May 2017 #16 Sleep deprivation, mumnesia and first smiles

[crazyzooo]

New thread to celebrate the small things (like first smiles and eating steak with one hand), commiserate over the less fabulous stuff (poonamies, vomit eruptions and wind spring to mind) and someone to talk to at 4am

Just re-read my post and realised I got sidetracked as I mentioned my 6 weeks check up and then started talking about physiotherapist & divarification.

Doctors weren't concerned with anything. I told them that I'm still experiencing groin pain and they said this will probably continue for another couple of months given that I had bad spd. Yay!

Got another doctors appointment booked when I'm 12 weeks post natal, as they want to see if stomach gap reduces before deciding whether I need to do anything about my pre-existing hernia. They asked if I was planning on having more kids and I said it's a bit too soon for me to answer that question (even though I suspect I won't have any more).

Baby Barnes still in the rubbish sleep group. I've been awake since 4am (he slept for 4hrs whilst out for lunch with friends 😞). I'm just hoping it was weather related and he settles tonight 🤞🏻

Thanks to everyone for your advice and sorry I've been MIA - just trying to take things one step at a time.

Things are still tough and it appears that Molly has colic 😔 we started on infacol and are topping up with colief on the days that are particularly bad, but it seems to be helping to get it under control which also means I'm getting more sleep...

My MW came out to see me on Saturday and has decided she's holding off from discharging me for the moment as she wants to keep an eye on me. It was really helpful to speak with her and DH who have both been amazing!

We've decided that if the colic and crying persists, we're going to look at Cranial Osteopathy to see if that helps.

@Rustler74 I hope your DH is feeling a little better now? Did you manage to encourage him to attend his support group?

@coxsorangepippin How was your CBT class?

@Barnes79 and @MrsJW15 I'm struggling to come to terms with my new body too... I can't get my maternity jeans on because my c section scar is also bang on the seam and none of my pre pregnancy tops fit because although my bump has gone, my boobs are too big... despite the fact that I've lost a stone 2 weeks pp

@dreamofhungarianlanterns @1004Rise I ended up feeding walking round Boots at Bluewater the other day - it was either that or the insecent screaming of Molly...

@FoxMulder Yes to finding breast pads everywhere! 🤦🏼‍♀️

In terms of routine (2+3 here) we tend to have a feed around 8.45 followed by a bath at 9.15 followed by another feed, nappy change, low lights and a little night time baby lotion massage then upto bed for 10 with a cuddle from daddy and another feed, we've had her asleep by 11ish most nights the last few days and she sleeps till 4ish so we're getting around 5 hours and then she's up every 1-2 hours from 5 when I get her back down

We're off on a road trip down to Bristol now that we finally have a new car seat - the sales advisor we saw in Mothercare today was gobsmacked that the sales advisor from another branch had said our Silvercross car seat fitted properly resulting in us buying a new one today but so much happier with it and how she sits in, so she'll get to meet her great Grandparents over the weekend which is lovely!

Has anyone else got much planned?

Glad you're getting some support @RasperryInAMelon poor little Molly with her colic!

@crazyzooo we had ours last week and got a big lump on the meningitis one but he didn't seem too bothered by it.

We got weighed today too and now at 11lb 9, so nearly 2lb in just over 3 weeks! It's insane how quickly they grow at this stage.

Thanks for asking @RasperryInAMelon x he's feeling much better now although I'm keeping a close eye on him.

I ended up going to bed with the boy and he woke up at 2.30 and 5.30 then went down for a sleep again to wake up around 10.00 and feed loads (litres and litres in my honest overestimation) until 3.30 no kidding! Thank goodness the latch is improving as I'd be much sorer otherwise!

Meant to ask @RasperryInAMelon how are you doing now ?

@raspberryinamelon @newbieho I made myself actually go which is the main thing! They were nice people. When I have had therapy or Cbt in the past I always think at first it is rubbish then it has a helpful effect over time. So fingers crossed

Feel I did well today as I made it out to a bf cafe session on my own, and doing things solo feels quite daunting atm!

Does anyone know how one goes about making private healthcare appointments or finding an appropriate consultant? I have never used private healthcare before but may need a bit of repair surgery and have a three month wait to even be assessed on the NHS. That's a queue I want to jump, it's having both practical and emotional impacts!

I don't know what to do. Baby Crazy is still asleep. I have work him up 3 times to feed since 12 but he only eats very small amounts then falls back asleep.

Temperature is slightly at 37.5c but nothing dramatic. Has vomited after both doses of Calpol so have had them twice.

Is this a normal reaction..? Basically asking what happened to your babies before calling 111 like the hysterical new mother I am...

@CoxsOrangePippin your GP can refer but not recommend anyone specific. You might find patient forums helpful or even just word of mouth. The private hospital should let you see data for the different surgeons but see which ones you like, you might just get a feeling about the right one. They most probably work in the NHS too so you can look them up on their home trust website. Is it childbirth related? They might not want to do it straight away even if you go private.

@crazyzooo that sounds pretty normal for post vaccines but do phone if you're concerned. If he's feeding, weeing, breathing fine then probably all is ok. I find the calpol knocks them out but no idea how it could possibly do that!

crazy in my limited experience of one baby, that's normal. Dd1 was very sleepy after her first jabs and actually slept for once.

Cox well done for making it to the cafe. It will get easier to get out on your own as you get more used to it, and the baby gets older. There is a website called Dr Foster which lists private consultants. When I booked a private appointment for my mum I just googled the number of the consultant's secretary, rang up and booked an appointment.

Really glad you are getting support from your midwife raspberry. My eldest was a colicy, crying newborn too, but got better very quickly, and has grown into to a lovely, easy going (mostly) 2 year old.

We've been offered a place at a nursery we've been on the waiting list for since dd1 was 4 months. Not ideal timing. She's had such a lot of change in her little life with the arrival of her little sister, not sure more upheaval would be good for her. Going to have another look at it in the morning and try and make a decision.

@teainbed @esmesbees thank you both yes my nice neat episiotomy has ended up healing really wonky and open following a bad infection so the MWs and GP think it might need fixing and the MWs were hoping I'd be seen this month. I know I might need to wait for surgery (if that's indeed needed), it's just that the NHS is rightly going to have a timetable that's based on their resourcing not on when I might be ready.

Sorry for tmi

Well done @CoxsOrangePippin for going out! Do you have private healthcare insurance via your employer?

@RasperryInAMelon hope Molly gets better soon x how are you making her sleep for so long during the night? Baby newbie sleeps max. 2.5 hours and then he wakes up for a feed.

@Badgerbird @crazyzooo my sanity has been saved by two episodes of baby newbie sleep during the day. I felt amazing!

@jennymac31 I am jealous of the baby cinema session. Our local cinema doesn't do them 🙁 can baby Nate have a word with baby newbie please? I would love baby newbie to have more sleep during the day.

@crazyzooo how is the baby crazy doing?

Yay to things cooling down a bit more. It made the 6am poo up the back situation somehow easier to deal with.

Barnes so sorry you're getting rubbish sleep. It's awful while it lasts. Does baby Barnes take the hint if you breathe sleepy breath in his face? On the mornings that I have free (mums of more than one child I apologise for this in advance) I feed lying down and find that most of the time if I want us to nap I can finish a feed, move away a bit, put an arm round him and then because I'm sleepy breathing and blinking we both seem to wake up a while later. Key is to plan his feeding position to also be his safe sleeping position I think. Fingers crossed for you.

Crazy that must have been incredibly worrying. Well done to you and the lorry driver!

Blueberry yay for the improvement and rasperry too, hope things keep going in the right direction.

Thanks all for the advice/ shared experiences of bed time routines/ lack there of. Ok, we'll keep going for random 8pm outings and just enjoy it for now then. I'll attach a picture of where we went last night.

@newbieho - will try to get nate to send vibes to little newbio and all the other babies on this thread to sleep more!

Had an interesting request from dh yesterday. As he doesn't seem impressed that I'm going out with baby and not getting as much housework done as he hoped (or would expect) he asked if I would do all the nursery runs whilst am on maternity leave, as it would mean he would get more time at home to do the things that I hadn't gotten round to! Part of me totally understood where he was coming from while another part of me wanted to rip him another one because he really does seem to expect me to be a domestic goddess whilst taking care of baby (and also dealing with dd if she wakes during the night). Am I being unreasonable?

Hi Jenny, I'm really sorry that this is still upsetting you. Sounds like it needs resolving and that you will probably have to be the one to force the issue. Personally I don't think you're being unreasonable to be upset.

Here are my thoughts, feel free to take or leave any of them.

My situation is that I am the higher earner , I bought the house before I met DP, my company maternity package is not a lot more than statutory. So I have saved up to have this baby and the time off. I loose income, pension and potentially career progression. Maternity leave is for a parent to meet the needs of their child. I have no intention of maternity leave equalling me taking on all the house work because I'm the one that can be in the house 24/7. Bottom line for me is it remains shared and if it isn't we pay for a cleaner.

In reality, most days I dash to do half a bowl of washing up whenever I can, yesterday I cut the grass with baby in a sling. I've managed to cook quite a bit out of choice. Why? Firstly I enjoy it, it's nice to start and finish a job (the nemesis of feeding). Secondly I have a pretty easy baby who is not needing to be permanently attached to me to be happy. Thirdly my mum keeps coming round to help which is a luxury many of you aren't getting. Fourthly DP has absolutely zero expectations that I will have done anything non baby related and gets up really early in the morning to do jobs and gets straight on with stuff after work. So I want to do stuff . But if I don't, and everyone is fed and nobody is dead tea, I won't bother. Of course I don't have more than one child so have less to do but I think for me the principle would still be the same. If it feels like it's a team effort I'll work like a horse. If not, sod that for a game of soldiers!!

To be good mums Jenny I really believe that we need to attend to babies needs and also our own. Going out really helps with that and with babies development. It sounds like you need to have a cards on the table conversation, how much and what you agree actually needs doing in the house and how it's going to get shared. Whether the amount your DP seems to be expecting will impinge on your joint family time / your time to feel human and whether that's ultimately worth having spotless mirrors (or whatever) for. Whether he gets that the way it's been said so far is upsetting you and whether there is a better way to negotiate how you jointly manage.

I hope you can improve things together

@jennymac31 @dreamofhungarianlanterns said what I probably would have said a lot more eloquently! But because I'm also a cow I would also tell your DH again to feck off and take a good look at himself. It's a team effort and it will look different for different families but for him it probably should involve doing more immediate stuff (attending to DD in the night and doing nursery runs) AND doing less stuff that can be left, cleaning, gardening etc.

@ dreamofhungarianlanterns and @teainbed - thanks for the comments.

It sounds bad but I think my husband is slightly envious that I'm at home with baby. We had briefly discussed shared parental leave but he didn't seem that bothered and I wasn't too keen as I get a good maternity package (I too also earn more than dh). In hindsight I'm wondering if we should have done it because he would probably get more done in the house being at home.

Will drum up the courage to talk to him.

Yes you must have a discussion about it. I would make it clear he has to drop these demands about nursery runs and housework whilst you're on mat leave.

I feel bad, like I'm painting him out to be a really crap man and he's not, as he does do his fair share of work and he's great with dd. It’s just that I feel as though he thinks I have it easy being at home and that I purposely go out to baby groups etc to avoid housework. I think the fact that I've managed to watch 'wonder woman' before he did has peed him off a bit.

He had a chat with one of our friends only yesterday about our dds who are both 4 (6 weeks between) and he was saying how he thought dd has developed so well because I took her to baby groups etc from when she was 6 weeks. Yet he seems to have an issue with me attempting to do the same with baby no 2!

Apologies I will stop ranting now.

No need to stop Jenny that's what we're all here for. And you aren't making him out to be crap at all, you're explaining the situation and it seems he might be lacking in understanding about what it's like being in 24 hour care of a child, what's reasonable in terms of housework, what's positive about you getting out and about and how his current communication style is impacting you. Just those little things really Sounds like a good talk or more likely series of talks will help him piece things together and really clarify what is important to get done in the house and his/ your reasons underlying that view are and whether to stick with that view or make a new decision about it.

I would be massively envious if DP was on paternity leave and I was at work, but that's life and my envy might not be based on the reality of what each day at home is actually like. I think that's a normal feeling in a relationship when there is a big change. I am hugely grateful for our ante natal classes, NHS, that covered all these dynamics from a neutral perspective.

I understand @jennymac31 and I think we can all find ourselves venting at times of high stress and not talking much about when things are good! Once you've had a chat you can hopefully know a bit more, is it really about cleaning or like you say a touch of jealousy about being 'off'. Babygroups and going out are essential for you and the baby! In my experience it's a bit unusual for men to be bothered about cleaning, most men I know wouldn't see dust or dirt unless it was hitting them in the face! Any reason (like OCD or allergies) for him to be focused on this?

Oh on another note, there were some appreciative comments about the pictures of the property where DP and I released the ducklings and where he works. There is another million pound plus property down their driveway for sale so they (employers) are buying it. Some of their staff are already housed on the estate. Boss told DP that he was buying it and DP cheekily asked when he and I were moving in. Boss said he hadn't actually ruled out it becoming the house tied to DPs job, until he had it valued for rental and didn't think DP would take kindly to paying significant money to come to work!!

Bang goes our may ladies thread meet up venue!! Unless you all want to crowd fund us to move in