im so down is this post natal depression?

[nonamejustyet]

i want to curl and up and die and just typing that has made me feel sick. i don't know for sure but over the last few days things have got worse. i dont want to talk to a doctor as i'm terrified that my babies will be taken and i will be put on tablets.

over last few days my dd1 has been ill so have had hardly any sleep and dd2 is still very young. i feel exhausted and i am snapping at any little thing. dh should be at work but i broke down in tears and he has come home. he thought i wanted to leave him.

with dd1 i was really down in pg and then for a short while after her birth. it seems to have come back with avengance.

i feel like that i'm a failure sometimes and when i forget about how down i get i feel normal. it helps to get out the house to which i dont do often as we share the car and my dh does full time shift work

it also gets very difficult when we have dss. i dont know why.

am i over reacting? maybe i dont. maybe its just me being down? how do you know?

earlier both the girls were crying and i just couldn'y do anything to help. i had to put my youngest down as i was scared i was going to lose my temper. my dd1 was crying and i pushed her away. i feel disgusted with myself.

how could i do that to my baby? please dont think i'm a bad mum i really am not. i am just struggling. thats normal isnt it?

i feel sick and i'm sat here in tears. my dh is staying home with me tonight and is helping put dd's to bed. i have not spoke to anyoneand it was only after today that dh realised it was just me being down and was relieved as he thought i wanted to leave him

someone please tell me i am not alone. i'm so scared and i keep blocking it out as i would rather not think about it. i know now that its a silly thing to do as its just getting worse. dh is going to come with me to doctors. do i have to go? what if you start getting social services knocking on my door?

there are so many horror storys and i think that that is scaring me more. its just a stage where i need someone to talk to.

i'm sorry for such a long post and well done if you have read it to the end. thanks for listening.

Sooo true, and everybody expects you to be over the moon with your little bundle of joy that you look at and think it is the worse thing you have ever done.

Thats not including the morbid thoughts abouts what could happen to your lo, that is also normal.

God I am having a right old clear out !!

I think what I am trying to say is that I don't think it is all down to pnd, that some of it is normal.

the best thing to do is to chat to a doc about it and they will decide whether you need treatment or not.

SantasM - Your doctor may offer you fluoxetine. If this is so, for the first couple of weeks you will most probably feel a bit nervous and panicky. This is normal, and it stops. After that you will gradually find that you are calmer. Things don't get to you so much. You still feel - happy and sad. They don't turn you into a zombie, nor do they make you full of the joys of Spring overnight! They just make you calmer and better able to cope. It is an easy drug to come off of when you are better as it leaves your body gradually over ten or more days, and in addition, you reduce your dose gradually. Very best wishes to you.

thanks to you both. i will make apt and will get some rescue remedy to try to.

santamissy....I had pnd after my DS and have had AND and PND with my DD, now six months.

As far as I am aware, it is due to a chemical imbalance in your brain, and taking meds for that is nothing to be frightened of.

I had prozac after DS, and with DD am on lustral (sertraline) as it is better for BFing (if that is relevant)

Please talk to your HV/GP. Your babies will not be taken from you, and no-one will condemn you. The help is there ofr the asking, and most health professionals are happy to help. Awareness of natal depression has improved significantly over the last ten years or so, and it is now recognised that a lot of PND actually starts in pregnancy.

I've only skimmed the thread, soi sorry if I've repeated anything.

Good luck and let us know how you get on with the GP/HV.

thanks. i suffered with depression when pg with dd1.

i shall keep posted

santa, driving to work this morning it dawned on me about what you said about outing yourself and that you were no name just yet. You must think I am a right plank!!! Was obviously having a rather large dim day yesterday lol.

i have a 6 week old my fiance works all hours but when hes home he doesnt help with our daughter much he just plays with her none of the other hard stuff. she has trouble settling and cries non stop from 7-8ish pm till 2 in the mornin every night for past 3 weeks. last night she went to sleep at 3.30 and woke up and 4 never slept again till 5 then was up at 7 ive had pretty much no sleep and icry all the time and i try not to loose my temper and shout but its very hard wen she wont stop cryin cos shes over tired.

Alix, are you breast feeding, and do you think your lo has colic. Fennel tea helped me when i was bf. From 8wks onwards she my dd cried, ate and slept for short periods, no down time. Then decided to bottle feed for a day, a mixture of expressed and a couple of formula and it turned out she was just hungry. Only managed to express 10 oz all day, so that was never gonna be enough. I decided to go onto ff and never looked back. She is now happy and content and gaining weight.

Although I think it is very important to bf, you have to do whats right for you and your family.

lol L!

alix does your df work shifts? have you asked if he can help at all? perhaps give dd a bottle (ebm if bf) so you can get couple hours catch up?