Just Mumming Thread 7 - the grads grads cope with walking, own rooms and have little time for shagging

[LaLaLaaaa]

New thread! Roll call...

Hi Furryscoob!

I'm so sorry everyone is having such a shit time of things. Baby wrangling is just so goddam hard. If you get to the end of the day without sitting rocking in a corner and blowing raspberries, you're doing brilliantly.

So far tonight I have put my kicking, biting toddler to bed over 30 times in an 1.5 hours and have been covered from head to foot in vomit by Baby Snap who then screamed non-stop for a further 1.5 hours. Baby Snap has constipation brought on by sudden switch to formula and I suspect reflux too as he screams every time he's put on his back. He is either asleep or screaming. I am beyond crying now but I would really, really like to run away.

I have now reached for the wine. Amen.

It seems the shit-gods are raining on us all. Including here- our house has fallen through. Back to square one and best part of a grand worse off. Had a huge huge row with mr tee in tesco as he's suddenly decided he doesn't want to spend money on food anymore- I'm not extra extravagant when I shop but I don't penny pinch. We got into an argument about a bottle of bbq marinade; before TT I used to make it from scratch, and now I don't have the time, and he started tutting saying it was expensive. It was two fucking quid. And after estate agent crapness earlier, I totally lost my shit. We still are t talking, I had to feed TT when I got in and he unpacked the shopping with what sounded like a shovel, I fully expect he's gone full sell by date fascist and binned half the contents of the fridge.
Fuck it, I'm having a wine.

Lots of tea and squish hugs to everyone. Tomorrow is another day.

Ps, thanks popz I was working hard to suck my mum tum in!!

Jeez this is not a good time on the thread. for everyone (delete as appropriate).

Pixie get thee to a doctor asap to discuss PND. Even if it doesn't come to anything - talk it through with them. Get a good doc though, not the rubbishy formula-withholding one.

Snap have you dealt with reflux before with your older one?

Fleur I don't want to insult your DH, I'm sure he's lovely. But he's very much acting like a dick. I assume he just doesn't know much about babies. Will S take a bottle? If so, can you try and express and tell DH you're having some time off on an acceptable date and let him see what it's like? Also, does your milk come out quite fast? If so, might be worth reading about oversupply/forceful let down on Kellymom or LLL websites.

Must go to sleep now but hope everyone's nights are ok, especially yours La. Give B a massive cuddle from all the viroids.

B's temp has dropped so far I've had to turn off the fan! Great stuff. He's hungry again and wanting lots of food.

Glad to hear things are improving for B la. Such a worrying time but easier if you can see the improvements and him feeding must make you feel better too. They do forget all of this bad stuff very quickly, much quicker than we do!

I can't offer much more that sympathy and utter understanding to the feelings of the new mums. I am the same and fear I might actually be mental. Walking the fine line between baby blues and PND I think - the healthcare professionals aren't saying it but do keep mentioning the doctors and I know that's what they mean. I got through the first week alone mostly ok but had a breakdown Friday afternoon and struggled to pull it back since. This is such a tough experience, I know you all know that. Really thought I would cope better!

Anyway, so I totally understand any of those negative feelins mentioned. Even harder for you fleur if DH isn't being understanding. I agree with the approach of expressing and leaving him to it if you can. He can't stop you crying, sometimes you do just need to and all he needs to offer is a hug. It might help you get through.

Did you talk to DP before you went to bed tee? Most big arguments start as little issues. Is there a bigger conversation to be had do you think?

Shame you aren't hopeful for your appointment wil but could it lead to a referal for services you have more faith in? I know there is a lot of good support out there, if you can just access it. At least you both had a positive day out, you know it is possible!

I have exactly the same BFing question zyla - need more flexibility and freedom but worried about the impact on supply. Was planning a good google session to get the full answers of the best approach.

Some hardcore cluster feeding there popz! Good job it doesn't feel as tough now or you would be utterly ruined!

dulcet I think if you regularly miss feeds at the same time of day, your supply will adjust and lessen for that feed time. If it's just an occasional feed with no pattern, supply should stay the same or readjust back up next time you feed. That's what I think I found out, see if you get to the same answer! :)

And huuuuger hugs and to everyone!

Dulcet do you have a local bf counsellor available through HV? Mine was really helpful and answered all the questions I was still hazy about. It's my understanding that your supply adjusts to how much is removed, so if you don't do a feed because dh is using expressed milk, but you want to keep up supply, you would need to express at same time as feed would be.

Your feelings sound totally familiar to me dulcet and I'm sure to lots of other mums. B has just cluster fed from 1am to now and finally now gone to sleep. I'm exhausted and tearful and fed up. He constantly asks for food and gets frustrated and screams when I can't produce instant results. I've just done 3 nappy changes in an hour and 5 feeds in 5 hours. I'm sweaty, covered in milk and feel like shit plus stitches are killing me.

Some days I sob on dh that I hate this, that I don't think I'm any good at it and I'm afraid of hurting b because I get so angry and frustrated at being so tired. I've cried every day so far that my cats don't come near me anymore.

Definitely go to doctor - PND is not to be trifled with and they can help you. It's a massive change we've gone through - we can no longer do what we want as we've got to take into account the baby, feeds etc. we feel trapped, resentful, sad, guilty all at once. You're definitely not the only one feeling the way you do.

Although I know that doesn't help! Get ye to the dr and I'm sending a hug in the meantime

And on fucking cue as always - someone's just come in to do something to B. Every fucking time I just get him to sleep :(

We do have a counsellor la and she did come last week but it was to help with some issues and I forgot to ask anything else. There's a group here on Thursday though so will go to that and ask.

I know the GP is there to help but I don't want to be that person. I want it to just be some extended baby blues that I will get past. I will see how I feel at 6 week check and just keep busy til then. It sounds like plenty of us feel this way - just need to learn to deal with it.

Can I just say that PND isn't about not being able to cope. It's not a failing. It's a medical condition. Just the same as normal depression - all to do with chemicals in your body. If you thought you had infected stitches or some other physical post-birth problem, you'd go to the doctor right? Don't put off getting help because it's always easier with depression to treat it before it gets to the absolute worst stage. Please don't think it is a reflection on you and your mothering skills, it's not.

You will be fine to go out and for baby to have formula in place of feeding. Especially at your stage zyla. In the early days it is somewhat more difficult in that if your supply hasn't settled yet, you'll get engorged quite quickly so I would take a hand pump with you for expressing in the toilet or somewhere for your own comfort. If you will be gone for four or five hours or more zyla you might also want to do that. The first few weeks is all about your body learning how much your baby needs, so substituting can mess with things a little but if it's a random day out and you're back to normal the next day it'll sort itself out. By our stage Zyla, it shouldn't really be a problem at all. I have read of mums of older babies where the baby goes to overnights at their dad's house for the weekend and so obviously misses feeds but then can pick them back up during the week. Presume this is over the year mark, but still should work for us.

Mini had the whole house up at 5.30 and then I went back to sleep and now have totally slept in!

Sounds like a tough night La. Hope you can all get home soon.

Hugs girls.
We're all in shit city it seems.
dulcet, get to a gp. wil is right, it's a chemical imbalance, nothing to do with you as a mum x
Put it this way, if your sister /best friend /cousin etc was going through it, wouldn't you want them seen to and taken care of?
Put yourself first. If you don't want to tell people why you are going to gp, then don't, it's your health and well being and you should never be made to feel inadequate just for asking for help.
My family has depression running through it , believe me, nip it in the bud, before it changes you.
Sooner or later you always wonder ' what if I'd tackled it sooner "
Were all here for you x

I've got idea what is going on with this child. Completely off food,including breakfast which she usually loves.
Crying all the Time in her cot, so we bring her in with us. She goes in awake, settles herself to sleep, then round about 1am wakes and is all shouty.
Every fucking time I've gone In she's on her front shouting and can't get back over, even though I've seen her do it. She doesn't even try that manoeuvre in the day. Just whinges till I rescue her.
I've been awake since 3 and am fucked off tbh.

Thanks wil I have a manual pump so will use it as required. It won't even be that often, I think I feel better just because I know I can go out now if I want without weeks of planning, doesn't mean I will :) and yay for you sleeping in, you needed it! :)

min H does that at the moment, rolls onto her front then whines to be turned back over despite having been able to roll front to back for ages.

Everyone with littlies.... It's so so hard, but when they do eventually sleep and you stare at them you know it's worth it. You worry because you love them so much it's scary! This means you're great mums, rubbish mums don't care, you do! Just wait until they first turn and smile at you, just because you're there..it's worth it. You're their whole world and you get to watch as their little personalities develop. It's the hardest thing in the world, but also the best and you're brilliant!

Hugs to all viroids xxx

I think the day 3 baby blues or whatever they call it is a bit of a misnomer. The tears and "omg what have we done" feelings lasted a good few weeks here - without necessarily veering into the realms of pnd. But definitely don't muck about if you feel it's more serious than "blues". Keep talking to the HVs - they can be a pain but ultimately they're around to help. They can schedule extra visits if they think you're struggling. And if all else fails get to the GP. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of and certainly no reflection on your mothering skills. None of us are born great mothers in any case - we're all learning on the job

I had PND with my first and recognised the signs again within days of baby Snap's birth. The first time my brother eventually marched me down to the GP as I didn't really want to deal with it but it was actually a huge relief to finally acknowledge things weren't right and to get help to sort myself out (a sympathetic GP is a must). I had counselling, which helped me look at things in a different way and avoid some of the negative thinking patterns I'd got into. It also gave me some practical ideas about how to manage my day and establish a routine of sorts. This time I went to the GP straightaway, got a speeded up referral and have already started counselling. It's not a magic wand and some people find medication more helpful but I agree it's absolutely best to get help as quickly as possible and nip things in the bud before they spiral. It may just be the blues but the GP will be able to diagnose either way. Don't struggle on alone and DO NOT for a minute think that that seeking help means you've failed as a mother -quite the opposite, it means that you're such a good mother you'll do whatever is needed to be there for your little one.

Thank you all. I don't know really that I am PND, I am just trying to establish whether this is more than baby blues at the moment. From talking here and to friends with babies I don't think my feelings are unusual which is reassuring, but it's whether they are more extreme or if I am not dealing with it as well as others. I have been honest with HV, did a little questionnaire with her Friday which did show there were issues but things are better than they were. Just not great still. I think I would benefit more from counselling than medication at the moment - my past is shadowing the experience too I think so good to hear it helped you snap.

Would you consider laying her on her front min? Weirdly was discussing with my cousin this week as one of her boys would only sleep that way but she didn't know what to do as it was against the advice.

I would dulcet but she hates it and will wake up as soon as possible.
I'm knackered

C sleeps on her front. I hate it but not much you can do.

Sorry Dulcet, not trying to bully you into a doctor's appointment. Just sometimes if it gets too far down the track, it becomes harder for you to recognise and ask for help.

I know what you mean Zyla. I've just been out with Mini for three hours without the little one and it feels quite liberating.

MiniP has slept on his stomach since he learnt to roll over. Total PITA before he learnt to roll back again.

I take paroxetine which is compatible with breastfeeding Dulce. Worth bearing in mind.

B has been cluster feeding 5 hours now. Exhausting! Is this normal? He just won't settle and keeps rooting.

We've been told we should be going home tomorrow :)

Can be La. I'd take it as a good sign he's feeling better. What a relief for you. Has MrLa had any paternity leave?

Yes it ends today so he's back to wor tomorrow. He's gone home just now.

The care on the children's ward has kicked the ass of care I got in postnatal ward. Saying that though I asked this morning could someone look at my CS stitches because they are sore and swollen as result of sitting in hot sweaty room constantly with a hot baby on my lap. Still waiting!

It's ok wil, I know. You're all right about getting help sooner rather than later. I am keeping an eye on it.

Great need about getting out la. Bet you can't wait. Is your mum still down to help? Cluster feeding can go for hours and hours, it is crazy!

Hope everyone has been out in the sunshine, makes things feel a bit better usually.

Remind them La, they will totally have forgotten.