The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

[Angelmiracle]

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

@ballanj Hello! I'm sorry you feel like you're struggling. I'm 18 days in & have similar moments - I'm sure it's normal. Lack of sleep makes everything so much harder too - well done on getting him to sleep for 3 hours - that's an impressive feat. We had a bit of a rubbish night as baby barely slept from about 3 & is still demanding constant feeds / attention. I'm desperate for a sleep but every time I put him down he kicks up a fuss. Feeds care getting shorter & shorter so hopefully not long to go! Hope others are feeling better rested! X

@ballanj sorry to hear you are struggling with sleep. I'm formula feeding during the night and still unsure how much he should be having. Rereading the thread I'm wondering whether George has colic too so going to try the tiger in the tree hold. When we put him down after a feed even after winding for ages he still holds his legs up by his chest which I think is a sign? I'm glad you had a better night last night.

Does anyone who is giving expressed breast milk know how long you can take it out of the fridge for if you feed when out? We have about 3oz of expressed milk in a bottle that's been in the fridge since yesterday and we're heading off to a taster session of baby sensory at half 12 and not sure how we can give him the bottle if he needs it? I'm too self conscious to feed him myself in front of anyone than the DP. Can I just take it out and warm it up when there or does it need to be kept cold now its been in the fridge? Not sure if I'm googling the wrong thing but cant seem to find an answer once it's been in the fridge

@BadBadBeans So glad your DH helped out - is he still off work? I completely sympathise with the constant boob thing - we had the same last night & I barely slept - desperately hoping he'll go down now but he only breaks for 20mins at a time which is time to do bugger all except go to the loo & ask DH to do a nappy change. Seems to happen every few nights which is utterly exhausting. I really hope this doesn't last for months & months or I might lose the plot!

@melissa112 our nearest Aldi is about 40 mins away unfortunately but next time I go past I will definitely grab a load as I keep hearing good things! I've actually had more success with the kit and kin nappies overnight - I have been careful to pull them up properly at the back and he hadn't leaked since.

@KarBB yep it's definitely not worth letting them get away with even one crap latch is it?! I have been super vigilant since 3am and haven't had a single painful feed. I've also been doing as @HidCat suggested and letting my nipples air after each feed. And have been applying lanolin before as well as after. And changing breast pads very regularly. Constant vigilance!!!!
Yes it is an unusual set up nowadays with the in laws but we all get along very well. DS1 is currently out gardening with grandpa!

@ballanj sorry you are struggling. Sleep deprivation is just awful. We've been sniping too. I have stuck my middle finger up at DH a couple of times! (Will resist the urge in future remembering his Hero Awake Stint of last night.) It will get better.

Out of panic / vanity I decided to measure my belly so that I have tangible evidence it us going down. It is, thank goodness! A inch smaller than yesterday. I think I'm going to get wrinkly skin this time though because the stretch marks are so much worse! Although I don't really know why I am even thinking about it when I've got mastectomies on the horizon 😂 That said, it is amazing how much your relationship with your body changes after children. I am so much more accepting of my imperfections than I was before. (But I would like to fit back into my skinny jeans 😁)

@melissa112 I did a lot of expressing last time. I used to take a thermos or ask for a bowl of very hot water and put the bottle in that to warm it up. Make sure you keep swirling the bottle to spread the heat. I did also just give it to DS1 cold / at room temp on many occasions - he never seemed to care! Can't remember how long it is good for once out of the fridge but I think several hours. Check kellymom website maybe? I seem to remember my pump came with a booklet that gave you that sort of info too.

@KarBB yes DS is only 8 days old today so DH is still on paternity leave. I am trying not to think about him going back to work!!! The sleeplessness won't happen for months and months. It will get better. It's just a question of catching up in the day if you possibly can. Is your partner back at work? My Nan came to stay for a couple of days when I had my first son - she cuddled him for hours while I took naps. We both loved it. Is there anyone like that you could ask to help? X

I survived doing bedtime with the three alone - just about! DH in his infinite wisdom had arranged for a grocery shop to be delivered at 4-5pm so I had that to juggle with too! But we went on to have a horrendous night. DS was cluster feeding until 11ish so DH couldn’t do his usual stretch to give me an early night and a stretch of sleep. We Co-slept but DS was basically on the boob all night. Woke up VERY grumpy!!

Sorry to hear others are struggling with sleep deprivation too. It does pass!!

Well done @hermagsjesty, sorry you had the rough night after.

I usually work on the 4-6 hours at room temp whether it has come out of the fridge or fresh pumped.

@BadBadBeans oh bless him! What a brilliant thing to do for you!

DD2 pushes my belly today and told me it was like a big cushion - having kids doesn't nothing for your self esteem! I've eaten apes any stretch marks but think I'll end up with lose skin. I'm planning on doing a postnatal Pilates class at the end of next month and start back running again after my six week check but for now I'm enjoying chocolate too much 

Well done @Hermagsjesty on last night! I hope you can manage a nap today.

@ballanj the tiredness is a killer isn't it? But you're doing everything right and you and OH will weather the storm and get through it.

@BadBadBeans glad you had a better time with the nappies last night. Your DH sounds wonderful after his stint! DP took George for a few hours the other night and I woke in a sweat at 3am wondering if he'd crushed him and came down to find baby asleep in his crib and DP asleep on the sofa. I'm with you on the belly. I didnt expect it to be so squishy... but yet at the same time as you say, having a child has changed my perspective on it. My stretch marks seemed to appear overnight around the 30 week mark and it's only now that I'm deflating that I can see the full extent!

@Hermagsjesty well done you! Hope you've managed to get a nap in today!

Thanks for the advice on the bottled breast milk.

Is anyone else struggling to nap during the day? As exhausted as I am and despite the little sleep during the night I find it really hard to switch off and nap in the day. My body seems to be overtired and I can't get sleepy. Then around 11pm it suddenly hits me and I curse myself for not forcing a nap in the day!

@melissa112 Haha yes that is exactly how I felt when I woke up at 3am! And yes I thought I didn't have many stretch marks with DS1. Then he was born and I discovered I was wrong 😂 Although they were still fairly minimal. Not so much now! Actually I think my tummy was squishier last time. What I have left is surprisingly firmish and bump shaped!

Yes I am crap at napping during the day..I should be asleep now... meditation helps me xx

@melissa112 I think it's 4-6 hrs depending on storage / air temp once out of fridge. I used the Tommee Tippee bottle storage bags last time to eek it out as long as possible and gave it to DS at room temperature.

Yey for awesome partners, mine also had to step up last night for me and I'm so grateful. We're hoping to go out for the day tomorrow so fingers crossed we get better sleep tonight.

@BadBadBeans good shout on the meditation! I've forgot all about my mp3s from my CBT course. My friend said she had a fairly hard bump shaped...bump for want of a better word after she gave birth. I expected a firmer bump to be left to be honest. The day I was so tired I thought baby was still in my bump I told DP to look at him moving in my belly. Turns out my belly was so wobbly that it resembled when baby used to squirm and push out. It still seems odd to think of him inside my belly!

@HidCat ah ok thank you, I'll have a look into those storage bags too! I knew it was 6ish hours straight from the pump to be left out, just wasn't sure on once it had been in the fridge. Hope you have a good night tonight and a lovely day out

@melissa112 I'm the same with the day napping struggle. When I've done the early hours of the am stint, I'm awake and think might as well carry on and do what I need to do while I'm awake. I think even when I'm tired I'm struggling to settle myself now. I'm also waking up with terrible sweats, don't know if that's anxiety or just hormones playing havoc.

I did venture out earlier by myself to do a couple of bits. I ended up being out for nearly 5 hours thanks to traffic and I ended up taking an hour and a half nap between 6 and 7:30 which was much needed. Used it as an opportunity to sleep with no underwear or maternity pad on and air my stitches which is helping lots with the healing. I had an epi and also a second/borderline third degree tear which has added to the rest of the struggles.

@Wineandchoccy @BadBadBeans @KarBB @MistakenHoliday thanks for the reassuring words. I'm feeling much more positive today. Obviously it will be a rollercoaster but I'll certainly take the good days when they come about!

@Hermagsjesty thanks for the reassurance that it won't last forever. I need to keep reminding myself... I feel bad as I know I'll look back in this time with fondness & miss baby's teeny cuddles but during the night I'm literally counting the seconds for him to get a bit bigger and sleep for longer stretches. He was basically cluster feeding on me from 3am last night to about 3pm. Every attempt I made at putting him down for sleep was met with howling after max 20 mins. In the end I cracked & started to cry so DH put him in the sling & went for a walk outside. He slept in the sling for over an hour & I got a shirt but much needed nap in too. He also slept on DH some more this evening so I got 2 hours sleep which was pretty awesome. Only thing is he hadn't slept in his crib or bassinet since the start of last night & I'm worried he'll only sleep on one of us now which isn't ideal...

Flipping heck. Left nipple is raw red on one side. Fed DS 3x 40 mins since 8pm - and he still wants more. Three nappy changes and two costume changes in that time too! I've handed over to DH again two minutes ago as I think I just smell of milk.

His poo had gone that lovely yellow colour (I genuinely love the colour of baby poo) but this evening it's suddenly gone darker, like yellow mixed with dark green or maybe black. I did think perhaps he was ingesting blood from my nipple (had this with DS1) but his regurgitations don't have any blood in them, it's just pure milk. Only thing I can think of is that I started taking the pregnacare breastfeeding tablets two days ago and maybe the iron in them is affecting his poo? Seems like a stretch though. Think I will give the midwife a ring tomorrow if the funny poos continue.

Speaking of midwives, I really don't like the way post natal appointments are done here. In my previous house it was home visits. Here you have to go to the hospital and wait for freaking ever because they are always running at least 30 mins late. So uncomfortable when you are recovering from the birth and also trying to breastfeed in a horrid waiting room chair. I'm hacked off because I've been given a midwife appointment for late Monday morning and then a hearing check for mid Monday afternoon which basically kills any chance I have to nap in the day. I get that services are stretched but oh a home visit would be so much more conducive to me maintaining my sanity!

DS2 has gone completely quiet with DH in the spare room. So it was just that I stink of milk then!

Hi all,

Sorry for the radio silence... most of my mumsnet time is during the night on my phone and I often find that it loses messages which I can't be bothered to type out again...!

People suggested tilting the crib - we've done that from the start (our next to me one has this as a function, fortunately) as that was what they suggested that we did in the hospital. The midwife today suggested making it warm with a hot water bottle so will try that... he's sleeping in it now though, just doesn't want to go in during the night!

@melissa112 sounds like you're doing really well :) I've also been waking up paranoid in the night that I've lost the baby and then realised that he was never with me to begin with... I think/heard that's fairly common. It has got less frequent as the weeks have gone on though so hopefully it will pass.

@badbadbeans so cool that you live with your in laws! Where we are (London) that kind of thing is fairly common simply due to couples being unable to afford their own place - we know 2 couples who are due this month in that situation. Part of me is really envious of the childcare set up and then the other half of me knows that I moved out of home at 18 and never came back for a reason... we get on so much better not living together. Would you say you get on better with them than your own parents? (to live with I mean, if you were picking one or the other!)

@ballanj we are finding the same with regards to how much milk to give... at the moment we are just doing expressed milk but will move onto combination feeding at some point over the weekend. It's really hard to gauge how much milk to put in a bottle, we're going with 80ml per feed atm but he often still wants more from me.

Midwife came today and turns out he's put on more than 10% of his body weight in less than a week... no wonder he's been feeding pretty much around the clock!

@melissa112 @BadBadBeans Re meditation I've been trying to use headspace when taking day rests, so that even if I don't sleep, there's still a benefit to taking the break. And some of the sleep sounds have a calming effect (on us both!) which can only be a good thing. We sometimes only get about 30 seconds in though before being interrupted! There are some good 'Yoga Nidra' relaxations available online too. Would love to know about any CBT resources specifically for new mums. I know the concept can be applied to anything but it would still be good to get some guidance / encouragement, especially during the long & wearying nights.

@karbb the HV mentioned that my borough run a CBT course for new mums and asked me if I was interested ... Could see if they have something similar where you are?

@cardboard33 we weren't living with them until last year, but then we all sold up and pitched in together because we wanted some land and couldn't afford it separately. We also have DH's grandma here who had got to the point where she needed care. This set-up is much nicer than a care home for her! I couldn't live with my dad, no! Love him and squeeze him, but no way! DH's parents do things more the same way as us so we rub along pretty well. I would have lived with my mum though - she was brilliant. Whether she would have lived with me is another matter 😂

Glad your feeding plan is going well. 10% body weight is incredible! I think I used to give DS1 100ml when I was expressing round the clock. He was a very hungry baby. At 6 weeks I was pumping 1.1 litres every 24 hours for him. God that was tiring!

I've halved my painkillers today by dropping the ibuprofen. Was feeling good but slept through the 1am dose of paracetamol and now quite painful in the scar area so am going to have to dose up again I think.

Well DS2 slept really well in his basket for his daddy. I got 3 hours sleep and then he came in for a feed. I tried a rugby hold which was less painful but when he came off at the end I had a lipstick ridge on my nipple so something is definitely going wrong. Shields coming out first thing. Tempted to pop to the birth centre tomorrow for some feeding support but the thought of spending hours and hours in hospital is rather off-putting.

@BadBadBeans Just saw I never replied to your previous message - my MIL is coming round mon, tue & wed next week , then my mum on thu & then DH will work from home Friday so will be around for emergencies (& to make lunch!). Yes, daytime naps are essential. Thankfully I can usually sleep if I'm tired enough. I find it hard if we go out though as LO tends to sleep in pram / car & I. It's my window to nap. We're only in week 3 though so hoping it'll improve before too long!

@BadBadBeans that's an awful system for midwife visits! I've been really lucky - first three appointments (day 1, 3 and 5) have all been at home. My last one on Tuesday is at the local children's centre. Midwives have been lovely too.

I do think it is mean to make new mums go out for those early appointments!
Whilst it is good getting out of the house generally forcing you when you don't know the injury level down there just feels unkind.

Waiting on the midwife today to see if we are still on track. We let DD sleep again last night so with no middle of the night feed we could be behind, but we all needed it desperately

@KarBB that is good - sounds like you are being well-supported!

@MistakenHoliday @Squirtlesmumagain I wouldn't mind so much but they are always running late. Our 5 day check meant being out of the house for nearly three hours. It was not very helpful! I almost cried at one point because the HCA was being a bit brusque and I was so bloody tired and uncomfortable that I just didn't even want to speak! Hope your appointment goes well Squirtles. I've decided I'm going to rearrange the hearing check to another day. I'm not doing two appointments in two different places in one day. Especially when DH has to drive me so that means dragging DS1 around as well.