The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

[Angelmiracle]

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

@melissa112 I think it's fine for baby to sleep on you or in a sling as long as you are awake & there's no risk of you falling asleep too. That way you can keep an eye on them & make sure airway clear, temp ok & that they don't get squashed. The on the back thing is for sleeps when unsupervised.

@kee80 yes we are leaving it on. I know 21 is a bit warmer than they advise but it doesn't feel too hot & I need to keep myself warm when sitting up with my boobs out half the night. Our thermostat is just a cheap one so it could be out by a few degrees anyway.... not that I really know how to tell if baby too hot but his skin is normal colour in the morning & his hands quite cool which I believe is normal.

@cardboard33 @Sheeni I also quite like the laid back pose but during the night I don't think I could stay awake so that's why I get up &sit straight. So I only use it during the day. Of course the main backache culprit is probably my phone &
Mumsnet but that would be just too hard to give up

Just seen the midwife and she observed a feed for me. She thinks my positioning and everything is really good and it's probably only a little tweak that is needed. She said that once the initial 10 second latch is done, just to take him off every time it starts to pinch. Hopefully he will eventually get the hang of it. She has booked to see me again at the end of the week.

I've got a huge supply of milk again, and it is quite hard to be militant about latch when you are pouring milk all over yourself and your baby!

I'm also dreading DH going back to work, even with my in-laws around to help some of the time. So far I have been having a 20 min soak in the bath every day, which has been amazing for healing and also for just getting a tiny bit of me-time. Realising it is going to be hard /impossible to carve those moments out with two boys on my hands - one who has stopped napping in the day!

@melissa112 I’d recommend a really good sling so that you can have the baby on you while you’re doing jobs etc. What time does DH leave for work? Can you shower before he goes? I get up and shower before DH leaves (I have to in order to get the older DC to school anyway) but I put on super comfy clothes (jeggings/ joggers with a vest/ jumper) so that I can get back into bed easily!!

Also, DD used to really like coming into the bathroom during a shower with me while she was a baby - she’d lie on a changing mat on the floor and watch. I think she found the shower sounds quite soothing. Might be worth a try!

@BadBadBeans that sounds encouraging about the latch! And lovely that out get that 20 minutes alone time in the bath. I've been having lavender baths every night since DD2 was born but DD1 tends to come on worth me so they're no exactly relaxing

Thanks all for kind words and encouragement. Sadly, seems like the inverted nipple will be even bigger problem than I thought. Nipple shield is a no go. Manual pump is a no go. Both make my breast just more engorged and no milk is flowing. I can hand express, but as you can imagine that is not a great option for the amounts we're talking about. So it's now one nipple feeding only. We're at least getting a bit better at the latching.
I'm just scared of engorgement issues on the useless boob

@melissa112 we've so far managed by just stripping all of the non essentials out and having a daily routine. Husband gets up at 6am and leaves at 7am. I use this time to shower and express (if baby is playing ball) as then I've done that by the time he leaves, and then we can go back to bed for a little while in theory. Some days it has worked and other days it hasn't because baby has been up all night feeding so I've only just got him to sleep. Also, just the process of accepting that it's perfectly normal for the HV/Midwife/whoever to see mums with pjs on/the house a mess/baby needing changing etc. There's so much I've done in the last 3.5 weeks that have been "new" experiences for me but I guess they just see it continuously as part of their job and expect it.

Will also try out a sling once he's big enough as it's so annoying being unable to get stuff done as you would do normally, but we've been told (by midwives) that the first six weeks or so are just about surviving, and we seem to at least be managing to do that!

@KarBB thank you for the advice on the safe sleeping, I do feel better now

@Hermagsjesty @cardboard33 I really like the idea of a sling. During the day I feel quite useless with DS wanting to be held all the time to sleep. Its nice to have him close but feel like I'm getting behind on stuff now DP is at work and I'm not sleeping when hes sleeping because I'm busy doing the other stuff. DP leaves between 7 and 8 depending on if he is going straight to the office or not. I could shower before he goes actually I suppose. I used to get up around 5:15 for work before baby no issue but now I just seem so tired all the time that an early morning shower seems terrifying and cold 🤣 even though I'm already awake!

I do like the idea of just doing the essentials though and giving myself a break. I guess the midwives have seen it all before as you say. Midwife due at 10 and just going to focus on enjoying my cup of tea while baby is in the rare state of both asleep and not on me rather than rushing round to make it really tidy.

@BadBadBeans that sounds great re: babys latch, hopefully it won't be long before you're feeling less uncomfortable and long may the baths continue if you can get the time!

@Sheeni I have no advice sorry on the inverted nipple but didnt want to read and run. Has the midwife or HV given any advice on what to do to avoid engorgement or is there a breast feeding support group you could contact?

Well.... feeling really disappointed in myself. I caved and switched baby to formula yesterday 😔
I was really struggling with breast feeding, I felt so over whelmed with it. Was getting really down and crying every day as I was so shattered and run down.
All baby wanted was me and to feed or sleep on me. Would go to OH and would NOT sleep in her cot at night. This worried me as I didn't want to harm her in my sleep.
I gave it a go for a week which I am proud of just feel like a failure for giving up so soon!!

She has settle a long more since formula and is much more content, slept in her cot all night which I am really relieved and happy about.

I take my hat off to all you mums breast feeding and sticking with it. I really wish I was as strong as you all ❤️

This was a really rough night. Little one just wouldn't stop drinking all day, we were getting really good with the latch and all that. But he wouldn't stop eating, he was on my nipple for hours, with few minutes break at a time only. Had a breakdown at 10pm, sent husband for formula and was super grateful I did, because around 11pm he started refusing the nipple completely, wouldn't latch on, just nibbled, then cried. I was in tears, exhausted, in pain. DH took him, gave him a bit of formula, which gave me a chance to have a much needed sleep for a few hours. My boob had a chance to produce some more milk, little one had a comfort-sip around 2am, and we co-slept until 7:30 with one feed in the middle.
I feel so guilty for doing things I didn't want to do (formula, co-sleeping), especially so soon after birth, but I was very close to losing my sanity yesterday, and figured that would be worse.
So @kee80 let's try not to be hard on ourselves. I don't know about you, but this is 100% the most difficult thing I've ever done, and it's not like we're changing our plans out of laziness - it's survival and trying to do what's best for us and the baby, too.
To all the mums who push through - you're amazing and have my absolute admiration.

@Sheeni yep totally agree, one of the hardest tho ha I've ever had to do. I feel so guilty for changing to formula, but like my friends and family have told me, happy mum happy baby. Doesn't matter how you feed baby as long as baby's fed.
Hope your feeling ok 💗

*things

@kee80 and @sheeni - it absolutely isn’t a failure to switch to formula if that’s what works best for your family. Babies need to be fed and loved and you’re both doing both those things - that’s all that matters. Also babies need happy, rested Mums so you should never, ever feel bad about looking after your own needs too. Be kind to yourselves!

@kee80 and @sheeni you're doing great, and there's nothing wrong with formula - baby won't die. What's important is that you ladies are managing as baby relies on that a lot more than whether their food is from a breast or formula. They really do not care and I think all of the stuff about breast being best etc is complete bull and really patronising/unfair on those of us who either can't or don't want to breast feed. For what it's worth we will be moving into combination feeding with formula this week and then exclusively formula in 3-4 weeks. I've got no qualms about it as I have my reasons so you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Ultimately we live in 2019 not 1019. Technology and science exist and in a world of coffee capsules and take aways I find it odd that people feel they need to beat themselves up about feeding their baby formula when it's not like we go to the fields and grind the coffee beans ourselves each time we want a coffee as technology means we don't have to do that... so why are we expected to go "back to basics" to feed our babies?

@melissa112 enjoy your tea! I genuinely think you'd raise more concerns if the midwife turned up and your house was really clean and tidy as then they'd be like "has she been focusing on this and not the baby... Maybe she is struggling to bond" rather than being like "why is the house such a mess" ... We've had about 5 home visits now and each time they've stressed that we shouldn't pay attention to the washing up, laundry etc and just focus on surviving.... Although that said, I don't know who has enough plates for 6 weeks worth of food so there is some cleaning that needs to be done!!

@kee80 and @sheeni please don't feel bad over switching to formula. I say that as someone who sobbed for about an hour on day 4 when I decided to give him a bottle of formula as he just wouldn't settle after breastfeeding and seemed to have been crying in quite some distress for days. Maybe it was too early but I was so exhausted and after I tried expressing and only got a few ml I'd convinced myself he hadnt been getting any milk from me at all and he had been starving, hence more uncontrollable tears. We now do 2 or 3 formula feeds during the evening and he is much more content. The only downside with the combi feeding is that he is more fussy on the boob so I'm having to express a lot and we probably will end ip formula feeding all the time eventually. So as long as baby is fed you'll always be doing right by them. Please don't be hard on yourselves, you have to do what is best for both baby and you.

@cardboard33 that's a good point, I normally am quite meticulous about things being tidy as my mum was always like that so it's been hard for me to just let things be but I'm finding it easier and baby is much more important than a few dishes that haven't been done.

Actually managed some time today where baby was awake but I wasn't having to try and fend off any crying. He just lay on my chest all content and it was so amazing! Looks like a good night sleep has done wonders.

I have to laugh in spite of all the exhaustion etc. Ddog isn't left alone with baby so if he's asleep in his crib then I ask her to follow me round the house while I do bits and bobs. At 11 and being a big dog she is quite lazy apart from her walks so I think today she got quite annoyed and on one of our trips upstairs she just decided to stay up there and not bother coming back down 🤣. She's also taken to following me around now even when I'm carrying the baby and she doesn't need to come. She's so good with him but bless her I think he keeps her up at night with his crying as shes now sat up but falling asleep.

Hi everyone, I've been posting on the antenatal board, but not sure if I have managed to post on this board yet (I can't remember in the haze of the first week). Congratulations to anyone new to this board.

My DS2 is a week old today. All is going well so far, although DS2 has taken to doing some spectacular wees and pukes (one covering me in vomit in a busy pubic area, one fountain-like wee at his 5 day check and another massive wee on the sofa!) My DS1 thinks it's hilarious.

To anyone switching to formula please don't feel guilty. The main thing is the baby is fed and happy, and by even having colostrum for the first few days, you have given them a good start. If you lined up loads of breastfed and formula fed kids you would not be able to determine which way they were fed.

@mymumdimensionjumps my kids absolutely love it when the baby wees on himself too! If anyone asks what it’s like what it’s like being a big brother/ sister they answer with a lengthy reply about everywhere he has weed and how hilarious it is!!

Don't beat yourself up ladies. Breastfeeding is really fucking hard. I am sitting here in tears because the last feed hurt so much and I still need to do the next feed. It is totally shit and I'm only persevering because I'm really stubborn and because I know I would regret it if I didn't. Ugh.

Feeding a baby is tough whatever method you choose don’t ever beat yourself up about using formula.

I’m currently feeding dd2 and feel like I have been sat for ages. I want to go to the shops to exchange some baby gifts for different sizes but at this rate the shops will be closed.

The Health visitor came this morning she has put 5oz on in a week and is now 7lb 9oz and finally fits size 1 nappies

@kee80 well done for pushing through the first week - ultimately you have to decide what will be best and that includes your sanity so it sounds like a good decision. We've given the odd bottle of formula when either my boobs are too sore or LO was overtired and not taking the breast. Managing to bf the rest of the time though. We've turned a corner with latch etc but for some reason my boobs are really sensitive to the cold. I'm walking around hugging my boobs half the time!

Thank you all for your kind words. You've all made me feel a lot better about myself. It's not the choice I wanted to make... but it's the right choice for me.

Just catching up on the thread! Haven't been able to log on in ages... it's been very hectic few weeks as you can imagine. DH is back at work now so I'm flying solo during the day. I've also made the switch to formula milk. I found breastfeeding so difficult, I wasn't able to spend time establishing feeding with the sheer amount of visitors i had in the first couple of weeks passing Logan around constantly - people in every room!! I felt guilty at first but I feel it was the right decision for our family and as long as he's being fed I'm happy.

@cardboard33 I think it was you that asked about how I got on with infacol. We didn't end up using it as just found burping him at regular intervals throughout feeds helps and alao holding him in an upright position tends to get air out of both ends. Even if I'm having a cuddle I'll try to hold him quite upright and he tends to release air that way. Warm baths are good too. Now that his cord has fallen off and it's all fully healed we make sure the water covers his belly and give him.a gentle rub. He farts up a storm after a bath!!!

We started using Infacol after one horrendous night where little man would only sleep on his front on one of us. He's been much more relaxed but not sure if that's the Infacol or a placebo effect on us as we're expecting wind to come up so wind until we hear something rather than assuming there's nothing there?

Also - my plan was always to formula feed until i was in hospital and I thought I'd give bf a go - but ultimately formal has worked best for us! The best thing I've found about formula is that I know exactly what he's eating and when. He also seems to have found his own routine of 4 hourly feeds which has been a dream in allowing me to get some sleep now my partners back in work