The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

[Angelmiracle]

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

@whatalearningcurve a fellow say yes to the dress watcher!!! Randy makes me laugh so much. Although what's with their budgets?? I couldn't spend that much money on a dress even if I had it... And also the bride's are always so young (like 25 max) and are like "it's a small ceremony.... I'm inviting just close friends, so like 150 people" ... What would be a big wedding then?!

Also very jealous of your baby. Mine is about a week older....want to swap?? His positives are that he's not a sicky baby and doesn't cry too much.

@SquirtlesMumAgain Thanks, interesting if it's a myth or old information, it was quite a young midwife that advised me so I had to assume she had the most up to date information. I've checked Kellymom but couldn't see anything (though was half asleep at the time) and I think LLL was where I read about the difference of length at each feed.

@KarBB Thanks for that, it's so confusing having such differing information everywhere

@Jenfur I know! I'm convinced that some variation in length is to be expected as some people's milk flows fast & others much slower, so you can't say for sure how long it'll take to get a 'full feed'. Also, I was told by BF counsellor the latch can slow down flow if it's too close to the nipple which could result in a longer than average feed. Also if baby pausing / falling asleep at the boob & between sucks it may also take longer, as well as time since last feed.
During my 1st few days in hospital I was advised to aim for 15/20 mins if poss, but I think that was because we were just starting out & baby had lost a bit of weight & was very drowsy. Once we were back home & gaining weight okay everyone was much more relaxed about timings and advised doing 'on demand' feeding so going with baby's rhythm rather than trying to force them into a set routine etc

@cardboard33 I saw one the other day where her budget was $30,000!

We started out with 30-40 min feeds on each breast and are now down to about 15-20 mins. However a lot of those are artificially shortened as I have to take J off towards the end as he gets sleepier and his latch starts hurting too much, and then I can't get him to relatch to finish the feed.

I had two days and a night of great feeding and thought I had cracked it, got discharged from midwife care, and it immediately went to pieces. Crap feeds overnight. I'm sitting here with a burning left nipple. I had to get DH to come in and sit with me at 3am because I was so frustrated and I needed calming down or I simply wasn't going to be able to continue.

I'm finding things are feeling extra complicated because of the other medical stuff I have going on. I'm having to concentrate on my breasts for most of my waking hours and the thought that they won't even be there in a year's time is really really odd and I am finding it a bit difficult to deal with emotionally. Also being in pain isn't very helpful because I can't help but wonder how much discomfort I will be in after the op. It also makes me want to really enjoy breastfeeding and I am not enjoying it when it hurts; it also makes me feel angry with the baby in the moment which isn't fair as it's not the baby's fault, and I worry that is affecting our bonding. Although I feel lots of love for him the rest of the time.

Just to clarify, as I wrote that post badly, the pain makes me feel cross with J when I am feeding him, not the fact that I am having a mastectomy.

@badbadbeans the BF resentment is real so can only imagine how you must be feeling with all those mixed emotions. X

I think my hormones have hit. It was day 3 yesterday.
Reasons why I cried;
I love her
I had to reject my cat twice
I gave her a dummy for the first time and it’s probably too early blah.

All she wanted to do yesterday was feed.

We had a rough night 7 feeds in as many hours. DH got the dummy in the end. She settled right down and has been super sleepy since, she got the dummy out at some point and just slept. I was convinced she was rooting so picked her up to feed just now in the hope she’d settle back down so I can sleep this morning but she’s passed out on my tummy. Gave me chance to read the thread!

Something I did discover was lying down feeding and then letting her sleep next to me a bit as I could rest/doze with both. Bit naughty but it was that or go insane. I think I’ve had about two hours sleep. Lazy day today!!

@Gronk27 I could have written this! Although my main reason for crying is actually the sleeping situation. We still haven't figured out the cot/Moses basket. He just hates them. But we got the dummy on day 3 and the formula, too, as my LO just wouldn't stop feeding that day. Sadly he's not impressed with the dummy :-( already loves boobs too much, little bugger.

I now refuse to feel guilty about the sleeping next to me. It's safer than me falling asleep sitting and dropping him. And even though I was extremely tired last night, my sleep was shallow enough to wake up at every single grunt from him.

@sheeni glad we’re sharing the boat! DH pointed out i’m a light sleeper anyway. I’m going to see what she weighs in at tomorrow on her 5 day appointment and make a call about combo feeding.

@Gronk27 @Sheeni we're co-sleeping Mo's for exactly the same reasons. DD sleeps like a champ during the day but will not be put in the side sleeper after 12 o'clock. It's now a very expensive side table!

The nipple shields seem to work and my boy is now able to breastfeed. However, it is so painful at times to the point I can’t bear it and have to take him off. This is usually after a good half an hour of feeding. Is this something that gets better with time or am I doing it wrong? I just put him on the breast nose to nipple.

@mistakenholiday See, I actually look forward to the evening, as my LO will not sleep anywhere but in our arms. Cries like crazy if we put him in the cot/basket.
Should we just let him cry it out? Did that work for anyone? I'm honestly going mad here, as I don't want him to get used to being held all the time! Please help

God, that's really tough @Sheeni

I wouldn't let him cry it out, especially when he's so small. Have you tried a sling? That can keep your arms free and mean you can get stuff done. It's also sleep magic for babies so might help him go off into a deeper sleep. You can get jersey ones on eBay for a tenner and there's loads of videos on YouTube that show you how to tie them.

For what it's worth, I don't think they can form habits at this age and things change so quickly that what you worry about one week vanishes the next.

Could you tag team with your OH - he does an hour or two so you can get some respite? It does get better, I promise!

Definitely wouldn't do cry it out personally - have you tried swaddling? Putting a t-shirt or similar that smells of you over the cot mattress? Putting a hot water bottle in the bed to warm it?
There is nothing wrong with them wanting to be held, babies can't get habits - you are helping build their brain & showing you love them. It is hard, but it is a really scary big world out here compared to what they have been used to until now.

@SquirtlesMumAgain I tried swaddling DD the other night and DH took it off her because it 'looked constricting'. Erm, yep, that's the point!

@Sheeni it gets better I promise you it really does. The first weeks are brutal a bit like an endurance test to see how little sleep you can survive on. We are almost 6 weeks in and it’s getting better and I found from last time once we got to 12 weeks it was a 100 times better. Have a read up on the 4th trimester, invest in a stretchy sling if you haven’t got one.

Evening everyone. We welcomed our beautiful baby boy George Samuel on Thursday morning. The birth was very hectic and not at all as we had planned. He did meconium in the womb which led midwives to discover he was undiagnosed breach and ended in an emergency section.
I'm so in love with him but cannot he'll but feel like I'm failing him at the moment as I cannot do the simple things and relying on DH to do the bulk of the work. ☹️ we were discharged from hospital after 18 hours on the ward which at the time I was thrilled with but now I could really do with their pain relief! Paracetamol just isn't cutting it!

@Sheeni please dont feel guilty about the sleeping situation, you have to do what works best for you all. And as you say, better to plan ahead to co sleep than fall asleep holding him. Ive heard good things and popping a used bit of clothing in with him as SquirtlesMumAgain advises and i lurked on another thread and they also found using a hot water bottle to warm up the crib before putting DC in seemed to help.

@BadBadBeans it must be hard having so much of a mix of emotions with everything going on. I think frustration when things are so painful is normal. How have things been today? Are there any support groups nearby who could help you with the latch?

@Gronk27 we also introduced a dummy quite early and although initially we didn't want to at all, we're glad we did. Although at times he's a bit of a monkey with it, he cries for it. We give it him, he settles with it, then spits it out, then cries for it back, and repeat. But it has been worth it mostly. Hope you were able to get a nap in today, i remember in the early days having around the same amount of sleep and finding it really tough.

We did the first day today of completely formula feeding after combi feeding since day 4. He's 3 weeks on Monday and I'm still feeling quite gutted that I couldn't breastfeed him for longer. I did give him one breastfeed today as i was quite engorged but he didnt latch well and fell asleep after 5 min so that looks like its that. Ended up expressing manually in the shower and having a good old cry about it while doing it. As well as wanting to do it for the benefits I'd read about, I never realised how much I'd enjoy the bonding moments it gave me and I was crying more for that being over rather than anything. I know there are other ways I'll bond with him but i liked having those 'us' moments. He's been much more settled today and we actually had periods of 3-4 hours sleep between feeds followed by times he was awake but actually alert and not crying which we've not had before. Even managed to play with his toy and see him reach out and interact with it which was lovely. Need to stop feeling the guilt now and just accept our decision..

@assumeitwassomethingclever congrats! I hope you’re coping ok with the not to plan birth, I keep getting a bit weepy and having to remind myself it was for the best in the end.

@melissa112 thanks for the reassurance.

So after a terrible day we’ve just got some formula and given her a bit, she gulped it down, though I tried to take it slow and not over feed her and then she threw up all over DH. Winning. In all seriousness please tell me combo feeding exists and I haven’t ruined everything. Adela has just been absolutely inconsolable all afternoon and she just seemed hungry. Hope the midwives don’t tell me off tomorrow at the 5 day appointment.

Remember when they seem hungry it is just normal early on. They have to build up your supply normally so will just keep feeding.
Don't beat yourself up, just make sure people bring to drinks and cake!

Very scared that PND is rearing its ugly head again with DDs feeding issues. If she hasn't gained a lot by Wednesday I truly fear it will hit big time :(

@Gronk27 I'm coping well with the change of plan. To be honest, I was just so excited to meet him by the end I wouldn't have cared how he got here. It's just the feeling useless I'm not coping with very well. I know I can be such a better mum than I'm currently being so I feel like I'm letting him down.

Sorry. Posted too soon. I'm also getting weepy which isn't like me at all. I think DH is worried it could lead to PND. Hopefully it'll pass once I'm more able. Sorry, how many days postnatal are you? Did you have to have a caesarean in the end too? X

@Gronk27 i definitely think combi feeding can work. When i started doing it i spoke with a friend who breastfed her baby and she said a lot of her mum friends had combi fed with no issues. I only didnt carry on with combi feeding as George was always so unsettled after a breastfeed. I was BF him all day from 5am to midnight and he was crying most of the day and seemed really distressed. He slept well after the evening bottle/formula feeds so moving to formula seemed to work best for all of us after nearly 3 weeks of noticing this pattern.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever congratulations on baby George. As a fellow mum of new baby George i love your choice of name 😉 i think its normal to feel weepy especially with the change of hormones and an unexpected section too. You're definitely not failing him, i hope you can get some relief from the pain soon

Thanks for advice everyone. I think we had a small success this evening, we'll see if we can replicate tomorrow, when he's not just getting ready for his cluster feeding.
He's been so much more alert today. It's awesome but also a bit scary! So far I was only feeding/changing him, now we'll have to entertain as well!

@Assumeitwassomethingclever Congratulations to your little boy and so sorry the birth wasn't as planned. I wouldn't worry about PND yet, you are probably just getting the first hit of the amazing Baby Blues cocktail. Apparently it's normal, even though it certainly seems like a fault in design - our gender really pulled the short straw, right? Why couldn't we at least have a mixture of happiness and extra energy after all we've been through?!

@melissa112 I totally understand how your feeling regarding the formula. I only breast fed for a week but felt the exact same when I stopped. I feel much better now though 4 days in with formula. Me and baby are sleeping a lot better and she seems more content now. I know it was the best choice for us.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever congratulations on baby George! I had a c-section 11 days ago, I was the same with the pain and not being able to do much, it lasted for about 3-4 days then I noticed I could do a lot more, just made sure I took it easy.
Also with the crying I was like it for about a week, I've just started to feel a little better now. Our hormones are all over the place at the minute. Hope you feel better soon