September 2014 - Rocking and Rolling

[FATEdestiny]

Our babies are rocking and rolling, crawling and climbing into the second half of their first year.

Let the fun continue...

Zana - she's so pretty!

Thanks Red and Acorn for the fitbit info. I totally agree Red that you're likely to over estimate calories burned with exercise, it's the main reason i'm interested in the fitbit. And they do say abs are made in the kitchen, so I think you're right about that too! I do have such a carb weakness though!

What a little cutie Zana.

Our sleep training was going well, but seems to have had a set back the last few days (probably to do with me and DH being ill and not having the patience tbh). It is hard work, and I think I would struggle doing it without DH support. Good luck with it when ever you choose start Nazy.

Acorn its a pain to find. You have to go into your profile and then personal info. You can set it for being pregnant (which trimester) or whether you are nursing.

I didn't know about it until I read it online as I was trying to work out how many extra calories I needed.

Zan what a cutie x love her eyes... Thanks for your comment about name too.

Dilemma ladies: ds stands in his cot now - he gets up from lying position to standing in 5 seconds; I am a bit worried as cot is set on the middle height and I feel I should set the base on lowest setting now, but then it would be an absolute pain in the backside to take him out during the night but more importantly we rely on shushing and head/back stroking to send him to sleep - my back aches as I write about it!

Anybody with tiny bit less mobile baby, enjoy every bit of last days of it, it is sweet but extremely hard work when they get more mobile.

Ella, I sing all about the base to b all the time but change it to all about the barney which he loves, also do the bird son by the trashmen but do everybody's heard about the word a bbb Barney's the word. V sad. :-)

DH is tone deaf. DS loves him singing.

I know I shouldn't but I'm smiling at everyone starting to feel my pain about mobile babies

As for bad mummy skills...

DS is sleeping in my bed. He sleeps there every night. I have fuck all plans to change this for the foreseeable future as he's happy and I'm happy and its completely impractical to do anything different. So fuck it. He's still waking 3 times a night, but its fine with milk and cuddles.

And food? Again fuck what everyone else seems to be doing, because it sure as hell ain't worked here and its not for lack of trying. If he can't do it himself, he doesn't like it. Unless its chocolate. Oh my, I've never seen a child move so fast as when he sees the nutella jar. He tries to eat the jar. Its even funnier when he tries to eat the marmite jar thinking its chocolate And yes he eats nutella. Its good for bribery.

Fine if all this good parenting all worked for you. That's bloody brilliant. But its starting to piss me off and it does feel like there is only one school of parenting on this thread and I think that's stressing some people out more than it should do as a result.

DS didn't read the manual. And I've torn it up and thrown it out the window as its bloody useless. I'm glad I did for my sanity. I'd have been a wreck if I hadn't. He was always bound to be an awkward little bugger given the parents he has anyway.

I am happy being the slacker crap mother on the thread, if that's what it makes me. I'm sure I'm have the nightmare child when he's older and it will all be my fault for being so awful now.

But hell he has the best smiles on the planet and can charm a bar maid at 20 paces. And frequently does so.

lol, Red, fellow slacker mum here. DS is still in our bed, too. He also will not entertain being fed, must do it all himself. I'm hoping he'll be a really easy teenager to compensate.

Anyone up? I'm having one of my anxious episodes and feeling quite down :( This used to happen whenever I stayed away from home but since having DS it seems to happen any time I go out for the evening. I seem to panic about how much sleep I will have. Which rationally I know is ridiculous. But then my body tells me different and I feel nervous resulting in nausea and multiple trips to the bathroom. And obviously less sleep leading to more anxiety.

Not sure what I hope to gain from posting, just looking for a distraction I guess

I'm lurking.

Honestly I reckon the best thing you can probably do is distract yourself until you are just so tired you'll just sleep if its that bad. I'm betting its the lying there trying to get to sleep that's the problem. If you can't sleep anyway, just go and do something else - preferably something you consider constructive so you fill the time with something 'worthwhile' so psychologically it becomes time you've at least used rather than 'wasted'.

Are you drinking when you go out for the evening? Or having tea/coffee/soft drinks that you normally wouldn't at home? Or something else? That might not help.

More generally DH is often out until nearly 10pm in the week so this makes life difficult as when he gets in he still needs to wind down in the same way he does at 6pm. Which means late nights are inevitable. It affects me and DS as much as him as a result. We cope by accepting that's what's going to happen and trying to make sure there isn't anything else to do when he gets in - its 100% about winding down. I think it would be easy to get worked up about if you start thinking about it rather than trying to plan for it.

red You are not the crap slacker mum at all - why do you think that ? Or that anyone else would think that ?

Everybody does things differently, there isn't a right or wrong. I've always thought I'm a bit of an easy life parent - and I'll muddle through and do whatever gets me through that phase. So with my twins, we co-slept - even though 12 years ago that was major frowned upon;(infact they actually used to still come in my bed when they were 10 ),they had dummies; they had a playpen; we spent most of our life out the house; we went to baby and toddler groups; i had to put elder son on a diet at 8 months old where he used to cry all the time and I just used to shove a bottle in his mouth; they ate out of jars until they were 1. I would do all these things with J if I needed to - he's just a completely different baby.

I felt completely out of my depth with the twins and looking back, I didn't enjoy their baby years at all. I always felt like a crap mum. (That's probably why it took 11 years to have another one.) Now they are older, I have been able to admit this to people and it's surprising how many of my friends have related these feelings to their first child. Even people who made it look like a breeze and I was comparing myself to at the time.

J was a nightmare sleeper for months; I felt gutted to move him in his own room so early - especially as I didn't with the elder two. I thought I would try it out and it transformed his sleeping. This wouldn't work for everyone as this thread shows, but it worked for him. I actually miss the night cuddles . Baby led weaning works for him too - but he won't touch a puree or anything that's baby food. I don't have room for a playpen so I let him roll about everywhere and he's had loads of head bumps etc - I never would have let the twins have so much freedom and be open to minor accidents. I don't take him to baby groups because I am selfish and didn't enjoy them with the twins.

I guess what I am trying to say is that every situation is different. What I see on this thread is a variety of babies and parenting styles. I come on this thread because I don't know anybody with babies the same age as J, so find it therapeutic to offload (and not bore my RL friends with constant baby chat ). Plus I am nosy and have been on here a lot, and am now interested in how everyone's LO's are doing. Try not to compare what you are doing with how others are doing it.

lilly How did your night pan out ? Are you ok now ?

Zana Gorgeous baby by the way ! Lovely to see you back. J is at the exact same mobility stage and he's getting frustrated with it. He's all poised to crawl but then goes backwards. He's 8 months on the 23rd.

Miss Welcome back again .

To all those with poorly babies, J has also had the snuffles for the past cold and been very grizzly. DP has a work injury so is signed off for a couple of weeks. I should be pleased but really wanted my last few weeks of maternity leave to myself ! It doesn't help that J has been under the weather and I have felt obliged to hang around DP and not just walk the whole day away as I normally would. Plus DP now thinks that J is the most grizzly, high maintenance baby ever and probably thinks I'm bullshitting about all the lovely days I have with him !

Lilly how was your night out in the end? I know exactly what you mean about being anxious about things cutting into sleep time. A couple of weeks ago I told one of my best friends I couldn't even talk to her on the phone in the eve as I had to go to bed at 8pm to get the amount of sleep I needed Looking back it was a bit extreme. It never feels that way when you're in the grip of it though does it. Hope you're feeling a bit better today

Red are you ok? I really wouldn't think you're a slacker mum and I don't think anybody else here would either! Everyone just has to do what works for their los as all babies are so very different. What I really appreciate about this thread is hearing about all the different approaches people try, as it gives me ideas. I'm surprised you think that one type of parenting dominates discussions. It seems like we all cherry pick the bits that work at the time... anything to survive this first year!

Definitely not a slacker mum Red or if you are then I am too . DS is still in my bed, I keep saying i'll try the cot but I've been saying that for 4 months now. We still feed to sleep for every nap and bedtime. He will only eat food that he can pick up or if given a loaded spoon. But it's all ok, if he's still like this in a year then so be it. He's a happy little boy and is doing fine but I just won't have another

Thanks Red, you're right, laying there and thinking about it makes it so much worse. I think I dropped off around 1 ish. I find getting up and doing things makes me more wired. The winding down thing is interesting though, I always try and get straight into bed and sleep which perhaps isn't a great idea. I'm convinced it's psychological rather than something I've eaten/drunk. I don't drink alcohol so it's definitely not that. Anxiety is probably the one thing I hate about myself and wish I could change.

As for a slacker mum, don't be so harsh on yourself! I think a lot of the chat on here is about problem solving (understandably) which leads to contributions from people who have found something that works. That might make it seem like people are demonstrating some fantastic parenting but I'm sure we've all faced the other side of parenting to. I feel like I'm just guessing the whole time. And some aspects of my parenting I think are really not great. I let him have a dummy far too often then is necessary. I watch a lot of TV when he's playing so he doesn't get my full attention. I Mumsnet in front of him. I've bashed his head by accident more than once. I have no idea how to entertain him at home so I'm pretty sure he's bored. I let him play with my phone and the TV remote. I really hope this helps you feel better about your parenting style or I have just fessed up to a load of strangers all the things you're never meant to say.

Red definitely no judgement here! As far as I'm concerned anything to survive the baby phase and keep sane is good parenting! I have done several parenting 'no-nos' so far (moving Jessica out of her room at 8 weeks because she was doing my bloody head in , followed by co-sleeping on the sofa downstairs so DH could get some sleep, etc), plus weaning is still a nightmare here. Have been hoping for ages that eventually Jessica would 'get' food and just start cutting her milk feeds down on her own, but no, she just wants milk, milk, milk; so I've finally had to accept the HV advice and start to cut down her milk to effectively starve her into eating. Doing it gradually though.

Lillybugg how was your night in the end? I completely get where you are coming from. I have a hen night to go to Saturday and honestly, given that these days I like to be in bed by 10pm, it's not something I'm looking forward to, especially given that Jessica still likes to wake upteen times a night and then get up at the crack of dawn. Plus they are not really 'my thing' anyway (I hate all that 'forced fun' with people I don't know very well). It's not like I can't go either as I'm the bridesmaid!

Sorry x-post Lillybugg. x

Oh and apples yes I agree! Every time I get invited anywhere my first thought is 'how much sleep will I get?!' Rather than, do I want to go etc.

Sorry that should say above moving Jessica out of OUR room when she was 8 weeks old, not her room. No following the SIDS guidelines and waiting until 6 months here! Bad Mummy! x

Sorry for millions of posts this morning. Red 's post has really made me think. I was wondering if I had become a bit "facebookish" on this thread i.e. only write about what is going great or the same old normal problems ie sleep, and hide my inner crapness.

So here is a glimpse of my inner crap mum ...

J has no set routine revolving around him - in the fact that his routine for that day is solely based around what I am doing. I'm lucky that he is a baby who just fits in with it.
He has three meals a day but they can be any time within a three hour window- there's no set rules, just when it's convenient.
He doesn't have set naps in the day. Sometimes he has the odd power nap but this can be anywhere/anytime and they only last about 10 minutes. I have never put him down in the cot to nap. Never thought, "I must incorporate napping into our routine and cancel my plans this afternoon". (Again, highlights my selfishness.) Usually he naps in the car seat. In the car....
J is not a cuddly baby. (Ok, not really my fault...but still.) If I hold him all he wants to do is bounce - or wriggle and squirm out of my arms. And despite me being the main carer who does everything for him (and am endlessly patient and loving to him), he shows no preference or clinginess to me. Whatsoever.
J spends far too much time in the door bouncer. It's become my rocker chair equivalent. He spent far too much time in that too.
When I say that J is in his own room - he actually shares with his 12 year old brother. Although my 12 year old only really uses it as a place to sleep - so it's all ok for the moment. I had intended J to be in with us for much longer so we could come up with a more practical solution for sleeping arrangements (ie loft conversion/room divide) but we tried him in my eldest's room when eldest was away for he weekend and it was successful. So elder son came back from his weekend sleepover with one half of his room looking like a nursery...

Lilly, glad you managed to drop off. Have you ever tried listening to a sleep meditation/relaxation type thing? I find they really help with my anxiety based insomnia.

Red, I really hope you're ok. As others have said, not once have I read one of your posts and thought you are a slacker mum, or anything else in the slightest bit negative. In fact, quite the opposite. It sounds like you have a wonderful, happy, intelligent child who is constantly on the go, so if anything I only have admiration for you having the energy to keep up with him!

I've not read one baby book and not following any particular "parenting philosophy". I chat to DH, my mum and other family members, I chat on here to you lovely women and I read a few of the parenting sections on here, but essentially I'm just muddling through and trying to work out what works best for us as a family. Lots of things are not as I thought I would do things, but at the end of the day DD is happy and healthy and DH and I get enough sleep to get by. We are happy with that. I thought I'd be breast feeding for a year, but had to stop at 4.5 months. I thought I'd have DD in her own bed in our room until six months, we co-slept and them moved her into her own room at five months. I could go on...

What I'm trying to say is that there really is no such thing as the "perfect" mother, but we can easily aim for an impossible ideal. I think the mums on this thread have quite a range of approaches, and I find the brainstorming helpful.

I really do hope you're ok red

Oh, and I would definitely have given DD Nutella by now if it wasn't for her dairy allergy

I tell you what, shall we have a parenting 'confessional'. I.E, we can all profess our recent parenting sins? Here's mine:
I probably let Jessica watch too much CBeebies as that combined with her being in her jumperoo = peace - probably for about 2 hours over the course of each day.
Me and DH still regularly swear in front of Jessica and watch sweary / offensive television.
Jessica has had LOADS of recent head bumps as I keep leaving her places whilst she is sitting and then she either falls backwards / faceplants the floor.
I switched offering Jessica healthy yogurts to ones laden with sugar as she prefers them.
I don't always change her nappy immediately when she's pooed, and if she messes her clothes don't always bother to change her if she's only got a bit of poo on her.
I told her (angrily) to shut up the other day when she was doing my head in.
I'm thinking about giving up trying to get Jessica to nap in her cot as all that happens is she just has a short 20 minute nap rather than a longer nap that she would have on me and is then just grumpy the rest of the day.
I regularly don't give Jessica my full attention as I'm often on the computer at the same time in fact, I'm doing that now .
I love Jessica dearly but I do sometimes miss the 'baby-free' days where going out for dinner, lie-ins etc were all commonplace.

lilly Just seen your post. Glad you are ok.
And as for your confessions...same here on all accounts ! When I give J his 5am feed through the bars of the cot, I have the bottle in one hand and my phone in the other - usually on mumsnet to wake myself up. He will grow up thinking everyone is glued to their phones and tablets because he sees a lot of it in this house .

kitkat Yes we swear too. And J often watches Call of Duty on the Playstation. Which I let my 12 year old son play (every evening).....
J can also watch Cbeebies all day. He loves it. Until daughter puts Hollyoaks on before elder son's COD time.
So his screen time consists of Mr Tumble; evil, shagaround beautiful people who can't act; and violence.

Also, DP came up with J's name. I recently realised that the main character in a Playstation game he and elder son were obsessed with has the same name. So theoretically J is named after a Playstation character....