December 06 - Light at the end of the tunnel

[weirdbird]

A new thread for us all

accessorizewithbabysick: yep piriton is an allergy medicine but it's main side effect is drowsiness. IT DOESN'T WORK

Ds1 still up every 1 or so even when drugged to sleep

Olihan, welcome back hun

Indith I don't envy your packing. How long you offline for?

Lmf, Glad the reflux is being treated

I am sorry but we use disposable nappies, with 5 children my washing machine couldn't take anything extra

Magnolia, I haven't found an anti-histamine yet that makes DD1 drowsy. When we first went to Canada DD1 was 13 months and the doctor prescribed a mega dose of Piriton before take off. She was wired for the whole flight.

DD2, on the other hand only has to sniff Medised and she's off.

Oli, how lovely to see you again! Your new village sounds idyllic. (I take it you have seen the Truman Show and have taken every precaution to ensure that you are not part of some elaborate reality programme? )

Indith, you should just change your name to Cucumber, girl.

I'm cheating at the BLW thing (only 3 days in, for heaven's sake). DD2 loves Baby Organix porridge. She does shove the spoon in, but its not really in the spirit of BLW is it? I'll maybe try her with a dry Weetabix tomorros.

Oh, Magnolia, I keep meaning to say I found a rain cover for my baby carrier in Tiso. My carrier is an old, tubular frame, and this one snaps on and just about fits it. Kept the baby dry at the festival at least! Even better it was only £5 in the sale! Worth looking at if yours is a tubular one.

Would you all mind if I used you to get something off my chest? DP doesn't want to talk about it and blames it all on hormones due to the near-end of bf.
I had to have c-section with DS as he was breech (and had been whole pregnancy without anyone spotting it). He is my first, and probably only, child. Several of my friends, and today DP's sister, have had babies recently and with each one I get more and more sad that I wasn't able to have a "normal" birth. It makes me want to cry that I'll never experience it.
I almost feel I don't deserve DS cos I didn't go through labour to get him. I know this must sound crazy but I can't help it.

Welcome back, Oli! You've been missed. Glad all is going so well, makes me feel almost - not quite - brave enough to consider moving house

Indith, good luck - glad you're better in time for the move, Part One. Hope Part Two becomes clear sooner rather than later!

Nappies - oh god, least said the better. I'm in similar place to Jabber (thanks for the invite Jabber, oooh so tempting, if only ).

Gloria....good for you for posting about your feelings, I think this is a great place to do so. FWIW, I had lots of grief about my section with dd1 for about a year after her birth - I expected her to be my only child, and after lots of high tech intervention to conceive her, had sooo wanted a natural birth. I felt bad, I felt sad, I felt angry, and I couldn't let go of it and felt guilty because I thought I should, and a whole lot more....I talked about it, and cried about it several times, then somehow the feelings just passed with time. I do think, looking back, that lots of us have (very valid) feelings about the births we've had - especially, perhaps, after a first baby - for the first year. Then, they sort of soften or fade, as things naturally move on...sorry if I'm not making much sense, its hard to describe how it happened for me. I suppose, maybe, the struggles of parenting became more important to me than the struggles of birthing...with time. Do talk about it, more, if you feel comfortable doing so...here, on the childbirth section, wherever you feel ok doing so, you've every right!

Oops, meant to say - sorry if I'm a bit awol and missing posts right now. dd2 still totally streaming and bunged up with cold, and dd1 pale and unusually tired. Its been a long week

Oh Gloria {hug}

You do deserve your DS no matter how you delivered your child. We're our own worst enemies when it comes to childbirth and parenting. Did you know that you are entitled to have a copy of your notes about your labour? You may be abe to go through it with an understanding midwife and she may be able to explain at what stage you needed the CS and why they made each medical decision. I do think you need to reconcile yourself with the way you gave birth as soon as possible so you can enjoy being a mum to your DS.

Oh, Gloria, you poor thing, have you been haunting yourself with this since he was born? You know that we're all going to say that giving birth to a baby is just the starting point. You went through 9 months of pregnancy, not to mention however long it took you to decide to have and conceive a child. Recovering from the section (I've had one, I know what it's like urgggghhh), sleepless nights, cluster feeds, growth spurts, endless crying. You've done it all. You love him to bits, you are his most favourite person in the entire world (sorry gloria's dp, but it is true right now) and he doesn't care one iota how he got there just that you're smiling at him now. Do you feel your bond has been affected by the section? Sounds very much like you haven't worked through it, did you speak to the hospital staff before you left hospital, has someone given you a completely runthrough? Any counselling? It's a very very common reaction to a section to feel 'cheated', aside from it being extremely traumatic and then you're meant to look after some screaming infant when you're in pain.
'Deserving' a baby, IMO, is when you care for them and love them and change their pooey nappies and calm them when they cry and sing their favourite nursery rhyme hour after hour day after day week after week. Not a few hours of pushing. But it took me 18 months to realise that with ds1 (for all my pat answers . I really think talking it over with someone (a professional someone) would help you put this behind you. Lots and lots of hugs.

quick dip in to say to gloria - look here www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/what_is_trauma.htm

your feelings are very real. might help to talk to someone. you can even get support by email on that site.

Bp, where and what is Tiso?

Gloria, {{{hugs}}} to you hun. I can only echo what the others have said. I have been through 2 sections but did have so called normal births before so thats probably made a difference. I hope you can find a way to work through it and you do deserve your baby xxxx

Magnolia, Tiso is a camping equipment shop - you can find it here www.tiso.com/shop/tiso/sunrain_cover

Gloria, you really aren't alone with these feelings. My consultant warned me about PTSD after the long traumatic birth of DD1. It does help to talk, to us or a 'professional'. Lots of hugs.

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my post. It does make me feel better to hear that other people have had the same reactions and feelings.
Ever since I had DS I have heard many radio discussions/talkshows talking about the rise in c-sections and blaming it on the "too posh to push brigade". I know this wasn't the case for me and I seriously doubt that many people would choose major abdominal surgery if they didn't need it, but I feel almost that people look down on me for taking what they think is the easy way out. A friend of mine (a doctor with a TERRIBLE bedside manner IMHO) told me I had no right to complain about the birth given how it turned out!!!!!
Anyway, I will try to talk to DP again and explain my feelings. I didn't really have any bad reaction to the operation, was out of hospital in 3 days and back to normal pretty quickly (although I am a kinda "just get on with it" person in general), so I guess he just doesn't understand how it affected me emotionally nor why I would wish the(percieved) pain of a full labour!!

Also, meant to say, I think my thoughts on c-section have ben exacerbated by fact that my last bf will be this sunday. Have been weaning for a few weeks now and am down to only feeding first thing in morning. DS has been a star about the whole thing but it's a wrench for me (which is quite funny given how hard I found it in the beginning!)

Hi Gloria, I completely sympathise with you. I find it's other people's attitude to c-sections that is the most wearing. I've had 3 but now have the hide of a rhino & don't let these kind of banal comments get to me. Though I think, if I can see my way back through the haze of the last 5 and half years that I did get a bit down about it like you at times in the early days. Your LO won't care two hoots about how he came into the world when he's old enough to know about it. You are doing a fantastic job and if anything you should feel sorry for yourself (like me) that you had to go through the hideous ordeal of major surgery and then be expected to be back to normal 3 days later! Everyone else should feel sorry for you too

The old 'mones can definitely make your more emotional when you start to wind in or stop bf'ing, so be kind to yourself

Oh, meant to say, my homeopath also told me to listen to loud music preferably at the end of the day to help empty out my head. As if my head could get much emptier Did play very loud music in the car this morning (to drown out DD2's screaming - she still hates her helment but there is already 1mm improvement!!!!) and I got out feeling quite perky. So come on girls, get your ipods out!

And welcome back Olihan. Your village sound's lovely. Can I come and live there please?!!

Welcome back, Olihan! Your village sounds really lovely.

Indith, I am constantly amazed at you We will miss you while you are without internet.

eli - keep checking orbitz and let me know

castles - Huuuuuge congrats on the 1mm!!!! I know how terrific you feel with every little shape change. Hurrahhhh

Ds2 slept in his bed last night - it's next to mine but we are finally in our new !@#%*# bedroom and it's so much better than co-sleeping. He still got up once in the middle of the night and once in the wee morning hours but I slept much better in between. Here'e to the hope of more sleep to come!

And last but certainly not least, Gloria, so sorry to hear about your problems with the section but you are so not alone. As everyone has said many, many mothers feel as you do. The birth trauma site is fab. There is also one one in New Zealand that is really good. I wound up participating in two studies on birth trauma and going through cognitive behavior therapy (as well as going on Zoloft) when I was at the depths of my PN PTSD. It is no small thing and it is good that you are talking about it.

Oh, and dh has been amazingly nice and helpful his week I decided a little positive reinforcement was deserved this morning and mentioned how lovely it had been not to have all the tension, etc. So, who knows? Maybe the leopard can change his spots after all...

Hello from Hull! Part 1a of the move is done. 1b will be on Tuesday when I go to Leeds until we work out where we will be after the summer (that is when I will have to spend around 10 days with no internet .Even worse will be the fact that there is no shower there, only a bath. How will I wake up without a shower?)

Gloria I hope you find the support you need, please take care of yourself and remind yourself daily that being a mum is what you are doing right now and you are doing a fab job of it. How your little person came into the world is just a means to an end.

BP baby carrier stuff looks good! Ds still fits under my waterproof at the moment but I've been thinking about framed carriers for more serious walking.

I'm naming and shaming dh - he didn't even know that I had started work!

shame on him!

Margo

indeed, Margo! How did he not realise?

Indith, DD2 lives permanently in the back carrier! I just find it so much easier, she gets to see everything I'm doing (cos cooking and ironing can be exciting too )and it leaves my hands free to get on with things. And I can walk miles and miles with her up there, as the carrier distributes her weight so evenly.

(I'm thinking I should maybe approach one of the carrier companies and offer myself as an advocate. I might even get a new carrier out of it!)

Did he just think you went out for a very long walk Margo?

BP

Ds does love his slings. Really should perfect my back carry though. Can't get close enough to the sink to wash up in a front carry. What is this ironing of which you speak?

I'm looking at getting a hip seat for ds2 because he also loves to be carried almost constantly. He's not as bad now that he's sitting up on his own but as soon as he starts getting tired he has to be held and it's wrecking my shoulder and arm!

Had quite a good night last night, he went 3 hours between feeds and has been down since 7:30 tonight so fingers crossed he'll be okay again and the NCSS is doing its stuff .