own boat a few days - food, love, company. See how he likes it! (I'm such a grown up!!)

lol - BM, I may take that that route.

MM - That is absolutely brilliant. I am so glad he is ok. Just goes to show docs don't know everything.