September 2014 - Rocking and Rolling

[FATEdestiny]

Our babies are rocking and rolling, crawling and climbing into the second half of their first year.

Let the fun continue...

Lots of cross posts!

I have to admit that I'm loving all of these "bad mummy" confessions, mainly because they are really not bad at all and most of them I'm reading and thinking "I do that too!"

One of the things I've disliked most in the past few months is this sanctimonious approach to parenting. I don't know one mummy who follows it, but every single one experiences guilt for not doing it.

Haha these crappy parenting confessions are brilliant, good idea KitKat

I've done all the below, plus this week on holiday dd has done nothing but watch CBBies on DH's tablet so we can relax. The looks we've had from some of the older generation while she's been in her pushchair staring gleefully at the screen and we've been gleefully drinking wine reading or having a coffee have been priceless!

Jay I know what you mean about things being Facebooky, but I don't think it's because anyone here wants to portray their life and parenting skills as amazing (unlike FB!), more because we all know it's bloody tough having a baby, so try and focus on the positives. I often don't mention things that are getting me down because I don't want to bring other people down when I know that everybody has their own struggles to be getting on with, not because I think my life is perfect. Couldn't be further from it sometimes

team no I haven't tried listening to anything to help sleep. I often put something easy going on the tv but perhaps that is more stimulating than what I really need. Have you got any recommendations? Also, do you use headphones and just fall asleep with them in?

kitkat I've just seen where we x posted. I have a couple of hen parties coming up to. One finishes in London at 2am so I don't imagine I'll be in my bed much before 4 or 5. I am not looking forward to that! Maybe I just won't bother going to bed that night lol.

KitKat and Lilly I've got hen parties coming up too and am also dreading them. The majority of my friends haven't got children yet (makes me sound really young, but I'm 31!) so understandably have no idea about life with a small baby. I can't see any of them understanding why I'll want to make the most of being away by getting to bed at a decent time as opposed to partying until the sun comes up!

Oof currently stuck in an airport... thank god for Mumsnet!

As I've done all of the above, My additional confession is getting frustrated with DD squawking this weekend as I was hungover! I only had two glasses of wine, but I must be out of practice as I felt like I'd had two bottles. I felt awful after I also let her watch nursery rhymes on you tube sometimes, especially when I need to get ready to go out quickly.

Maybe we need to do something like have a daily "one good thing, one bad thing" post to keep us all balanced! I have been making a bit if an effort to be more positive on here recently as I've worried that I mainly come on here and whinge!

DD and I both have horrid colds, so I've decided we will stay home and in our pjs today She just fell asleep sitting up!!! Unknown for her, so she must be poorly.

Lilly, I use oasis meditation. They have podcasts and an app. But it can be helpful to try different ones. I've tried some people rave about only to find the the voice irritates me to the point of rage! I normally put headphones in and fall asleep listening to it, but they are always out when I wake. It does take a bit of practice, but I'd definitely recommend giving it a try.

Apples, hope the journey goes well for you and that you have plenty of battery on your phone!

apples Yes you are so right about the facebooky thing. I've not noticed it in others so thought it was probably me - as a lot of my posts are pretty much "sleep is going well / BLW great". But I tend to talk about the main topics on here and, as you say, I don't really mention my bigger picture problems as they are off topic. And J is thankfully one of the easier things in my life compared to bringing up two almost teenagers aswell as living in a "step-family" and trying to make everyone happy and everything fair !
I have noticed "apples" that you often sum up what I'm trying to say in a paragraph compared to my essays .

I have really enjoyed today's confessions....

I'm fine. Just was lying in bed with the cuddle monster last night reading lots of posts including loads of people stressing about how they their baby wasn't sleeping in the cot. Short of nailing DS in the cot at 3 and half months old when he first started moving around, it was just never going to happen here.

Plus I had a comment about sitting in the back of the car with DS by a friend this week which did get to me. I've been doing it, as his separation anxiety is horrendous still at the moment, and one of the ways of dealing with it is simply to go along with it. Which suits me as I can't stand the torture of letting DS scream for the whole journey. I know he'll grow out of it, but now I'm feeling stupidly self conscious about it.

He's rubbish in the evenings even with DH at the moment. Though he cried this morning when his Daddy went to work I don't think leaving him overnight with someone at this stage would be fair on him or them.

I think I figure that overall there is no point trying to fight some of these battles now, as I think some will work themselves out. There will be some that turn into a warzone but I think everyone gets some of those anyway regardless of whether you have good or bad habits. I actually think we will always loose psychical battles with him so we are going to have to be clever and trick him into stuff in the future because of his nature.

Oh, and DH swears like a sailor and has been spotted letting DS play with knives and axes... long story. supervised and safely. And Daddy wants bragging rights

Red, the car comment from your friend should certainly be ignored! If I'm out on my own with DD she goes in the front of the car. If DH is with us and driving, both her and I go in the back. Just seems obvious to me that she's next to me. I want to keep an eye on her and we chat when she's awake.

DH swears in such a way that a sailor would be shocked! I'm slightly nervous about what her first word will be. I'm sure it will be a loud and clear "fuck", most likely said to my nan!

jaykay - Really loving your concept of the hidden inner crappy parenting.You are so right! Everyone has elements of their parenting where they just crack on regardless of the consequences. It's not something most people shout about, but it's always there.

Team - Your post about there being no such thing as the perfect Mum is spot on. It's only natural to have high expectations when pregnant, but the reality is always different and how a parent copes with accepting the disparity between reality and expectations strongly affects PN mental health, I think anyway.

While I can see the value in everyone openly sharing their slackness, it is also important to remember that everyone here as aspects of their parenting that they are good at. We are all 'Perfect Mum' in some ways, just not all ways at all times - that is what is unrealistic.

Red - You are still breastfeeding, one amongst a small select group on here. You should be proud of that. You are 'Perfect Mum' (definitely not Slack Mum) in that way.

Equally there are people here who are being Perfect Mum in terms of BLW. Or healthy eating. Healthy hydration. Or socialising at Parent & Baby groups. Or routine. Or sleeping. Or being fun Mum. Or being wonderful wife. Or being flexible, being caring, nurturing, disciplined. Some are doing well losing weight, exercising.

• I'm doing bugger all to lose weight (even tho I have plenty to lose).
• I rarely exercise. I use the car when I could easily walk.
• DD drinks squash from a bottle.
• I just plonk her on the floor to play rather than engaging with her.
• I am not breastfeeding and DD was my last chance to long term BF so I really wanted to
• DD has a dummy. I have not managed to raise a non-crying independently self-settling baby without a dummy (I maintain this isn't possible)
• I use jars of baby food

I have just written and deleted loads more regarding inadequacies I feel with all of my older children too. But there is no benefit on dwelling on the negatives. Parental guilt is terrible anyway, without seeing it all spelt out.

Fact is we all try out best and that is all that matters. As long as we are trying to be good parents, then we are good parents.

Nazly - Within days of DD standing in her cot we really had no option but to lower the cot to the lowest height. I really didn't want to but within 2 days of being able to stand in the cot (before the base was lowered) she had climbed over the side of the cot, over my dressing table and was sat on the windowsill. All while wearing her sleeping bag. The base was lowered that night.

It's less convenient at night. We have a dropside cot so the side nearest my bed is lower which means I can just reach the bottom while lying on my bed. But definitely less convenient than it was.

Sorry for the multiple posts. I came across the most wonderful thread last night that I would like to share:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/922821-drug-dependant-baby-advice-needed

In terms of inspirational parenting, this is the most amazing thread I have ever, ever read. I was not just crying, but fully sobbing for massive chunks of the thread.

There will always be parents out there who make us feel inadequate in comparison. But in terms of EMIN (the OP), she really is an example of perfect parenting - even though the little girl was not "hers".

EMIN was a foster carer taking in a drug dependant newborn. The thread follows her story from pre-birth right through to finding new parents, adoption and beyond. It is made more poignant by the fact that the OP subsequently died and there is a later post from one of her children. I cry as I remember the thread even now.

AAARGH - i had a whole post written out last night and ive managed to lose it ( ok so there was some wine involved)

thank for all the lovely compliments on Z's pic - she usually looks like a lot more of a scruffbag than that - how she always manages to have food in her hair of on hair face , no matter how well and often i clean her is beyond me.

Bad mummy confessional:

there were so many things i was going to do/not do before DD was born.......i look back and now laugh at my naivety

I intended to breast feed for a whole year - I lasted three months (only just)
I never contemplated using a dummy..........it was introduced on day 5!!!! - it has been a sanity-saver for me.
Nappies - I was all for resuable nappies to help the environment - turns out they are not particularly absorbent so we quit those after three months as i was changing her outfit at each nappy change.
Weaning - so of course i wanted to be an amazing mum and make all her food at home - this was fine until we hit stage 2 - I've been using jars, so much easier.
DD was to have no screen time until 12 months - she now watches The SImpsons before bedtime everynight with DH - i have given up trying to stop it.
I will also often pop her on the floor with a few toys to amuse herself (i'd never get anything done otherwise).
we have no set routine either- her naps are fit in around the agenda for the day. I'm not sure that will ever really change as I'm not really one for being organised. today her morning nap started @ 11.30. yesterday it was 10..........

there are so many other things that i feel a little guilty about doing - but I won't bore you with the details.

As others have already said Red, you most definitely are not a slacker mum. I think as long as you have an awareness and do question yourself now and again, you're a fab mum. i'd rather be like that than rubbish and oblivious. I really enjoy reading your posts so don't stop!!! :)

Fitbit - I have had one for over a year now - and i do find the pedometer side of it a touch sensitive and giving me steps when i've just been standing still. But it does come into its own when it shows me "active" minutes. I havent been logging my food onto it - perhaps I should start as I've gained half a stone in the past month (anther thing i should be better at!)

oh, and try as I might - DD drinks hardly any water............she waves her lidded cup all over the place at meal times.. I've tried some diluted OJ and even that gets rejected. Any ideas?

My DD won't have watered down fruit juice either Zana. My others did, so must be a preference thing. She has squash (of the sugar free variety), made more diluted than normal.

With regards to beakers - I have four now. Which I diligently fill (all of them) every morning and dot them around the floor for DD to discover and try out for herself. She gets most of her fluid intake from juice in a baby's bottle though - Offered mealtimes and any time she seems grumpy (when previously I would have offered milk).

Resuable nappies. Ah yes resuable nappies. I have three sizes worth, full compliment of about 30 in each size with all the rest of the gubbins packed away in the loft. Why I decided to buy enough for birth-to-potty trained and in massive quantities is beyond me. All bought with good intentions with my firstborn. I used for maybe 3 or 4 months. Never used again. Huge waste of money

fate The EMIN thread is absolutely lovely..both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing, there are so many depths of Mumsnet that I have never seen !

Oh gosh fate that EMIN thread had me in tears. What a bittersweet story. MIL was a foster mum for many years (but of 'troubled' teens not babies) and it's given me some insight into what she must have been through sometimes. x

Wow I've missed so much in one day!

I agree that we all have elements of 'taking the easy option' which isn't always the ideal, but needs must sometimes!

Can I have a little rant please? Currently at the pils and whilst they are being great (sat here drinking home brewed wine lol ) my sil is winding me up so much and I think (know) in being a little irrational so I'm getting it out here. She is in A face all the time! Whoever is holding him she tries to get him off them. She has been bugging me to let her take him for a walk since we got here (he doesn't know her otherwise I wouldn't mind, only met her once at 3 months!) wouldn't give him peace while he was having his bottle earlier and is now taking photos of him sleeping, waking him up!

Anyway rant over, thanks for listening

Fate - I'll have a read of that thread when I'm alone. Tears in public would not be good!

Crap mummy here too and I would list them but ipad taking frogging ages to type so then I get typos - FRIGGING NOT FROGGING, STUPID IPAD - and that would prove am crap in all areas of life.

I love this forum, I like that we all share the highs and lows. And jeez, you lot have witnessed my lowest of lows, more than anyone inc DH.

Red, you come across as a bloody great mum, you all do.

lol, love all the dodgy parenting stories. ds watches too much tv and doesn't really have a very varied diet, due to my lack of imagination. he jas decided he wants to spoon feed himself, so he basically isnt eating anything as he can't get it in his mouth. need ideas for protein rich finger foods he can manage with his 4 little teeth, please

I feel like I come on here to moan more than be positive . I also do lots of the "bad" things mentioned, mostly playing on my phone when I should be playing with DS. I watch normal TV most of the day and probably swear infront of him, though I am trying not to. I tend to spend most days sitting on the floor while he plays with his toys. He's probably bored rigid but he does have a very short attention span

I realised today I've missed the boat getting him to sleep in his cot now that he pulls himself up to standing. And because it's attached to my bed I can't lower it, and it's not got a drop side so can't put that on. Think I'm really going to have to consider just getting a bigger bed.

Oh wooow, normally I just catch up on here as I bf ds to sleep (once he is tired enough to allow me to look at ipad while singing to him) and I manage to read it all; tonight I had to then take the ipad with me to dinner table, not listening to dh telling me about his day just being busy reading and reading. Nice! i liked it

Red, I actually read your post (which started all this) last night before sleep, and then I thought am I sure I don't want to co sleep?? Then I googled and found my beloved Sears website (just because his book was in an arm and half reach so google more convenient!!!) and read through co sleeping again and thought That's it, first time he wakes he is in with me. Nice effective post then red! I also decided to list why I do or do not want to cosleep (will I'll list it out loud here later to bore everyone !!)

I never felt here is one school of parenting either, but then when you lovely ladies listed your bad parenting items, I just noticed I am doing most of them anyhow, not even thinking they are bad! And actually not even hiding - I think this is probably due to different background , probably good parenting has a stricter meaning in the UK...

First time I decided I will decide for myself what to do (after discussing it with you lot, etc.) and will not do everything by book was when ds was 1.5 month and I started putting him on his tummy to sleep. I was very nervous about this so with all the tiredness and etc. Managed to read on about SID and how the result of some studies are put to parents minds as MUST or must not ; when looking at the scientific study behind it you just find it is not all straight forward... For example, one of the articles I read said that the results of those same studies showed that co-sleeping is better than being absolutely exhausted and falling to sleep on sofa;