May 2017 #16 Sleep deprivation, mumnesia and first smiles

[crazyzooo]

New thread to celebrate the small things (like first smiles and eating steak with one hand), commiserate over the less fabulous stuff (poonamies, vomit eruptions and wind spring to mind) and someone to talk to at 4am

I'm pretty sure I'm only surviving this all because my husband is off work until September and so I have constant support, an extra pair of hands and adult conversation. Think it will be a shock when he goes back. At the moment I'm not missing work too much but I wasn't really loving my role before I left so I am actually about to start applying for new stuff.

@CoxsOrangePippin please don't be embarrassed. That is why were here - to listen. As girls said maternity leave with the first baby is a total change of a lifestyle. It's not good or bad, it's just different.

My baby is lovely and loved but it's difficult to handle if I don't have much contact with other adults during the day.

I find going out incl. baby groups (you don't have to spend a fortune on those) or doing some daily tasks helpful as it makes me feel more active and useful. Also having some "me" time when DH takes over newbie baby makes me feel refreshed.

Claire it does get easier as they get older in my experience. They become interesting, funny little people that you can have actual conversations with. I know it's easy for me to say, but try not to let the risk of a meltdown stop you getting out. All babies do that sometimes, and you will cope with it when it does. It always sounds terrible to you but most people are not bothered by a baby crying.

Thank you @EsmesBees I'm getting a little bit better at making myself go out with him, and I do feel better when I do. I'm lucky I have a really lovely nct group and we meet up once a week. I feel ok going out with them as we all have crying babies so no one really minds!

On the crying baby front, people keep commenting how good she's being even when (imo) she's been grizzly etc. Please don't let fear of meltdown keep you indoors!

@Coxs as you say it is temporary. Is it more the issue of being tied down by the baby (i.e. not being able to have a break) or is it the issue of brain deterioration? I guess if it's one or the other there are different ways to improve the situation? I know what you mean re the ebf - I guess the nature of their reliance on you makes it easy to feel hemmed in.

@claire I had similar worries that a meltdown would take place or that I would need to feed somewhere I might not feel comfortable to. Just remember you probably won't see any of those people again and what is the worst that can happen?! Very jealous of your NCT group and regretting slightly not doing it (although it wasn't an option for us). I am not sure how likely it is that I will be able to find any friends at the groups I go to as they always seem to be different people there. Oh well - poor Little Rocky will just have to put up with my nattering.

cox please don't be embarassed, it is such a common feeling. I was feeling the same when ebf - I remember crying on the phone to my mum saying I felt smothered. Its just so all consuming, and dare I say it - boring. Its the main reason I switched to ff -
selfish as that may sound. Now I'm ff things feel so much better - I've been out on my own a couple of times, and DH & I are off to London today for a friend's birthday whilst baby sip is with my mum. Plus she sleeps better too!

Sending you warm wishes and reminding you that you're not alone!

@CoxsOrangePippin don't feel bad, I'm not there yet but it's one of the main reasons I'm going back to work in December. I knew there was no way I would enjoy a year away from work. I think I haven't reached the boredom stage yet because we're trying to do the new house thing so I'm dealing with all the back and forth with the mortgage and solicitors etc. I quite like my own company but I also need something to keep me interested, I've been tearing through audiobooks like there's no tomorrow, easier to manage than reading and I play them when we go for a walk with the pram. I think a big part for me since she's ebf is not caring about what other people think, she's very portable at the moment so I will just "chuck" her in the pram, the carrier or the car even if all I end up doing is walking up and down a shopping centre. Strangely she sleeps longer when we're out than if we stay at home so it feels more like I'm in control!

@ClaireSunflower try not to worry about meltdowns, I think what we would class as a meltdown from our own baby is very different to what we'd class as a meltdown for another baby iyswim (and who cares you're not going to see any of them again anyway) 😁

Thank you so much. I'm sorry other people are also feeling like this but it's nice to know it's more common than I thought.

Pippin is quite portable for feeds but now he is so alert no longer naps well out of the house and gets quite unhappy when he doesn't get a bit of sleep. I've bought a snoozeshade so hope it will help with that.

I really want to go to museums etc and if I can get him napping in his pram again it will help.

I think I also need to use our babysitter for things for my brain (whether that's a bit of volunteer work or a museum trip without baby) as well as to let me sleep or for a date with DH.

Beyond that I suppose I just need to grit my teeth - it is indeed menial and repetitive - and focus on being a working mother with a bubbly toddler one day soon.

I also think mix feeding may help as I don't love expressing. But I feel I need to sort out his weight gain first.

Mine have all been like that too @CoxsOrangePippin it's a pain. I've ended up spending lots of time at home while they nap in bed and being a bit of a slave to naps.

The naps don't last forever though and it's not that long before you can be rid of them and getting on with fun stuff together.

Friends and family had criticised this as being 'stuck at home' but I've just ended up ignoring this as it works for me to have a well rested baby that's not frantically tired.

My sister has done the opposite which is totally her choice, she loves going out and meeting people and doing things. But then one of her babies didn't mind this and napped everywhere, the other didn't and to me it didn't look fun trailing a grumpy baby everywhere!

Ideally every baby would be able to nap in bed and on the go!

I agree that mixed feeding would be helpful in your situation as you could get out alone and leave the wee one with your DH or a babysitter.

claire Seriously try not to worry about meltdowns, BB has them regularly and I dint like it either. It's normally coz she's got over tired and won't sleep in buggy so I'm that woman you see pushing empty buggy with baby in sling
A couple of weeks ago I was that woman pushing buggy with screaming baby in whilst crying herself too!!! Not my finest moment...

rocky can you sign up to baby sensory or baby yoga classes or something you go to weekly and will meet same people?

cox sounds perfectly normal to me. Even though our babies are wanted and totally delicious It can be pretty unrelentless and boring sometimes! This is coming from someone who is enjoying it!
Def use your babysitter more and line up some things to do/places to go that feed you intellectually/spiritually etc
Have stuff to plan and look forward to :)

Oh god don't talk to me about naps

@newbieho thanks for the info on bjorn carrier and hips. Just looked at a pic of hubby using it and hip position looked ok, but I understand the dangling legs situation and will keep an eye on it.

@CoxsOrangePippin I totally relate to how you have been feeling. There was a promotion position out at work and it took me 10 days to get my application together, and I really struggled to get my brain thinking inbetween it all  I work in quite a technically challenging environment so it's slightly worrying thinking about how i am going to balance being a mum and success at work. If I get an interview not quite sure how I am going to prepare for it!

@ClaireSunflower I'm similar to @Badgerbird - although not organised to bring the sling out - I'm normally pushing the pram whilst carrying him!! He really struggles to nap in the pram so going out has seen plenty of meltdowns and stops for to calm him down!

@vanilla8 we have a Bjorn carrier too, in the end it was the only one that I felt had enough support for me (we tried loads 😳). I think it's the earlier models that had the leg dangling issues ours has a much wider base so she's in the M position she should be (several tries in front of the mirror for me before I took the labels off 😜).

I find it so difficult to go anywhere with my 2 year old that when he's in nursery and I just have the baby I feel free! I feed anywhere now and just get her in the sling and go shopping, or for a walk. Or I just enjoy a day watching tv. It's funny how your perspective changes as I remember feeling trapped when my first was a baby. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, maybe just that it helps to just get out. I find they have meltdowns much less when you're out and about, or maybe they just don't seem so bad.

There's a fudge to make the "dangley" bjorns better too, using a towel or something if memory serves.

Number 6 here I think
www.sheffieldslingsurgery.co.uk/2013/09/19/healthy-hips-busting-some-myths/

Acorn that's exactly how I feel about days when my two year old is at nursery . It's so nice to go out without a fight to get shoes on etc. I love her to bits but it's a relentless age, she never shuts up! Hope the potty training is going well.

My ILs are pissing me off for a variety of daft reasons, my MIL is well practiced in the art of passive aggression and it winds me up the way they end up making my DH feel like the one that's done wrong. I'm now feeling quite pleased that baby Rise slept through an hour long FaceTime conversation I'll feel bad about this later but at the moment I'm doing a little dance in my head I can still blame it on hormones can't I?

@Rockyroad17 we're in the same boat with clothes - infact I've got a bag full of stuff that she's grown out of already which she hasn't even worn 🙈😩

Like @ClaireSunflower I've found my NCT group a godsend - I generally see one or all of them once a week, sometimes a coffee, sometimes Baby Sensory or some kind of play date at someone's house.

It wasn't cheap to do, but even just for the friends we've made - it was the best £300 I've spent in terms of keeping my sanity!

@CoxsOrangePippin I'm struggling with it too - desperate to get back to work, I know I'll miss Molly crazy amounts while I'm there, but my mind is going insane. I don't want to wish time away, but I'm looking forward to January.

That sounds rubbish @1004Rise very tricky.

My ILs have been to see BabyTea once! And they only live 12 miles away.

We're also nearly out of the 3-6 month clothes. BabyTea is 15 weeks on Friday.

@teainbed once in 3 months? 12 miles is like 15 minutes in the car! Families are weird!

I get fed up of being the bigger person and I think since Baby Rise arrived I'm a bit more protective of us as a unit.

Anyway it's a beautiful sunny day and we had a good night's sleep so once I've hung the washing out we're going out for the day, must not drink too much coffee!

Yes it's strange. We're not on bad terms they just don't seem to want to make the trip. It does involve crossing the Forth Bridge and driving in the City

Agree you just have to protect your little family unit and get on with it.

Washing out here too! But the garden is soaking from yesterday still so on the back steps.

@teainbed ah well the bridge makes a huge difference

I may have bought more baby clothes.... they have to stop putting sales on!!

IL's have only been the 8 miles to us once in the last 13 weeks too.
DH likes to visit them .... I make many excuses as I think they should come to us.. but he normally does it on our way home from somewhere!
I am pretty sure I'm not imaginative enough to be a SAHM either. I went back to work at 6 months after DD. She was a very easy baby and I love her with all my heart. I did feel guilty about leaving her for full days at nursery, but she's an awesome little toddler!
I've taken a year off with DS this time. Mainly to spend time with them both and as the pay is better this time around, and I know I was still too tired before DS arrived.
I miss the actual work and brain tasks, but I don't miss the people in my office at all... which I suppose makes things easier.

Random c-section recovery question. Do any of you ladies who have had a section struggle to walk down hills with the pram? I get a horrible tight feeling across my tummy when walking down them which is inconvenient as the whole city is built on hills.