Small baby- comments very upsetting

[purplegal]

My baby was born @ 37 weeks at a small 5 lb 6oz. He lost quite a bit of weight at the start and was slow to gain- he is now just 8lb. complete strangers constantly comment on his size and how tiny he is. I know it shouldn't bother me as he is completely gorgeous, happy and content, but it is so upsetting. When asked how old he is I sometimes knock a few weeks off in the hope of avoiding these comments but thats just awful. It's getting to the point where I don't want to go out with him. I feel like a bad mum who's not feeding him properly :( (although he really does puts it away!)
I know the majority of these people mean no malice but any words of wisdom for politely shutting them down?

Congratulations and enjoy your baby

My daughter was 5.1 and went down to 4.10. I got this a lot. And whilst I didn't find it rude or that people meant any I'll intentions I found it incredibly overwhelming. Could you be reacting to this? It will be over in a few weeks just try keep that in mind.

This!

People are naturally fascinated with babies and are just saying the first thing that pops into their heads not thinking that you might have heard it five times today already. I'm sure they don't mean to upset you or mean anything negative about it.

With my eldest, everyone and their dog commented on his huge eyes and long eyelashes! It stopped eventually, probably when he morphed into a marauding toddler and people lost interest!

Maybe try "Oh he just looks baby sized to me!"

Its funny you should say this! DS 7 has visible abs, has done since he was about 2/3. I've never seen it on any other child and yesterday at swimming lessons waiting to start I noticed that he was the only one there with defined shape to them. I wonder if thats the reason why. He can also hold his own body weight for a long time whenever hanging from bars and do proper press ups. Interesting!

My eldest was pretty average sized as a baby. I remember taking her into town one day and a woman in one shop saying “oh she’s absolutely tiny!” and someone in another shop telling me that she was massive! It’s just people making conversation.

You are overthinking this, babies are small compared to the average person and most of us don't see a newborn very often. So when we do it's a surprise and the standard thing is to remark how small and cute they are. They aren't criticising your baby.

I am so sorry these comments are upsetting you.
I admit it is the kind of thing I would say. I would not be thinking you do not feed him or there is anything wrong with him at all. But I have two tall teenagers and seeing little babies always brings back those feelings of love towards tiny little hands and feet from when they were very small babies.

I've gone through both ends, my baby was huge to begin with and had all of those comments, then has since gained weight slowly but consistently and is now tiny for his age and it bothers me too!

Hi Op,

My daughter is 3.5 now , but she wasn't born prem, just on the small size. I didn't mind the comments so much when she was younger, but now she is still much smaller than her peers and regularly (DAILY) people will talk to me and assume she's around 2yrs old.

She is also developmentally a bit behind so it all adds up to people assuming she's younger.

She is now noticing and I actively find myself avoiding speaking to people as I don't want the "oh wow...." and the sad concerned look. I just wish people would stop commenting , they don't seem to realise that I fucking know she's small- she's my kid! It's not the most important thing about her... I'm just fed up after 3.5years of it...

It just makes me feel like shit. We've been through so much and I would just love to talk about something else :)

I hope you don't continue to have this issue, but...if you can learn to let it wash over you, please do. I know that I need to do this, for my daughters sake as much as mine.

People just don't realise how tiresome it is to comment on something I've heard 1000x already.

Hugs.

Yes don’t worry it’s just small talk.

All babies are tiny comparatively. Wait another 6 more months and when you see another newborn you will be like omg TINY! Even if you don’t say it out loud. Even the ones with rolls on rolls are tiny at that age. Adorable 🥰

If most people thought your baby was ‘x’ they would say anything but x itself!

I had this a lot and found it extremely annoying and a bit upsetting. And yet she was fairly consistently on the 50% centile so average by definition - as I took to telling people in response. It was all very odd. I still don’t understand it.

You've deffo made me think twice because I'd have said that before not thinking at all about their feeding or weight etc but more just how bloody cute they are when they are that young but probably would have phrased it interchangeably. I think we all just have our own mum doubts and worries and it makes us a little extra sensitive to when people are commenting and it hits that nerve- i think feeding is such a big one too no matter how anyone decides to feed and you need nerves of steel to get through that period where their weight does naturally drop. It sounds like you have a great eater and are a very attentive mummy especially since you say he's great at packing it away now- you've worked for that so be proud of it. We really are never done questioning ourselves, I'm hoping I learn to not give a toss about those wee niggles and people's opinions soon and get better at celebrating my own small wins because we never really recognise them properly and look at how far we come.

I make so many stupid comments I either immediately regret or regret when I'm overthinking my day later on.
Most recent one was asking a mum "is she always like this" because her daughter is so full of energy at a toddler class we go. I was immediately kicking myself. Why did I word it like that? Or even ask in the first place?!
For what it's worth I love watching her because I think she's brilliant and so confident and advanced for her age, she's about 6mo younger than mine and so much better at copying the dance moves and getting involved and trotting around independently.
I never meant any harm but didn't bother to explain because I just thought I'd be digging myself a grave.

But all babies do look tiny when you are no longer used to them, Especially when they are fairly newly born. Nobody was saying she was small for a baby. Just that she was a tiny cute thing.

If it’s in a “oh my gosh he’s so tiny” kind of way, please don’t take it to heart, they mean he’s adorably dinky!

The amount of rubbish Health Visitors spout about future height of your child based on birth weight or growth at 1 year old is astounding! I was exclusively breastfeeding and my son wasnt as chubby as other babies but completely within the middle percentile of growth. The HV remarked "he's never going to be 6FT"
He's now 10 and again completely average height with his peers

My nephew was over 10 ponds and I still commented on how unbelievably tiny and cute he was. It's just something you say because babies are so tiny compared to adults.

Please don't take it to heart. Babies are fascinating to most of us at some sort of primal level, I think, and people just want to engage with you to admire your baby and appreciate new life. The vast majority of comments are meant with kindness.

Old pic so not outing but here I am as a baby and I was smaller than this as spent some time in NICU, think I was just under 4lbs
They said I wasn't likely to reach a "good height"
Dad reminded me of that as I hit 5ft 10

My baby was a giant. People commented on that too. I know it's easier said than done but try not to take it to heart. People want to say something about your beautiful new baby so they go with something they can see. At least a small baby doesn't lead to strangers prying about how you gave birth. Oh that must have hurt etc. your baby is just perfect and that's all that matters.

Mine were both premature and much smaller than yours at birth and I found the constant “ooooh so tiny” comments very tedious and annoying (especially when said in a stupid squeaky voice!) But people are absolutely not thinking you’re a bad mum or haven’t been feeding him properly, please stop thinking that. People say the first inane brainless things that pop into their heads when they see babies. Some people just can’t resist saying really ridiculous things. Small/tiny isn’t the worst you’ll hear!

BTW my DS is now at university, put on a huge growth spurt over about 2 years in his teens and now towers over everyone else in the family!

this is exactly how I felt with my big babies. I feel I had the newborn stage whisked away because all mine have been pretty big, even at 5 and down they’re now look a year or so older.

My friend had a 10.5lb baby in a small rural hospital. She had people popping in to her room ‘to see the giant baby’.

I think it’s just conversation. People like to talk about new babies and let’s face it there’s not much else to talk about apart from their looks!

@Yellowcakestand @Flake123 yes he is really strong actually. Our photographer commented that she'd never seen a baby with such a strong head. He was picking it up and moving it around pretty much from birth! Our HV commented that he is very active as he is never still, we joked this is why he's not gaining as he's expending so much energy! Haha.

Thank you all for the comments. It's nice to read that so many other people had felt this way and also that other people would make these comments but mean them so innocently. I know this is true its just annoying when it's so constant.

I will continue to politely smile and shrug it off. Not wanting to go out was probably an over reaction after a long day of these comments. I love going to classes and being out and about. I won't let this stop me 😊

Thanks again!!

@Cw112 thank you 😊 xx

My little girls was born 5lb at 38 weeks, people commented she was small because she was. As pp say that there's nothing much to say about babies apart from ahh look at the size of them.