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The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

996 replies

Angelmiracle · 02/03/2019 23:29

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

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11
BadBadBeans · 26/03/2019 19:11

Gosh it's such an eye opener seeing how hard lots of us are finding the feeding. I am sorry that others have had trouble but really glad for those of you who have found solutions that work for you.

I retried the rugby hold for feeding today and it has helped an awful lot with the pain. I'm finding it easier to get a good latch. Takes about fifty pillows to prop myself and baby J up adequately but it's worth it! It is DH's last day of paternity leave tomorrow and I was considering a family outing but have changed my mind - I would rather be at home and continuing to work on the feeding. Also I just listened to a Happy Mum Happy baby podcast in which Clemmie Hooper was advocating one week in bed followed by one week on the sofa with a newborn - so I am still legitimately in sofa mode! I have also only had one visitor - a good friend who dropped in for a cuppa. My dad and my brother haven't been yet because they would have to have an extended stay (they live hours away) and it just wouldn't be enjoyable at this point. I must say it's been nicer than first time round when there were a lot more visitors!

BadBadBeans · 26/03/2019 19:52

@cardboard33 I also love the idea of a sling. With DS we had a stretchy one that was a bit of a pain to get on and also was too hot in the summer. A friend has lent me an ergobaby which I am excited to try out! May I just remind everyone about the TICKS safe baby wearing rules though... I don't want to scare anyone but a friend of a friend tragically lost their tiny baby to suffocation in a wrap sling. You really do have to be very careful.

@melissa112 your dog sounds incredibly obedient! Loving the image of you being shadowed everywhere you go! I'm imagining Nanny from Peter Pan!

@HidCat I hear you on hugging your boobs! Mine are so sensitive to temperature. I'm piling on layers even in the sunshine!

By the way, all those of you agonising over formula... I wonder how many of us were breastfed? In the 80s formula was definitely more the thing, and I for one never received so much as a drop of breast milk! Don't think it's had a huge impact on me 😁

SquirtlesMumAgain · 26/03/2019 20:38

@badbadbeans try a Close Caboo if you fancy an easier stretchy wrap - it is ready to go and worth it!

DD was weighed today by the HV on her first visit and according to her scales was 10g less than the last midwife visit. It doesn't make sense and I am worried it is going to trigger my PND again. Going for some feeding support tomorrow in the hope they can spot something to improve the latch and stop the agony.

cardboard33 · 27/03/2019 00:58

@harley888 thanks, I'll try the bath thing when we next bath as I'd not noticed that ... we're trying infacol but not at every feed as was worried about him being sick so like @iassumeitssomethingclever we aren't sure whether it's working or if it's just us getting slightly better at burping.

@melissa112 hope the midwife went ok!! and also complemented you on your house as I get the impression that yours now will be better than mine when I've spent time cleaning it!!

@badbadbeans my thoughts exactly - husband and I also didn't have a drop of breast milk between us and we've somehow still managed to obtain Oxbridge degrees (maybe they lowered the standard for us?) so we've obviously got very low aspirations for our darling baby given we gave him his first formula this evening. We wanted to get an ergobaby but got an unused Babybjorn One for £20 at a mum2mummarket at the weekend so will give that a go first... he just needs to get big enough!

Baby has been an absolute pain tonight/today and cried continuously for the 3 hours husband had him this evening whilst I was asleep... kind of annoyed at how much husband has been getting obviously stressed about it as I've got baby for 18+ hours now until he gets home from work tomorrow at gone 7pm so unfortunately I can't just give up and throw him back when it gets tough. But I also get/appreciate that this is my full time job now, whereas he actually has to go to work tomorrow, so I shouldn't complain!

For those struggling with breast feeding, do you have drop in clinics with counsellors that you can go to? We were discharged from hospital with a sheet containing all of the local drop ins and there's 5+ a day within a few miles of me that we can go to for free, so that could be worth a go? I went to one today just to get reassurance that I was doing ok and to ask the best way of introducing formula, and they were really helpful. Even though I haven't had any issues thus far, it was also a good place to go to see that there were clearly lots of other mums who are experiencing pain and that it isn't just you, if you're in that boat.

melissa112 · 27/03/2019 00:58

We're staying over in hospital this evening. I'm really upset and worried about George. He has had about 10, maybe more, dirty, runny nappies since midnight last night and was vomiting from midday til 4pm. Took him to the GP at 4:30 and they wanted him to see the paediatrics at A&E as a precaution. Got him home and fed him before we left and when we got here DP took his blanket off and he has a quite large hard lump on his neck. I know I haven't missed this as I bathed him this morning and washed his neck etc and have been supporting his neck while breastfeeding all day. Dp also said it wasnt there when we left to go to the hospital, or at least he didnt notice it. When we got here it was very noticeable.

They have kept me and George in overnight as they want to scan him tomorrow and find out what it is. They don't seem overly concerned but enough to suggest me staying here instead of us going home and waiting for a scan as an outpatient. There was me saying he'd slept really well last night and been settled this morning, probably just because he was ill in hindsight and we didnt know as at that point he hadnt been sick and just had a normal amount of poos.

I'm terrified that something bad is going to happen to him overnight. Hes still not as alert as usual. I've told the nurses and they say to keep an eye on him. I'm so scared to go to sleep but am absolutely exhausted 😔

cardboard33 · 27/03/2019 01:07

@melissa112 we cross posted, but just wanted to say that George (and you) are in the best place and they will want to keep you both in given how newborn he still is, rather than because there's definitely an issue where you can't just wait for an outpatients appointment. Regarding the bump, you also had the midwife come earlier so that should be some reassurance that you didn't miss it as they would have commented if it was there then. Try to get some sleep, even though that's easier said than done.

melissa112 · 27/03/2019 01:17

@cardboard33 thank you. I did think about the midwife and the health visitor yesterday. He was stripped down etc so I don't think it would have been missed. Thanks for the reassurance re us having to stay in. I've changed and fed him so may try and get a couple of hours. I have a feeling its going to be a long night.

Will catch up with you all tomorrow if everything is hopefully ok!

Wineandchoccy · 27/03/2019 02:12

@melissa112 hope George is ok you are in the best place x

KarBB · 27/03/2019 03:00

@melissa112 Oh gosh what a stressful situation. I'm thinking of you & hoping you find out what's the matter soon & can get some rest. Xx

Jenfur · 27/03/2019 04:42

@melissa112 Hope you and George are alright. You're in the best place and I'm sure theyve kept you since George is so new and for your reassurance anyway. Try not to panic, get some rest where you can and take care of yourself as well.

To those introducing formula, as everyone else has said, don'ts beat yourselves up. I persevered with breastfeeding my first for 11 weeks and ended up with PND, sobbing every day, he sobbed every day, he stopped gaining weight and we were all in a real mess. Switched to bottles and never looked back - he's happy, healthy, smart (If I do say so myself!) And you'd never know which method he used for food, of course.

Thanks to everyone for the tongue tie advice. The thread has moved so fast for me to update as I wanted to do so when I had 2 hands available but I've decided that might not be for years at this rate 😂 Matthew had hardly any wet or dirty nappies on day 2 so we called the midwife in a panic. It was the same one that had visited us the day before - she advised to express 8 times a day, 10 mins a side to get my milk in and to feed baby by bottle at least every 3 hours, making sure he had at least 0.5oz every time.

DH spoke to her on the phone as I was too busy crying and when he got off and told me the advice, I cried more because I didn't feel I understood whether I should be formula or expressed feeding or how bringing my milk in was going to magically fix his tongue tie or latch or whatever was causing our issue. Also, at the end of the call, she took our name and laughed when she realised we were the people she'd seen the day before about tongue tie. When someone calls you in distress about their newborn not feeding, I couldn't see why laughing at the fact that we'd met before made any sense so I was fuming.

Anyway, I expressed a couple of times and got barely half an ounce in total which felt so disheartening but I decided to ignore the midwife a bit and kept breastfeeding instead and offered the expressed milk at the end of the feed. He took a drop but wasnt really interested so I took that as a good sign that he was getting enough from breast.

He got a few more wet and dirty nappies before the (different) midwife arrived the next morning so I was reassured. She told us that breastfed babies can sometimes take a day to hydrate enough to produce the right number of nappies - basically they have their first 24 hours of wet and dirty ones from what they had in the womb then take a while to process the breast milk on day one and expell it. She weighed him and he's only lost 2.5% of his birth weight which is amazing so he's definitely getting his nutrients, she was very kind and complimentary about me carrying on feeding and I felt a weight off my mind when she left.

Tongue tie clinic had a cancellation so we got in Tuesday morning, they assessed the mildest score for TT and snipped it for us, although it was up to us as she said it might not even be affecting BF, it's still early days so could just be latch and getting used to it. He cried once, got passed back to me and then wasn't even bothered by it enough to wake up properly for a feed before we went home!

I think there's less pain when feeding lately, not since TT was cut but just generally so I don't know if he and I are just finding our feet and that's all there was to it. He's opening his mouth wider now than before and apparently that's something that can take some babies a week or two to learn. So although BF is instinctive to them, they still have to learn how to latch well which is something I hadn't considered.

Ok, ramble over!!

MyMumDimensionJumps · 27/03/2019 09:28

Hermagsjesty I'm sure my DS1 will find it less funny if he is the one DS2 has puked on. He has taken to brother really well but does want heavy handed cuddles all of the time, which can be quite difficult. After I wrote that post yesterday I was victim to projectile vomit twice. The washing machine is never off these days!

MyMumDimensionJumps · 27/03/2019 09:30

melissa112 I've just noticed your post. Sorry you are going through this, you must be exhausted with worry. You're both in the right place and I hope it isn't anything too serious and they are just keeping you both in for observations.

Hermagsjesty · 27/03/2019 09:45

@melissa112 hope George is more himself today. You’re in the best possible place and I hope you’re both being well looked after. Thinking of you.

SquirtlesMumAgain · 27/03/2019 09:57

Hope George is OK this morning @melissa112 and you get answers soon. I agree with the others that they likely kept you in because of how young he is.

kee80 · 27/03/2019 09:59

@melissa112 hope you and baby George are doing ok. Like everyone else as has said, you are in the best place

melissa112 · 27/03/2019 18:02

Thanks all for your good wishes. We've just got home now without a scan so I'm not best pleased. They did say the reason to keep him in was to make sure he was scanned today and to monitor him and the lump overnight, especially as he was still having diarrhoea.

They didnt check on him once overnight until 7:30am even though I told them I was worried that he was much more sleepy than usual. Every nappy hes had since yesterday afternoon has been a dirty one. Hes still having wees and his temp and other observations today were ok but I'm still concerned as it's just too many. Hes really fussy on the boob and I've stayed to get really sharp pains across my breasts and nipples so we've decided to give him formula the rest of today instead of just overnight to make sure he is hydrated.

The consultant came to see him this afternoon and thinks his lump is a Sternocleidomastoid tumor which is a benign mass on the muscle. He doesn't know for sure so needs the scan. The treatment is physio to stretch out the neck and repositioning/massage therapy which in most cases should resolve it within a year. In other cases surgery is required to avoid facial deformities. I'm hoping that is the rare case. I'm still worried about it as we don't know its that but from reading online it does say it appears between 2 and 8 weeks with no real known cause as a link between it and birth trauma (which he didnt have) has been disproved.

I'm going to keep a very close eye on my little boy tonight. I'll catch up properly with everyone's news later hopefully.

melissa112 · 27/03/2019 18:03

Started to get sharp pains not stayed *

cardboard33 · 28/03/2019 01:09

@melissa112 glad you've got news, even if he didn't end up having a scan. Have they given you a date to come back for that or are you just playing it by ear? What are the next steps for you?

Good to hear that they've sort of got a consensus as to what it is although they'll presumably need the scan to confirm. I was told I'd def had a stroke on the basis of a CT scan and spent 3 days in a stroke unit having loads of tests to then be told I hadn't actually had a stroke and I had a brain tumour, which was definitely the preferred option at the age of 27. I'm saying this just because it's difficult to come to any real conclusion on a mass without multiple scans so def keep pushing for them to do it or just be sure that he actually has what they think he has before treatment starts. It sounds like it is very treatable though (even if he does have the surgery) and will be able to be done whilst he is still very young which will be better for him, if not you and your partner. Keep us updated.

BadBadBeans · 28/03/2019 01:17

@melissa112 how horrid and upsetting for you all. I hope you feel reassured that it is most likely benign. When will they do the scan, have they told you? I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

@Jenfur sounds like you've been through it too. I'm glad they snipped the tongue tie and that you think it has possibly improved things. It is very early days yet as you say so baby is still learning anyway - lots of time for things to improve. Sounds like you had a tough time with your first. I can definitely empathise.

I'm feeling really awful again. I just can't get the latch right on the left side more than about 10% of the time. He doesn't open his mouth wide enough, and after about 60 seconds of trying nose to nipple etc, my milk starts literally pouring out. Not even dripping - just full-on running like a very tiny tap. So then I'm trying to bundle up a muslin underneath to catch the milk so that I don't soak my bra / clothes / bed / baby, while also trying to get baby to latch which involves keeping his hands away from his mouth and trying to stop him from turning his head away as he opens his mouth (he tends to dive down to my lap which is not helpful). It just feels impossible. And then he opens his mouth maybe wide enough so I stuff as much in as I can, wait through the agonising initial latch, only to discover that it's not good enough because I can feel it pinching as he sucks. So then I have to unlatch him - which inevitably hurts because I can't get my finger in easily - and then start the whole process again of trying to get him to open his mouth.

I am really fed up. It makes me feel angry with myself and it's started to make me feel angry with the baby too. I called for my husband on the late evening feed because I felt like I needed support - I suppose just to help keep me calm really. He sat with me for a couple of minutes and then headed to bed. I must say I feel really lonely. I spend most of my time - day and night - on my own with the baby. I miss my big boy, who has almost entirely switched allegiance to Daddy now because he knows Mummy is too busy to look after his needs. Before bath time today he was running down the landing and leaping on me to give me cuddles and I just drank them in because I feel like I have had very little affection from him since we brought DS2 home.

I am also having to consciously spend time cuddling and kissing and breathing in DS2 because I feel like I'm not enjoying him enough and I don't want to regret it later. I won't be having any more babies - this is my last one and I hate that I am ruining it by hating breastfeeding and feeling angry.

I've got a midwife appointment on Friday to check up on the feeding. I am going to ask if DS2 can be properly assessed for tongue tie because even though I don't think he has one I feel like I don't want to leave any stone unturned that might make things easier.

MistakenHoliday · 28/03/2019 02:41

@BadBadBeans I'm having the exact same thing with DD1 - all of a sudden dad is golden boy and I'm persona non-grata. It's either that is she's all over me, demanding my attention when I just want to have a nap on the sofa! She's chucked a couple of massive tempter tantrums too: door slamming and 'you've ruined my life' etc. She only four yet she's morphing into a teenager!

So, no advice, but solidarity. Hopefully it will pass.

DD2 is currently asleep on me and waking every time I try to put her down. We've been doing this dance since 12 so I'm bloody knackered and everyone else is merrily snoring away. We had visitors this afternoon which disturbed her nap so I think I'm paying for it now. At least DD2 is in nursery tomorrow afternoon so I'll hopefully catch up on some sleep then.

Jenfur · 28/03/2019 02:53

@BadBadBeans sorry you're having such a tough time. Is there a breastfeeding support group that you can get to to help check latch and give you some tips to help? I feel much the same at the moment, my nipples are sore from the first few days and I'm struggling to tell if latch is good so I'm probably leaving him on when I shouldn't. Like yours, he doesn't seem to open his mouth wide enough but it is improving so I'm going to give him the week to see if we can get things better. While he nuzzles my left nipple, my milk also starts pouring out. He ended up with the scratch mit of his sleepsuit soaked earlier, which only helped his theory that sucking his hands somehow works better for food than using my boobs.

I can also sympathise about your older child. Mine became a daddy's boy during pregnancy because I was too sore or tired to do much with him. He used to be my little mate and we did everything together and the thought of what's changed makes me want to cry. It's not helped by the fact that he has turned into a threenager in the last month or so and is behaving so badly that all I do is shout at him.

Quite hypocritical for me to try to give advise but I would say try to find half an hour when baby has been fed where your DH or in laws could have baby so you can spend some 1 on 1 with your toddler.

I feel like I'm really lucky because somehow I'm absolutely loving feeding and snuggling with my littlest one, even at 2am with so little sleep. I love my older boy dearly and like I said, we were like a little pair before but I don't remember feeling this overwhelming love for him when he was this little as I do currently for his brother. Which on the one hand makes me so happy that I'm enjoying things much more this time around but also means I'm feeling guilty that I didn't love my older one enough, if that makes sense?! The mum guilt is real and insane.

KarBB · 28/03/2019 07:40

@BadBadBeans @Jenfur I have the same problem with baby not opening mouth wide enough, particularly chAllenging as I have big boobs anyway and they go quite hard when full of milk. I'm trying to be diligent with the latch - I do tend to let him go on 'wrong' for a few sucks when he needs calming down, before trying again. But it's so hard in the night when I'm shattered.
The BF counsellor I saw at the clinic was so supportive - I really recommend those that have access to a clinic to visit one. I've been 3 times in as many weeks & each time we get new ideas & advice on little adjustments we can make to improve things. And it is slowly getting easier i think.

SquirtlesMumAgain · 28/03/2019 09:19

It definitely does slowly get easier @KarBB - partly through advice and partly growing mouths!

The group I went to yesterday were fab - really kind and helpful. They think DD has a tongue restriction but not a tongue tie as such, which was interesting. She does stick her tongue out but she definitely also sits with it up in her mouth a lot (rather than it resting in the bottom of her mouth)

Had a phone call from the HV who had been saying her scales were broken so she likely wasn't 10g less than 3 days before, so we had her weighed yesterday and she has gone back to birth weight on day 14, so that is a relief.

melissa112 · 28/03/2019 11:01

@Jenfur I'd be annoyed at the midwife laughing too! Its obviously a difficult time so I think a bit of sensitivity wouldn't go amiss. Losing only 2.5% of birth weight is amazing so you are definitely doing something right. I'm glad that things seem to have improved since the tongue tie was cut.

@cardboard33 we don't have a date for a scan yet but they did say they'd get it through urgently. I'm hoping to hear something today or tomorrow. I will definitely push to make sure they do the tests, thanks for sharing your story. Just highlights how important it is to get more than one test/opinion. The first doctor we saw on Tuesday night said it was a normal lump that we all have and that he couldn't feel it anymore after moving his neck. It wasnt until I kept pushing and saying that I definitely still feel it that he checked again and went to get a second opinion. We have 3 other consultants after that who all agreed that there was quite a large lump so its always worth a push for sure.

@BadBadBeans sorry to hear you are having a tough time with the breastfeeding Sad George also gets his hands in the way, turns his head away from the boob and tries to eat my thigh etc, they are a lot stronger than you'd think too arent they, so I can really sympathise. Trying to get them to let go can be so painful too. I hope the midwife can give some advice tomorrow regarding potential tongue tie. At least you'll know what hou are dealing with too. I second maybe contacting a breastfeeding support group if you can? I contacted one, not sure if its just local to me but they came out on the same day I called them and were really good.

@SquirtlesMumAgain glad to hear DD has regained her birth weight, great news! If she does have tongue restriction is there anything they or you can do? Exercises or such?

I take my hat of to those with other DCs. Must be difficult trying to juggle their needs with baby's. You're all doing a wonderful job!

@KarBB another here with quite big boobs. As we just wanted to focus on George getting hydrated yesterday we formula fed from mid afternoon and through the night and my boobs are massive and hard this morning and he has refused to latch on so prepping the pump. I also sometimes let him latch on wrongly for a little bit if hes really upset which I know doesn't help but it's hard isn't it when they are getting frustrated/upset.

George has been much better today and had no diarrhoea since last night but plenty wet nappies so hopefully we are turning a corner. We're wondering if it was caused by the perfect prep machine we got given from a friend. She is very clean so we had no issues with that and knew it would be as clean as possible but she hadn't used it for over a year so just wondering if there was possibly something in there that caused the V&D as it came on the next day? We only started using it Sunday evening and we ran the steriliser through twice, plus then boiling water twice and a new filter but who knows. Could be completely unrelated. We've stopped using it just incase. I'm quite worried about my boobs as I haven't been pumping overnight when G has been having bottled and I've noticed a hard pea sized lump in one breast that I've only really spotted when full. Its not painful so unsure if it's a blocked duct as I read they were painful. But started to get sharp pains in both breasts and nipples throughout the day randomly.. really don't want to give up mostly breastfeeding just yet but worried that my boobs are ruined

Hope I haven't missed anything, just wanted to say a big thanks for your well wishes for George x

melissa112 · 28/03/2019 11:05

And by boobs ruined I don't mean in a vanity kind of way, just that I've ruined them for breastfeeding by not expressing when maybe I should have been. And by allowing a bad latch at times.